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Shonk Hi Shonk wich main...................... |
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(#1)
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tere bin...jina kya.....?
 
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Posts: 96
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Uk
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Shonk Hi Shonk wich main...................... -
22nd February 2008, 05:02 AM
Shonk hi shonk wich main tbaah ho gayi,
pair naange si uss de te main gaah ho gayi, aapan dowan ne hi jana si iko jgah, tuu safar ho gya te main raah ho gayi, fansla huun asade wich sambhaw nahi, oh badan ho gya te main saah ho gayi, ood kehdi si jo sokhe jaari na gayi, we main patna te firdi tbaah ho gayi, Koi paani meri deeh da haani na we, main te barish ch saad ke swaah ho gayi main te barish ch saad ke swah ho gayi............., Fir milde han............................................... ............. ik sajda tainu milane da. ik khwaish tainu poon di, (Rohini Sharma) |
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(#2)
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Registered User
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Posts: 467
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Ropar (Punjab)
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22nd February 2008, 10:08 AM
Fantaaaaaastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think this is so far the best poetry by u. Lok gagar wich samundar bhardey ne, tusi har boond wich samaundar bhar dittaa. Every word is perfect. Jeeondi reh kudiyey. Agar kadi kismat ne milyaayaa te main tainu zaroor milnaa chahhaaNgaa. This is called mature poetry. Shabad nahi merey kol taareef karan laee.
IK jaaved akhtar ji da sher yaad aa gaya Bahaana dhoon-dtey rehtey haiN koi roney ka Ye kyaa shauk hai hameiN aasteen bhigoney ka Jo palak pe hoN moti to bass yehi nahi kaafi Hunar bhi chaahiye unheN alfaaz meiN pironey ka Ajj tuhanu maiN zaroor kahaaNgaa ki tuhaadey kol hunar hai. Bas Likhdey jao tilak... |
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(#3)
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tere bin...jina kya.....?
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Posts: 96
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Uk
Rep Power: 20
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22nd February 2008, 05:21 PM
Satshri akal veer ji.mainu bahut khuhsi hoyi hai ke tusi is nu pasand kitta.ik gaal dussan ih sirf tuhade sadka hi sub kuch hoya hai.tuhade wichar tuhadiyan sugetions naal hi te main inna likh pa rahi haan.tusi such much bahut hi change margdarshak ho.sorry some time words nahi milde te meri poetry changi hundi hundi simple te gernal reh jandi hai.but main punjabi de hoor wi dunge ate wakhre words nu pdda gi te ohna nu apni poetry wich use kran gi.actully veer ji by proffesion main software developer han.iss karke shabdi di kami aa jandi hai.par main khush han ki tusi mere naal ho menu motivate te meriyan galtiyan dussan layi.tuhada bahut bahut bahut shukriya.te last poem de suggetion layi wi thankyou.mainu aas hai ki tusi mera sath bnaye rakho ge.te meri likhawat nu sudar dawoge.changa veer ji.fir milde han.....................!
ik sajda tainu milane da. ik khwaish tainu poon di, (Rohini Sharma) |
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