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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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Mai ek hor adhuri HEER hai loko -
28th August 2007, 08:01 PM
Mere kolo rang koi bhar na hoya ek sohni jihi tasveer hai loko
tota tota karke tukarre hoye mere
mai phati hoyi ek leer hai loko
riha mai kade hoyi nahi
mai peira ch payi janzeer hai loko
khushkismiti mere hise kithe
mai marri likhi hoyi takdeer hai loko rajhe nu labhdi mai khud guyachi
ek hari hoyi fakeer hai loko
keido jihe ajj vi raaha ch kharre
mai akhiya cho vagda neer hai loko
phir mainu kherre le gaye viyah ke
mai saaha to bina ek sareer hai loko
mai dholi ch beh ke tur gayi dure kite
mai kamano chhadiya ek teer hai loko
ajj vi pyar de dushman barre
mai ashaqa de dil di peer hai loko
sadiya to HEER kade puri na hoyi
mai ek hor adhuri HEER hai loko
Last edited by ADHURI HEER; 28th August 2007 at 08:22 PM..
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Registered User
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28th August 2007, 09:26 PM
hi ,i think this 1 iz ur one of the best really baut wadiya ida hi likhde raho ji and i hope ur not talkin abt ur self
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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28th August 2007, 09:46 PM
Thank u saab talhaniya ji iss nu read karan liye,
thanks for ur really nice reply
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Punjabi Putt
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29th August 2007, 07:26 AM
Hello "HEER" JI
HEER ji tusi taa kamaal hi kar ditti, sachi tuhadi har ek line ch dam hai, tusi taa punjabi poetry de best poet ban rahe ho, asal ch chha gaye ho shayri.com te
sachi har line ate har akhar aapne aap bolda hai,
Agar mere vash ch hunda taa mai tuhanu iss poem liye best poem de tor te "PRIZE"dena si,
-------------------------------------------- Jihdi mitro bhaal ch dil oh na kuri labhdi,oh na kuri labhdi
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Punjabi Putt
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29th August 2007, 07:51 AM
Unj tenu Rab diya rehmata batheriya,
jithe kite jaye galla hundiya ne teriya,
Par jinne joge assi unni karange zaroor,
Koi saade like sewa hove dasana zaroor
-------------------------------------------- Jihdi mitro bhaal ch dil oh na kuri labhdi,oh na kuri labhdi
Last edited by A-DEEP; 29th August 2007 at 07:58 AM..
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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29th August 2007, 10:34 AM
Thank u A-DEEP, eni pyari reply den layi,
tusi sab meriya poems nu read karn liye aapna time spend karde ho ate eniya nice reply de dende ho, iss to vad mere liye ke hor ki PRIZE hovega
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Couldn't Care Less
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Location: Delhi
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30th August 2007, 11:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PUNJABAN HEER
sadiya to HEER kade puri na hoyimai ek hor adhuri HEER hai loko
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Bahut hi khoobsurat gazal hai Heer Ji. Padh ke bahut apnapan se laga..
Par agar bura na mane to ek baat kahoon.
mujhe ise padhte hue kuch paraya sa mehsoos hua.
Kaash aapne wahan "loko" ki jagah "Doston" likha hota..
Zyada umda lagti.
Kuch bura lage to maafi chahunga...
Shukriya
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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30th August 2007, 07:31 PM
Hello Amit widhani ji
Thank u Amit ji ke aap ne aapna kimti time iss poem liye spend kiya, and iss like kiya
aap theek keh rahe hai ke agar "loko" ki tha" doston" hota taa achha lagna tha, sach mano maine vi pehle aaisa hi socha tha,
Par maine "loko" iss liye use kiya, kyon ke jaha mai sirf aapne doston ko hi nahi batana chahati thi, sari duniya ko vi batana chahati thi, sari duniya mai dushman bhi ho sakte hai aur dost bhi, kyon ke HEER jaisi laddkiyo ki raaho me kaido jaise lok hamesha hi dushman ban ke aate hai, jo HEER ko kabhi bhi pura nahi hone dete,
maine isse liye "doston" ki tha"loko" use kar liya, aab mujhe pata nahi ye theek hai ke nahi,
Thank u dost for your suggestion
Last edited by ADHURI HEER; 30th August 2007 at 07:34 PM..
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shayri is my life
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nice -
31st August 2007, 10:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PUNJABAN HEER
Mere kolo rang koi bhar na hoya ek sohni jihi tasveer hai loko
tota tota karke tukarre hoye mere
mai phati hoyi ek leer hai loko
riha mai kade hoyi nahi
mai peira ch payi janzeer hai loko
khushkismiti mere hise kithe
mai marri likhi hoyi takdeer hai loko rajhe nu labhdi mai khud guyachi
ek hari hoyi fakeer hai loko
keido jihe ajj vi raaha ch kharre
mai akhiya cho vagda neer hai loko
phir mainu kherre le gaye viyah ke
mai saaha to bina ek sareer hai loko
mai dholi ch beh ke tur gayi dure kite
mai kamano chhadiya ek teer hai loko
ajj vi pyar de dushman barre
mai ashaqa de dil di peer hai loko
sadiya to HEER kade puri na hoyi
mai ek hor adhuri HEER hai loko
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heer ji sat sri akal ji......thuadee nazam parhi sach jaaniyo aakha bhar aaiya aina dard ki har lafaz vichon ik tees uthdii mehsoos hoyii ....dard nu bhut khubsurti naal byaa kita hai tusee isay tarha likhde raho.....raj.....
un se kar liya kinara unki khushi ki khatir
ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj)
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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31st August 2007, 10:53 AM
Thank u Rajveer ji, eni jiada tareef karan liye ate iss nu read karan liye aapna kimati time spend karan kita
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Punjabi Putt
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5th December 2007, 08:18 AM
Mujhe raah ka pathar bana diya mohabbat ne
falak se jammeen pe gira diya mohabbat ne
khele jee bhar kar sab fir thukra diya humko
aisa bejaan khilona bana diya mohabbat ne
-------------------------------------------- Jihdi mitro bhaal ch dil oh na kuri labhdi,oh na kuri labhdi
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Registered User
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Location: Ropar (Punjab)
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Vadhiyaa laggaa -
6th December 2007, 09:26 AM
Heer Ajj kaafi dinaaN baad mulaqaat hoee. Tuhadi Nazm bahut changi laggi. Dard bahut hai tuhadi kalam wich. ShabdaaN di selection vi changi si. Par ik benati hai. Dard onnaa hi handaao jinnaa bardaasht kar sako. Main koi shayar te nahi par ennaa zaroor jan-daa haan ki kalam te dard hundaaunaa Shareer te dard handaaun toN kitey zyaadaa mushkil hundaa hai. Mainu eh dard thodaa loud laggaa. Please beleive me i'm not criticising u. U r one of the best poets here. And even this is a very good piece of poetry. But the difference between a good poet and a great poet is; a great poet is never loud and very simple in writing. AND I WANT U TO BE A GREAT POET.
Agar buraa laggaa hovey taaN hath jor ke maafi chaahaangaa.
Wasdey raho
tilak...
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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7th December 2007, 08:42 PM
Thank u Tilakji, aapne sujhah den liye, par sach janiyo mainu nahi pata good and great poet da , and na hi mai aapne aap nu poet kehdi hai, jo dil ch aaonda hai bas likhan lag payida hai, pata vi nahi hunda ke sahi hai ke galt, tuhade jihe dostan de sujhah naal shayad good ban jayiye
Thanks again
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Moderator
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13th December 2007, 03:12 PM
really.......bahut umda likhiya hai tusi......keep it up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.....Sunita Thakur.....
यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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14th December 2007, 10:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunita virender
really.......bahut umda likhiya hai tusi......keep it up
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Thx Sunita ji, aapna time spend karan liye and iss poem nu read karan liye
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Registered User
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jass -
20th May 2008, 03:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADHURI HEER
Mere kolo rang koi bhar na hoya
ek sohni jihi tasveer hai loko
tota tota karke tukarre hoye mere
mai phati hoyi ek leer hai loko
riha mai kade hoyi nahi
mai peira ch payi janzeer hai loko
khushkismiti mere hise kithe
mai marri likhi hoyi takdeer hai loko rajhe nu labhdi mai khud guyachi
ek hari hoyi fakeer hai loko
keido jihe ajj vi raaha ch kharre
mai akhiya cho vagda neer hai loko
phir mainu kherre le gaye viyah ke
mai saaha to bina ek sareer hai loko
mai dholi ch beh ke tur gayi dure kite
mai kamano chhadiya ek teer hai loko
ajj vi pyar de dushman barre
mai ashaqa de dil di peer hai loko
sadiya to HEER kade puri na hoyi
mai ek hor adhuri HEER hai loko
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ssa ji
boht hi sohna lokhdae hi ji tusi, dard nu likhan da hunar hae thodae kol. boht vadia ji. pyar di manjil hi vichora hae ji. take care.
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Registered User
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25th May 2008, 08:17 AM
sach janeyo heer g(sorry mainu tuhada naam ta ni pata) dil nu sachi bahut changa lagga tuhadi poetry pad k, rabb kar k future ch v tussi ajehi poetry apni is mehfil ch pesh karde raho.....ehi umeed hai tuhade to....fantastic
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Registered User
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25th May 2008, 01:12 PM
srry heer ji mainu bilkul chnga nai lagga tohada ohi purana andaaz pad k..........bas ohi adhuri heer hi padi javanga main???plz kuj nva likho.......
and plz meri gall nu mind na kario..main bas touhanu dsna chahuna wt i thougt while reading this...........
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Diya aur Baati the Hum
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27th May 2008, 09:50 AM
Heer ji, bahut hi sohna likhiya hai, kamaaal kar diti aa ji,
** Prabjyot Kaur **
Ek pasan pyaar cho ki milna, ek JYOT yaad di baldi A.
Ek kami jo puri nahi honi, unjh duniyadaari chaldi A
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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28th May 2008, 09:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by balraj chahal
sach janeyo heer g(sorry mainu tuhada naam ta ni pata) dil nu sachi bahut changa lagga tuhadi poetry pad k, rabb kar k future ch v tussi ajehi poetry apni is mehfil ch pesh karde raho.....ehi umeed hai tuhade to....fantastic
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Thank u Balraj ji iss poem nu read karan liye
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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28th May 2008, 09:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by D33P
srry heer ji mainu bilkul chnga nai lagga tohada ohi purana andaaz pad k..........bas ohi adhuri heer hi padi javanga main???plz kuj nva likho.......
and plz meri gall nu mind na kario..main bas touhanu dsna chahuna wt i thougt while reading this...........
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Deep ji meri eh poem pichhle saal di likhi hoyi hai,koi navi nahi hai,
vese mai ta two poem hi adhuri heer te likhiya han, mere anusar eh koi jiada nahi han, baki mai best try karagi kuch goood likhan layi
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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28th May 2008, 09:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JYOTI
Heer ji, bahut hi sohna likhiya hai, kamaaal kar diti aa ji,
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thank u jyoti ji
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AB+
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17th July 2008, 04:16 PM
[quote=ADHURI HEER;246654] Mere kolo rang koi bhar na hoya
ek sohni jihi tasveer hai loko
tota tota karke tukarre hoye mere
mai phati hoyi ek leer hai loko
riha mai kade hoyi nahi
mai peira ch payi janzeer hai loko
khushkismiti mere hise kithe
mai marri likhi hoyi takdeer hai loko rajhe nu labhdi mai khud guyachi
ek hari hoyi fakeer hai loko
keido jihe ajj vi raaha ch kharre
mai akhiya cho vagda neer hai loko
phir mainu kherre le gaye viyah ke
mai saaha to bina ek sareer hai loko
mai dholi ch beh ke tur gayi dure kite
mai kamano chhadiya ek teer hai loko
ajj vi pyar de dushman barre
mai ashaqa de dil di peer hai loko
sadiya to HEER kade puri na hoyi
mai ek hor adhuri HEER hai loko
HEER JI eh poem hun tak sdc di best poem hai .vaar vaar read kar ke v dil nahi bharda...pta nahi kiwe likh lendo ho tusi ena sohna.
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Ranjhan bin Adhuri
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17th July 2008, 08:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by A-BABBU
HEER JI eh poem hun tak sdc di best poem hai .vaar vaar read kar ke v dil nahi bharda...pta nahi kiwe likh lendo ho tusi ena sohna.
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Thank u babbu ji, iss reply layi,
sukar hai ke tuhanu vi time miliya iss poem nu reply den layi
Meriya poem ta tuhadi sab di reply naal hi sonhiya ho jandiya han
bas tuhadi sab di meharbani hai
Thanks dost
Last edited by ADHURI HEER; 17th July 2008 at 08:42 PM..
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