Hum tum juda ho gaye....!
 

Dosto yeh meri phele kosish hai kuch likhney ki, patta nahi thik hai ja galat, umeed karti hu app mrea saath dogey aur mujhe suggeat karogey.

"Sochti hu ki mere alfaaj kaha kho gaye,
mere mehboob hum tum juda ho gaye,

dil par chad chukey thy teri mohabat ke rang,
jahan mai hum tere naam se mashoor ho gaye,

appni pahchaan ab nahi rahi meri,
sochti hu kyu hum appse juda ho gaye,

umr bhar rougi mai teri waffo ki yaad mai,
tu nahi jaanta, teri waffa ke jakhm kitney gahrey ho gaye.

waiting for u r reply.......1

nice one
 

sunita ji appki pehli koshish par raj ki mubarak baad kabool karo.....bhut umda koshish hai......bhut achi soach hai.....mujhay yaad hai ajj bhee wo din jab maine pehli dafa kush likha thaa....or khudko parh kay sunaia thaa.....ek ajeeb sa nasha thaa us waqt tab main high school main thaa.....khair chhoro isko lakin bhut achi or kaamyaab koshish hai bass yu hee likhti rahi ek din tum bhee ajj kay din ko yaad kiya karogi.....tumhara yeh share acha laga.......

appni pahchaan ab nahi rahi meri,
sochti hu kyu hum appse juda ho gaye..........

appka dost raj.........

Re: nice one
 

hi raj

mujhe pura yakeen tha ki meri es kosish ka phela reply appse hi ayyega aur shayad akhri bhi. meri yeh kosish appko thik laggi, yeh pad kar mujhe accha lagga, shukriya raj

akhri kiyon
 

sunita ji aakhri kiyon......app mujh par yakeen karo app main koi hai jo appko ek din sab kay dil kay kareeb le aiyega.....or hum hai to kaya gham hai......raj hamesha app kay saath hai......best of luck......or batana birthday kaise celebrate kiya kal?????waiting for ur reply.........appka dost.........raj.......

Sunita jee,

Namsakaar:

Maaf keejiyegaa, MaiN jhuuti taareef nahee kar paauNgaa kyoN ke mere daleel mujhe is baat kee ijaajat nahee deti.. Ummeed hai aap bhee buraa nahee maaneNgii.. ChuN kee aap ne mujhe khud daawat dee hai to ab bhugatne ko bhee taiyaar rahiYe..:o

Sab se maiN aap ke pehli koshish ke liYe aap ko mubaarak baad dena chaahuNga.. Manzil duur zaroor hai aur raah bhee mushkil hai, par aap koshish zaari rakheNgii to safar par khud ba khud aage baRhti raheNgii.. :)

Aab jab sher likhTi haiN tou kuchh basics haiN, jinhe aap zaroor dhyaaN deejiye.... kyoN kee log aap kee dil kee gehraaiyoN meN chhupi huii baat ko nahii samjheNge.. Naa hee kisii ke paas itna waqt hai jo koii samajhna chaahegaa... Log vahii samjheNge jo aap ne likha hai.. Issiliye aap jo bhee kehna chaahti haiN sahii lafzoN se bayaaN keejiye aur khayaal ko mukammal rakhiYe.. Aisa kahiiN bhee nahee lagna chaahiYe kee aap ne sher adhuraa hai ya phir khayaal uljhe huye haiN... Andaaz e bayaaN jitna aasaan hoga aur lafzoN meN jitni saadgii hogee paRhne waale ke dil par utna hee asar karegaa.. kuchh nayaa kahne kee koshish keejiye.. kahii huii baateN koii nahii sunna chaahata. Iss ke alaavaa aap ko 'Radeef', aur 'qaafiye' kaa bhee khayal rakhna paRegaa.. To aap ke sher meN ek rawaanii ke ehsaas hoga..Aap ustaad shayroN ko paRhiye aur yeh dekhiYe ke unhone khayaal ko kis tarah se bayaaN keeya hai.. Ghazal ke technical aspect ke baare meN paRhiYe.. maikash jee ne dard section par post kee hai.. .. wahaaN se bhee aap ko madad mil jaaYegii.. :) ummeed hai aage ek behtar kalaam aage paRhne ko milegaa..

Aap pahle chhotii chotii nazm kahne kee koshish kareN.. kyoN kee us meN koii khaas bandhan nahee hota.. aur ehsaasoN ko khul kar bayaaN kar sakti haiN..

Pahli koshish ke liye mubaarak baad:)

-Mayank

Mayank ji

shukriya mujhe suggest karney ke liye, mai en batto ka dhayan rakhugi. aur bahut accha lagga ki app meri post par aaye.
again thanks

Dear sunita ji :)
aapne apni pehli koshish me dil ke ehsaaso ko to bakhubi utaar diya lekin alfaazo ke taal mel kahin kuchh kasar reh gayi.. bura mat maaniyega.. q ki haal-e-dil bayaan karna ek seedhi saadhi baat me bhi ho sakta hai aur ek dilfareb ghazal ya nazm ke zariye bhi... ghazal likhne ke loiye kuchh to rhym ya rules hote hain... aapki koshish bahut achhi hai.. lekin isme nikhaar laane me thoda waqt lagega.. aap plz maayoos mat hoiyega mere reply se.. lekin main mayank ki baato se poori tareh sehmat hu ... koshish jaari rakhiyega.. lekin post karne se pehle 2 - 3 dafa khud jarur padhiye... uske baad hum log aapke saath hain hi... ek achha shayar banne ke liye.. sabse pehle khud ka critic banna jaruri hota hai.. :)
apna khyaaal rakhiyega :)

Re: Hum tum juda ho gaye....!
 

umr bhar rougi mai teri waffo ki yaad mai,
tu nahi jaanta, teri waffa ke jakhm kitney gahrey ho gaye.

sunita ji]
namashkar
ek achi aur masoom koshish par aapko mubaaraqbaad....gar safar shuru kar hi dia hai to manzil aap ko khud talashegi....,mayak se sehmat hoon mein aur yeh bhi kehna chaunga,,ki aap ke sher mein jo chubhan hoti hai,,wohi painapan gazalon mein bhi laaiye...
meri daad kubool kijiye..apna khayal rkahiye
-MANOJ

Thanks
 

Dear Pallavi

mujhe bahut kushi hue ki appne meri kosish ko saraha bhi aur mujhe acchi tarah se suggest bhi kiya, next likhugi to en batto ka jaroor khayal rakhugi. es post par aane ke liye bahut bahut shukriya

Re: Re: Hum tum juda ho gaye....!
 

Manoj ji

maine ajj hi appki post paddi, sach kahu maine to appni es post ko dubara dekha hi nahi, maine etna galat likha hai ki esko phir se padney ki himmat hi nahi hue, par appki aur raj ji post pad kar aisa lagta hai ki jayada nahi to kum se kum ek do share to app logo thik lagey hi hai. dheery dheery kosish karugi ki jarra thik likh pau.

bahut bahut shukriya ki appne aapna valueable time nikal kar meri es post ko etne dhayan se padda. aur mujhe himmat ke saath saath suggest bhi kiya.
again tks.

sunita ji

aapki pahli rachna padi
lagta hi nahi ki pahli koshish hai ye aapki
sach me badi khoobsurati se piroya hai shawado. ko aaapne
waise me to khud hi naya hoon . or aapke suggession mujhe milte rahte hai.

aapke ye sher sach me badi gahare hain.

dil par chad chukey thy teri mohabat ke rang,
jahan mai hum tere naam se mashoor ho gaye,

umr bhar rougi mai teri waffo ki yaad mai,
tu nahi jaanta, teri waffa ke jakhm kitney gahrey ho gaye.

ase hi likhte rahiyega

" jab main tumhara naam leta hoon.
log mujhe jaan jate hain.
main ek khoi huyee cheez hoon.
jiska pata tum ho."

dilip

"tumse tumari bewaffi ka kaya gilla karu mere mahboob,
jab bhi kahi na-kaam mohaabat ka jikar chalta hai,
log hastey hai aur hamara naam batta detey hai"

hi
 

sunita ji aap ko abhi abhi padhana chaalu kiya hai, ahsas achhe hai aap ke likha vat ke kahi kahi chhoti chhoti galatiya ho gayi hai par vaqt ke saath vo dhul jaayegi age aap un par gaur se dhyaan de to ,baaki aap ka kalaam kaabil-e-taariff hai,aap ki har koshish ab tak ki achhi rahi hai,mai pahle bhi aap ko padha tha par masrufiyat ki vajah se jawaab nai de pata tha par aap ka ye kalaam jab maine aaj teesri baar padha to maine socha ke kuchh pyaara sa reply de deta hu

ek khoobsurat aur behtareen kalaam ke liye dil se daad kabool kare,aap agar badhiya ghazal likhna shikhna chahti hai to ebazm.com join kare vaha aap ko kaafi kuchh shikhne ko millega,yaha ke sabhi naami aur bade shayar vaha se ho kar gujar chuke hai

aap ka dost
manu

Sunita ji,...

Aisa laga aaine ke saamne baith gayi kahin...

Har alfaaz dil ko jaise cheer gaya,.....woh dard..... woh cheekh abhi bhi goonj rahi ho jaise......

jaise sawaal ho.... kyun hue juda? aakhir kyun?? was it even worth separating....

answers no... and still cionfusing...

purani yaadein taaza karne ke liye bahut bahut shukriya...

Bahut hi khoobsoorat kavita dard se tarbatar opesh ki hai aapne...

Take Care..

~Priya

Re: hi
 

Manu ji
appke psot par bahut accha lagga aur hairaani bhi hue ki app logo ne mujhe padney ke kabil samja hai. aur appki suggestions ke liye shukriya, mai ebazm.com par jaroor visit karugi. mujhe guide karney ke liye phir se appka dil se shukriya karti hu.

Hello Chahaat

mai app logo ko batta nahi sakti ki app sab ki post ne mujhe kitni kushi de hai. aur appney meri likhi yeh chand lines etne pasand. vaise chahaat yeh meri bhi dil ki pukaar hi thi jo maine app sab ke saath share ki. yeh mere appney dil ka dard tha, ki hum tum juda kyu ho gaye. appki purani yaddey tazza karney ke liye maffi chahti hu, aur ek baat kahna chaati hu, ki kabhi kabhi purani yaddo ki galiyo se gujrana bhi bahut accha lagta hai, dil halka sa dard aur es dard ke satth sakoon patta hai.

appki dost

hello sunitaji...
yeh meri pahli visit hai aur aapki ghazal hi abhi padhi...achaa likhti hain aap...dard thoda aur ghehra karen toh aur kasak badhegi..shaiyri mein rang aayegaa....nice one....thanks..

hello raj ji

appko meri post acchi laggi, shukargujar ho appki. dard to bahut ghara hai bas shabdo ki kumi se ho jatti hai bayyan kartey huey. vaise maine ek kosish aur ki hai samey milla to jaroor padna.

Thanks

Hi dii
aapki pheli koshish .. gazab ki hai ... bahut aacha likha hai aapne ... dil-or-darad ka bahut gehra rishta ho jaise .... kya kahu .... hmmm enn chandh lafzon mein bahut kuch keh diya
wud love 2 read more of ur creations
tc
aapki mandeep

shukriya mandeep......................saath bane rahna yoon hi .

tumahri dii