An Open invitation to all...Gender Differences...

[Parastaar]

Namaskaar, Adaab aur Sat Sri Akaal...

Dekhiey main jo yahan kehne jaa rahi hoon...wo ek assignment thaa...quite long...lekin maine use sankshep mein yahan prastut kiya hai...isliey ki mujhe laga ki 'main' aur 'aap' kuch seekh sakte hain iss article se...kisi ko ismein kuch bura lage...tau please kshama kijieyga...kisi ke dil ko thes pahunchane ki ichha meri hargiz nahin hai...main tau khud samajhna chahti hoon ki maine likha kya hai...lol...yahan dobara se keh kar shayad kuch mere palle padh jaaye...


CULTURES APART


“When I accidentally bumped into the glass top table at the entrance of our house, my husband complained that I never look where I’m going. But when he bumped and broke the same table he shouted, 'why I had put it there?' ” Sounds familiar?

“Honey, why don’t you pull into that gas station, let’s ask for directions.” Allana S. suggested gently to her boyfriend when it seemed they had been going around in circles for some time. “The glare he gave me--oh boy--made me wish I could disappear into the seat.”

Vinita complained. “The other day, we were returning from a night out with Richard’s colleague when he suddenly clammed up on the way home. I didn’t know what was wrong.”

“You agreed to whatever that lamebrain, Prof. Langevin said,” Richard complained and gave me the silent treatment all the way home.

“Now, I don’t agree to that.” Vinita explained to me, “It is true I was nodding, and I did say I knew where this guy was coming from but that didn’t mean that I agreed to what he was saying. But this is not new. Richard always distorts what I mean. So why bother?”

The frustration of not being understood is the root cause of everyday battles men and women fight with each other. They may speak the same language but what they mean may be languages apart.

Women talk to establish bonds and intimacy, men talk to settle and uphold status.

Women offer out of love, men take it as a right.

Women would empathize by exchanging stories of their own failures, men would in the same situation try to minimize the problems or offer suggestions to win.

In business meetings men often interrupt to challenge and disagree. Women interrupt to validate or to anticipate what’s coming.

Men accept challenge as a form of respect. When women’s expertise is challenged she is more likely to question her own opinion.

Women are likely to say sorry to sympathize, men interpret it as an admission of guilt.

When women ask for advice they just want a sympathetic listener, not a problem solver.

When women ask for consensus, men call it her indecisiveness. They don’t understand it is her way of maintaining and enhancing a relationship while getting something done.

From infancy, boys are inadvertently conditioned to be individualistic and competitive, while girls are taught to be nurturing and caring. Historically, woman has been called ‘hysterical’ and ‘too emotional.’

Cultures apart we forget that the very polarization of the sexes also induces attraction between sexes. Which is necessary for the propagation of the species.

This divisiveness between men and women could be due to lack of understanding. Men may be able to experience PMS and Menopause through drug manipulation, and women may experience increase in pain tolerance, or more aggressive behavior, typically associated with men, but the fact remains that we cannot ever experience what it’s like to be a man and men can never know what it’s like to be a woman. Our best approximation is to learn and accept each others distinctive traits and find ways to co-exist in a harmonious and productive manner.

For men, life is a challenge to strive for higher and better. For women, life is a web of inter-relationships to maintain and nurture.

According to a study done by a team of Sociologists from the University of California, men interrupt 96% of the times in casual conversations. They interrupt to take charge or to change the subject altogether. Women interrupt to extend compassion and understanding.

Men tend to dominate in public conversations. Why the same men tend to grow silent altogether as soon as they come home--is indeed a matter of profound grief and frustration to their spouses and girl friends. Men probably think why bother talking when there is no competition around? At home their territory is well established and unquestionable.

A lot of tension at work and at home can be eliminated if we try to interpret each other better. Most of the men, as boys, were brought up thinking that eventually they’d do yard work, take out the garbage, and fix leaky faucets. Society omitted to tell them that appreciating women is also in their job description. No wonder then, that they construe women’s frustrations and angst as typically female hysteria.

Change is not only desired but is necessary. We have come a long way to revert to old stereotypes; but change can be for the better. In order to create equality, "Men and women do not need to become more like one another, merely more deeply themselves." (Kipnis/Hingston 76). The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said!!!