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An Open invitation to all...Gender Differences...
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Parastaar
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Post An Open invitation to all...Gender Differences... - 25th June 2004, 08:37 AM

Namaskaar, Adaab aur Sat Sri Akaal...

Dekhiey main jo yahan kehne jaa rahi hoon...wo ek assignment thaa...quite long...lekin maine use sankshep mein yahan prastut kiya hai...isliey ki mujhe laga ki 'main' aur 'aap' kuch seekh sakte hain iss article se...kisi ko ismein kuch bura lage...tau please kshama kijieyga...kisi ke dil ko thes pahunchane ki ichha meri hargiz nahin hai...main tau khud samajhna chahti hoon ki maine likha kya hai...lol...yahan dobara se keh kar shayad kuch mere palle padh jaaye...


CULTURES APART


“When I accidentally bumped into the glass top table at the entrance of our house, my husband complained that I never look where I’m going. But when he bumped and broke the same table he shouted, 'why I had put it there?' ” Sounds familiar?

“Honey, why don’t you pull into that gas station, let’s ask for directions.” Allana S. suggested gently to her boyfriend when it seemed they had been going around in circles for some time. “The glare he gave me--oh boy--made me wish I could disappear into the seat.”

Vinita complained. “The other day, we were returning from a night out with Richard’s colleague when he suddenly clammed up on the way home. I didn’t know what was wrong.”

“You agreed to whatever that lamebrain, Prof. Langevin said,” Richard complained and gave me the silent treatment all the way home.

“Now, I don’t agree to that.” Vinita explained to me, “It is true I was nodding, and I did say I knew where this guy was coming from but that didn’t mean that I agreed to what he was saying. But this is not new. Richard always distorts what I mean. So why bother?”

The frustration of not being understood is the root cause of everyday battles men and women fight with each other. They may speak the same language but what they mean may be languages apart.

Women talk to establish bonds and intimacy, men talk to settle and uphold status.

Women offer out of love, men take it as a right.

Women would empathize by exchanging stories of their own failures, men would in the same situation try to minimize the problems or offer suggestions to win.

In business meetings men often interrupt to challenge and disagree. Women interrupt to validate or to anticipate what’s coming.

Men accept challenge as a form of respect. When women’s expertise is challenged she is more likely to question her own opinion.

Women are likely to say sorry to sympathize, men interpret it as an admission of guilt.

When women ask for advice they just want a sympathetic listener, not a problem solver.

When women ask for consensus, men call it her indecisiveness. They don’t understand it is her way of maintaining and enhancing a relationship while getting something done.

From infancy, boys are inadvertently conditioned to be individualistic and competitive, while girls are taught to be nurturing and caring. Historically, woman has been called ‘hysterical’ and ‘too emotional.’

Cultures apart we forget that the very polarization of the sexes also induces attraction between sexes. Which is necessary for the propagation of the species.

This divisiveness between men and women could be due to lack of understanding. Men may be able to experience PMS and Menopause through drug manipulation, and women may experience increase in pain tolerance, or more aggressive behavior, typically associated with men, but the fact remains that we cannot ever experience what it’s like to be a man and men can never know what it’s like to be a woman. Our best approximation is to learn and accept each others distinctive traits and find ways to co-exist in a harmonious and productive manner.

For men, life is a challenge to strive for higher and better. For women, life is a web of inter-relationships to maintain and nurture.

According to a study done by a team of Sociologists from the University of California, men interrupt 96% of the times in casual conversations. They interrupt to take charge or to change the subject altogether. Women interrupt to extend compassion and understanding.

Men tend to dominate in public conversations. Why the same men tend to grow silent altogether as soon as they come home--is indeed a matter of profound grief and frustration to their spouses and girl friends. Men probably think why bother talking when there is no competition around? At home their territory is well established and unquestionable.

A lot of tension at work and at home can be eliminated if we try to interpret each other better. Most of the men, as boys, were brought up thinking that eventually they’d do yard work, take out the garbage, and fix leaky faucets. Society omitted to tell them that appreciating women is also in their job description. No wonder then, that they construe women’s frustrations and angst as typically female hysteria.

Change is not only desired but is necessary. We have come a long way to revert to old stereotypes; but change can be for the better. In order to create equality, "Men and women do not need to become more like one another, merely more deeply themselves." (Kipnis/Hingston 76). The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said!!!


nayi ruton mein wo kuchh aur qareeb aaye
gayi ruton ka sulagataa sa intezaar bhii ho

mere khuloos kaa andaaz ye bhii sachhaa hai
rakhuun na rabt magar dostii shumaar bhii ho

--Sayyidaa Fatimaa Hasan

Last edited by Parastaar; 25th June 2004 at 08:41 AM..
   
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meena chheda
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25th June 2004, 08:51 AM

paras,
................

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25th June 2004, 09:06 AM

paras,
yah ek aisa maazra hai jo......... yah apne aap nahi sooljta... iise khud ko hi suljana padta hai... or shayed sahi tarika yahi ho k aap khud ko stree ya purush jataane se pahlaey insaan jataao.
or kya kahu? shayed fir kabhi or kah paau........


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Parastaar
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25th June 2004, 05:05 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by meena chheda
paras,
yah ek aisa maazra hai jo......... yah apne aap nahi sooljta... iise khud ko hi suljana padta hai... or shayed sahi tarika yahi ho k aap khud ko stree ya purush jataane se pahlaey insaan jataao.
or kya kahu? shayed fir kabhi or kah paau........


meena
Shukriya Meena jee...

Aapne maun toda tau hamein kuch samajh aayi...bilkul sahi farmaaya hai aapne...

paras


nayi ruton mein wo kuchh aur qareeb aaye
gayi ruton ka sulagataa sa intezaar bhii ho

mere khuloos kaa andaaz ye bhii sachhaa hai
rakhuun na rabt magar dostii shumaar bhii ho

--Sayyidaa Fatimaa Hasan
   
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25th June 2004, 07:38 PM

Very Rightly said Paras ji,
That;s true that conflicts arise not beacuse of the nature of the human being, but because of misunderstandings..

Misunderstanding.. misconceptions.... misinterpretations.. all fall in the same category.

Thankyou very much, for sharing this biggest issue about why men n women fight.

Thanx once again!
~Priya



"Dikha kar khawaab in aankhon ko, De gaye aansoon in mein Tum..
Kaise chalka doo yeh aansoon, In mein bhi To rehTe ho Tum.."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Sirf Tanu Ki ChaahaT...... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

   
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Parastaar
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26th June 2004, 11:27 AM

Thanks Priya...

Yup "Misinterpretation" is a big thing!

"Men are from Mars, Women from Venus!" True for sure...only if they can meet half way between the planets...lol

paras


nayi ruton mein wo kuchh aur qareeb aaye
gayi ruton ka sulagataa sa intezaar bhii ho

mere khuloos kaa andaaz ye bhii sachhaa hai
rakhuun na rabt magar dostii shumaar bhii ho

--Sayyidaa Fatimaa Hasan
   
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26th June 2004, 09:36 PM

Well it was a good article to read but the underlying question is how many people in general and men in particular will understand the core iof this issue.

Its true that one's mentality is based strongly on his/her genes and hormones thats why most of the men tend to be passionate whereas women are more compassionate, but still a lot depends on ones upbringing and the cultural and social values which are ingrained in person's life. To have misunderstandings is normal till you can solve the situation by a dialogue which can only be done if there is mutual trust in between persons involved.

Qissa mukhtasir, achha article hai share karne ke liye magar is par bahut kuchh socha ja sakta hai aur kaha ja sakta hai

Varinder


kyon zindagi ki raah mein akele chalta hai dost
chal waha chal jahan tere jaise aur bhi hai...
   
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Parastaar
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28th June 2004, 12:11 PM

Well it was a good article to read but the underlying question is how many people in general and men in particular will understand the core iof this issue.

Right on Bhayyia!

unhin men ke liye yeh article yahan post kiya...i hope lots and lots of members read it...really...

post karte waqt maine jab dobara padha...tau main sochne par majboor ho gayi ki kitni baar maine kisi ke words ko misunderstand kiya hai...its really not the words that are spoken but the silence underneath...bahut gehri baat hai...and yeh admit karna bhi har kisi mein nahin ki unhone 'misinterpret' kiya ho shayad...khair...

apna khayaal rakhein

paras


nayi ruton mein wo kuchh aur qareeb aaye
gayi ruton ka sulagataa sa intezaar bhii ho

mere khuloos kaa andaaz ye bhii sachhaa hai
rakhuun na rabt magar dostii shumaar bhii ho

--Sayyidaa Fatimaa Hasan
   
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wah - 29th June 2004, 09:45 PM

Paras
hi. it was really good. bt every men should read this along with their wife????


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Parastaar
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29th June 2004, 09:54 PM

Yes meeta jee...

i would like to see more of our male dosts reading it...

paras


nayi ruton mein wo kuchh aur qareeb aaye
gayi ruton ka sulagataa sa intezaar bhii ho

mere khuloos kaa andaaz ye bhii sachhaa hai
rakhuun na rabt magar dostii shumaar bhii ho

--Sayyidaa Fatimaa Hasan
   
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7th July 2004, 04:12 PM

Paras,
Actually kuchch log itna superiority complex ka shikar hote hain ki jab doosre se koi ghalati ho jaye to unki nazar mein doosra to bahut bura hai, lekin agar wohi ghalati khud un se hi ho jaye to is ka zimmedar waqt ya wo cheez hai jo unse kharaab ho gayi. Aise log zindagi bhar sirf apne aapko dhoka dete rehte hain, lekin haqiqat tasleem karne ko tayyar isliye nahin hote kyunki unki ana par aanch na aajaye.
regards
Sahil Khan
   
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7th July 2004, 04:15 PM

Paras,
Aisa sirf Mardon ke liye hi nahin kaha ja sakta kyunki is mizaaj ki bahut si khawaateen bhi hoti hain.
Sahil Khan
   
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Parastaar
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9th July 2004, 10:36 AM

Bhayyia aapne sahi farmaaya...

hamein apni aana bhuul...misunderstandings, dialogue se duur karni chahiye...lekin aisaa kahan ho pata hai...apni apni zidd liye hum khud hee faasle badha lete hain...

aur bhayyia maine tau sirf isliey kaha kyonki hamare male dost kam aaye iss post pe...aur koyi baat nahin...jo maine likha woh tau both men and women ke liye hai...

shukriya aane ka aur apni raye dene kaa.

paras


nayi ruton mein wo kuchh aur qareeb aaye
gayi ruton ka sulagataa sa intezaar bhii ho

mere khuloos kaa andaaz ye bhii sachhaa hai
rakhuun na rabt magar dostii shumaar bhii ho

--Sayyidaa Fatimaa Hasan
   
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