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Meri Pehli lori
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prayerforall
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Smile Meri Pehli lori - 30th August 2011, 03:12 AM
Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Punchiyon sang gaayega,
Pyari muskaan laayega..
Chanda ke saang khelega
Chandni vo bikherega..

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Apne nanhe haathon se
Jeevan rang sajaayega
Khushiyon ke is aanchal mein
Har dum dhoom machayega

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

ENJOY :-)
   
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Ajnabi
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Smile 30th August 2011, 07:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by prayerforall View Post
Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Punchiyon sang gaayega,
Pyari muskaan laayega..
Chanda ke saang khelega
Chandni vo bikherega..

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Apne nanhe haathon se
Jeevan rang sajaayega
Khushiyon ke is aanchal mein
Har dum dhoom machayega

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Shoooo Shweeet G! Ye perh to menu khud neend aave hai! bahut cute lagi ye lori.....

Honaa Hai Fenaah Yaad Rakh Aye Shams Tujhko Bhi,
Is Kehkashaan Mein Mai He Nahi Waahid Shaye Faanee!

Ajnabi
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prayerforall
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30th August 2011, 08:36 PM
bahut bahut shukriya ajnabi g..

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Ajnabi
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Question 31st August 2011, 03:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by prayerforall View Post
Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Punchiyon sang gaayega,
Pyari muskaan laayega..
Chanda ke saang khelega
Chandni vo bikherega..

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Apne nanhe haathon se
Jeevan rang sajaayega
Khushiyon ke is aanchal mein
Har dum dhoom machayega

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..
What will happen if u make it bikhrayega? Just a silly question...sanu khatk reya tha a stanza..may b its just me n my itchy mind!

Honaa Hai Fenaah Yaad Rakh Aye Shams Tujhko Bhi,
Is Kehkashaan Mein Mai He Nahi Waahid Shaye Faanee!

Ajnabi
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prayerforall
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3rd September 2011, 02:27 AM
Ajnabi ji . Its a good correction .. Thanks for it.. My hindi is not so good. But I just write & sing whatever comes to my mind..

I appreciate it sir !

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Ajnabi
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Smile 3rd September 2011, 05:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by prayerforall View Post
Ajnabi ji . Its a good correction .. Thanks for it.. My hindi is not so good. But I just write & sing whatever comes to my mind..

I appreciate it sir !
No worries g but a to meri drishti mein suggestion aur swaal tha na ki correction...your choice is the correct if we just focus on the pair I mean the last two lines of the stanza but when you go with the structure of the stanza the other word fits in with the rhythm...and your word looks more grammatically correct.
And please continue writing down the way the thoughts come to you....there's nothing worse than spoiling the original thought while attempting structural perfection....thats my view!

Honaa Hai Fenaah Yaad Rakh Aye Shams Tujhko Bhi,
Is Kehkashaan Mein Mai He Nahi Waahid Shaye Faanee!

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prayerforall
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9th September 2011, 09:45 PM
Many thanks for your view.............

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janumanu
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13th September 2011, 12:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by prayerforall View Post
Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Punchiyon sang gaayega,
Pyari muskaan laayega..
Chanda ke saang khelega
Chandni vo bikherega..

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Apne nanhe haathon se
Jeevan rang sajaayega
Khushiyon ke is aanchal mein
Har dum dhoom machayega

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..
very sweet .. thanks for writing and sharing
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mittal_pali
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16th September 2011, 07:14 PM
nice work. thanks for sharing........................................

Pali Mittal
   
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Manshaa Thaakur
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24th December 2011, 10:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by prayerforall View Post
Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Punchiyon sang gaayega,
Pyari muskaan laayega..
Chanda ke saang khelega
Chandni vo bikherega..

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..

Apne nanhe haathon se
Jeevan rang sajaayega
Khushiyon ke is aanchal mein
Har dum dhoom machayega

Ik pari mujhse kehti thi,
Ek raj kumar aayega..
good one ....................................

Manshaa Thaakur
   
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