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zakhm khane ki taleem aa jaye
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Hamdam
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zakhm khane ki taleem aa jaye - 15th September 2015, 01:32 PM

Manzar kaisa bhi ho Zindagee ka ,
Aye khuda tujh pe yakeen aa jaye .

Bewajah na urta phiruN jag meiN,
Mere kadmon tale zameen aa jaye.

Log zalim haiN zhakhm dete haiN ,
Zhakhm khane ki taleem aa jaye.

Khoob dekhe log jahaN meiN yaro ,
Yaad tera chehra haseen aa jaye.

Chup gaya chand badloN meiN phir se,
Kissa yaad tera purdanaheen aa jaye.

Raat dheere dheere mom si pighalti rahe,
noor chehre pe mehzabeen aa jaye

Rok mat aaj in ashko beh jane de ,
Shayad koi rehber kareem aa jaye



khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.

Last edited by Madhu 14; 16th September 2015 at 11:11 AM..
   
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sameer'shaad'
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15th September 2015, 02:19 PM

bahut acchii peshkash rahi aapki taraf se sanjay saahab.... bahut dard bharaa kalaam pesh kiyaa hai aapne... dil se daad pesh hain aapko...

bas ye sher zara samajh nahi aaya....

Raat dheere 2 mom si pighalti rahe,
noor chehre pe mehzabeen aa jaye

isme lafz 2 galti se aa gayaa hai , to ise edit kr dijiye... ya fir kisii aur wajah se rakha hai jo meri samajh ke baahar hai.... roshni daalenge aap isme to khushi hogi mujhe....

shukriyaa.....

Shaad...


Shaad...
   
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Hamdam
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16th September 2015, 08:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
bahut acchii peshkash rahi aapki taraf se sanjay saahab.... bahut dard bharaa kalaam pesh kiyaa hai aapne... dil se daad pesh hain aapko...

bas ye sher zara samajh nahi aaya....

Raat dheere 2 mom si pighalti rahe,
noor chehre pe mehzabeen aa jaye

isme lafz 2 galti se aa gayaa hai , to ise edit kr dijiye... ya fir kisii aur wajah se rakha hai jo meri samajh ke baahar hai.... roshni daalenge aap isme to khushi hogi mujhe....

shukriyaa.....

Shaad...
Shukriya Shoaib bhai ...dheere2 ...matlab dheere dheere...mujhe laga ki
2lagane se word repeat mana jayega ??!

Sanjay Sehgal



khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.
   
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sameer'shaad'
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16th September 2015, 10:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamdam View Post
Shukriya Shoaib bhai ...dheere2 ...matlab dheere dheere...mujhe laga ki
2lagane se word repeat mana jayega ??!

Sanjay Sehgal
Sanjay saahab tafseel se bataane ka behad shukriyaa aapka....

amooman ghazal aur shaayri ki tahreer me aise shortcut nahi llikhe jaate.....

ye andaaz zaraa mature nahi lagtaa hai, bas baaki aur koi baat nahi... shaayri jo ki ek mature platform hai wahan aisi galtiyaan ignore nahi ki jaanii chahiye...

ummeed hai meri baaten aapko nagawara nahi lagee hongee... apna khyaaal rakhiye..... aur aise shortcut se bachiye....

shukriyaa

Shaad.....


Shaad...
   
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Madhu 14
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16th September 2015, 11:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamdam View Post
Manzar kaisa bhi ho Zindagee ka ,
Aye khuda tujh pe yakeen aa jaye .

Bewajah na urta phiruN jag meiN,
Mere kadmon tale zameen aa jaye.

Log zalim haiN zhakhm dete haiN ,
Zhakhm khane ki taleem aa jaye.

Khoob dekhe log jahaN meiN yaro ,
Yaad tera chehra haseen aa jaye.

Chup gaya chand badloN meiN phir se,
Kissa yaad tera purdanaheen aa jaye.

Raat dheere dheere mom si pighalti rahe,
noor chehre pe mehzabeen aa jaye

Rok mat aaj in ashko beh jane de ,
Shayad koi rehber kareem aa jaye
Bahut khoob kalaam sanjay ji......
Dard bakhoobi bayaan ho raha hai.... daad qubool kijiyega.....

Aapka sher edit karke 2 ki jagah lafz dheere likh diya hai maine.....

Aate rahein.......



अर्ज मेरी एे खुदा क्या सुन सकेगा तू कभी
आसमां को बस इसी इक आस में तकते रहे
madhu..
   
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Hamdam
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17th September 2015, 11:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Madhu 14 View Post
Bahut khoob kalaam sanjay ji......
Dard bakhoobi bayaan ho raha hai.... daad qubool kijiyega.....

Aapka sher edit karke 2 ki jagah lafz dheere likh diya hai maine.....

Aate rahein.......
Madhu ji bahut shukriya jo aapne mera kalam pasand kiya.
Aur edit kerne ke liye bhi dhanyawad.

Sanjay Sehgal



khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.
   
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sunita thakur
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18th September 2015, 09:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamdam View Post
Manzar kaisa bhi ho Zindagee ka ,
Aye khuda tujh pe yakeen aa jaye .

Bewajah na urta phiruN jag meiN,
Mere kadmon tale zameen aa jaye.

Log zalim haiN zhakhm dete haiN ,
Zhakhm khane ki taleem aa jaye.

Khoob dekhe log jahaN meiN yaro ,
Yaad tera chehra haseen aa jaye.

Chup gaya chand badloN meiN phir se,
Kissa yaad tera purdanaheen aa jaye.

Raat dheere dheere mom si pighalti rahe,
noor chehre pe mehzabeen aa jaye

Rok mat aaj in ashko beh jane de ,
Shayad koi rehber kareem aa jaye
Namaskaar sanjay ji....bazm mein aate hi aapki gazal par nazar gye, accha lga aapko padna.

aate rhiye bazm meiN


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


.....Sunita Thakur.....

यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...


   
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