namaste

Ankita · **namaste -** 4th May 2008, 11:11 AM

mujhe shayari aati toh nahin hai
sikhnay ki chaah kheench laayi hai

Regards,
A

muKhlis · 4th May 2008, 05:54 PM

Hi Ankita

welcome to the world of shairi. plz feel free to ask if u need to inquire about any aspect of poetry writing. i and others will try their best to help. thank you for joining this forum and wish u all the best.

regards
MuKhlis

Taish · 4th May 2008, 07:28 PM

hmmmm, Welcome here dear, here no1 is n xpert a process of mutual learning is going on, so read people ask them, n dere every1 to help u out....!!

Ankita · 5th May 2008, 02:48 AM

Hello Mukhlis,

aap nay welcome kiya acha laga.

teray alfaazon mein mahak dosti ki
meray dil mein khushboo shayari ki

any criticism on my writing is always welcome. it makes me learn to be a better human being and a better writer.
A

Ankita · 5th May 2008, 02:51 AM

ghayal shayar hi

aap ka toh naam hi padh kar soch mein pad gayi. ek toh shayar aur upar say ghayal. aap ki shairi mein toh dard hi dard hoga.

mein thahari ek chanchal bala
kaisa yeh nata tunay jodh dala
ghayal jo ho gaya shayari hi
dahni na paday mujhe varmala

just joking. lekin any criticism is welcome to make this better.

Taish · 5th May 2008, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ankita

ghayal shayar hi

aap ka toh naam hi padh kar soch mein pad gayi. ek toh shayar aur upar say ghayal. aap ki shairi mein toh dard hi dard hoga.

mein thahari ek chanchal bala
kaisa yeh nata tunay jodh dala
ghayal jo ho gaya shayari hi
dahni na paday mujhe varmala

just joking. lekin any criticism is welcome to make this better.

u knw something shayri dl se hoti hai sirf tukbandi ya likhne ke liye likhna shayri nahiN hoti hai maam...!! datz wat i wud say...!! bas shayad aap samajh gayi hoNgi ki main kya kehna chahta huN, waise mujhe aap na kaheN maiN koi budhaa nahiN huN, bas ek naujavaan hiN huN, aur yahaaN sabs chotoN meN se ek huN....!! chaliye umeed hai aage v aapko padhte raheNge ji...!!

CHHALIYA · **hi -** 5th May 2008, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by muKhlis

Hi Ankita

welcome to the world of shairi. plz feel free to ask if u need to inquire about any aspect of poetry writing. i and others will try their best to help. thank you for joining this forum and wish u all the best.

regards
MuKhlis

hi mukhlis..........
i really like the way you are, i love your urdu and the way you are always ready to help and also the warmth of your friendship.......... ..... well whats the meaning of your name?
regards

chhaliya

Ankita · 6th May 2008, 01:21 AM

namaste ghayal
ab aao ko kaisay sambodhan karoon sochna padh raha hai. waisay aap kay dil ko agar meri kisi baat say thes pahunchi hai toh maafi chahti hoon. meinay kabhi yeh seekha nahin tha ki aap kahna bhi kahin galat ho sakta hai. mujhe toh aap ki umr ka andaza nahin aap likha tha aap ki shayari padh kar. aur mazak mein jo likha tha woh is liye ki jeevan mein humour ko kaafi importance deti hoon warna jindagi mein sirf dard aur mayoosi hi rahegi.

Rahi baat tukbandi ki. toh mein jaanti hoon meri capability kya hai aur shayad yehi karan tha ki I am here. aap shayad ek baat bhool gaye hain ki insaan ko kahin toh shuruwaat karni padti hai aur shayad meri shuruwaat tukbandi say ho.

mein phir kahoongi,

mujhe shayari aati toh nahin hai
sikhnay ki chaah kheench laayi hai

agar meri kisi baat ka aap ko bura laga ho toh maafi chahti hoon. umeed toh yeh thi ki jo likha uska koi correction karwata taaki mein apni bhool ko sudhaar leti. phir bhi aap kay jawaab ki abhaari.
A

Taish · 7th May 2008, 07:44 PM

ankita ji yahaaN na bura maan.ne vaali koi baat hui na kisi ne bura maana hai, yee to maiN sabko hiN kehta hun ki mujhe aap na kahiye, mujhe lagta hai maiN budhaa ho gaya...!! aur waqt ke saath aapko pata chal jaayega ki sense of humour hum jaisoN meN thodi xcess hin hai so dont worry, aur agar aap seekhna chaahti haiN to humour me likhi hui cheez pe v thoda gaur farmaaiyega, ye to bas long term ke liye ek baat kahi maine, ki aap tukbandi se aage badhne ki kosish jaroor kareN, aur maine v tukbandi se hin shuruat ki thi, so derez no issues, aur rahi correction aur sudhaar ki baat to ye lijiye.....

mein thahari ek chanchal bala
kaisa yeh nata tunay jodh dala
ghayal jo ho gaya shayari hi
dahni na paday mujhe varmala

aapke is sher men do jagah mistakes haiN, ek shayri striling hai, pulling nahiN, to gayi shayri hoga...!! doosri jo ek badi mistake dikhi vo ye, ki pehle do lines ka doosre do lines se mel nahin baitha relation missing tha, aapne kaha maiN chanchal baala, fir rishta jod daala aur 4th meN daalni na pade varmaala, par 3rd lyn ka link nahiN bana ise thoda badalne ki gustaakhi karuNgaa...!!

mein thahari ek chanchal bala
kaisa yeh nata tunay jodh dala
ghayal jo ho gayi shayari se hi maiN,
daalni na pad jaaye mujhe varmala

isse lagta hai ki aap shayri se impress hue the, nahin to lag raha tha ki shayri ghayal ho gayi, to aapko varmaal daalni hai jo shayad thoda ajeeb sound kar raha tha...!!
Main bahut harsh bolne ke liye bahut mashoor hooN, isiliye agar kuch v jyada keh gaya huNgaa to aapse shama prarthi rahunga, bachha samajh ke maaf kar dijiyega, aur haaN ek aur guzarish rahegi, ki jhoothi tareefoN meN mat aaiyega, kyunki start meN agar aisa ho gaya to hum aage nahin badh paate, apna khayaal rakhiyega aur plz dil meN gile shikwe mat rakhiye, shayaron ka dil saaf rehna chaahiye, koi v baat buri lage bejhijhak hume ittelaa kar dijiye...!! mukhlis bhai kuch galat keh gaya huNga to hume sudhaar dijiyega...!!

allah haafeez...!!