bistar kee silwaton ko tumhe samajh ke chua hai

aru · **bistar kee silwaton ko tumhe samajh ke chua hai -** 27th May 2013, 06:30 PM

Tanhayion mein hamara haal vo hua hai,
Bistar kee silwaton ko tumhe samajhke chua hai.....

Ye jaante hue kee tum paas nahin mere,
Nazron se fir bhi bachake jaam ko chua hai....

Gar miloge kayamat mein to kayamat hee aaye,
Subah shaam hontho pe bas ye dua hai....

Chehra dekh ke hee mera samajh jaoge,
Beete dino mere saath kya kya hua hai....

Zinada hoon kaise main ye jaan lena,
Dhadkano mein teri aawaaz ko suna hai..

Samajh paya hun ab is khel ko,
DaaoN pe hain saansein kee mohabbat jua hai..

Aa bhi jao ab aur kitna tadpaoge,
Bagiya mein dekho naya gulaab khila hua hai,

Ram se bhi maanga tujhe Rahim se bhi maanga 'aru'
Mila de jo tujhse bas vo khuda hai...

sameer'shaad' · 27th May 2013, 08:49 PM

acchi koshish hai Aru bhai...... ab ehsaasoN me pukhta ho gaye hain aap....
qaafiyaa radeef ki bhi acchi samajh ho gayee hai aapko....... kuch kuch galtiyaan hain magar itni gehraai me nahi jaaaunga abhi....

ab zarurat hai agla kadam aage badhaane ka.. aur wo hai rhythm....... aap ab behar me likhne ki koshish kijiye... apne ehsaasoN ko ek jaama pehnaaiye.... dekhiye fir kitnaa maza aane lagegaa padhne me.....

aap about behr thread jo ki pathshala me maujood hai usse refer kar sakte hain.....
aur kuch poochna ho to main to haazir hi hoon.....

doosri baat .. is kalaam me bhi jo qaafiya radeef me problem hain agar jaaanna chahen to mujhe reply kijiye.... mujhe behad khushi hogi bataane me.....

filhaal ijaazat dijiye...

aru · 27th May 2013, 09:01 PM

sameer bhai...aapko mujhse poochne kee jarurat nahin hai...aap meri galtiyan bata diya kariye...rahi baat behr kee..to pata nahin kyon badi uljhan hoti hai...bandha bandha se feel karta hun ya yeh kahiye kee theek se samajh nahin paaya...koshish kee thi par kahin kuch shabd ka meter 1 hota vahin dusri jagah vo hee shabd ka meter 2 diya hota hai...i m very confused.....aap sikhayiye main seekhne ko taiyaar hun..accha pehle iski galtiyan bataiye....

sameer'shaad' · 29th May 2013, 11:11 AM

Aru bhai sabse pehle to main aapka shukriyaa adaa karnaa chahunga jo aapne mujhe is laayaq samjhaa.... Darsal main aapko PM ke dwaara bhi samjhaa saktaa thaa, magar yahaan pe smajhaaneka sabab bas itnaa hai ke baaki ke wo members jinhe is baat ko lekar utni hi duvidhaa hai, unki wo duvidhaa main door kar sakuN...

Dekhiye bhai, Kisi shayari/ kalaam / ya Ghazal me jo sabse ahem cheez hoti hai wo hai uska Qaafiyaa aur Radeef, isike base pe hi shaayar koi sher, ya ghazal kehta hai.... keh sakte hain ke Qaafiya ghazal ki backbone hai..

Qaafiyaa ke baare me agar dekhaa jaae to ise nibhaana sabse ahem aur sabse mushkil kaam bhi hotaa hai.... Qaafiyaa define karne ke liye jis cheez ki sabse mahatwapoorn bhumika hoti hai wo hai Matla ya to pehla sher... hum usi se qaafiya chune hain ..

for ex:

tez ho jaata hai khushboo ka safar shaam ke baad
phuul shahroN meiN bhi khilte haiN magar shaam ke baad

agar is sher ko dekha jaae to hum qaafiya lafz hain "safar" aur "magar"
to isme common subset of word (CSOW) hai "ar", kyonki "saf" aur "mag" milte nahi nazar aa rahe hain.....

lekin agar yahin par "safar" ki jagah pe "agar" hota to "agar" aur "magar" me common Subset of word hota "gar" na ki "ar" .

to agar case 1 ko dekhaa jaae to ghazal kaa qaafiya kuch aise honge.....
safar, magar, asar etc.......

lekin agar case 2 ko dekha jaae to qaafiya hoga,
agar,magar, dagar etc......

ummeed hai aapko dono ke beech farq nazar aaya hoga....... aur ye farq paidaa huaa hai matla se... j ki nirdharit karta hai aapka qaafiyaa.. aur pehle sher me aapko aazadi bhi hai ke aap kya qaafiya istemaal karte hain magar aage ke sheroN me wo aazadi nahi miltii.....

ab chalte hain aapke kalaam ki taraf...

aapne pehle sher me qaafiya istemaal kiya hai "hua" aur "chuaa" so dekha jae to common subset of words hain "uaa"

lekin aage ke sheroN ko agar dekha jaae to aapne qaafiya istemaal kiya hai sunaa aur khudaa ko jiska CSOW hoga "unaa" aur "udaa" jo ki "uaa" aapke qaafiye se mail nahi khaa rahe hain.....

isliye yahaan qaafiya dosh hai..... haan aur jo aapne huaa, chuaa, duaa etc istemaal kiya hai to wo sab sahi hai....

yahaan ek aur baat main jodnaa chahungaa ke aapne "huaa" lafz kai baar istemaal kiya hai as qaafiyaa. jo ki ghalat to qatai nahi hai, haan magar isse padhne walon ke zahen me ye khayal aata hai ke shayar ke paas lafz kamm padd gaye hain.... lekin iski ek aur condition hai....

agar aap matle se lekar maqte tak.. yaanike har sher me ek hi qaafiyaa "huaa" istemaal kareN to wo kalaam ki khubsurtii ko aur bhi nikhaarta hai..... ise husne ghazal bhi keh sakte hain....

bas itni si baat mujhe qaafiye ko lekar kehna tha..... agar aapko qaafiya ko lekar kuch aur poochna ho to zarooor poochiyegaa.. mujhse jitna ban padegaa main bataaunga.....

Haan behr ko lekar aap kuch keh rahe they.... zaraa khul kar bataaen to smajhne, samjhaane me aasani ho.....

Shukriyaa... aur apna khayal rakhiye....

Shaad.......

aru · 29th May 2013, 11:26 AM

thanx sameer bhai...itna khul ke samjhane ke liye..aisa lag raha tha koi teacher class le raha hai............mujhe kafiya aur radeef to clear ho gaye...behar ke liye pehle main khud pad lun fir jo quest. honge main aapse puchunga...

mahwar jafri · 29th May 2013, 09:45 PM

bhot umda janaab...
Aise hi likhte rahie inshallah aapko apki mohabbat zarur milegi..

aru · 14th June 2013, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mahwar jafri

bhot umda janaab...
Aise hi likhte rahie inshallah aapko apki mohabbat zarur milegi..

Thanx mahwar jee..............

arjun2013 · 14th June 2013, 07:51 PM

Sabse pahle to arvind ji namashkar. Itna kahunga ki aap bahut khub or bahut gahraai se likhtey hain bahut pyari rachna hai apki

aru · 13th July 2013, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arjun2013

Sabse pahle to arvind ji namashkar. Itna kahunga ki aap bahut khub or bahut gahraai se likhtey hain bahut pyari rachna hai apki

Thanks arjun jee......for understanding me.......