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-   -   Saki (an english ghazal ) (http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthread.php?t=75715)

jainrohit 19th March 2013 08:49 PM

Saki (an english ghazal )
 
pesh-e-khidmat he ek english ghazal


radeef - saaki
kaafiya - ee


Like a homeless Bird searching for a tree , saaki
To quench my sorrows i have come to thee , saaki


Which one is more scarlet ? Your lips or this red wine
dark past ! red has been color of my glee , saaki


Adrift i was , extended pause , mundane was life
Now embrace me like wind does to the sea , saaki


Your glances make my heart dance till it gets tired
Pardon my tender heart , accept its plea , saaki


Fortune never favored me , i have been tormented
my hopes are on you , please no treachery , saaki


Let your golden locks dangle on your full moon face
let them dance , with your fragrance , set them free , saaki


"rohit " is mad , he wanted to write something else ;
Your beauty makes many ghalibs awry , saaki .....
(RoHiT)


Written in simple syllabic count meter , with internal rhymes , but maintains the takhallus , kafiya and radeef as the classical ghazal .

Slant rhymes are used in english poetry and are permissible , so are used here.

While changing language there has to be certain change in format of poetry to suit that language's unique features

zainy 19th March 2013 09:20 PM

Sab se pehle to Shayri.com per aapka haardik swagat hai Rohit ji......:)..

Its our pleasure to have you here...

Hope you will have a nice time here..

Aapki ghazal/poem..lajawaab hai....

Something diffferent, interesting...and truely beautiful.....

Ahmad Hyderabadi 22nd March 2013 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jainrohit (Post 450246)
pesh-e-khidmat he ek english ghazal


radeef - saaki
kaafiya - ee


Like a homeless Bird searching for a tree , saaki
To quench my sorrows i have come to thee , saaki


Which one is more scarlet ? Your lips or this red wine
dark past ! red has been color of my glee , saaki


Adrift i was , extended pause , mundane was life
Now embrace me like wind does to the sea , saaki


Your glances make my heart dance till it gets tired
Pardon my tender heart , accept its plea , saaki


Fortune never favored me , i have been tormented
my hopes are on you , please no treachery , saaki


Let your golden locks dangle on your full moon face
let them dance , with your fragrance , set them free , saaki


"rohit " is mad , he wanted to write something else ;
Your beauty makes many ghalibs awry , saaki .....
(RoHiT)


Written in simple syllabic count meter , with internal rhymes , but maintains the takhallus , kafiya and radeef as the classical ghazal .

Slant rhymes are used in english poetry and are permissible , so are used here.

While changing language there has to be certain change in format of poetry to suit that language's unique features


Aadaab Rohit Jee! Khushaamdeed!

Wow! After a very long time some excitement, some life , something new and different, a breath of fresh air!

As far as I remember this is the first time I've come across an English Ghazal. But it'll be hard to top this one for whenever I'd come across the next one. Congratulations on completion of such a crafty piece of work! And last but not the least..... Thank You for sharing with us such a fine piece of art and thoroughly enjoyable piece of poetry!

Waiting for your next present.....

Hamdam 25th March 2013 04:07 PM

Dear Mr Rohit,
Vow what a great piece of work. an english ghazal penned
by you had a very good flow of thoughts coupled with good
words and soaked in rhyme and rythem.

Kudoes and bravo my dear friend.

Sanjay sehgal


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