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"Khwaab aUr haQikat"
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Diya_Jale
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"Khwaab aUr haQikat" - 7th October 2008, 10:48 PM

"SHUBH DASHAHRAA"

Sabhi dostoN ko Diya kaa adaab


Abhi to aap sabse bahot kuchh sikhna hai ...Jitna bhi thoda bahut samjhti huN ... ussi ki koshish hai ye .. ummeed karti huN aap sab ko pasand aayegi
Yeh Gazal meri pahli koshish hai Radeef Aur Qaafia ko nazar rakhte hue ..
ghalti ke liye muaafi haazir chaahti huN



Kabhi zid meiN hi teri ho gayii
Kabhi khud maiN tujh si ho gayi

Mujhe jis wafaa ki talaash thi
Kisi pehlu e gair ki ho gayi

Tujhe dil se apne bhula ke maiN
JahaN meiN akelii ho gayi

Tere pyaar ki khaatir sanam
maiN paraayi sabhi ki ho gayi

Teri yaad meiN ashQoN se ab
Surkh aaNKh ye meri ho gayi

Tu meri haQikat na ban saka
"Diya" khwaab meiN teri ho gayi




(Spl thanx to Kshitiz ji ,Sunita Di,Mujeeb Ji)



Mohabbat ke baad mohabbat mumkin hai faraz.
Magar toot ke chahna sirf ek baar hota hai


Goodbye SDC

Diya

Last edited by Diya_Jale; 7th October 2008 at 10:54 PM..
   
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Mujeeb
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8th October 2008, 08:20 AM

Radeef theek hai Qaaifa per abhi meHnat darkaar hai


koshish jaari rakhiye


Mujeeb
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Mohammad Kashif
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8th October 2008, 07:51 PM

Aadaab Diya ji aapki gazal jab bhi dekhta hoon bahut khushi milti hai aapki lagan dekhkar aapki yeh lagan ek din aapko bahut zyada rang layegi kunki mujhe pata chala ki aapko hindi nahi ati hai phir bhi aapka hosla kabel e tareef hai likhti rahiye ese hi manzil mil ke rahegi aapko........sdc ke sabhi sadasye aapke saatha hai....Best of Luck keep writing


"Do Pal Ruka Khushio.n ka Karwan"


Dunia ke sitam ki koi perwah nahi mujhko,
wo kyoun mujhpe ungliya uthaye ja rahe hain.
Jis shaks ko janta tha ek chehre se ''kashif''
Uske kitne chehre samne laye ja rahe hain.




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krenil
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Love 9th October 2008, 03:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diya_Jale View Post
"SHUBH DASHAHRAA"



Sabhi dostoN ko Diya kaa adaab

Abhi to aap sabse bahot kuchh sikhna hai ...Jitna bhi thoda bahut samjhti huN ... ussi ki koshish hai ye .. ummeed karti huN aap sab ko pasand aayegi
Yeh Gazal meri pahli koshish hai Radeef Aur Qaafia ko nazar rakhte hue ..
ghalti ke liye muaafi haazir chaahti huN



Kabhi zid meiN hi teri ho gayii
Kabhi khud maiN tujh si ho gayi

Mujhe jis wafaa ki talaash thi
Kisi pehlu e gair ki ho gayi

Tujhe dil se apne bhula ke maiN
JahaN meiN akelii ho gayi

Tere pyaar ki khaatir sanam
maiN paraayi sabhi ki ho gayi

Teri yaad meiN ashQoN se ab
Surkh aaNKh ye meri ho gayi

Tu meri haQikat na ban saka
"Diya" khwaab meiN teri ho gayi




(Spl thanx to Kshitiz ji ,Sunita Di,Mujeeb Ji)






wah diya ji kya baat hai bahot hi achhe ahesas hai aapke ye ahesas hame bahot pasand aaye aise hi likhte rahiye
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Tahir kkkhan
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9th October 2008, 09:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diya_Jale View Post
"SHUBH DASHAHRAA"



Sabhi dostoN ko Diya kaa adaab

Abhi to aap sabse bahot kuchh sikhna hai ...Jitna bhi thoda bahut samjhti huN ... ussi ki koshish hai ye .. ummeed karti huN aap sab ko pasand aayegi
Yeh Gazal meri pahli koshish hai Radeef Aur Qaafia ko nazar rakhte hue ..
ghalti ke liye muaafi haazir chaahti huN



Kabhi zid meiN hi teri ho gayii
Kabhi khud maiN tujh si ho gayi

Mujhe jis wafaa ki talaash thi
Kisi pehlu e gair ki ho gayi

Tujhe dil se apne bhula ke maiN
JahaN meiN akelii ho gayi

Tere pyaar ki khaatir sanam
maiN paraayi sabhi ki ho gayi

Teri yaad meiN ashQoN se ab
Surkh aaNKh ye meri ho gayi

Tu meri haQikat na ban saka
"Diya" khwaab meiN teri ho gayi




(Spl thanx to Kshitiz ji ,Sunita Di,Mujeeb Ji)

DIYA bas itna hi kahunga ki mujhe afsos hai ki mein aaj aapke gazal mein koi kami nahi nikal paya,excillent ,bahut khoob , yakeen hai inshallah aage bhie aap isse behter gazal post kerti rahengi....


shayer mit jaate hain jahaa se magar unka qall fanaah nahi hota,
Tanhaai bhie tanha hoti hain magar,TAHIR tanha nahi hota................./
   
"Khwaab Aur haQikat"
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Diya_Jale
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"Khwaab Aur haQikat" - 9th October 2008, 11:10 PM

Kuch tabdiliyoN ke saath isse fir se pesh kar rahi huN
shayad kuch had tak pehle se behtar ho
.....



Kabhii zidd meiN tirii ho gayi
Kabhii zidd ye mirii ho gayii

Tirii justzu meiN shaameiN mirii
Guzar ke shab kayii ho gayii

Mire armaaN ke aiwaz sazaa
Milii jo mukammal ho gayii

Tiraa ishQ itnaa paas hai
Paraayi har khushii ho gayii

Tirii yaadoN meiN ashQoN se ab
Chasm ye nam kabhii ho gayi

Mujhe kahteiN haiN sab diljalii
"DIYA" jal ke bujhii ho gayii





Mohabbat ke baad mohabbat mumkin hai faraz.
Magar toot ke chahna sirf ek baar hota hai


Goodbye SDC

Diya
   
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raj_ys
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10th October 2008, 01:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diya_Jale View Post
"SHUBH DASHAHRAA"



Sabhi dostoN ko Diya kaa adaab

Abhi to aap sabse bahot kuchh sikhna hai ...Jitna bhi thoda bahut samjhti huN ... ussi ki koshish hai ye .. ummeed karti huN aap sab ko pasand aayegi
Yeh Gazal meri pahli koshish hai Radeef Aur Qaafia ko nazar rakhte hue ..
ghalti ke liye muaafi haazir chaahti huN



Kabhi zid meiN hi teri ho gayii
Kabhi khud maiN tujh si ho gayi

Mujhe jis wafaa ki talaash thi
Kisi pehlu e gair ki ho gayi

Tujhe dil se apne bhula ke maiN
JahaN meiN akelii ho gayi

Tere pyaar ki khaatir sanam
maiN paraayi sabhi ki ho gayi

Teri yaad meiN ashQoN se ab
Surkh aaNKh ye meri ho gayi

Tu meri haQikat na ban saka
"Diya" khwaab meiN teri ho gayi




(Spl thanx to Kshitiz ji ,Sunita Di,Mujeeb Ji)

diya ji,
fir mahfil roshan hui apke ahsaas se. isi tarah ise roshan karte rahna. god bless.
raj
   
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janumanu
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11th October 2008, 12:56 PM

Diya ji aapne likha hai Yeh Gazal meri pahli koshish hai Radeef Aur Qaafia ko nazar rakhte hue ..

par isme to bahut galti hai ...........


Tere pyaar ki khaatir sanam
maiN paraayi sabhi ki ho gayi

Teri yaad meiN ashQoN se ab
Surkh aaNKh ye meri ho gayi

ye sher bahut masoom se lage mujhe ...

keep it
god bless
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amrit_sharad
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13th October 2008, 01:51 AM

Diya Sahiba!

Sabse Pehle To mein Aap Se ye kahuuGa Ki aaP ke Koshish ... Kameeayab Rahi Ghazal apane aap meiN bahut hi Khoobsurat hai! jaisa ki aaP ne Likha ki Ye pehli Ghazal hai Aap ki Radeef aur Qaafia Ke shaaT ...

Behad khoob likha Aapne! Har sher Khoob Likha aapne! pad kar bahut accha lega... Ghazal meiN Koi kami nahin hai....
*****************************************

Aur Ab hum MujeeB jee aur ! janumanu Jee se KaheGe!

Pehle MujeeB Sahib or Sahiba! (sorry Pata nahiN aap Male hai ya Female) Jee Aap Se kahna ChahuGa ki aap ko Radeef Theek Lega aur Qaafia mein kami Dekhi! Humne bhi is Ghazal ko Pada is meine Koi kami nazar nahiN aayi jaisa ki aap Ne Kaha! is liye mein chahuga! ki aap behtar Tarah se Bataye!

Ki Kis tarah kii Kami legi aap ko??? Diya jee bhi jaanna Chahegi Ki kaha Rah Gayi Kami Jis se Vo aage se Aaisa Galti na Kare.... Aur hum ChaheGe Kyoki Humko Kami nahiN Dekhi ...

Aap us Par Roshni Daaley..

Janumanu Jee! ..(vikas Jee)

Jaisa ki aap Ne likha hai Ki aaP ko IsmeiN BahuT Galti Milii hai To Aap us par Roshni Daaley kyoki .. Diya Jee Ne Maafi bhi Maagi hai isliye Aap ko Batana Behtar Tareeke se Batana Chahiye ki kya galti huyi hai!!! har Cheez ko saaf kare ...

Jis se diya sahiba ko pata Chale ki unne Kaha Galti kii hai .. usse unko aage Likhte samay ek Acchi Ray mil JayeeGi ... Aap dono ne sirf kami nikali hai par usko bataya nahin ki kamii kaha Hai! ????

IntzaaR raheGa! aaP ke! Reply ka! ...... MeiN Ye Link! MujeeB jee Aur Janumanu Jee Ko pM bhi karuuGa aur chahuga Ki Roshni daaley!

Kyoki Yeha har Member Shayar nahiN hai! Bahut Koshish karne ke Baad hi Kuch Likh Pate hai!! aur aaP dono Accha Likhte hai! is liye Roshni Daaley Ki kaha Galti huyi hai!

kyoki Mujhe bhi kahi galti nazar nahiN aayi mujhe bhi Kuch shikhne Ka mukha MileeGa!


ChalTa Hoon.....

AaP Ka DosT
--------------
Amrit

Last edited by amrit_sharad; 13th October 2008 at 02:03 AM..
   
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Mujeeb
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13th October 2008, 05:18 AM

amrit_sharad sahib aadaab !

sabse pehle to yeh baat clear ker doN meN aik leRka hoN uska baa'd appne fermaaya keh
Quote:
Jee Aap Se kahna ChahuGa ki aap ko Radeef Theek Lega aur Qaafia mein kami Dekhi! Humne bhi is Ghazal ko Pada is meine Koi kami nazar nahiN aayi jaisa ki aap Ne Kaha! is liye mein chahuga! ki aap behtar Tarah se Bataye!
huzoor taalib e'lm se gustaakhi ho gai keh apne is review per per yeh likha bhool gya keh "teHQeeQ ker laiN " werna zaroor likhta hoN
Quote:
Kyoki Yeha har Member Shayar nahiN hai! Bahut Koshish karne ke Baad hi Kuch Likh Pate hai!! aur aaP dono Accha Likhte hai! is liye Roshni Daaley Ki kaha Galti huyi hai!
gustaakhi ke liye shamaa' chahta hoN na to meN acha likhta hoN aur na hi mera dil kisi ko niraash kerne ka nahieN tha lakin yakeenan diya ji aur dosre peRhene waale nirash huwe hoNge nihayat mazrat khuwa hoN
Quote:
teri
si
ki
akelii
ki
meri
teri
naaQis e'lmi ki waja hai janab , mujhe lag raha thaa keh Qaafia theek nahiN hai per sherminda hoN keh meN hi ghalt hoN

diya ji app se muaa'fi ka T~alabgaar hoN aur amrit sahib app se bhi , aainda aisi gustaakhi kerne se guraiz keroN ga.

Last edited by Mujeeb; 13th October 2008 at 05:53 AM..
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janumanu
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13th October 2008, 08:44 AM

Janumanu Jee! ..(vikas Jee)

Jaisa ki aap Ne likha hai Ki aaP ko IsmeiN BahuT Galti Milii hai To Aap us par Roshni Daaley kyoki .. Diya Jee Ne Maafi bhi Maagi hai isliye Aap ko Batana Behtar Tareeke se Batana Chahiye ki kya galti huyi hai!!! har Cheez ko saaf kare ...

Jis se diya sahiba ko pata Chale ki unne Kaha Galti kii hai .. usse unko aage Likhte samay ek Acchi Ray mil JayeeGi ... Aap dono ne sirf kami nikali hai par usko bataya nahin ki kamii kaha Hai! ????

IntzaaR raheGa! aaP ke! Reply ka! ...... MeiN Ye Link! MujeeB jee Aur Janumanu Jee Ko pM bhi karuuGa aur chahuga Ki Roshni daaley!

Kyoki Yeha har Member Shayar nahiN hai! Bahut Koshish karne ke Baad hi Kuch Likh Pate hai!! aur aaP dono Accha Likhte hai! is liye Roshni Daaley Ki kaha Galti huyi hai!

kyoki Mujhe bhi kahi galti nazar nahiN aayi mujhe bhi Kuch shikhne Ka mukha MileeGa![/quote]

amrit shahab ......

jaisa ki humen likha.. aapne padh liya ..
par humne ye aapko nahi likha .........

yaha par jo bhi likhta hai.. woh shayer hai ya nahi iska khulasa karke nahi likhta hai...

haan jo bhi likhta hai nuks ke sath likhta hai .........
mai bhi bahut galti karta hun ....

isme galti hai.. aur isliye nahi batayee .. ki inko bahut bataay ja chuka tha ..
aur ye khud pooch sakti hai.. is baat ka yakeen hai hume ........
humne inko padha hai....ek likhne wale aur padhne wale ka rista hota hai.. woh humme hai..

so maien padhne wale ki haisyat se inko kaha ... aur sirf itna likhne se koe dishearted koe niraash nahi hota .... sirf ek ghazal mai galti karne se aappe..

har ghazal mai galti ho ye sabit nahi hota............

aapko sme galti nahi lagi.... aapki soch
mujeh lagi meri soch ....

maien aapko nahi kaha kuch
aapko bhi nahi kahna chahiye .... ....

khair ..........

apna apna takeeka hai sabka ...
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janumanu
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13th October 2008, 08:55 AM

Kabhi zid meiN hi teri ho gayii
Kabhi khud maiN tujh si ho gayi


teri ho gayee .. tujh si ho gayee .... kafiye theek nahi hai ...
diya ... dont match word.. sound ka khyal rakho ...
bolne mai kaisa lagta hai .. ye dekho .....
ek bara kaah tha ki tum sher bahut kamal likhti ho..par jab har verse ko compile karna hota hai..to tum maat kha jati ho
....

Mujhe jis wafaa ki talaash thi
Kisi pehlu e gair ki ho gayi

hmm sahi hai.. but pahle sher mai kafiye confuse hone ki bajahs e ... har sher mai fark padega

Tujhe dil se apne bhula ke maiN
JahaN meiN akelii ho gayi

Tere pyaar ki khaatir sanam
maiN paraayi sabhi ki ho gayi

sabhi ki.. kafiyaa toot raha hai..
again sound ......
jaise akeli hai lasr verse mai.. is verse main ...... sabhi ki.. dono word mai .. zara flow toot raha hai ..


Teri yaad meiN ashQoN se ab
Surkh aaNKh ye meri ho gayi

this is perfect .....

coz
"tumhair ghazal ka pahla misra "

Kabhi zid meiN hi teri ho gayii

yaha jo kafiye hai iske sath ye sher perfct lag raha hai....

Tu meri haQikat na ban saka
"Diya" khwaab meiN teri ho gayi


again kafiya.. :"teri".. repeat hua hai ....
kafiye repate na kiya karo..
aur jaha tak ho.. sher ka khulasa kafiye pe hi kiya karo
aur kafiye jaha tak ho koe meaning ful word ho....
har sher mai alag tarah ka style ho ..
variety jitni hogi... ghazal unti hi khoobsurat hogi

like tumne javed shahab ki woh ghazal suni hogi..

mai na mil saku jo tumse
meri aarzu na karna
tumhe meri hi kasam hai
meri zustju na karna

-uu kafiya hai .. na karna radeef..

isme ek sabse behtar sher hai .. jisme kafiye ka naya andaz sa hai...

koe pooche badnaseebi ki hai intha bhi koe
to meri misaal dena to mujeh namuna karna

isme dekho

namuna.. ek word hai lekin
namu- kafiya aur na radeff ka pahla word mila diya hai....

likhen ke hisaab se galti par suno to ye kamaal lagta hai

so kafiye sirf wording ka milana nahi hota .. ek rythm ek laye .. ek dhun ek awaaz ka flow ..

har cheez hoti hai ........

agar sahi lage to man lena nahi to ignore kar dena .......
its al up to u ..

hope ki in choti bato se tum dishearted nahi hoti ho

aur jo bhi kaho apni zimmedari se
be poet

god bless

" if u think ... i m here to dis heart.. u .. dont worry i will not read u

u know kisi ke pas itna woqt kaah hota hai jo woh ksi ko padhe ..
aur jo padhe tumko respect them ..
dunia mai sabse keemti hota hai woqt .. jo woqt de uski kadr karna ...

Last edited by janumanu; 13th October 2008 at 09:00 AM.. Reason: typing mistake
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13th October 2008, 04:13 PM

diya jee !

Kabhi zid meiN hi teri ho gayii
Kabhi khud maiN tujh si ho gayi

Mujhe jis wafaa ki talaash thi
Kisi pehlu e gair ki ho gayi

Tujhe dil se apne bhula ke maiN
JahaN meiN akelii ho gayi

Tere pyaar ki khaatir sanam
maiN paraayi sabhi ki ho gayi

Teri yaad meiN ashQoN se ab
Surkh aaNKh ye meri ho gayi

Tu meri haQikat na ban saka
"Diya" khwaab meiN teri ho gayi

bahut khoobsorat ghazal kahi aapne ..

sabse jiyada khushi ki baat to ye hai ki ye ghazal kisi aise insaan ne kahi hai jise naa to urdu aati hai aur naa hindi !

bahut achhe radeef pe aapne ghazal kahi aur apne takhallus kaa bhi baakhoobi istemaal kiya ..

rahi baat kaafiyaBandi kii ..

to kaafiya kachha zaroor hai par isse khaariz nahi kar sakte...

taareef ki baat to ye hai ki aapkaa mazmoon bilkul saaf hai !

jaise jaise aapke ilm meiN izaafa hogaa aap khud baa khud iss ki maahir hoti jaayengi !

aapki doosri koshish to bilkul hosh udaa dene wali thii agar ek misre ko chor diyaa jaaye to ghazal meiN mashware ke liye kuch bachaa hi nahi rah gaya !

ek achhi koshish pe meri ..

mubaaraQbaad aur DaaD

Qabool farmaayeiN !


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dheer
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15th October 2008, 01:15 AM

dostoN ko dheer kaa aadaab!!

aaj achaanak is thread pe nazar gayee to likhne chalaa aayaa. gustaakhi muaaf .

Diya ji : aap nayee hai aur aapne jo koshish kee hai us ke liye badhaayee.

Mujeeb saHeb aur Vikas bhaiya kee wajaahatoN ko paRh ke kuchh arz karnaa chaahungaa. mujhe qafiya durust lag rahaa hai. aap dono bhii ek baar nazr e saanee kar lijiye.
Quote:
Vikas ji wrote:

Kabhi zid meiN hi teri ho gayi
Kabhi khud maiN tujh si ho gayi

teri ho gayee .. tujh si ho gayee .... kafiye theek nahi hai ...
radeef:- matle ke aakhirii meN repeated words ko radeef kahte hai. so ghazal kaa radeef hai :- "ho gayii".
qaifya:- radeef se pehle jo kam se kam aik harf(letter) jiskee aawaaz ooNchii ho (long syllable) aur dono misro meN miltee ho (rhyme) us ko qafia kahaa jaataa hai.
is ghazal meN qafiya bahut hee chhoTaa hai.
terii ho gayii,
tujh sii ho gayii!

now can be simply noticed that the qafiay is "ii" yaanee ke baRee E kee maatraa.

maiN sirf do misaale de rahaa huN aapko aur bhee mil jaayegee.

"tere baare meN jab sochaa naheeN thaa,
maiN tanhaa thaa magar itnaa naheeN thaa"

radeef : naheeN thaa
qafiya : "aa" kee maatraa.

aa chaandanee bhi meree tarah jaag rahii hai,
palakoN pe sitaaroN ko liye raat khaRii hai!

radeef : hai
qafiay : :ii" kee maatra.
================================================== ==
maiN samajhtaa huN keh ab baat saaf ho gayee hogee. Diya ji kee ghazal meN qafiya pahchaan'ne meN ahbaab ghaltee isliye bhee kar gaye honge kyoN'k ghazal tarannum meN naheeN hai.
agar maiN matle ko tarannum (wazn) meN laa duN to yeh baat aur saaf ho jaayegee.

kabhee zid meN hee, terii ho gayee!
kabhee khud hee maiN, tujh sii ho gayee! ("tujh" and "te" are long)

magar diya ji nayee nayee hai. rawaanee mashq e sukhan se dheere dheere aatee hai.
dostoN ko agar meree wajaahatoN pe aitraaz hai to woh bejhijhak sawaal kare. maiN ghalat bhee ho saktaa huN. aur un kee misaale agar mujhe mutmayeen kartee hai to apne kaan pakaR ke muaafi bhee maang lungaa

ab ijaazat!!

Last edited by dheer; 15th October 2008 at 01:22 AM..
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Mujeeb
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15th October 2008, 02:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mujeeb View Post
Radeef theek hai Qaaifa per abhi meHnat darkaar hai


koshish jaari rakhiye


Mujeeb

aadaab a'rz hai !

un sab dostoN se aik baat poochna chahoN ga jo mera naam lay ker mukhaatib ker rahe haiN keh meN ne kaha keh Qaafia Ghalat hai ... mere is jawab meN yeh kahaN likha hai keh Qaafia saHiH nahieN hai ???

Qaafia per meHnat darkaar hai iska matlab yeh to hargiz nahieN hai keh Qaafia ghalat hai mera sirf itna kehna chahta tha keh Qaafia ager hum vazan ho to ghazal ki rawani meN bhi asaani hoti hai aur beHr bhi ...

baaQi aap ahel-e-e'lm haiN app ko laga keh mera kehne ka maQsad tha keh Qaafia ghalat hai to meN gunehgaar hoN muaafi chahta hoN
Quote:
amrit_sharad

JanaB MujeeB Jee!!

Meine Aap Ko padaa Hai! aur Ek NahiN kaafi baar ... Mein sirf itna kahuuga ki aap ko yakeeN hai vo sabhi Durust hai?? ....
Janab meN pehle bhi app se maa'zrat ker chuka doobara mazrat chahta hoN , huzoor aainda aisi gustaakhi nahieN ho gi .

hamari tehzeeb meN hamare muaa'shrey meN aur beshter HINDI MOVIES meN hazarroN baar sunna hai

" kisi ko jurm kerte huwe dekh laina aur chup rehna bhi jurm ke baraber hai "

mera kehne ka matlab yeh nahieN hai keh likhne wala mujrim hai ager is misaal ko aise laiN to acha hi rahe ga " koi ager raah bhool jaaey ya phir saHiH rah per na chal raha ho aur app ko maa'loom hote huwe bhi app uske naa bataieN to app gunehgaar haiN "
jitna maa'loom hai utna to bataa sakte haiN

amrit saHib appke review se pehle tak meN ne kahieN bhi nahieN likha keh Qaafia Ghalat hai , mager appke kehne ke baa'd is liye kaha takeh baat khatem ho jaaey


moHteram dheer saHib radeef aur Qaafia ka thoRa sa mager naaQis e'lm to pehle se tha mujhe mager app ne jo wizaHat ki yaQeen kijiye is tereH smajh aya keh us per uthe saare sawaloN ka jawab mil gya , app ka beHad shukriya , appki yeh vizaHat taa U'mr yaad rahe gi ,


Mujeeb
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sunita thakur
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15th October 2008, 01:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mujeeb View Post
Radeef theek hai Qaaifa per abhi meHnat darkaar hai


koshish jaari rakhiye


Mujeeb




sabhi dosto.n ko mera namaskaar..........maine bahut dino se yeh thread pad rahi hoon, aur mujhe bahut hairat ho rahi hai ki aap sab ek chotti si baat ko kyuN etna tul de rahe ho...maine MUJEEB ke lfaz yahaN highlight kiye hain, mujhe en mein koi burai nazar nahi aaye....us ne yehi kaha hai ki abhi kafiya par mehnat ki jaroorat hai....galat lafz to kain use nahi kiya.....!

aur sabse badi baat....DIYA ne yeh gazal post karne se phele KSHITIZ, MUJEEB aur mujse baat ki thi ki, MUJEEB se usne gazal, nazm, kafiya aur radeef sabka poocha tha, kyuNki usko en sab baato.n ki jaankari nahi thi, aur usne usko bahut kuch samjya bhi....aur mujhe lagta hai ki uske lafz kahin b galat nahi haiN.


main to khud kahti hoon ki yahan hum galati karte hain, agar woh galat ka apko pata hai to aapko batana chahiye, agar aap nahi bataoge to hum apni galati kabhi sudhar hi nahi paayeNge.

DIYA ki mujse kal bhi baat hue hain woh khud es baat se bahut preshaan hai ki yeh sab kaya ho raha hai, woh khud chahti hai ki agar kahin galti hai to batani chahiye....!



DIYA abhi jis mukaam par hai us hisaab se usne bahut bahut bahut behtar likha hai, kyuNki usko hindi urdu ki poori jaankari nahi hai, phir bhi usne etna behtar likha hai....hum sabko uski kamiya batane ke saath saath usko housla bhi dena chahiye tha ki tumhari shayri mein yeh kami hai, tum koshish karogi to yeh sab kamiya.n bhi jalad door ho jayeNgi par hum sab to yahaN aapas mein hi uljane lag gaye haiN...mujhe yeh bahut bura laga.



DIYA ne jab gazal post ki hai to uske neeche usne kuch members ka special thanks bhi kiya hai...shayad uska kuch khaas matlab hoga...hai na.


pls aap sabse meri yahi request hai ki pls pls es baat ko yehiN band kar dijiye aur DIYA ki shayri par dhayan dijiye....jo usne bahut mehnat se likha hai aur jiske credit ki woh haqdaar hai woh credit usko dijiye.


aur pls ab sirf diya ki gazal par hi review dijiye, kisi aur ke review par review mat dijiye.....




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


.....Sunita Thakur.....

यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...


   
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zainy
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15th October 2008, 01:39 PM

"gazal par hi review dijiye, kisi aur ke review par review mat dijiye....."

exactly di....bilkul sahi kaha aapne....main aapse sehmat hoon.... is site ka saare members se meri bhi yahi request hai...pls aap log sirf ghazal per reviews dein...kisi aur ke reviews per nahi......

aur ye baat lekhak per chhod dein ,wo kis ki baat maane aur kis ki nahi...........ye uski apni marzi hai......

zainy...


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dilip200
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15th October 2008, 07:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diya_Jale View Post
"SHUBH DASHAHRAA"

Sabhi dostoN ko Diya kaa adaab


Abhi to aap sabse bahot kuchh sikhna hai ...Jitna bhi thoda bahut samjhti huN ... ussi ki koshish hai ye .. ummeed karti huN aap sab ko pasand aayegi
Yeh Gazal meri pahli koshish hai Radeef Aur Qaafia ko nazar rakhte hue ..
ghalti ke liye muaafi haazir chaahti huN



Kabhi zid meiN hi teri ho gayii
Kabhi khud maiN tujh si ho gayi

Mujhe jis wafaa ki talaash thi
Kisi pehlu e gair ki ho gayi

Tujhe dil se apne bhula ke maiN
JahaN meiN akelii ho gayi

Tere pyaar ki khaatir sanam
maiN paraayi sabhi ki ho gayi

Teri yaad meiN ashQoN se ab
Surkh aaNKh ye meri ho gayi

Tu meri haQikat na ban saka
"Diya" khwaab meiN teri ho gayi




(Spl thanx to Kshitiz ji ,Sunita Di,Mujeeb Ji)
diya ji namskaar

sabse pahle to aapko is shandar gazal per badhaaii
badi hi mehnat se aapne is gazal ko likha hai. main ishwar se kamna karta hoon ki aap us mukam tak jaroor pahunche jiski kamna aapne kii hai....
aapko is shandar gazal per badhaaii

shukriyaa

dilip


" Dilip " -Ek Adhoora khwab


Dard bantne se ab darr lagta hai
mere gamo ka usnane falsafa bana diya
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Mohammad Kashif
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Thumbs up 15th October 2008, 08:52 PM

Aadaab Dosto
Main kafi waqt se dekh raha hoon is post par sabne apni apni raye aur mashwara diye hai, main ek baat kehna chahta hoon kisi ki cheez mein kamiyan nikalna bahut asan hai par kisi cheez ko tayyar karna bahut mushkil kunki kisi bhi do bando ki soch ek si nahi ho sakti jis tarha haath ki sabhi ungliya ek barabar nahi ho sakti aur is post par sabne apna hunar dikhaya hai ek tarha se class start kardi koi khuch kehne se pehle yeh soche ki yeh post kisi ese sadasye ki hai jiske liye kabhi hindi aur urdu ek paheli si thi jisne us mahol men janam nahi liya janha hindi ek aam zabaan ho Oriya hi Diya ji ki madri zabaan hai aap khud ko us jagha ek baar rakh ke soche ki aap jis zubaan ko nahi jante use sikhna hi apne men ek qabil e tarif baat hai phir apne khayalo ko pesh karna bhi kisi maqaam se kam nahi to meri sabhi se guzarish hai ki kamiyan sab mein hoti hai aur waqt ke saath sab door ho jati hai, aap unke ehsaaso ko dekhe unki shayri ki lagan ko dekhe to zyada behtar hoga reply unki post par den na ki kisi aur ke reply par yanha to ek sawal jawab ka dour sa start ho gaya.........Main Diya ji ke is jazbe ko salaam karta hoon aur mujhe puri ummid hai ki Diya ji in sab baato ko zyada dhayan na dekar apni shayri par dhyaan de.n.....ham sab parivaar ke sadase aapke saath hai.....God Bless You


"Do Pal Ruka Khushio.n ka Karwan"


Dunia ke sitam ki koi perwah nahi mujhko,
wo kyoun mujhpe ungliya uthaye ja rahe hain.
Jis shaks ko janta tha ek chehre se ''kashif''
Uske kitne chehre samne laye ja rahe hain.





Last edited by Mohammad Kashif; 15th October 2008 at 08:59 PM..
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amrit_sharad
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16th October 2008, 12:47 AM

MujeeB Sahib....

Sabse Pehle MeiN Maafi ChahuGa Ki meiNe Aap ki Is posT par aaisa Bola! mujhe Is baaT ka ilm nahiN tha... aap ko Itna Bura LageGa...

Ab Aate Hai! BaaT pe ....

***********************************
Mujeeb
Radeef theek hai Qaaifa per abhi meHnat darkaar hai

koshish jaari rakhiye

Mujeeb
************************************
AmriT_Sharad
Pehle MujeeB Sahib or Sahiba! (sorry Pata nahiN aap Male hai ya Female) Jee Aap Se kahna ChahuGa ki aap ko Radeef Theek Lega aur Qaafia mein kami Dekhi! Humne bhi is Ghazal ko Pada is meine Koi kami nazar nahiN aayi jaisa ki aap Ne Kaha! is liye mein chahuga! ki aap behtar Tarah se Bataye!

Ki Kis tarah kii Kami legi aap ko??? Diya jee bhi jaanna Chahegi Ki kaha Rah Gayi Kami Jis se Vo aage se Aaisa Galti na Kare.... Aur hum ChaheGe Kyoki Humko Kami nahiN Dekhi ...

Aap us Par Roshni Daaley..
*************************************

Meine Kab Kaha Aap Ko Ki Qaafia GalaT hai! Zara DhayaN se Pade Aur Mujhe Bataye! ki meine Kab Kaha Aap Se! (Bhool Ke Liye Maffi Chahuga!)

****************
Ab BaaT karTe hai Is BaaT kii!!!

aadaab a'rz hai !

un sab dostoN se aik baat poochna chahoN ga jo mera naam lay ker mukhaatib ker rahe haiN keh meN ne kaha keh Qaafia Ghalat hai ... mere is jawab meN yeh kahaN likha hai keh Qaafia saHiH nahieN hai ???

Qaafia per meHnat darkaar hai iska matlab yeh to hargiz nahieN hai keh Qaafia ghalat hai mera sirf itna kehna chahta tha keh Qaafia ager hum vazan ho to ghazal ki rawani meN bhi asaani hoti hai aur beHr bhi ...

baaQi aap ahel-e-e'lm haiN app ko laga keh mera kehne ka maQsad tha keh Qaafia ghalat hai to meN gunehgaar hoN muaafi chahta hoN
:
amrit_sharad

JanaB MujeeB Jee!!

Meine Aap Ko padaa Hai! aur Ek NahiN kaafi baar ... Mein sirf itna kahuuga ki aap ko yakeeN hai vo sabhi Durust hai?? ....


Janab meN pehle bhi app se maa'zrat ker chuka doobara mazrat chahta hoN , huzoor aainda aisi gustaakhi nahieN ho gi .

hamari tehzeeb meN hamare muaa'shrey meN aur beshter HINDI MOVIES meN hazarroN baar sunna hai

" kisi ko jurm kerte huwe dekh laina aur chup rehna bhi jurm ke baraber hai "

mera kehne ka matlab yeh nahieN hai keh likhne wala mujrim hai ager is misaal ko aise laiN to acha hi rahe ga " koi ager raah bhool jaaey ya phir saHiH rah per na chal raha ho aur app ko maa'loom hote huwe bhi app uske naa bataieN to app gunehgaar haiN "
jitna maa'loom hai utna to bataa sakte haiN

amrit saHib appke review se pehle tak meN ne kahieN bhi nahieN likha keh Qaafia Ghalat hai , mager appke kehne ke baa'd is liye kaha takeh baat khatem ho jaaey


moHteram dheer saHib radeef aur Qaafia ka thoRa sa mager naaQis e'lm to pehle se tha mujhe mager app ne jo wizaHat ki yaQeen kijiye is tereH smajh aya keh us per uthe saare sawaloN ka jawab mil gya , app ka beHad shukriya , appki yeh vizaHat taa U'mr yaad rahe gi ,

Mujeeb
***************************************

Sabse Pehle Meine Jo PM Ka Reply kiya Tha Vo PooRa PosT karna Chahiye Tha AaP ko!!

Mera Pm Ye Tha!!!

Re:mazrat chahta hoN ik baat poochni thi - 14th October 2008, 02:16 AM
JanaB MujeeB Jee!!

Meine Aap Ko padaa Hai! aur Ek NahiN kaafi baar ... Mein sirf itna kahuuga ki aap ko yakeeN hai vo sabhi Durust hai?? ....

Maafi ChahuGa agar Humne aaP ke JazbaaT ko tesh Kii Ho To ..

Jab koi Ghazal Likhta hai ...to aaP us Lihaaz se dekhe aur jab koi padta hai to aaP us lihaaz se dekhe ...

Aap Ko Khud b Khud fark Samjh meiN aa JayeGa!

ChalTa Hoon.....

AaP Ka DosT
--------------
Amrit


MujeeB Jee!! Meine AaP ko hi nahiN kisi Ko bhi Kabhi ye nahiN kaha Ki usne GalaT Ya Uske Likhne MeiN kuch Kami hai...

Rahi aaP ki Ghazal Kii To JanaB .... Jaisa Ki meiNe kaha Ki Mein Jab bhi Padta hooN to Usko Har Lihaaz Se padTa hooN...

Ab agar aap ko Legta hai Ki.. Meine JurM kiya hai To Banda Saaza ka HaakdaaR bhi Hai.. .. Ab ye Aap par hai Kya Saaza mere Liye hai!

Ye mehfil ya kahu(SDC) Mera Pariwaar hai.. yeha Jo bhi tay Hoga .. Saraankho Par!

*****************************************
*****************************************

JANUMANU SAHIB

Bhai Sabse Pehle Aap ne Jis Se bhi kaha Kya socha Aap ne unko Kaisa Mehsoos Hua Hoga.. Aap ke reply par meiN sirf Itna hi kahuga!

mujhe aaP ke Rachnaye Acchi Lagi ... aap ke AarmaaN bhi Acche hai Pal bar meiN ek Aurat ke jazbaaT le kar likhna ! wakai bahuT umda shayar likh sakta hai...

Maafi chahuga! Aage se kabhi Mukaa nahiN duuga! ki Aap ko Kisi Tarah ke TakleeF ho

Aap ne Jo Galtiya Nikali uske Liye Aap Dheer jee Ka Reply Pad le!

IS MEHFIL SE MAAFI CHAHUGA!


ChalTa Hoon.....

AaP Ka DosT
--------------
Amrit
   
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Mujeeb
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16th October 2008, 01:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by amrit_sharad View Post

MujeeB Jee!! Meine AaP ko hi nahiN kisi Ko bhi Kabhi ye nahiN kaha Ki usne GalaT Ya Uske Likhne MeiN kuch Kami hai...

Rahi aaP ki Ghazal Kii To JanaB .... Jaisa Ki meiNe kaha Ki Mein Jab bhi Padta hooN to Usko Har Lihaaz Se padTa hooN...

Ab agar aap ko Legta hai Ki.. Meine JurM kiya hai To Banda Saaza ka HaakdaaR bhi Hai.. .. Ab ye Aap par hai Kya Saaza mere Liye hai!

Ye mehfil ya kahu(SDC) Mera Pariwaar hai.. yeha Jo bhi tay Hoga .. Saraankho Par!

*****************************************

Aadaab !

moHteram app ne kisi ko bhi kabhi nahieN kaha keh usne Ghalat ya unke likhne meN kuch kami hai ... woh aapka masla hai appne aisa kiyoN nahieN kaha ...

is meN meri ghazal ki baat kahaN se aa gai ???

ohhhh ab smajh meN aya keh app kehna chahte haiN keh meri ghazloN meN bhi kami hoti hai mager appne kabhi kuch nahieN kaha .

moHterem is baat se meN mutafiQ hoN keh meri ghazloN meN besh baha ghaltiyaN huwa kerti haiN ,meN ne kuch hi din pehle bhi apni hi aik ghazal ka jawab meN likha tha keh mujhe is ghazal se pehle tak Qaafia aur Radeef ka e'lm bhi nahieN tha

http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthr...177#post311077

link app dekh sakte haiN

aur mujhey jahaN tak yaad hai is ghazal ke ba'ad meN ne apni aik hi ghazal post ki "kab is dil meN" jis meN radeef aur Qaafia ka khayal rakhne ki koshish ki hai kis Had tak kaamyaab raha mujhe to is baat ka e'lm bhi nahieN hai


app kis jurm ki baat ker rahe haiN smajh nahieN aai ...


Mujeeb
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  (#22)
janumanu
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janumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comjanumanu is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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16th October 2008, 09:44 AM

Well amrit ji

as u said.. "Maafi chahuga! Aage se kabhi Mukaa nahiN duuga! ki Aap ko Kisi Tarah ke TakleeF ho"

aisa kya yaar .. mujeh kyu takleef hogi aur ksi baat ki ...
mai comment se na khush hota hun na naraj an udas na dukhi ..



so dont worry .....

bas yayhi kahna chahta hun ... ki khud likho aur uspe baat karo... kisi aur ke likhe pe is tarah na karo..

we r here to read poem .. not to read comment ........ it may create dispute ........

log shayri kam padhte hai aur commnt jyda ...........

aur rahi dheer ka reply padhne ki so i will read ... dont worry .. ..

bas do baten kahunga ..

sabse pahle bahas apne likhe pe karo
aur jo baat kahni hai apni zimmedari pe kaho ...

so here is the
end of talk
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janumanu
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16th October 2008, 09:53 AM

dheer ji

well maien yeh nahi kaha tha ki kafiya galat hai ..
i said galti hai

bahut fark hai bhayee ......

aur galti kya hai .. mere khyal se jise kaha hai use kahna chahiye tha ....

woh puche aur hum batange

par woh pm na karke sabke samne puche ........

yaar .. itna woqt nahi hai meer pas ... ki mai sabke commnt ka reply karu ....
kisi ko padh leta hun yahi bahut hai ....

aur maien jo kaha .. mai uspe ab bhi hun ..

but i m not here to answer anyone except .. poet ........

maien aapko padha hai .. aur suna bhi hai... sath mai baith ke dont worry

do take care .. and be happy
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janumanu
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16th October 2008, 09:56 AM

and last but not least

i m sorry evryone .. and khas taur pe diya ji .....

haan aap chahe to hum bata sakte hai.. what actualy i was talking ......

rest is fine


sorry evryone
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Mayank
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Mayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comMayank is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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16th October 2008, 03:47 PM

Munaasib lagta hai ki thrad yahii.n lock kar diya jaaye!



buraa jo dekhan mai.n Chalaa, buraa naa milyaa koye
jo mann Khojaa apnaa to mujh se buraa naa koye


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