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ilzam aayega
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rahnuma
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ilzam aayega - 16th November 2007, 10:21 PM

socha bhi na tha aisa bhi mukam aayega.
mujh par hi bewafai ka ilzam aayega.

heera hai dil ye aisa jiska mol hi nahi
tuta magar to kauriyon ka dam aayega.

itni wafa ki khair mujhe chah bhi nahi
kalyug hai isme sita na koi ram aayega.

itna bhi sitam theek nahi dekh le warna
mere qatilon me pahele tera nam aayega.

dawa na kar tu bhulne ka mujhko rahnuma
mera khyal tujhko shubhu sham aayega.
   
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MahamAzmi
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16th November 2007, 11:00 PM

Ajub tehreer hei ye gham o ghusa liye hoay

magar ishq ki bebasi aur khudsupurdagi ka ajub naya anokha sa andaz bhi liye


sach ye ke kaun kisi ko bhula sakta hei

mehboob jaisa bhi ho ..........ghusa ho us se shikwa ho magar yaad bhi ata hie vohi .......


api tehreer mein buahat pyaree see pyar ki baat hei jo samjhne ki hei , aur khub hei

Acha suniye ,


yahan ye MUMKIN lafz URDU GRAMMAR ke hicaab se sahee nahi hie , yahan IMKAAN ana chahaye hie


aur jo SITAM wala sher hei na wahan pehle misre mein WARNA na ho to behtar rahe ga

ye to bas hamaree raiy hei ap dekh lijye ga

sach yehe hei ke apko hum se zyada is sab ki samjh hie for sure


Apki tehreer parhna hamaesha hee eik naye tarz ka tajurba hoa karta hei ,

bauhat mehzuz hote hien hum apke creations e hamesha hee


Yunhee ata jaaree rakhiye ga hazrat

Apke qalam ki madah

MahamAzmi
   
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maham ji
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rahnuma
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maham ji - 17th November 2007, 08:49 PM

maham ji aadab aur bahut bahut shukriya izzat afjai ke liye ke hamara kalam aapko pasand aaya aur shukriya aapki islah ka jisme jisme hamari khair hai lekin hamare sitam wale sher ke pahle misre se agar warna hat gaya to baher tut jayega han ye aur bat aur hai ke alfaz badal den aapki bat be ham fir bhi gaur karenge kyun ki meri sari gazlen main tarannum se padhta hun jismen baher tut gaya to gazal gazal nahi ik kahani ban kar rah jayegi..........khair aapne bhi kuch samajh kar hi kaha hoga aur aapke mashwire se hame pahele bhi bahut fayeda hasil hua hai.....shukriyab nawajish.khuda hafiz........rahnuma
   
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MahamAzmi
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17th November 2007, 08:54 PM

Ji hazrat , ap ne jo jo kaha sab sahee kyun ke hum pehle hee keh chuke hien ke is sab ki apko Maham se kaheen ziyada samjh hei,

bas vo grammar ke hicaab se jo mumkin ko imkaan ke liye kaha tha vo ho sake badal dijiye kyunke vo taaranum mein ho tab bhi ghalat rahe ga .

kisi roz apki dant parne walee hei ita bolne ki wajhe se

sorryvorry

jate hein hum ab bas ita hee khe kar ke ap ke kalam ka hamesha intazar rehta hei,

Due Respects,,

   
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maham ji
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rahnuma
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maham ji - 17th November 2007, 08:54 PM

maham ji aaj aap wakai pareshan karne ke mood men hain meri is gazal men lafz e mumkin hai hi nahi

Last edited by rahnuma; 17th November 2007 at 09:04 PM..
   
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MahamAzmi
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17th November 2007, 08:57 PM

apko javab diya pur ap ke replies ki shayed doubling ho gayee hei na ?
   
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maham ji
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rahnuma
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maham ji - 17th November 2007, 09:07 PM

ye gazal fir se padhiye isme lafz e mumkin nahi hai
   
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18th November 2007, 09:55 AM

Rehnum ji ek umda kalaam par meri daad hazir hai ese hi likhte rahiye khush rahiye


"Do Pal Ruka Khushio.n ka Karwan"


Dunia ke sitam ki koi perwah nahi mujhko,
wo kyoun mujhpe ungliya uthaye ja rahe hain.
Jis shaks ko janta tha ek chehre se ''kashif''
Uske kitne chehre samne laye ja rahe hain.




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Taish
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18th November 2007, 11:16 AM

pehle to maafi ka talabgaar huN kyuNki aapke naam se maiN waakif nahin,

ab aate haiN kalaam pe, behad khubsurat bayaani kari hai aapne apni tamannaoN ki aur apni naraazgi ki, par bahut hiN seedhe alfaazoN meN keh gaye aap....!! yahi sabse ahcha pehlu raha..!! par na jane kyuN aapka doosra sher lafzoN meN uljha hua sa laga mujhe kahiN...!! do chizeN badalne ki gustakhi kar raha huN...!!

socha bhi na tha aisa bhi mukam aayega.
mujh par bhi bewafai ka ilzam aayega.


aapke matle meN hi ke jagah bhi behtar hoga, kyuNki sirf aapko hin bewafaai nahin mili hai, balki aapko bhi mili hai...!!


heera hai dil ye aisa jiska mol hi nahi
tuta magar to kauriyon ka dam aayega.

aur ye sher samajh to sab jaayeNe par fir v thodi si alfaazoN ki hera pheri ki jaroorat lagi...! isko agar yuN farmaaya jaaye to kya khayal hai aapka....??

dil vo heera hai jiska koi mol nahiN,
tuta v gar to kaudiyoN ke daam aayega.

maafi chahuNga gar gustakhi buri lage is nacheez ki to, aur maiN ye v jaan.na chahuNga ki dil ke tootne se do kaudiyoN ke daam ka kya sandarbh hai, kyuNki gar dil ke nilaami ya bikne ki baat hoti to samajh aata, par dil tootne pe do kaudi ka bhaav zara spasht karne ki kripa kareN....!! aur agar humari koi v baat buri lage to uske liye maafi ka talabgaar rahuNga....!!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://alfaaz-e-taish.blogspot.in/

Ishq hota tha, ishq karte haiN,
Vo zamana tha, ye zamana hai...

----Taish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ghayal Ji
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rahnuma
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Ghayal Ji - 18th November 2007, 08:04 PM

GHAYAL JI AADAB AUR BAHUT BAHUT SHUKRIYA AAPKA KI HAMARI GAZAL PE AAPNE GAUR KIYA AAPKI RAY ME ISME FER BADAL KI JARURAT HAI THEEK HAI LEKIN AAPKO MAI YE BATA DUN KE YE GAZAL MAINE FAQAT IK MAHBOOB KE NAM PAR PESH KI HAI
........SOCHA BHI NA THA AISA BHI MUKAM AAYEGA
.........MUJHPAR HI BE WAFAI KA ILZAM AAYEGA.

IK MAHBOOB SE AGAR MAINE MUJHPAR BHI KAH DIYA TO YE AISA HOGA KI MUJHSE PAHLE BHI WO KISI PAR ILZAM LAGA CHUKA HAI MERE IS SHER KI Gahrai to ye ishara kar rahi hai ke khud be wafai karke ilzam mujhpar laga raha hai aur dusri bat agar is gazal ki heera hai dil ki line ko aapke hisab se kaha jaye to is sher ko is gazal se nikalna parega kyun ki iska baher hi tut jayega aap ise kisi bhi tarannum se padh ke dekhiye isme sakta a raha hai aur baher ke bina gazal gazal nahi kuch aur hi ho jati hai teesri bat kauriyan aaj ke daur me jeero ke mane rakhti hain aaj muhabbat me dil ki keemat dil hai jo ke anmol hai lekin ye anmol cheez dil ke badle har daur me milti rahi hai magar tute dil ke badle kuch nahi milta matlab jeero matlab kauri khair aapne apne hisab se rai di hai aur kuch achcha hi soch kar kaha hoga iske liye bahut bahut shukriya waise mera nam rahnuma istiyaq hai mai hamesha aapki rai ka intezar karunga yahan to nahi lekin kahin na kahin mai galat bhi ho sakta hun jiske liye aap jaise rahnumao ki jarurat hai....khuda hafiz....aapka dost rahnuma
   
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EkDharkan
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19th November 2007, 12:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rahnuma View Post
socha bhi na tha aisa bhi mukam aayega.
mujh par hi bewafai ka ilzam aayega.

heera hai dil ye aisa jiska mol hi nahi
tuta magar to kauriyon ka dam aayega.

itni wafa ki khair mujhe chah bhi nahi
kalyug hai isme sita na koi ram aayega.

itna bhi sitam theek nahi dekh le warna
mere qatilon me pahele tera nam aayega.

dawa na kar tu bhulne ka mujhko rahnuma
mera khyal tujhko shubhu sham aayega.
Dil ki gahraiyo me utar gayi aap ki baat... yu hi likhte rahiye...


Dunya ke sitam ka koi hisaab nahi,
Lekin meri houslo ka bhi jawaab nahi...
   
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LAMHA
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Love 20th November 2007, 08:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rahnuma View Post
socha bhi na tha aisa bhi mukam aayega.
mujh par hi bewafai ka ilzam aayega.

heera hai dil ye aisa jiska mol hi nahi
tuta magar to kauriyon ka dam aayega.

itni wafa ki khair mujhe chah bhi nahi
kalyug hai isme sita na koi ram aayega.

itna bhi sitam theek nahi dekh le warna
mere qatilon me pahele tera nam aayega.

dawa na kar tu bhulne ka mujhko rahnuma
mera khyal tujhko shubhu sham aayega.




SUBHAN-ALLAH.........kya baat hai.....bahut hi acha likha hai aap ne.....dil ko chu gaye aap ke ye ehsaas......dad kabul farmaye...................


"LAMHA"

mujhko acchaa nahiiN lagtaa ko’ii hamnaam teraa ,
ko’ii tujhsaa ho to phir naam bhii tujhsaa rakhe....
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lamha ji
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rahnuma
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lamha ji - 23rd November 2007, 09:43 PM

hausla afzai ka bahut bahut shukriya
   
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