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Ghazal: Kaagaz Pe Bikhar Ke Angaar Ho Jaata huN...! |
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(#1)
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Sifar
  
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Ghazal: Kaagaz Pe Bikhar Ke Angaar Ho Jaata huN...! -
17th December 2009, 11:08 PM
आदाब ,
सभी शायरी के रहनुमाओं को मेरा ... ये जो ग़ज़ल मैं आपके रू-बा-रू कर रहा हूँ ... इस ग़ज़ल का बहर हजाज़ मख्फूफ़ महजूफ रहता ... पर एक तक्ता ज्यादा रहा .. तो कोई तकनीकी बहर नहीं बनती ... वैसे इस ग़ज़ल का ख्याल विकास भाई (जानू मानु जी) की कहे एक मिश्रे से हुआ... बाकी आपकी बेशकीमती राय का मुन्तजिर रहूँगा ============================ बहर:- {2211 2211 2211 222 (गिनती मे} ============================ दो जाम होने पर मैं समझदार हो जाता हूँ .. तब और नशे का मैं तलबगार हो जाता हूँ ... वो मुझे न संभलने देगा, ये सोच कर ही अब ... खुद के लिए खुद का ही मददगार हो जाता हूँ ... ठोकर लगेगी मुझे बड़ी, मैं जान गया हमदम... ग़म का तीर बन सीने के उस पार हो जाता हूँ ... हर सांस से लिख दूँ मैं तेरे नाम फ़साने बस ... कागज़ पे बिखर के मैं अंगार हो जाता हूँ... तुम रोते हो हँसते हो मुझे याद बना के ही ... हूँ खास कभी मैं, कभी बेकार हो जाता हूँ .. आसान नहीं है यूँ मोहब्बत मे 'सिफर' होना... होके मैं फ़ना इसमें ही, गिरफ्तार हो जाता हूँ .. =========================== कुनाल (सिफर) :- 17-12-2009 =========================== In English :- Aadaab, Shayri ke sabhi rehnumaoN ko mera, … ye jo ghazal maiN aapke roo-ba-roo kar raha huN… is ghazal ka behr hazaaj makhfuuf mahzuuf rehta… par ek takta jyada raha,.. to koi takneeki behar nahi banti,,,.. baaki aapki beshkeemti raa’ii ka muntazir rahuNga… ================================ Behar:- (2211 2211 2211 222 - In Digit) ================================ Do Jaam hone par maiN samajhdaar ho jaata huN… Tab aur nashe ka maiN talabgaar ho jaata huN … Vo mujhe na sambhalne degaa, ye soch kar hi ab.. Khud ke liye khud ka hi madadgaar ho jaata huN… Thokar lagegi mujhe badi, maiN jaaN gayaa yaara .. Gham ka teer ban seene ke us paar ho jaata huN… Har saaNs se likh duN maiN tere naam fasaane bas… Kaagaz pe bikhar ke maiN angaar ho jaata huN… Tum rote ho hanste ho mujhe yaad bana ke hi … HuN khaas kabhi maiN, kabhi bekaar ho jaata huN … Aur …! AasaaN nahi hai yuN mohabbat maiN “sifar” hona,,, Hoke maiN fana isme hi, giraftaar ho jaata huN… ==================================== Kunaal (Sifar) :- 17-12-2009 Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa.. Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi.. |
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(#2)
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masttt...
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17th December 2009, 11:29 PM
kunaal saheb aadaab...!
har baar ki tarha hi iss baar bhi kamaal likha hai aapne.....bahut pasand aaya..... daad haazir hai qabuul kijiye..... aapka dost, Vikram....  Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi.... vikramjethi@gmail.com |
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(#3)
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Anshumali
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17th December 2009, 11:59 PM
Bahut Khub....Kunaal Bhaai....!
Aakhir ke do sher mujhe khaas pasand aaye... तुम रोते हो हँसते हो मुझे याद बना के ही ... हूँ खास कभी मैं, कभी बेकार हो जाता हूँ .. आसान नहीं है यूँ मोहब्बत मे 'सिफर' होना... होके मैं फ़ना इसमें ही, गिरफ्तार हो जाता हूँ .. Yuhi likhte rahiye... duaaon ke saath.....  YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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Superbbbbbbbbbbbbb |
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(#4)
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Ankahi Kahaani
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Superbbbbbbbbbbbbb -
18th December 2009, 01:00 AM
Kya baat hai Kunal ji,
 yeh to bahot badhiya raha ... aur jyaada achchha is liye raha kyon ki aapki har rachanaa mai bahot dard shaamil hota hai jo is mai bhi hai ..par iaska ek dusara side bhi hai jo aapki kaafi rachanaao se kuchh alag hai ... iska positive side ... thats what i like the most about it. aapki rachanaa ka yeh dusara pahelu hame bahot pasand aaya. aur aap ko kaagaz par bikhar ke angaara banane ki to koi zaroorat hume nazar nahi aati  ...aapke alfaaz khud hi angaaro ka kaam kar lete hai. .. ab agar aap khud bhi angaara banake kaagaz par bikhar jaayenge to .. fir aap khud hi soch sakate hai...aapki taareef mai shaayad yeh kahe sakate hai hum ke ... likhate to kayi log hai ...aur sabhi achchha likhate hai ..kyon ki hum maanate hai ki har kisi ke dil se nikale jasbaat ..hammesha achchhe hote hai ... par haan yeh hunar har kisi mai nahi hota ke apane jasbaaton ko Zubaan de paaye, yaa apani likhaawat se apani baat sab tak pahonchaa paaye, yaa sab ke dil ko apani rachanaao se chhu paaye... Par yeh sab hunar aap mai hai. aap apane jasbaaton ko zubaan dena aur us zubaan se sab ke dil ko chhunaa bahot achchhe se jaanate hai... .. bas itana hi kahe paayenge aapke liye ...baaki aap khud hi samajh jaaiyega sab ..kyon ki humaare paas itane alfaaz nahi ke is baat ko thik se bayaan kar paaye.,,..Bhagwaan ji aapko hammesha khush rakhe, Aapki Dost: Gudia Jay Ambe Puri Hoke Bhi Jo Puri Na Ho Hoon Zindagi Ki Wo Ankahi Kahaani...... ------------------------------------------------------------ Ek Aaina Jiski Tasveer Dhundhla Gai, Ek Dil Jiski Dhadkan Ruksi Gai, Ek Zindagi Jiski Manzil Ka Koi Pata Hi Nahi, Ek Daaman Jahaan Se Khushiyaan Galti Se Bhi Guzarti Nahi. |
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(#5)
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Sifar
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18th December 2009, 10:58 PM
Quote:
Mujhe maloom hai ghazal itni khaas nahi rahi hai .. phir bhi aapka aana mujhe accha laga .. kunaal Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa.. Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi.. |
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(#6)
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Registered User
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18th December 2009, 11:03 PM
kunal bhai....
kagaj jab jal jaye puri tarah.....to hume raakh baksh dena... dil ka hissa ho ab... aasan nahi hai yu mahobbat mai 'sifar' hona........aasan nahi...... Aandhiya Gam Ki Chalegi To Sawar Jaoonga Me Mai To Dariya Hu Samoondar Me Utar Jaaonga Me Mujhe Suli Pe Chadane Ki Jaroorat Kya Hai Logo Mere Haato Se Kalam Cheen Lo Yuhi Mar Jaoonga Me (When i received You in my heart everything changed for me) |
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(#7)
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Shayri.com Moderator
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18th December 2009, 11:19 PM
Kunaal bhaa'ii:
namaste! aapki koShiSh bahot hi Khoob rahiiN.. KhaaS t'aur par yeh Sher mujhe bahot hi pasaNd aayaa! Quote:
yuuNhi liKhate raheN aage bhee... bazm ki Shaan baRhaate raheN... dil se niklii hu'ii daad ko qabUl farmaayeN! KhuSh raheN... apnaa Khayaal raKheN duaaoN ke saath ijaazat aapka ~ Dhaval |
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(#8)
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An Incomplite Dream
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20th December 2009, 04:07 PM
Kunal Bhai Aadaab...........
Bhai aapki yeh gazal ke ahsaas behad achche hai per shuruaati do sher mein jo baat hai woh baki sheroN mein nazar nahi aayi, matla behad gehra raha aur secound sher per bad ke sher jyada rijha nahi paye ya youn kahiye ke sher mein jyada jaan nazar nahi aayi jo dil ko mutmain kar sake....... Maine bhi is kafiye per kuch likhana shuru kiya tha kuch roz pahele......... isse yeh to zahir hai ke humari soch ka dayara bahut milta hai...... Lijiye matala suna deta huN....... Guman hua jab se main samajdaar ho gaya huN Zamane ki nazar mein main bekaar ho gaya huN Rehta huN aksar taswwur e khayal mein usike Is tarha uski yaadoN ka karazdaar ho gaya huN Baki aap achcha hi likhate hai per achcha likhane wale se aur bhi achche ki hi ummid rehti hai isliye, aapko aage ke liye aagah ker raha huN ke aage aapki kalam dil se mutmain karengi........ Likhate rhiaye, Khush rahiye, Khuda Hafez......... 
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(#9)
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Sifar
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20th December 2009, 08:42 PM
Quote:
MaiN aapki baat se poora ittefaaq rakhta huN.. jo ki maiN vikram saahab ko reply mai keh chuka huN .. mujhe khud ehsaas ho jaata hai ki maine accha nahi likha hai .. safaai dena nahi chahta ... phir bhi aapne apna izhaar-e-khyaal kiya hai to bas ek baat apni jaanib se huzoor ke roo-baroo karunga .. Darasal ghazal behad kam waqt aur baatoN baatoN main banayi gayi hai .. phir bhi maiN jis behar ki adayegi isme karna chahta tha wo nahi ho saki .. aur jo behar mai tabdiliyaaN hui ... uski wajah se alfaaz bhi uthapatak ho gaye.. aur kuch doston ki darkhuast thi kuch naya padhne ko .. to maine bhi yuN hi ghazal khiska dee... Main aapke saaf nazariye ki teh dil se tareef karna chahuNga .. aur isteqbaal bhi akrta huN aapki har baat kaa.. aur saaf raa'ii rakhne waale log bhi mujhe pasand hai ... Shulriya... aise hi saath banaye rakheN .... Apna khyaal rakhiyega ... Kunaal Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa.. Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi.. |
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(#10)
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An Incomplite Dream
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20th December 2009, 09:01 PM
Quote:
Aapne mere kahe ko sahiN kaha yeh aapka badapan hai jo apni galti ko aapna mana aisi sirat bhi bahut kam logoN ki hoti hai........ Mujhe khushi hui ke aap bhi apni is gazal se mumain nahi hai isliye agli bar ek behtrin gazal ki ummid hai mujhe aapse...... Likhate rhiaye, Khush rhaiye, Khuda Hafez........
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(#11)
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Sifar
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21st December 2009, 01:43 AM
Quote:
Aapko bataane ka matlab ye katayi nahi tha .. ki aap apni raa'ii na rakheN.. maiNe sirf ye bataya .. ki mujhe andaaza hai ki maiN adaayegi ke liye behatreen alfaaz nahi dhoundh paaya ... isi liye aapke kahe ek ek alfaaz ka isteqbaal maine goya dil se kiya hai... maiN aapki dee hui izzat ki bhi kadra karta huN ... par ek baat maiN aapse kehna chahta huN ... ki aapne yahan galat lafz chun liya hai shayad .. maiNe koi ghalti nahi kee hai .. haan is baar main adayegi kar nahi saka... ye baat sahi hai... ise aap ghalti ka naam na deN ... maiNe jaan boojh ke kharaab nahi likha hai ... maine takneek main rehte hue likhne ki koshish kee.. ba-takneek likha bhi .. alfaaz ubhar na sake ... ye meri ghalti nahi hai .. kyuNki main jazbaat bana ke nahi likhta .. jazbaatoN pe alfaaz bana ke likhta hun.. mere jazbaat kamzor rahe ... maine unhe kamzor nahi kiya hai .... aur mujhe uper ke teen sher nahi janche mere mutabik ... mujhe baaki sher pasand hai... aur unke sath maine insaaf bhi kiya hai... jahan tak mera ilm-e-shayri hai uske mutaabiq... khair haan maiN is baat se inkaar nahi karta .. aaj ya aane waale kal mai agar maiN koi galti karta huN.. use maan-ne se na maiN peeche hata huN na hatunga .... sar-e-aam maiN ghalti manunga .,,, kyunki sabke dekhne ka nazariya alag hai .. is liye .... main aapki umeedoN pe khara utarne ki koshish to nahi kar sakta... par haaN .. khuda se ilteza karunga ki mere jazbaatoN main wo jaan bhare .. ki padhne waale usme apna aks dekh paaye .. usme kho paaye... baaki jo bhi izzat aapne dee hai uska shukraguzaar hai Khaaksaar... aap apna khyaal rakhiyega ... Kunaal Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa.. Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi.. |
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(#12)
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Registered User
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21st December 2009, 03:10 AM
हर सांस से लिख दूँ मैं तेरे नाम फ़साने बस ...
कागज़ पे बिखर के मैं अंगार हो जाता हूँ... Bhut khoob Kunaal Sahab apni is khoobsurat ghazal par daad qubool keejiye ye mujhay aapka bhut hi acha laga, you.n hi likhte rahiye aslam behta dariya hu.n mujhy haath se choo kar daikho |
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(#13)
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Aapki dost
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21st December 2009, 08:13 AM
BOHAT KHOOB KUNAAL BHAI.....................AS ALWAYS....
Zainy PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya... Nm |
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(#14)
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Sifar
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21st December 2009, 11:47 AM
Quote:
Behad shukraguzaar huN ... maiN aapke aane kaa... Aap aise hi sath rahenge ... umeed hai... Kunaal Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa.. Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi.. |
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(#15)
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Sifar
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24th December 2009, 01:18 PM
Quote:
Apna khyaal rakho Kunaal Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa.. Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi.. |
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(#16)
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Sifar
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Location: Dubai, UAE
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24th December 2009, 01:20 PM
Quote:
Kambakht ye kaagaj aisa hai jalta hi nahi ... aap bas abhi angaare hi leN.... shukriya itna pyar dene ke liye Aapka apna Kunaal Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa.. Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi.. |
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(#17)
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beautiful moment.........
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24th December 2009, 07:55 PM
kamaal................ bahut umdaa tehreer hai.... ehsaas aapke wakehi kamaal hai... kuch to hai aisa aapke kalam me ke baar baar padhne ka dil kiya... bahut khoob.... khush rahiye aur yuhi apni kalam ke jalwe bikherte rahiye...
 "LAMHA"mujhko acchaa nahiiN lagtaa ko’ii hamnaam teraa , ko’ii tujhsaa ho to phir naam bhii tujhsaa rakhe.... |
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