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- baat sayaani tum karte ho - |
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(#1)
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Hmm
 
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- baat sayaani tum karte ho - -
20th March 2012, 12:29 PM
baat sayaani tum karte ho aql se par bacche lagte ho main tumko samjhuu kaise itna abke jo badle ho... mujhko bhi tum ab batlaao raaz jo dil me sab rakhte ho ik ik baat chupaane ko ab jhoot bahut se tum kahte ho bolo to ik baat bataun mujhko tum achche lagte ho Mujhpar ghazle kahni ho to Chand bahana kyu karte ho Mujhse milna chhorh ke ab tum bolo kis kis se milte ho meri wajah se rote the na bolo ab kitna haste ho kahte ho ke bhool gaya hun yaad magar sab kuch rakhte ho sab hi tumko boleN apna sabse aise kyu milte ho.. mujhko tum kahkar apna.. is kismat se kyu ladte ho woh mere hi jaisa hai kya ab jiske dil me rahte ho main jo bhi ho daam lagaaun haan magar tum kab bikte ho kuch hai baat dabi si dil me chup chup se tum kyu rahte ho lagte ho tum ab bhi mere pass bhale uske rahte ho shaam ka rukh hai badla badla saamne mere tum baithe ho kaise kaise rang hain chaaTe mujhko jab jab yuN choote ho chhat par jab jab chand hai nikla.. usme tum hi kyu dikhte ho kitne parde aur lagaaun?? is darja jo tum takte ho baat hai kya tum kya samjhoge mujhse jo tum yu uljhe ho meri ankho se wo dekho.. khwaab suhaane jo bunte ho kaun saa hai wo jaam bataoo peekar jisko yun bahke ho kya ho gar mai bhi kah dun.. tum bhi ab se mere ho tumko apna lo jo maiN bolo ispar kya kahte ho main tumse gar haar bhi jaaun 'Sukhan' se par tum kab jeete ho harf e taaza naii khushboo mein likha chahta hai baab ik aur mohabbat ka khula chahta hai- Parveen Shakir |
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(#2)
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Shayri.com Moderator
 
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20th March 2012, 09:13 PM
Shweta jee:
namaste! aik umdaah koShiSh.... yuuNhi liKhate rahiye... dil se daad KhuSh raheN... apnaa Khayaal raKheN duaaoN ke saath ijaazat aapka ~Dhaval |
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(#3)
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AN ILLUSION
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20th March 2012, 09:39 PM
shweta jee bahut mutaasir kiya aapne........meter aur qaafiye kee galitya huyi hai aapse lekin phir bhee bahut -2 mutaasir kiya............aapkee ghazal bahut lambi hai .tamaam ghazal par to baat nahee kar paaunga..........par kuch behad khaas baate likh rahaa hu.
Mujhse milna chhorh ke ab tum bolo kis kis se milte ho kahte ho ke bhool gaya hun yaad magar sab kuch rakhte ho sab hi tumko boleN apna sabse aise kyu milte ho.. mujhko tum kahkar apna.. is kismat se kyu ladte ho woh mere hi jaisa hai kya ab jiske dil me rahte ho meri ankho se wo dekho.. khwaab suhaane jo bunte ho chhat par jab jab chand hai nikla.. usme tum hi kyu dikhte ho ye sabhee sher acchey lage...........daad meri wajah se rote the na bolo ab kitna haste ho haay haay........dil le gayaa ye sher to.................bas...........kuch nahee kahanaa...... qamaal likhaa hai............wahh. mere khyaal se aap khud jaanti hogi ki aapne kahaa-2 technical mistakes kee hai isliye main unka zikr nahee karunga.............un ash'aar par chaltaa hu jahaa mujhe lagtaa hai ki andaaz e bayaan aur behtar ho sakta tha............ kya ho gar mai bhi kah dun.. tum bhi ab se mere ho mere khyaal se ise aap yu kahe kaisa ho gar mai ye kah du aaz abhi se tum mere ho kitne parde aur lagaaun?? is darja jo tum takte ho ise yu kahe kitne parde koi lagaaye is had tak tum kyun takte ho ik ik baat chupaane ko ab jhoot bahut se tum kahte ho ik wo jhoot chupaane ko ab jhoot bahut se tum kahte ho iske alaawa matle ne mujhe confuse kar diya- baat to aql se hee kee jaati hai.ab agar koi sayaanee baate karta hai to wo aql se bacchaa kaise huya..........hmmm..........aapse guzaarish hai ki apna ye thought thoda saaf karke bataaye. khush rahiye, likhte rahiye..............................tc |
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(#4)
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Hmm
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20th March 2012, 10:52 PM
Quote:
Firstly a lot of thanks for reading it and appreciating it. ye meri ek koshish thi.. aapko pasand aayi achcha laga... aur hmmm m in a learning phase so all the technical aspects are most welcome.. afterall it teaches you more.... matla kuch ye soch kar ke likha tha ki.. kabhi kabhi hum anjaane me bahut badi baat kah jaate hain... par akla wahi bachcho wali hoti hai..matlab jaane bina kuch bol diyaa.. jiske aql hai use to samajh aayi..but jisne kahi usey hi nahi pata.....kuch inhi thoughts ko rakhne ki koshish ki thi.. ho sakta hai mai galat hun... kaisa ho gar mai ye kah du aaz abhi se tum mere ho hmmmm yahan kaisa ho mujhe kuch samajh nahi aaya.. kya ho samajh aata hai.. but kaisa ho?? plz clearify .. will this be verbly correct... kitne parde aur lagaaun?? is darja jo tum takte ho ise yu kahe kitne parde koi lagaaye is had tak tum kyun takte ho---- hmmm pata nahi sahi hun ya galat par jo dimaag me aata hai wo kah rahi hun... poori ki poori ghazal maine direct tense me likhi hai .. and if you used "koi lagaaye" .. its making it indirect tense... ik wo jhoot chupaane ko ab jhoot bahut se tum kahte ho ik ik wo baat aur ik wo jhoot ... maayne ko kaafi had tak badal rahe hain... mera ishara.. sach baat ko (izhaar/muhaabat ya koi sachchi baat) chupaane ki taraf tha... but lagta hai meanings clear nahi hui ... to ye sher to scrap hi hua... wapas koshish karungi behtar likhne ki... aur aapke comments ka dil se shukriyaa.... agar kuch ghalat laga ho to "sorry"  Thank you so much....tc P.S. You write so well uffaq..hope i also can write like you.. harf e taaza naii khushboo mein likha chahta hai baab ik aur mohabbat ka khula chahta hai- Parveen Shakir |
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(#5)
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Hmm
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20th March 2012, 10:59 PM
Quote:
Thank you so much for reading it harf e taaza naii khushboo mein likha chahta hai baab ik aur mohabbat ka khula chahta hai- Parveen Shakir |
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(#6)
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Hmm
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20th March 2012, 11:43 PM
* baat sayaani tum karte ho
dil se fir bhi, tum bachche ho harf e taaza naii khushboo mein likha chahta hai baab ik aur mohabbat ka khula chahta hai- Parveen Shakir |
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(#7)
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Banned
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21st March 2012, 12:34 AM
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(#8)
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Anshumali
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21st March 2012, 07:59 AM
Shweta Ji ... Ehsaasaat Bahut Khoob Rahe !
AchChha Kahne Aur Likhne Koshish Behad Pasand Aaii ! UMDAAH ! MUBAARAQBAAD !!! Aise Hii Behtar Koshish Ke Saath Aati RaheN Aur Likhti RaheN !!!  YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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(#9)
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AN ILLUSION
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23rd March 2012, 09:41 AM
Quote:
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