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19th July 2014, 11:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
Zarra saheb khalwat per aakhiri shair arz hai:-
khalwat-e-jana ka kia zikr karieN ae saheb!
umar to beet gayi hai... jaan bhi chali jaye gi.......
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Waahhhh !!!!! Kis nazaakat se mazmoon ko aahista aahista khola hai !! Silken touch !! Dheron daad !!
I must say this ... Hassan sahab ... lafz "khalwat" par ghaur karne meiN aap ne kamaal ki jalwagari dikhaayee hai ... 7 sher aur 1 qit'ta ... saare ke saare khoobsurat aur umdah fiqr liye .. sabhi meiN lafz-e-khalwat ke saath poora insaaf huwa hai ... main bayaan naheen kar sakta aap ka contribution kis qadar beshkeemtee raha hai !! dheron daad aur duaein aap ko !!
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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lafz "khalwat" par kahe members ke apne qalaam -
20th July 2014, 12:02 AM
dostoN ...pesh haiN lafz "khalwat" par members ke apne kahe aashaar. aap sab ka shukriya, jinhone yahan shirkat kari aur jo yahaan tashreef laaye.*
aur shukriya ki aap shora ne meri is darkhwaast ka paas rakkha ki "lafz-e-khalwat ki khalwat meiN khalal daalte haiN aur ise le kar aate haiN apne aashaar ki anjuman meiN"*
khalwat meiN kiye jurm ki saza!
aaj nahi to kal zaroor milay gii..*
-hassan
Khalvat-o-jalvat kii apnii surate.n
Gham me.n ek pyaara to duuja shaadii me.n
-aadeil
hai yaQeeN k khatam hooN gay ayaam-e-khalwat
phir hum bhi khoob lootieN gay maza-e-ulfat
-hassan
Khalvat-nashii.n hoo.n haath me.n khaalii hai baadiyaa
Hai intezaar ki aake pilaaye labo.n se wo
-aadeil
hum aadi-e-khalwat, shamil-e-jalwat nahi hona
haiN bohat ba-murrawwat, be-murawwat nahi hona
-hassan
majma ushshaaq ka laga paayeiN
jo bhi khalwat meiN milne jaate haiN
-zarraa
janay Rab kis se raazi hai
woh parda-nasheeN, hum khalwat-nasheeN
-hassan
Khalwat mein doobii hun koh-e-ghum ko lekar
Chhor gaya tha wo jahan raastey mein
-n@zneen
khalwat meiN chupay dard ko woh kia janay!
woh shaks to hur waqt shararat meiN rehta hai
-hassan
Meri sharartoN ko na samajh behisii
Khalwat meiN behte ashq baateiN nahiN kartey
-n@zneen
kyuN na biyaaN kar dooNh aaj ehwaal-e-shab-o-roZ
kabhi ulfat, kabhi nafrat, kabhi jalwat, kabhi khalwat
-hassan
kis ki yaadoN ka ye fusoon hai jo
khalwatoN ko sajaaye jaata hai
kal ke daar-o-rasan ki fikr ho kyooN
kal ka bosa hi yaad aata hai
-zarraa
fusooN-e-ishQ meiN giraftaar
*aaj khalwatooN ki hai yalghaar*
intezaam-e-daar-o-rasan se qabal
ik bosa-e-yaar ke talabgaar
-hassan
Khalwat pasandee jo zaahir ki hamnay
Turbat hamaaree banaanay lagay wo
-ahmad hyderabadi
hum ne socha tha ki ye hungaama-e-mehfil hai par
kam n ye shorish huwee khalwat meiN bhi aane ke baad
-zarraa
*khalwat-e-jana ka kia zikr karieN ae saheb
umar to beet gayi hai... jaan bhi chali jaye gi
-hassan
sabhi shora ka bahaut bahaut shukriya, aur jaisa ki aap ne oopar dekh liya hoga, Hassan sahab ne humein 7 sher aur 1 qita se nawaaza hai jis ke liye un ka khaas taur se shukriya ada karna chaahoonga.
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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naya lafz ... -
20th July 2014, 12:45 AM
dostoN ... is baar ka lafz hai .... ZINDAAN .....
"zindaaN" means prison / jail / qaidkhaana
is ka pronounciation "zindaaN (nasal sound attached to "daa")*ya "zindaan" hai.
zinDaaN meiN "D" ka pronunciation "Dukh" (sorrow), "Daam" (price), "Dil" (heart) jaisa hai*... aap samajh gaye hoNge.
to is baar hum lafz "zindaaN" par ghaur kareNge, koyee sher, qit'ta, nazm, rubaayee ya aur kuchh jise shayari kaha ja sake, keh kar.
shayari ke saath saath SDC style guftagoo bhi jaaree rakkheNge, seekhne sikhaane ke maqsad se. members se darkhwaast hai ki is lafz par apne khayaalaat aur ilm bhi baaNtte raheiN aur is ki nuances par roshni daaleiN, jis se hum sab saath saath seekh sakeiN. jin members ko koyee sawaal ya doubt ho, wo behichak poochh leiN, aur baaki members se guzaarish hogi ki wo us par apni raay deiN.
ab is lafz par kuchh ustaad shora ke aashaar ka lutf lete haiN ...
khaana-zaad-e-zulf haiN zanjeer se bhaageNge kyooN
haiN giriftaar-e-wafa zindaaN se ghabraaveNge kya
-ghalib
jis ko dekho wo hi zanjeer-ba-pa lagta hai
shahar ka shahar huwa daakhil-e-zindaaN jaanaaN
-faraaz
zanjeer-o-deewaar hi dekhi tum ne to "majrooh" magar hum
koocha-koocha dekh rahe haiN aalam-e-zindaaN tum se ziyaada
-majrooh sultaanpuri
bujha jo rozan-e-zindaaN to dil ye samjha hai
ke teri maaNg sitaaroN se bhar gayi hogi
chamak uthe haiN salaasil to hum ne jaana hai
ke sahar ab tere rukh par bikhar gayi hogi
- faiz ki nazm se
ai khaak nasheenoN uth baitho
wo waqt kareeb aa pahauNcha hai
jab takht giraaye jaayeNge
jab taaj uchchaale jaayeNge
ab toot gireNgeeN zanjeereiN
ab zindaanoN ki khair naheeN
jo dariya jhooM ke utthe haiN
tinkoN se n taale jaayeNge
- faiz ki nazm se
pa-band-e-salaasil hai pe zindaan-e-jahaaN meiN
rindaan-e-jahaaN ki si kare baat azeezoN
-insha
"zindaaN" ki taqti hai 22 aur "zindaan" ki 221, mere opinion meiN. any other opinion is welcome.
is lafz par ghaur karne ka silsila hum jaaree rakkheNge agle 4 din tak, yaani 23rd July midnight India time ya 6:30 PM GMT.
to ab intezaar kis baat ka ! lafz-e-zindaaN ke zindaaN meiN khushi khushi bharti ho jaate haiN ...
duaoN ke saath
zarraa
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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20th July 2014, 01:03 AM
is qadar pazeeraayi per manooN-o-mashkoor hooN Zarraa saheb,
boht behtareen lafz chunna hai is baar, aik koshish haazir hai naye lafz per:-
in khalwatooN se ab hum ukta chuke haiN 'hSn'
youn jabr-e-musalsal se behtar humaiN zindaaN nawaaz doh...
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
Last edited by Hassan; 20th July 2014 at 02:01 AM..
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20th July 2014, 03:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
is qadar pazeeraayi per manooN-o-mashkoor hooN Zarraa saheb,
boht behtareen lafz chunna hai is baar, aik koshish haazir hai naye lafz per:-
in khalwatooN se ab hum ukta chuke haiN 'hSn'
youn jabr-e-musalsal se behtar humaiN zindaaN nawaaz doh...
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Khushi huwee ki aap ko lafz pasand aaya Hassan bhai.
Waah !!! Kya khoob sher kaha aap ne !! Zindaan bhi ek preferred destination ho sakta hai, ye kya khoob khayaal nikaala hai aap ne. Dheron daad !!!
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
Last edited by zarraa; 20th July 2014 at 03:10 PM..
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20th July 2014, 03:08 PM
Chaliye, maiN bhi ek sher arz karta hooN taki Hassan sahab ko "zindaaN" meiN "khalwat" ka ehsaas na ho Ab baaki "qaidiyoN" ka besabri se intezaar hai ki is zindaaN meiN bhi ek anjuman sajaayee jaaye
rawaaN aisa ke afsurda rahe zindaan-e-tan meiN ye
lahoo ko mere nazzara-e-khanjar achchha lagta hai
-zarraa
(afsurda = depressed)
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
Last edited by zarraa; 20th July 2014 at 03:11 PM..
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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20th July 2014, 10:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by N@zneen
Hassan u r awesome yaar kya speed mein sher kehte ho aur wo bhi itni behtareen...impressive
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Hahaha... bas lagta hai aap jese doston ki duayen hain...
Saath dete raho ge jab tak, tab tak younhi kuch na kuch aamad hoti rahe gi... insha Allah
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
Last edited by Hassan; 20th July 2014 at 10:09 PM..
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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20th July 2014, 10:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
Khushi huwee ki aap ko lafz pasand aaya Hassan bhai.
Waah !!! Kya khoob sher kaha aap ne !! Zindaan bhi ek preferred destination ho sakta hai, ye kya khoob khayaal nikaala hai aap ne. Dheron daad !!!
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Zarraa saheb.. Aap jis andaaz se tareef karte hain, boht acha lagta hai
Umeed hai aagay bhi aap ki taraf se aise ache ache
comments aatay rahien ge
Apna khiyaal rakhiye ga,,
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
Last edited by Hassan; 20th July 2014 at 10:08 PM..
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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20th July 2014, 10:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
Chaliye, maiN bhi ek sher arz karta hooN taki Hassan sahab ko "zindaaN" meiN "khalwat" ka ehsaas na ho Ab baaki "qaidiyoN" ka besabri se intezaar hai ki is zindaaN meiN bhi ek anjuman sajaayee jaaye
rawaaN aisa ke afsurda rahe zindaan-e-tan meiN ye
lahoo ko mere nazzara-e-khanjar achchha lagta hai
-zarraa
(afsurda = depressed)
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wahh... wahh.. wahh.. kia kehne saheb...
kesa lajawaab shair pesha kiya hai aap ne... boht boht acha laga mujhe...
Zindaan k saath khoob insaaf hua hai... dherooN daad qabool kijiye...
DuaooN k saath,,
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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20th July 2014, 10:16 PM
Zarra saheb,,, aap ki koshish ko mad-e-nazar rakhte hue,
maiN bhi kuch kehna chahooN ga, zara nazar kijiye:-
qabal-az-qaid mujhe kuch to hausla de mere yaar!
suna hai Qaidi -e- zindaaN 'Qaatil' bhi hote haiN......
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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20th July 2014, 11:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
wahh... wahh.. wahh.. kia kehne saheb...
kesa lajawaab shair pesha kiya hai aap ne... boht boht acha laga mujhe...
Zindaan k saath khoob insaaf hua hai... dherooN daad qabool kijiye...
DuaooN k saath,,
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Tah e dil se mashqoor hoon aap ka Hassan sahab
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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20th July 2014, 11:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
Zarra saheb,,, aap ki koshish ko mad-e-nazar rakhte hue,
maiN bhi kuch kehna chahooN ga, zara nazar kijiye:-
qabal-az-qaid mujhe kuch to hausla de mere yaar!
suna hai Qaidi -e- zindaaN 'Qaatil' bhi hote haiN......
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waaah waaah bahaut khoob ! kya sher kaha aap ne Hassan bhai !
chaliye aap ki aawaaz mein aawaaz milaate hue ...
qatl zindaaN meiN tay to hai lekin
qaid-e-tanhaayee maar daale hai
-zarraa
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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21st July 2014, 12:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
waaah waaah bahaut khoob ! kya sher kaha aap ne Hassan bhai !
chaliye aap ki aawaaz mein aawaaz milaate hue ...
qatl zindaaN meiN tay to hai lekin
qaid-e-tanhaayee maar daale hai
-zarraa
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wahhh.... fabulous.. lajawaab .. Zarra saheb...
kia khoob jawaab pesh kiya hai aap ne...
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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21st July 2014, 09:55 AM
taakhir se shirkat hone ke liye muaafee chaahta hooN..
kaafi achchhe ashaar aur qitta pesh kiye haiN dostoN ne toh sab ko dheroN daad wa mubaarakbaad...
aur Ziddsaab,
aap zaroor hamaare ghar shirkat kijiye.. aapko jo bhii brand chaahiye saath baith ke piyenge
meri ek adnaa si koshish..
fusooN ho bos e daar o rasn ka unke jahaaN aisaa
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhunde ho zindaanii* agar unkii
zindaanii = imprisonment
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
Last edited by aadeil; 21st July 2014 at 10:51 AM..
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21st July 2014, 12:11 PM
ek koshish .........
mureed hu.n tera zindaan hu.n tere ishq main
ab chhahe jaa.n lele ya zindagi baksh de
Mohabbat ke ye silsile na the
Jab tak tum hum mile na the
*pari*
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21st July 2014, 12:18 PM
niche ke sher ko thoda change karke, another try..
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
fusooN ho bos e daar o rasn ka unke jahaaN aisaa
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhunde ho zindaanii* agar unkii
zindaanii = imprisonment
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fusooN jo bos e daar o rasn ka wo ab dikhate haiN
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhundoo ye zindaanii e hastii* meN
zindaanii e hastii = prison of life
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
Last edited by aadeil; 21st July 2014 at 12:38 PM..
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21st July 2014, 12:41 PM
ek aur koshish...
kahaaN rukuuN kahaaN jaauuN ki har manzil tujhe paauuN
teri zulfoN kii halqoN* se banaa zindaaN hai iis dil ka
halqaa = chain
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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Aapki dost
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21st July 2014, 12:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
niche ke sher ko thoda change karke, another try..
fusooN jo bos e daar o rasn ka wo ab dikhate haiN
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhundoo ye zindaanii e hastii* meN
zindaanii e hastii = prison of life
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
ek aur koshish...
kahaaN rukuuN kahaaN jaauuN ki har manzil tujhe paauuN
teri zulfoN kii halqoN* se banaa zindaaN hai iis dil ka
halqaa = chain
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wah...bohat khoob aadil sahab. .nice word play. ...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
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~$uper M0der@tor~
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21st July 2014, 02:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
ek aur koshish...
kahaaN rukuuN kahaaN jaauuN ki har manzil tujhe paauuN
teri zulfoN kii halqoN* se banaa zindaaN hai iis dil ka
halqaa = chain
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nice one aadeil saahab...........................................
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21st July 2014, 02:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
wah...bohat khoob aadil sahab. .nice word play. ...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
nice one aadeil saahab...........................................
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aap dono ka tehe dil se shukrguzaar hooN jo aapko yeh chhoti sii koshish pasand aayee....
ek aur koshish...
jab kabhii kar looN ibaadat yeh duaa yazdaan* se
wo riha kar de na mujhko raahat e zindaan* se
yazdaan = God
raahat e zindaan = peace/tranquility/comfort of prison
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
Last edited by aadeil; 21st July 2014 at 03:21 PM..
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21st July 2014, 11:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
niche ke sher ko thoda change karke, another try..
fusooN jo bos e daar o rasn ka wo ab dikhate haiN
kahaaN khalvat kadaa dhundoo ye zindaanii e hastii* meN
zindaanii e hastii = prison of life
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Waah Aadeil sahab waah !! Bahaut hi khoob sher .... great depth and word play ... aur ek hi sher meiN aapne fusoon-e-alfaaz ka poora "highlights package" pesh kar diya .....
....WWWWAAAHHHHH !!!!
aur "khalwat-kadaa" aur "zindaanii-e-hasti" ... bade haseen jumle istemaal kiye !!
just clarifying for learning purpose .... "zindaanii-e-hasti" would mean "imprisonment of life / existence" ?
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
Last edited by zarraa; 22nd July 2014 at 12:24 AM..
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22nd July 2014, 12:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
ek aur koshish...
kahaaN rukuuN kahaaN jaauuN ki har manzil tujhe paauuN
teri zulfoN kii halqoN* se banaa zindaaN hai iis dil ka
halqaa = chain
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WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H
WHAT A GORGEOUS SHER !!! TOO GOOD !!!
dil khush ho gaya pardh ke Aadeil bhai !!!!!
....zulfoN ke halqoN se bana zindaaN ...... kya baat hai !!!
is sher se humeiN seekhne ka ek nukta milta hai ...
shayari meiN lafz "zindaaN" ke saath aksar kayee symbols attach kiye jaate haiN jo qaidkhaane ki saza se talluq rakthe hain ... jaise zanjeer, salasil, salaakeiN, deewaar wagairah wagairah .... yahaaN Aadeil sahab ne behad hi khoobsurti se "halqoN" ki baat ki hai jo zulf ke bhi haiN aur zindaaN ki zanjeeroN ke bhi ... aur waah kya "fusoon-e-alfaaz" paida kiya is se .... theek samjha Aadeil sahab ?
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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22nd July 2014, 12:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
wahhh.... fabulous.. lajawaab .. Zarra saheb...
kia khoob jawaab pesh kiya hai aap ne...
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Shukriya Hassan bhai ..........
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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22nd July 2014, 12:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ananthpak
ek koshish .........
mureed hu.n tera zindaan hu.n tere ishq main
ab chhahe jaa.n lele ya zindagi baksh de
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Waah !! Bahaut khoob !! Mohabbat mein khud ko mehboob ke haathon mein supurd kar dene ka jazba badi hi shiddat ke saath bayaan kiya hai !! Bahaut bahaut daad Ananthpak ji !!!
Just a small point, mere limited opinion meiN, yahaan "tera zindaanee hoon" (I am a prisoner) ya "tere zindaan mein hoon" (I am in your prison), might sound more appropriate .... but just my opinion ... any other opinion is most welcome
sher par phir se daad !!!!
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
Last edited by zarraa; 22nd July 2014 at 12:26 AM..
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22nd July 2014, 12:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aadeil
aap dono ka tehe dil se shukrguzaar hooN jo aapko yeh chhoti sii koshish pasand aayee....
ek aur koshish...
jab kabhii kar looN ibaadat yeh duaa yazdaan* se
wo riha kar de na mujhko raahat e zindaan* se
yazdaan = God
raahat e zindaan = peace/tranquility/comfort of prison
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Wwwwaahhh !!!! Kya falsafaana sher kaha Aadeil bhai !!!
"riha" aur "raahat" ka wordplay achchha laga. "raahat e zindaan" bhi ek naya khayaal pesh kiya is bazm mein. saath hi "zindaan" ko qaafiye meiN istemaal kar ke bhi is lafz par guftagu ke silsile mein ek naya rang daal diya.
Bahaut khoob aur dheron daad !!
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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22nd July 2014, 12:49 AM
Josh Malihabadi ki ek shaandaar inqalaabi nazm, zindaaN par ....
kya hind ka zindaaN kaaNp raha hai gooNj rahi haiN taqbeereiN
uktaaye haiN shaayad kuchh qaidi aur torh rahe haiN zanjeereiN
deewaroN ke neeche aa aa kar yooN jama huwe haiN zindaanee
seene meiN talaatum bijlee ka aaNkhoN meiN jhalaktee shamsheereiN
- josh
link of the nazm with translations of difficult words below :
https://www.facebook.com/notes/salma...42849552391725
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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22nd July 2014, 01:00 AM
Aaj ki ghair haazri ki muafi chahta hon Zarra saheb... Kuch zehan mein aa raha hai.. Arz hai:-
Giraftar hue jab se tere zaati Zindaan meiN!
Aaina jab bhi dekhta hon, phoot ke roti hai jawani meri
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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22nd July 2014, 01:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
Aaj ki ghair haazri ki muafi chahta hon Zarra saheb... Kuch zehan mein aa raha hai.. Arz hai:-
Giraftar hue jab se tere zaati Zindaan meiN!
Aaina jab bhi dekhta hon, phoot ke roti hai jawani meri
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Khushaamadeed Hassan bhai
Waah !!! Kya pursoz sher kaha !! Khoob !!
Aap ke sher meiN "zindaan" aur "aaina", in do lafzoN ko saath dekh kar ek khayaal aaya hai ... aap ki ijaazat se pesh karta hooN ...
ye khudaaraayee bhi paNhuchee hai kahaaN
aainaa banne laga hai zindaaN
-zarraa
maiN rehnuma ke kahe raastoN se door raha
mera maqaam sada manziloN se door raha
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Some Mirrors Lie...
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22nd July 2014, 01:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
Khushaamadeed Hassan bhai
Waah !!! Kya pursoz sher kaha !! Khoob !!
Aap ke sher meiN "zindaan" aur "aaina", in do lafzoN ko saath dekh kar ek khayaal aaya hai ... aap ki ijaazat se pesh karta hooN ...
ye khudaaraayee bhi paNhuchee hai kahaaN
aainaa banne laga hai zindaaN
-zarraa
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wahhh wahhh wahhh Zarraa saheb..
Kia kehne aap ke.. Aap ne to mujhe lajawab kar dia
Dheroon daad qabool kijiye...
*hSn* : parStaar
tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN... ("Asad")
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~“ REBELLIOUS IN LOVE “~
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22nd July 2014, 04:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
Waah !! Bahaut khoob !! Mohabbat mein khud ko mehboob ke haathon mein supurd kar dene ka jazba badi hi shiddat ke saath bayaan kiya hai !! Bahaut bahaut daad Ananthpak ji !!!
Just a small point, mere limited opinion meiN, yahaan "tera zindaanee hoon" (I am a prisoner) ya "tere zindaan mein hoon" (I am in your prison), might sound more appropriate .... but just my opinion ... any other opinion is most welcome
sher par phir se daad !!!!
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bohat bohat shukriya Zarraa sahab .....I whole heartedly agree to your opinion sir ....yes your suggestion would add life to my sher ...thanx a lot.....
mureed hoon ,tera zindaanee hoon main
ab chhahe tu jaa.n lele ya zindagi baksh de
Mohabbat ke ye silsile na the
Jab tak tum hum mile na the
*pari*
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AN ILLUSION
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22nd July 2014, 09:13 AM
Ek ...toota - phoota sher mera bhi
ye saza khud hii muqarar kii , nahi'n Royungaa mai'n.
Aa'nkh zindaa'n ho gayi aur ashk zindaani huye'n.
Ufaq......
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22nd July 2014, 10:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq
Ek ...toota - phoota sher mera bhi
ye saza khud hii muqarar kii , nahi'n Royungaa mai'n.
Aa'nkh zindaa'n ho gayi aur ashk zindaani huye'n.
Ufaq......
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waaahhhhh.. Ufaq saab,
yeh ek khubsurat sher hai, aankhoN ko ashkoN ka zindaan bayaaN kiya hai.. aur dard ko dil meN chhupa ke ashkoN ko aankhoN meN qaid karne kii baat jo kahii hai.... behad khubsurat bayaanaat hai, janaab....
dili daad.....
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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22nd July 2014, 10:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
Waah Aadeil sahab waah !! Bahaut hi khoob sher .... great depth and word play ... aur ek hi sher meiN aapne fusoon-e-alfaaz ka poora "highlights package" pesh kar diya .....
....WWWWAAAHHHHH !!!!
aur "khalwat-kadaa" aur "zindaanii-e-hasti" ... bade haseen jumle istemaal kiye !!
just clarifying for learning purpose .... "zindaanii-e-hasti" would mean "imprisonment of life / existence" ?
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pehle aapke savaal ka javaab de deta hooN
Jee, bilkul.. sahi maanee pehchana hai aapne
aur aapka tehe dil se shukriya jo iis naacheez kii adnaa si koshish ko aap hamesha saraahte haiN
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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22nd July 2014, 10:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
is qadar pazeeraayi per manooN-o-mashkoor hooN Zarraa saheb,
boht behtareen lafz chunna hai is baar, aik koshish haazir hai naye lafz per:-
in khalwatooN se ab hum ukta chuke haiN 'hSn'
youn jabr-e-musalsal se behtar humaiN zindaaN nawaaz doh...
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Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Hassanbhai,
behad khubsurat sher..... daad hi daad.......
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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22nd July 2014, 10:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H
WHAT A GORGEOUS SHER !!! TOO GOOD !!!
dil khush ho gaya pardh ke Aadeil bhai !!!!!
....zulfoN ke halqoN se bana zindaaN ...... kya baat hai !!!
is sher se humeiN seekhne ka ek nukta milta hai ...
shayari meiN lafz "zindaaN" ke saath aksar kayee symbols attach kiye jaate haiN jo qaidkhaane ki saza se talluq rakthe hain ... jaise zanjeer, salasil, salaakeiN, deewaar wagairah wagairah .... yahaaN Aadeil sahab ne behad hi khoobsurti se "halqoN" ki baat ki hai jo zulf ke bhi haiN aur zindaaN ki zanjeeroN ke bhi ... aur waah kya "fusoon-e-alfaaz" paida kiya is se .... theek samjha Aadeil sahab ?
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Zarrasaab,
bahot bahot shukriya aapkii nawaazish ke liye
aur saahab aapne bilkul sahi samjha halqe (baaloN/zulfon kii curls) bhii hotii hai aur zanjeer kii rings bhii hote haiN ..
yahaaN iis lafz halqaa pe Ghalib saab ka ek sher pesh karna chahunga.. out of context hai iis liye muafee ka arzmand hooN
bus ke hooN 'GHalib' aseeree meiN bhee aatish zer-e-pa
moo-e-aatish-deeda hai halqa meree zanjeer ka
(aseeree = imprisonment; zer-e-pa = under the feet;
moo = hair; aatish-deeda = roasted on fire)
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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22nd July 2014, 10:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan
Aaj ki ghair haazri ki muafi chahta hon Zarra saheb... Kuch zehan mein aa raha hai.. Arz hai:-
Giraftar hue jab se tere zaati Zindaan meiN!
Aaina jab bhi dekhta hon, phoot ke roti hai jawani meri
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waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
bahot khub, Hassanbhai
zor e kalaam aur zyaadaa
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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~$uper M0der@tor~
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22nd July 2014, 10:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ufaq
Ek ...toota - phoota sher mera bhi
ye saza khud hii muqarar kii , nahi'n Royungaa mai'n.
Aa'nkh zindaa'n ho gayi aur ashk zindaani huye'n.
Ufaq......
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waahhh kyaa baat hai ..... ummdah sher kaha aapne. mubaarak ho
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22nd July 2014, 10:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
Josh Malihabadi ki ek shaandaar inqalaabi nazm, zindaaN par ....
kya hind ka zindaaN kaaNp raha hai gooNj rahi haiN taqbeereiN
uktaaye haiN shaayad kuchh qaidi aur torh rahe haiN zanjeereiN
deewaroN ke neeche aa aa kar yooN jama huwe haiN zindaanee
seene meiN talaatum bijlee ka aaNkhoN meiN jhalaktee shamsheereiN
- josh
link of the nazm with translations of difficult words below :
https://www.facebook.com/notes/salma...42849552391725
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waaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Zarrasaab,
kya khub peshkash hai......... nazm se ehl-e-mehfil ko rubaroo karvaane ke liye shukriya
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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22nd July 2014, 11:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
Khushaamadeed Hassan bhai
Waah !!! Kya pursoz sher kaha !! Khoob !!
Aap ke sher meiN "zindaan" aur "aaina", in do lafzoN ko saath dekh kar ek khayaal aaya hai ... aap ki ijaazat se pesh karta hooN ...
ye khudaaraayee bhi paNhuchee hai kahaaN
aainaa banne laga hai zindaaN
-zarraa
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waaaaahhh, Zarrabhai, waaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!
kya baat kahii hai aqs ko aaine meN qaid karne kii jo baat kahii hai behad hii khubsurat wordplay hai, janaab. dili daad....
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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22nd July 2014, 11:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zarraa
Wwwwaahhh !!!! Kya falsafaana sher kaha Aadeil bhai !!!
"riha" aur "raahat" ka wordplay achchha laga. "raahat e zindaan" bhi ek naya khayaal pesh kiya is bazm mein. saath hi "zindaan" ko qaafiye meiN istemaal kar ke bhi is lafz par guftagu ke silsile mein ek naya rang daal diya.
Bahaut khoob aur dheron daad !!
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jii Zarrasaab,
ek adnaa si baat keh dii hamne jo har insaan se talluk rakhtii hai
yeh zindagii ek zindaan hi toh hai phir bhii hameN uskii itnii havas hai ki hum khuda se ye hi dua karte haiN ki hameN lambii umr mile
aapka bahot bahot shukriya
ख़ुदा परेशां तेरी बला से तेरे सितम से तेरे अधम से
अगर हसीँ होते ज़ुल्म तेरे तू भी तो कुछ शर्मसार होता
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