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Ahmad Hyderabadi
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Posts: 933
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hyderabad (Deccan)
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22nd March 2013, 09:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jainrohit View Post
pesh-e-khidmat he ek english ghazal


radeef - saaki
kaafiya - ee


Like a homeless Bird searching for a tree , saaki
To quench my sorrows i have come to thee , saaki


Which one is more scarlet ? Your lips or this red wine
dark past ! red has been color of my glee , saaki


Adrift i was , extended pause , mundane was life
Now embrace me like wind does to the sea , saaki


Your glances make my heart dance till it gets tired
Pardon my tender heart , accept its plea , saaki


Fortune never favored me , i have been tormented
my hopes are on you , please no treachery , saaki


Let your golden locks dangle on your full moon face
let them dance , with your fragrance , set them free , saaki


"rohit " is mad , he wanted to write something else ;
Your beauty makes many ghalibs awry , saaki .....
(RoHiT)


Written in simple syllabic count meter , with internal rhymes , but maintains the takhallus , kafiya and radeef as the classical ghazal .

Slant rhymes are used in english poetry and are permissible , so are used here.

While changing language there has to be certain change in format of poetry to suit that language's unique features

Aadaab Rohit Jee! Khushaamdeed!

Wow! After a very long time some excitement, some life , something new and different, a breath of fresh air!

As far as I remember this is the first time I've come across an English Ghazal. But it'll be hard to top this one for whenever I'd come across the next one. Congratulations on completion of such a crafty piece of work! And last but not the least..... Thank You for sharing with us such a fine piece of art and thoroughly enjoyable piece of poetry!

Waiting for your next present.....


Duagoh

Ahmad
   
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