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aapka kya hua ?
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zidd
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aapka kya hua ? - 20th September 2010, 05:53 PM

mahfil ko zidd ka pyaar bhara aadaab...

dosto yu to shayar kahta hai ki jo ek baar likh diya so likh diya.....
magar na jaane kyu ek pooraani likhi ghazal kareeb ek saal sse pahle ko aaj mai durust kar raha hu....aur naye sher joD raha hu
ab usi radeefo qaafiye par dusri ghazal banana theeek nahi...aisa laga mujhe...

pahle jo darj ki huye suurat hai vo puraani hai
jo blue me hai vo naye hai.....
agar ise aap 'dil ke armaa aasuoo me bah gaye' ke dhun me padenge to jyada lutf degi

maine mera kaam kiya.............ab aap bataiye ki nayi koshish kaisi rahi....
----------------------------------------------------------

aapka kya- khuune dil mera hua
tod kar dil puchte haiN kya hua

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa

har kadam ik zalzala hai zindagi
kya naya isme bhala aisa hua

unke gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho niklaa hua

aap ki jabse padi parchaiyaaN
aaina bhi humse hai rootha hua

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
hona tha jo hashr vo uska hua

khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua

kabke mahfil chodkar hum uth gaye
aap kahiye aapka phir kya huaa

mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera apna hua

bazm ka meri ye hi dastur hai
aaye vo jo ishq me ruswaa huaa


..............................

pahle ki ghazal

aankh nam hai,honTh bhi sukha hua
tod kar dil puchte hai kya hua

choRkar mujko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
dard shayad kuch hai pahchana hua

tere gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho nilka hua

mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera sayaa hua

bazm ka teri ajab dastur hai
aaye zakhme ishq jo khaya hua


Last edited by zidd; 20th September 2010 at 06:07 PM..
   
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ISHK EK IBADAT
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Love 20th September 2010, 06:04 PM

zidd bhai
radhe radhe


kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa

unke gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho niklaa hua

khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua


teeno sher dil ko bahut bhaye yun to sabhi ashar khoob hai bahut sundar hain par inke khayaal jyada dil ke kareed rahe
dil se daad hazir hai kubul karen
likhte rahen yun hi bazm ko roshan karte rahen
duaon ke saath


Aapka Apna
Ishk


'इश्क' के बदले इश्क चाहना तिजारत है
इज़हार किससे करें महबूब तो दिल में है


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janumanu
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20th September 2010, 06:51 PM

bhayee ke ek sher class hai ..........

aapki shayri se ek baat sabit hoti hai

ki khyaal se jydaa uski adygi kaam karti hai....................

ek ek sher ........ ghazal ki byaani hai, kais ekar lete ho ye ...........

katl hai. khul-e-aam katl
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loveleen
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20th September 2010, 07:01 PM

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa

bahut khoob zidd ji
khaskar ye do sher bahut pasand aaye.

   
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janumanu
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20th September 2010, 07:14 PM


bhayee aapke purane sher aur naye sher mai hi kitna fark hai yahi dekhte haiN



old -- aankh nam hai,honTh bhi sukha hua
tod kar dil puchte hai kya hua

aapka kya- khuune dil mera hua
tod kar dil puchte haiN kya hua


hm naye wale mai, jydaa maza haio, aur natural lag raha hai , hope mujhme bhi aisa sudhaar aaye




old one ------------ choRkar mujko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

yaha aapne ... mujhko ko humko se replace kiyaa hai, koe khaas reason ??

kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa
hmmm

bhayee bichdaa .. kafiyaa suit nahi kar raha mere khyaal se .. aisa mujeh lag raha hai ................................


har kadam ik zalzala hai zindagi
kya naya isme bhala aisa hua


waah aahhhhh.. behdad mast sher hai
gungunae mai maza double ho ja raha hai


unke gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho niklaa hua
bhayee ..... this one is awesome ... aapki do ghazle aisi hai last wali, jisme mujhe apne sa kuch style lag raha hai ....... ab lag raha hai ki , aapme aur variaty aati ja rahi hai .....


aap ki jabse padi parchaiyaaN
aaina bhi humse hai rootha hua


haha ahahahhhh.. kyaa tanz hai , hahah


old one -- dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
dard shayad kuch hai pahchana hua

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
hona tha jo hashr vo uska hua


bhayee .... purane wale mai jaise mai koshish karta hun sher kahne ki waise hi lagi .... behr ki kasart hai usme
aur naye wale maiN ..... ek dam natural ................ bas baat jaise kisi munh-fat se munh se nikli ho ... haha


khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua


is sher ke liye hazaroN daa, laakho taliyaaN
tad tad tad, tadaaaa tad tad tadaaaaaaaaa tad
abhi itne se hi kama chalayeN
par really
ye sher aap apne saath zaroor rakheN .. ise jo sunega yaad rakhega
ab apna Business card baigaira dene kiz aroroat nahi
is sher ko suna diyaa karega , majaal hai koe bhool jaye aapko


kabke mahfil chodkar hum uth gaye
aap kahiye aapka phir kya huaa

very nice again ...... koe bahut gahraa khyaal nahi hai, par behtreen adyagi hai ....... uff mujhme bhi aisa kuch aye



mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera apna hua

katl hai, katl


bazm ka meri ye hi dastur hai
aaye vo jo ishq me ruswaa huaa


peeda mai anand jise ho
aye meri madhushala .. haha

jabardsat hai bhayee,........ i dont have word.....

repsssssssssssssssssssss. ki bochaaaar ho

..............................
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Harash Mahajan
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20th September 2010, 08:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd View Post
mahfil ko zidd ka pyaar bhara aadaab...

dosto yu to shayar kahta hai ki jo ek baar likh diya so likh diya.....
magar na jaane kyu ek pooraani likhi ghazal kareeb ek saal sse pahle ko aaj mai durust kar raha hu....aur naye sher joD raha hu
ab usi radeefo qaafiye par dusri ghazal banana theeek nahi...aisa laga mujhe...

pahle jo darj ki huye suurat hai vo puraani hai
jo blue me hai vo naye hai.....
agar ise aap 'dil ke armaa aasuoo me bah gaye' ke dhun me padenge to jyada lutf degi

maine mera kaam kiya.............ab aap bataiye ki nayi koshish kaisi rahi....
----------------------------------------------------------

aapka kya- khuune dil mera hua
tod kar dil puchte haiN kya hua

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa

har kadam ik zalzala hai zindagi
kya naya isme bhala aisa hua

unke gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho niklaa hua

aap ki jabse padi parchaiyaaN
aaina bhi humse hai rootha hua

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
hona tha jo hashr vo uska hua

khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua

kabke mahfil chodkar hum uth gaye
aap kahiye aapka phir kya huaa

mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera apna hua

bazm ka meri ye hi dastur hai
aaye vo jo ishq me ruswaa huaa


..............................

pahle ki ghazal

aankh nam hai,honTh bhi sukha hua
tod kar dil puchte hai kya hua

choRkar mujko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
dard shayad kuch hai pahchana hua

tere gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho nilka hua

mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera sayaa hua

bazm ka teri ajab dastur hai
aaye zakhme ishq jo khaya hua


Zidd saheb aaj phir aapki taza tareen mehfil-e-sukhan maiN upasthit hua hooN....harash ka salaam qabool keejiye....aapki kahi ek puraani tehreer padii our us per kutchh badlaav se aapki naye alphaas samete nayii peshkash bhi padii....wese toh peshkarda tamaam kalaam bahoot khoob raha..tarunaayii agar dekhi jaaye...toh woh aapne bata hi diya ki kis dhun per isey awaaz di jaaye.... sab bahoot khoob raha....
Lekin agar iss peshkash per...critique ki hasiat se kutchh kaha jaaye toh maazrat ke saath ek baat kehna chahooNga ke aapki itni penni kalam se nikli ye taherre ne mujhe bahoot niraash kiya hai.....aapki kalam me maine bahoot khoobi dekhi haiN.....bahoot taakat dekhi hai....
Lekin aaj....bahoot kamzor qafiye ko apna humnashieN banaya hai aapne....qaafiye ki majbooti hi Ghazal ki jaan hoti hai......radeeef toh khud hi ban jaata hai.....lekin...jitni jaan qaafiye me daali jaaye ..ghazal utni nikhar kar saamne aati hai......agar ye tehreer kisi aam shaks ki kalam se hoti toh shayad hum iss per waqt na dete.....

Aapke Qafiye...

Mera
Kya
Halka
Bichada
aisa
Nikla
rootha
uska
saaya
kya
apna
ruswa

sukha
(Peh)chana
khaya

Ye sabhi qafiye aapne apni iss tehreer meiN istemaal kerne ke liye munaasib samjhe.....

JahaaN tak qaafiye ka sawaal hai aapne sirf aakhiri 'Aa' ki awaaz ko ehmit dii our usi ke anjaam meiN aapne poore sher utaar diye....jo ...aajkal ke urdu-daan poori tarah nakaar dete haiN....qaafiya jitna ziyada hum-awaaz ho utna hi Ghazal meiN rawanagii our laaliyat utpann hoti hai....Qafiya hi Ghazal ki jaan hoti hai...
wese toh simple bhasha meiN anantyanupraas ya yuN kaheiN tuk ko qaafiyaa keh dete haiN....halaaNke kutchh vidhwaan ke nikat sher meiN qaafiyaa hona aawashyak nahiN maante...prantu....in-pratidin our haaliyaa Ghazal ki shape meiN itni tabdeeliyaaN ho rahieN hai ke qaafiye ki upastithi zaroori ho chuki hai..our itni sudrid ho gayii hai ke....qaafiye kiss type ka ho us per hi Ghazal ki rounaq tiki hai.......Ghazal ki beh'r bhi qaafiye ke baad dekhi jaane lagi hai...
Ghazal wazendaar bhi qaafiye ka sateek hone per munassar hota hai....

Koi bhi Ghazal kaar jab bhi Ghazal ko ..Ghazal ke roop meiN dekhega..toh sabse pehle uski nazer qaafiye per hi jaati hai...

Lekin aapki peshkash ko Generally dekha jaaye toh bahoot khoob rahi tarannu me bhi gaa ker dekhi...bada hi raswaadan hua...
Zidd saheb....mera ye tapsira mera nizi khyaal hai...aap isey anyathha na leiN....aapki kadd ko dekhte hue...ye likhna maine munasib samjha....

Khush raheiN

Mukhlis


Harash

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naresh_mehra110
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21st September 2010, 05:30 AM

Aam baatoN ko .... iss andaaz me keh jaanaa hai ... khaas banaata hai ... aapki shaayri ko ... yahi baat har baar saabiit karti hai ... Zidd Sahab aapki Ghazal .... ! woh sab iss peshkash me bhi nazar aaya .... ek ek sher kaabile taareef bana hai... tahe dil se daad hazir hai ...

aise hi behtar kalaam se ru-ba-ru karate rahen aage bhi ... khush rahe ...

duaaon ke saath ...




YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...


---Naresh Mehra----
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zidd
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zidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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21st September 2010, 10:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ISHK EK IBADAT View Post
zidd bhai
radhe radhe


kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa

unke gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho niklaa hua

khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua


teeno sher dil ko bahut bhaye yun to sabhi ashar khoob hai bahut sundar hain par inke khayaal jyada dil ke kareed rahe
dil se daad hazir hai kubul karen
likhte rahen yun hi bazm ko roshan karte rahen
duaon ke saath
bahut shukriya ishq sahab...
aapki daad sar ankho par

meri ye koshish rahti hai ki ek ghazal me alag alag rang ke sher ho...jisse har koi ko kuch to accha lage...ek hi tarah ke sher hone se ,ya to kisiko ghazal pasand ayegi ya bilkul nahi...meri koshish hamesha rahi hai sab ko kuch pasand aaye pasand aye...my aim is to pleasure aal ...bus har ghazal me thoda kam to kya ?

mai is natije par is liye pahucha ..ja dekha ki sdc par ja log reply dete hai to kisiko koi sher accha lagta gai..kisi ko koi sher accha nahi lagta ...magar dusre jo shar pahle ne 'do do' bataya use bahut accha laga...ab sdc me aisa hota hai to ye dunya ka general pattern hai.......

aapka bahut bahut shukriya sahab.

regards
   
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zidd
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21st September 2010, 10:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by janumanu View Post
bhayee ke ek sher class hai ..........

aapki shayri se ek baat sabit hoti hai

ki khyaal se jydaa uski adygi kaam karti hai....................

ek ek sher ........ ghazal ki byaani hai, kais ekar lete ho ye ...........

katl hai. khul-e-aam katl
bhai ..hamesha mai ye maante aaya hu ki shayri /poetry pahle adaigi hai...
fikr baad me.
magar agar dono ho to sher par char chand lag jaate hai...
agar adaigi nahi to poetry kya?" (you as well write prose then"=by pradyuman bismil)...jab mai maya aaya tha to bismil sahab ki ye baat mujhe ghar kar gayi...
ise hi adab me kahta hai taghazzul aur umda thought aur fikr ko 'takhaiul'
ghakib saha aur iqbal sahab dono me mahir the...isliye unka darja sabse bada mana jata hai....
meer sahab aur jigar sahab awwal darje ke thaghazzul ke mailk the...

ek aur category hai...jo jyada tar qawaali ki shaili hai....that is great word play.....to isme mere opinion hai ki daag sahab ke baad koi dusra naaam agar hai to vo bahut distant second hai.....

maine dheer sahab ko kaha tha bahut pahle ki mujhe shayri ka bahot shauk hai aap mujhe sikhaiye ki shayri kaise kare?....to unhone mujse poocha sabse pahle ye bataiye ki aapke paas kahne ke liye kuch hai?
maine jawaab diya ki zinda hai to kahne ke liye bahut kuch hai...murda hi muh band rakhte hai......vo hass pade aur kaha ki aap beshak shayri kar sakte ho....aur unhone kuch hadd tak jitna samay tha mujhe shuruwat dene ki koshish ki......magar pradhuyam sahab ki baat ne sabse jyada asar dala ki pahle adaa karo.(not in so many words ..thats my interpretation)

to ye hai apke baat ka jawaab

regards
   
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zidd
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zidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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21st September 2010, 10:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by loveleen View Post
choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa

bahut khoob zidd ji
khaskar ye do sher bahut pasand aaye.

loveleen ji aadaab...sahyad aap aaj pahli baar mili hain...
aapko shayad ye pata nahi ki ek shaks ko jo sher pasand aate hai usse us shaks ka make up zaahir ho jata hai........
aapko abstract ka accha idea hai...
aapki daad sar ankho par

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Kavita Negi
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21st September 2010, 10:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd View Post

----------------------------------------------------------

aapka kya- khuune dil mera hua
tod kar dil puchte haiN kya hua

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa

har kadam ik zalzala hai zindagi
kya naya isme bhala aisa hua

unke gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho niklaa hua

aap ki jabse padi parchaiyaaN
aaina bhi humse hai rootha hua

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
hona tha jo hashr vo uska hua

khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua

kabke mahfil chodkar hum uth gaye
aap kahiye aapka phir kya huaa

mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera apna hua

bazm ka meri ye hi dastur hai
aaye vo jo ishq me ruswaa huaa

..............................
Zidd ji,
Sabhi sher ek se badh kar ek hai....Dil se daad hazir hai... Yuhi likhte rahiye.....


KAVITA NEGI

Hame ehbab ki lambi qataron sy nahi matlab..........!!
Jo dil sy hamara ho hame wo ik shaksh kaafi he......!!
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zidd
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21st September 2010, 10:56 AM


bhayee aapke purane sher aur naye sher mai hi kitna fark hai yahi dekhte haiN



old -- aankh nam hai,honTh bhi sukha hua
tod kar dil puchte hai kya hua

aapka kya- khuune dil mera hua
tod kar dil puchte haiN kya hua


hm naye wale mai, jydaa maza haio, aur natural lag raha hai , hope mujhme bhi aisa sudhaar aaye


shukriya janaab .
aur zarur nikhaar ayega...ab aapke dimaag se beher ka hauuaa bahut hadd tak nikal gaya hai.sirf 5 ghazal aur kahiye beher me ,3 usi beher me jo apne last use kiya hai aur phir 2 koi aur beher me....sirf 5 ghazal....not a tall order...uske baad aap apne aap ko kosenge ki ye maine bahut pahle kyu nahi kiya..aap dekhna


old one ------------ choRkar mujko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

yaha aapne ... mujhko ko humko se replace kiyaa hai, koe khaas reason ??

takhatub problem ho raha tha....tu,tum ,aap ka....aur isko ek baar nazarandaaz kiya tha pahle....kitne juute aur sade anDe pade the ye baat to aapko khas kar yaad dilaane ki zarurat nahi...yaad hai na?
isliye 'humko' karna pada

kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa
hmmm

bhayee bichdaa .. kafiyaa suit nahi kar raha mere khyaal se .. aisa mujeh lag raha hai ................................


mere khayaal e ue accha qaafiya ho nahi sakta tha...agee jakar kya sochu pata nahi
har kadam ik zalzala hai zindagi
kya naya isme bhala aisa hua


waah aahhhhh.. behdad mast sher hai
gungunae mai maza double ho ja raha hai


daad ke liye shukriya

unke gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho niklaa hua
bhayee ..... this one is awesome ... aapki do ghazle aisi hai last wali, jisme mujhe apne sa kuch style lag raha hai ....... ab lag raha hai ki , aapme aur variaty aati ja rahi hai .....

aap kahte hai to hoga....mujhe fakr hai apko apka style laga..


aap ki jabse padi parchaiyaaN
aaina bhi humse hai rootha hua


haha ahahahhhh.. kyaa tanz hai , hahah

shukriya sahab


old one -- dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
dard shayad kuch hai pahchana hua

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
hona tha jo hashr vo uska hua


bhayee .... purane wale mai jaise mai koshish karta hun sher kahne ki waise hi lagi .... behr ki kasart hai usme
aur naye wale maiN ..... ek dam natural ................ bas baat jaise kisi munh-fat se munh se nikli ho ... haha


thanks again

khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua


is sher ke liye hazaroN daa, laakho taliyaaN
tad tad tad, tadaaaa tad tad tadaaaaaaaaa tad
abhi itne se hi kama chalayeN
par really
ye sher aap apne saath zaroor rakheN .. ise jo sunega yaad rakhega
ab apna Business card baigaira dene kiz aroroat nahi
is sher ko suna diyaa karega , majaal hai koe bhool jaye aapko


hahahaah...ye karne lag gaya to sab divana samjhege...koi mujse biz me seriously deal karega hi nahi...waise bhi sukhan ek taraf..karobaar ek taraf bhai
magar aapke juzbaat mai amjhta hu...
aapko ek hazaar baar shukriya

kabke mahfil chodkar hum uth gaye
aap kahiye aapka phir kya huaa

very nice again ...... koe bahut gahraa khyaal nahi hai, par behtreen adyagi hai ....... uff mujhme bhi aisa kuch aye

ye sher pahle aise bana tha
'tum bataoo phir tumhara kya hua'
jab poori ghazal ek saath padi to takhatub problem dikha ...so saani badal diya


mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera apna hua

katl hai, katl

maro mat bhai...phir sunega kaun?


bazm ka meri ye hi dastur hai
aaye vo jo ishq me ruswaa huaa


peeda mai anand jise ho
aye meri madhushala .. haha

hahaahaahhaha

jabardsat hai bhayee,........ i dont have word.....

repsssssssssssssssssssss. ki bochaaaar ho

..............................

thanks and regards
   
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21st September 2010, 11:41 AM

Bohat khoob Zidd saheb.........aapke kalam ek alag khusboo liye huye hote hai..........unki tareef karna ya kuch kehna aasan nahi. Bas thode ko zyda samjhe................yeh sher na jane q dil ki gehraieeyo me utarta chala gaya.

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

rep++++


Jhoot kehdu yeh meri fitrat me nahi shamil

Par tujhe bevafa bhi kehna achcha nahi lagta...

Mob.: +971 501297654
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21st September 2010, 11:44 AM

speachless...................mook


07666027379,09041116001,09876442643,
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Meri muflisi pe na hans ke wo , tera taaj sar se giraa na de
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zidd
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21st September 2010, 03:04 PM

Zidd saheb aaj phir aapki taza tareen mehfil-e-sukhan maiN upasthit hua hooN....harash ka salaam qabool keejiye....

aadaab harah sahab....aap jaise qaabil shayar ki nazar is kaagaz par padi yehi hamaare liye bahut hai

aapki kahi ek puraani tehreer padii our us per kutchh badlaav se aapki naye alphaas samete nayii peshkash bhi padii....wese toh peshkarda tamaam kalaam bahoot khoob raha..tarunaayii agar dekhi jaaye...toh woh aapne bata hi diya ki kis dhun per isey awaaz di jaaye.... sab bahoot khoob raha....

aapka shukriya sahab..

Lekin agar iss peshkash per...critique ki hasiat se kutchh kaha jaaye toh maazrat ke saath ek baat kehna chahooNga ke aapki itni penni kalam se nikli ye taherre ne mujhe bahoot niraash kiya hai.....aapki kalam me maine bahoot khoobi dekhi haiN.....bahoot taakat dekhi hai....

aapki zarra nawaazi hai sahab...varna banda itna kabil wakai nahi hai...

Lekin aaj....bahoot kamzor qafiye ko apna humnashieN banaya hai aapne....

mai aapki is baat se ittefaaq nahi rakhta sahab....intehaaii mazrat sahab..baat seedhi pahuche isliye itna saaf lafz istemaal karna munasib samjha

qaafiye ki majbooti hi Ghazal ki jaan hoti hai......

sau feesadi sahi baat hai sahab...is maamle me aap aur mai humkhayaal hain

radeeef toh khud hi ban jaata hai.....zara matbhed hai isme mera ..magar maujuda mudda ye nahi hai so ispar phir kabhi behas karenge


lekin...jitni jaan qaafiye me daali jaaye ..ghazal utni nikhar kar saamne aati hai......
jee sahab..mai aapki baat se sahmat hu

agar ye tehreer kisi aam shaks ki kalam se hoti toh shayad hum iss per waqt na dete.....

baat jo kahunga ghisi piti si hai magar ab bhi baja hai ke jab koi itni bariki se padta hai kisika kalaam to shayar ki mehnat wasuul ho jaati hai..uski thakan utar jaati hai...
Aapke Qafiye...

Mera
Kya
Halka
Bichada
aisa
Nikla
rootha
uska
saaya
kya
apna
ruswa

sukha
(Peh)chana
khaya

Ye sabhi qafiye aapne apni iss tehreer meiN istemaal kerne ke liye munaasib samjhe.....

jee sahab

JahaaN tak qaafiye ka sawaal hai aapne sirf aakhiri 'Aa' ki awaaz ko ehmit dii our usi ke anjaam meiN aapne poore sher utaar diye

jee sahab....magar ye to aam hai aap dekhiye...ye qaafiya hi is type ka hai...koi aur tarah se ho hi nahi sakta..aap dekhiye zara

baskih dushvaar hai har kaam kaa aasaaN honaa
aadmii ko bhii muyassar nahiiN insaaN honaa.....ghalib
aa.saaN
in.saaN
hai.raaN
kaaur.yaaN
mak.daaN
re.baaN

aa...in..hai...kau... mak...re=ye chalan hai 'aa' ke pahle

++++

sab kahaaN kuchh laalah o gul me numaayaaN ho gaii
khaak meN kya suurateN hoNgii ki pinhaaN ho gaii...ghalib
( awaaz se)

maa.yaaN
pin.haaN
nis.yaaN
resh.aaN
ii.maaN
vii.raaN
maa...pin..nis...resh..ii...vii...=ye chalan hai 'aa' ke pahle

++++

use ham ne bahut DhuunDhaa nah paayaa
agar paayaa to khoj apnaa nah paayaa......zauk

Dhun.Dhaa
ap.naa
kho.yaa
go.yaa
ye.gaa ...........dhu...ap...kho....go...ye...=yaha bhi ye chalan hai



ab jo ye mahanubha kar sakte hai...hum kyu nahi?

....jo ...aajkal ke urdu-daan poori tarah nakaar dete haiN

hmmmmm....
yaha operative word hai aaj kal yani ke contemporary....
ab zara ise ek nazar dekhiye

ye saara jism jhuk kar bojh se duhraa huaa hoga
mai sajde me nahi tha aap ko dhokaa huaa hoga.....dushyant kumar
(awaaz ke hisaab se)

duh.raa
dho.kaa
Tha.raa
kyaa
naa.kaa
ai.saa
jal.saa
chaa.naa

duh..dho..tha..kya..naa..ai..jal..chaa= ye chaal hai qafiye ki

ek baat yaha aapse poochna chaunga harsh sahab ke ye aajkal ke urdudaan kaun hai aur aisi daleel aur behs kaha huyi hai....agar net pat waisa koi material hai to aap hame link dijiye..agarapp ke paas physical form me koi material hai to mujhe xerox bhejne ki kripa kijiye.

aur ye urdudaan shayar bhi hai ya sirf urooz ka karobaar karte hai

mere hisaab se to pahle jo sakti thi ..rigid rules the vo relax hote jaa rahe hai...jo mera manna hai usse aap bilkul viprit position me hai...to mai ye janna zarur chahunga ki ye kaun log ai jo aisi daleel/hidayat/syatems nikaal rahe hai?

isse mera aur sabka ilm badega aur aapka ham shukriya adaa karenge...in gratitude vo alag ....akhir critical appreciation ka matlab hi yahi hai.....jo baat saamne na ho vo saamne llaya jaaye...magar writer bhi ye baat pooch hi sakta hai ki daleel ka base kya hai? aap zarur bataiyega


....qaafiya jitna ziyada hum-awaaz ho utna hi Ghazal meiN rawanagii our laaliyat utpann hoti hai....Qafiya hi Ghazal ki jaan hoti hai...
wese toh simple bhasha meiN anantyanupraas ya yuN kaheiN tuk ko qaafiyaa keh dete haiN....halaaNke kutchh vidhwaan ke nikat sher meiN qaafiyaa hona aawashyak nahiN maante...prantu....in-pratidin our haaliyaa Ghazal ki shape meiN itni tabdeeliyaaN ho rahieN hai ke qaafiye ki upastithi zaroori ho chuki hai..our itni sudrid ho gayii hai ke....qaafiye kiss type ka ho us per hi Ghazal ki rounaq tiki hai.......

baat to ye ki ye ghazal jaisa aap kah rahe hai utni humawaaz qawaafi se ban hi nahi sakti....aap agar gaur kare to qaafiye ka akaal pad jayega...agar aap kuch qaafiye suggest kare to mai phir try karna chaunga is zameen par

Ghazal ki beh'r bhi qaafiye ke baad dekhi jaane lagi hai...

yaha mera aapse bahot bada matbhed hai....
ek baat par shayad aap gaur nahi kar rahe hai ki ye baat paradox hai
agar qafiya sahi nahi to ghzal beher me ayegi kaise?
aur agar qafiya sahi hai magar beher nahi to kya qafiya ghazal ko adaa kar dega?
i disagree sir.

Ghazal wazendaar bhi qaafiye ka sateek hone per munassar hota hai....

non fructious platitude hi hai ye sahab....zahir si baat hai..ke aap sahi hi hai

Koi bhi Ghazal kaar jab bhi Ghazal ko ..Ghazal ke roop meiN dekhega..toh sabse pehle uski nazer qaafiye per hi jaati hai...

meri nahi jaaati sahab....shayad mai ghazal kaar nahi
mai pahle dekhta hu ki adaa ho raha hai ki nahi....magar is baat se inkaar nahi ke qaafiya ghazal ki beauty me ek important role play karta hai

Lekin aapki peshkash ko Generally dekha jaaye toh bahoot khoob rahi tarannu me bhi gaa ker dekhi...bada hi raswaadan hua...

aapka behadd shukriya sahab....aapne gaa liya ise ...dil khush ho gaya...
kyuki ghazal ko padne aur gaane me ...surprisingly uske matlab bahut farq paD jata hai !!!!!!!!!'''kyu ye mujhe bhi samjh nahi aaya....gaao to matlab alag ...wahi alfaaz pado to matlab alag? bahot hyrarangez baat hai
Zidd saheb....mera ye tapsira mera nizi khyaal hai...aap isey anyathha na leiN....aapki kadd ko dekhte hue...ye likhna maine munasib samjha....

aapne sahi kaha sahab....agar dusre point of iew nahi patachalenge to sab bonee rah jayenge...kabhi agee nahi badenge..mujhe to khushi huii aapke critizm se....isne mujhe researck karne par mazboor kiya ..mera ilm badaya aur jo jaanta tha ussepukhtaa kiya...
magar aap vo daleel/behs/arguements/discusions/ aajkal ke urdu daano ke jo mundarjabala aapne bataye hain usse saamne laaiye...varna aapka bhi waqt gaya aur mera bhi...

Khush raheiN

Mukhlis


Harash

duago
zidd




   
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Harash Mahajan
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21st September 2010, 09:44 PM

Zidd sahib iss bazm-e-sukhan mein mera tah-e-dil se aapko salaam pahoonche….izzat-afzaayii k eliye maiN dil se shukerGuzaar hooN…... Zidd sahib..maiN ek taalib-e-ilm insaan hooN ek adna si koshish thi meri jaanib se aap tak ek message pahoonchane ki…..our shayad aap hum se ittefaaq nahiN rakhna chahte…aapko ilm likha hua chahiye…ilm direct saweekar nahiN….koi aisi bahas likhi hui chahiye net per ya kaagaz per….shayad ye koi bhi muhaiyy nahi kerwa sakta….kyu ke jab Ghazal shuru hui toh iske maap dand likhne waaloN ne hi…waqt ke chaeet banaye our banate rahe haiN our badalte bhi rahe haiN…hum toh khud student ban ke jeena our seekhna chahte haiN…our roz apne se chhote chhote kehne waaloN se bhi bahoot kutchh seekha hai..our apni taleemk me usey add kerne ki koshish bhi kee hai….mere review ke jwaab meiN aapka tafseel se Ghatna-waar likha hua khat pada…..our iss khat ka mazmoon sirf qaafiye ka raha……our hamne jo bhi kaha ye hamara apni umra ke saath…. bahoot mushayraas shirkat ke zariye prapt kiyahua tha our yahaaN usey takseem kerne ki kosish bhar ki hai..…na ke isey koi bahas ke liye hamne pesh kiya…our na hi hamne koi Jung jeetne ke liye kaha hai…our na hi mujhe ye saabit kerna hai ke hum koi bahoot bade shayar haiN…..
Merii jaanib se isey bahas ka mudda^h banane ki koi wazeh bhi nahiN hai…..jahaaN tak aapne proof ke mutallak baat kee….shayad aapne merii baton ko dil se lagaya hai…meri tajweez ka buraa nah maaniyega….har prakaar ka ilm proof ka mohtaaz nahiN hota…our sara ilm kitaaboN meiN bhi nahi hota…gar aisa hota toh GURU ki zaroorat hi na hoti……..experience ka bhi usme hissa hota hai…our har cheez ko sudhaarne ke liye…un chhezoN ko apne se behtar hue shabdoN se comparison kiya jata hai na ke apne se kamtar cheezoN se naapa jaaye….aap behtar tabhi kehlaaye jaayeiNge…jab kamtar logon se our hum apne se ooper waalon se apne ilm ko aankeiN ge…….
Aap khud dekh sakte haiN….yahaaN tak ke achhe kehne waloN ke bhi wahi intekhaab pasand kiye gaye jo achhe wazni rahe our behtar rahe jo behtar nahiN rahe unka kahiN ziker bhi nahiN hota…..zaroori nahiN acchha Shayar sab kutchh achha hi kahega…..our hum seekhne waaloN ko jahaaN se bhi achha milta hai woh apnaate haiN..our apne ilm me jodne ki koshish kerte haiN…our ye hum per munassar hai ke usey apni vocabulary me jodeiN ya nahiN….apnii ego ka bhi ismeiN bahoot badaa yogdaan hota hai….
JahaaN tak hamara swaal hai hum abhi shayarii meiN mitti ki dhool ke braber bhi nahiN…Our sach kahooN toh hamne aapko aapki Ghazal per tapsira bhi isi liye diya kyu ke aapne isey jab dubara Harf diye.phir bhi cheez wahiN ke wahiN rahi…jo merii akaaNshaayeiN is se ziyada thi…our aapke reaction se ab yuN laga ke woh merii bhool thi shayad….aapki nazer me yahi behtar hai….mujhe aapse iss se ziyada umeed nahi karni chahiye thi…...jab ke maine aape kalaam ke liye qaafiye ke bare meiN ye qatayii nahi kaha ke woh galat hai..aapne doosre shayaroN ki daleeleiN dieN ye saabit kern eke liye woh bhi aisa likhte the….Sach me isme koi do raai nahiN….
HaaN iss lekh se jo aapne pesh kiya is se ye zaroor maloom hua ke aapki rai Qaafiye ke bare meiN merii rai se mukhtalif hai…
halaaNke aapne khud apne lekh meiN do-harfi qaafiye ki taraf-daari ki hai jo aapke ek-harfii qaafiye se behtar hai our do-harfi hum-awaaz bhi haiN…

aa.saaN
in.saaN
hai.raaN
kaaur.yaaN
mak.daaN
re.baaN

Aapse Darkhwaasth hai isey aap anyathha na leiN….our aap apne ilm main behtar haiN usey usi prakaar chalte rehne deiN…..our jahaaN tak aapki poori Ghazal ka swaal hai woh sach me… in total behtar hui hai….

Jaise aapne SDC ye competition jeeta..woh is liye ki aapki Ghazal ka har hissa baakiyoN se badker our behtar tha…technicalities ke lihaaj se bhi….iska matlab ye nahiN baaki logon ki GhazleiN badiyaa nahiN thieN….
JahaaN tak naye urdu-daanoN ka swaal hai…..ye sab ham sab ka urdu mehfiloN meiN shirkat kerna our wahan discussion se nikla sabab hai our itne forums haiN jahaaN hum logon ne shirkat kee….our GhazaloN ke bare meiN din per din nikhaar ki Gunjaayeesh dekhi gayii our un forums ko jahaaN ye discussions huieN unhe dooNdna waqt ki darkaar bahoot chahiye hai..jo aajkal kisi ke paas nahiN………
Iss mutallak kutchh wazendaar qaafiye aapki nazer….jo hamaare saath un dinoN hum-saya rahe..unme Chaman ji, sarwar.raz ji ,naasir ali ‘Nadeem ’ji our bahoot se shayar hastiyaaN haiN…

haraaniyaaN
PareshaaniyaaN
DiwaaniyaaN
QurbaaniyaaN
anjaaniyaaN
ShaitaaniyaaN
HaiwaaniyaaN
jawaaniyaaN

Anjaam
Naam
Iljaam
Shaam’
naakaam
jam
aawaam
kaam

ugalti
chalti
fisalti
machalti
badalti
nikalti
falti

do-harfi Qaafiye

thhumm
jumm
mousum
marhum
aadamm
dumm

anyways..aap iss bare me ziyada ilm rakhte haiN shayad……….our aage chal ker umeed hai hum aapse bhi kutchh seekhne ki Gunjaayeesh rakhte haiN…..

Shukriyaa^h


Mukhlis

Harash

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zidd
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zidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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23rd September 2010, 10:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sajid_ghayel View Post
Bohat khoob Zidd saheb.........aapke kalam ek alag khusboo liye huye hote hai..........unki tareef karna ya kuch kehna aasan nahi. Bas thode ko zyda samjhe................yeh sher na jane q dil ki gehraieeyo me utarta chala gaya.

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

rep++++
sajid sahab aapka bahut bahut shukriya....
aapko mujhe pata hai mayle ka misra e ulaa ne mitasir nahi kiya hai....so ek koshish aur karta hu..
suniye aur bataiye ki kaisa raha ye.....ab bhi na jame to aur koshish karunga

waah,ye to khoob hi kissa hua
toD kar dil poochteN haiN kya hua


bataiye ab ye suit karta hai ya aur koshish karen?

regards
   
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zidd
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23rd September 2010, 10:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kavita Negi View Post
Zidd ji,
Sabhi sher ek se badh kar ek hai....Dil se daad hazir hai... Yuhi likhte rahiye.....
aapki anko sar ankho kavita sahiba..
waqtdene ka bahut shukriya apka....

regards
   
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gazzal
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23rd September 2010, 10:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd View Post
mahfil ko zidd ka pyaar bhara aadaab...

dosto yu to shayar kahta hai ki jo ek baar likh diya so likh diya.....
magar na jaane kyu ek pooraani likhi ghazal kareeb ek saal sse pahle ko aaj mai durust kar raha hu....aur naye sher joD raha hu
ab usi radeefo qaafiye par dusri ghazal banana theeek nahi...aisa laga mujhe...

pahle jo darj ki huye suurat hai vo puraani hai
jo blue me hai vo naye hai.....
agar ise aap 'dil ke armaa aasuoo me bah gaye' ke dhun me padenge to jyada lutf degi

maine mera kaam kiya.............ab aap bataiye ki nayi koshish kaisi rahi....
----------------------------------------------------------

aapka kya- khuune dil mera hua
tod kar dil puchte haiN kya hua

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa

har kadam ik zalzala hai zindagi
kya naya isme bhala aisa hua

unke gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho niklaa hua

aap ki jabse padi parchaiyaaN
aaina bhi humse hai rootha hua

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
hona tha jo hashr vo uska hua

khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua

kabke mahfil chodkar hum uth gaye
aap kahiye aapka phir kya huaa

mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera apna hua

bazm ka meri ye hi dastur hai
aaye vo jo ishq me ruswaa huaa


..............................

pahle ki ghazal

aankh nam hai,honTh bhi sukha hua
tod kar dil puchte hai kya hua

choRkar mujko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
dard shayad kuch hai pahchana hua

tere gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho nilka hua

mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera sayaa hua

bazm ka teri ajab dastur hai
aaye zakhme ishq jo khaya hua


bhot hi khoob zidd ji...............


If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude......
   
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zidd
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23rd September 2010, 01:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Harash Mahajan View Post
Zidd sahib iss bazm-e-sukhan mein mera tah-e-dil se aapko salaam pahoonche….izzat-afzaayii k eliye maiN dil se shukerGuzaar hooN…... Zidd sahib..maiN ek taalib-e-ilm insaan hooN ek adna si koshish thi meri jaanib se aap tak ek message pahoonchane ki…..our shayad aap hum se ittefaaq nahiN rakhna chahte…aapko ilm likha hua chahiye…ilm direct saweekar nahiN….koi aisi bahas likhi hui chahiye net per ya kaagaz per….shayad ye koi bhi muhaiyy nahi kerwa sakta….kyu ke jab Ghazal shuru hui toh iske maap dand likhne waaloN ne hi…waqt ke chaeet banaye our banate rahe haiN our badalte bhi rahe haiN…hum toh khud student ban ke jeena our seekhna chahte haiN…our roz apne se chhote chhote kehne waaloN se bhi bahoot kutchh seekha hai..our apni taleemk me usey add kerne ki koshish bhi kee hai….mere review ke jwaab meiN aapka tafseel se Ghatna-waar likha hua khat pada…..our iss khat ka mazmoon sirf qaafiye ka raha……our hamne jo bhi kaha ye hamara apni umra ke saath…. bahoot mushayraas shirkat ke zariye prapt kiyahua tha our yahaaN usey takseem kerne ki kosish bhar ki hai..…na ke isey koi bahas ke liye hamne pesh kiya…our na hi hamne koi Jung jeetne ke liye kaha hai…our na hi mujhe ye saabit kerna hai ke hum koi bahoot bade shayar haiN…..
Merii jaanib se isey bahas ka mudda^h banane ki koi wazeh bhi nahiN hai…..jahaaN tak aapne proof ke mutallak baat kee….shayad aapne merii baton ko dil se lagaya hai…meri tajweez ka buraa nah maaniyega….har prakaar ka ilm proof ka mohtaaz nahiN hota…our sara ilm kitaaboN meiN bhi nahi hota…gar aisa hota toh GURU ki zaroorat hi na hoti……..experience ka bhi usme hissa hota hai…our har cheez ko sudhaarne ke liye…un chhezoN ko apne se behtar hue shabdoN se comparison kiya jata hai na ke apne se kamtar cheezoN se naapa jaaye….aap behtar tabhi kehlaaye jaayeiNge…jab kamtar logon se our hum apne se ooper waalon se apne ilm ko aankeiN ge…….
Aap khud dekh sakte haiN….yahaaN tak ke achhe kehne waloN ke bhi wahi intekhaab pasand kiye gaye jo achhe wazni rahe our behtar rahe jo behtar nahiN rahe unka kahiN ziker bhi nahiN hota…..zaroori nahiN acchha Shayar sab kutchh achha hi kahega…..our hum seekhne waaloN ko jahaaN se bhi achha milta hai woh apnaate haiN..our apne ilm me jodne ki koshish kerte haiN…our ye hum per munassar hai ke usey apni vocabulary me jodeiN ya nahiN….apnii ego ka bhi ismeiN bahoot badaa yogdaan hota hai….
JahaaN tak hamara swaal hai hum abhi shayarii meiN mitti ki dhool ke braber bhi nahiN…Our sach kahooN toh hamne aapko aapki Ghazal per tapsira bhi isi liye diya kyu ke aapne isey jab dubara Harf diye.phir bhi cheez wahiN ke wahiN rahi…jo merii akaaNshaayeiN is se ziyada thi…our aapke reaction se ab yuN laga ke woh merii bhool thi shayad….aapki nazer me yahi behtar hai….mujhe aapse iss se ziyada umeed nahi karni chahiye thi…...jab ke maine aape kalaam ke liye qaafiye ke bare meiN ye qatayii nahi kaha ke woh galat hai..aapne doosre shayaroN ki daleeleiN dieN ye saabit kern eke liye woh bhi aisa likhte the….Sach me isme koi do raai nahiN….
HaaN iss lekh se jo aapne pesh kiya is se ye zaroor maloom hua ke aapki rai Qaafiye ke bare meiN merii rai se mukhtalif hai…
halaaNke aapne khud apne lekh meiN do-harfi qaafiye ki taraf-daari ki hai jo aapke ek-harfii qaafiye se behtar hai our do-harfi hum-awaaz bhi haiN…

aa.saaN
in.saaN
hai.raaN
kaaur.yaaN
mak.daaN
re.baaN

Aapse Darkhwaasth hai isey aap anyathha na leiN….our aap apne ilm main behtar haiN usey usi prakaar chalte rehne deiN…..our jahaaN tak aapki poori Ghazal ka swaal hai woh sach me… in total behtar hui hai….

Jaise aapne SDC ye competition jeeta..woh is liye ki aapki Ghazal ka har hissa baakiyoN se badker our behtar tha…technicalities ke lihaaj se bhi….iska matlab ye nahiN baaki logon ki GhazleiN badiyaa nahiN thieN….
JahaaN tak naye urdu-daanoN ka swaal hai…..ye sab ham sab ka urdu mehfiloN meiN shirkat kerna our wahan discussion se nikla sabab hai our itne forums haiN jahaaN hum logon ne shirkat kee….our GhazaloN ke bare meiN din per din nikhaar ki Gunjaayeesh dekhi gayii our un forums ko jahaaN ye discussions huieN unhe dooNdna waqt ki darkaar bahoot chahiye hai..jo aajkal kisi ke paas nahiN………
Iss mutallak kutchh wazendaar qaafiye aapki nazer….jo hamaare saath un dinoN hum-saya rahe..unme Chaman ji, sarwar.raz ji ,naasir ali ‘Nadeem ’ji our bahoot se shayar hastiyaaN haiN…

haraaniyaaN
PareshaaniyaaN
DiwaaniyaaN
QurbaaniyaaN
anjaaniyaaN
ShaitaaniyaaN
HaiwaaniyaaN
jawaaniyaaN

Anjaam
Naam
Iljaam
Shaam’
naakaam
jam
aawaam
kaam

ugalti
chalti
fisalti
machalti
badalti
nikalti
falti

do-harfi Qaafiye

thhumm
jumm
mousum
marhum
aadamm
dumm

anyways..aap iss bare me ziyada ilm rakhte haiN shayad……….our aage chal ker umeed hai hum aapse bhi kutchh seekhne ki Gunjaayeesh rakhte haiN…..

Shukriyaa^h


Mukhlis

Harash


harash ji namaste...

apka khat padkar behad khushi huyi.....aur dheer sahab ke lafzo me me kahu to"badi khusi huyi ke sdc par wapas adabi guftugu karne wale ehbaab aa rahe hai"

apko na jaane kyu laga ki koi dil shikni hui hai ..magar wakai koi dilshikni nahi huii hai...mujhe to bada lutf aata hai aisi guftugu me....ilm bhi badta hai...so aap zara bhi fikr na karen aur waise bhi aaap har tarah se hamaare seniour hai...sdc par bhi, umr me bhi , experience me bhi aur dus ustaado ke saath baithe uthe hain..

aur jab puraane ( ghalib /zauk) aur naye (dushyant kumar) ustaad qaafiye ki darj ki misaal qaayam kar gaye hain...ab 2-4 logo ki (ya ek particular group ki...shayad isliye gharaane bane..hahahaaahha)niji rai agar inse viprit hai....to aisi suurat me in logo ki baato par gaur to zarur karna chaiye magar sahmat hona koi zaruri nahi...khas kar....jab koi ghzal KOI AUR SUURAT ME BAN HI NAHI SAKTI (operative words in caps)
waise bhi ji logo ke naam aapne darj kiye hai vo sab net par available hai....

yu to ye kahkar ki puraani ghzal hai, sirf usi ko durust kiya hai maine, ye kahkar mai khisak sakta tha....magar maine isliye baat badaii ke dekhe kya daleel aati hai...kyuki mai wakai apki baat se sahmat nahi...na pahle tha na ab -aapke tabaadla e khayaal ke baad....shayad isliye aapko lag raha hai ki mujhe naaraazgi huii...magar aisa bilkul nahi
aur yakeen janiye ...aur is baat ki gawaahi sdc ke members denge ki jab mai convince ho jata hu kisi opinion se jo mere opinion ke khilaaf hai to saaf kah deta hu...i stand corrected...isme koi sharm nahi mujhe....

ab debate agee badaate hain...

aapne jo misaal di hai vo sab inapplicable hai ...jaise

1]
aa.saaN
in.saaN
hai.raaN
kaaur.yaaN
mak.daaN
re.baaN

sahab jise aap do harfi samajh rahe hai vo ek harfi humawaaz hai
kyuki "N" nasalisation(actually 'aspiration' hai) hai....ye harf ki ginti me nahi aata...kyuki iska koi apna wazn nahi hai..
aasaaN ka wazn aa 2 / saaN 2 / hai
aa 2 / saa 2/ N 1 to nahi hai (is ghazal me)
isliye saare mundarjabala qaafiye 2 harfi hai...aur pahle harf hum awaaz nahi hai.....jaisa maine pahle kaha tha

2]
haraaniyaaN
PareshaaniyaaN
DiwaaniyaaN
QurbaaniyaaN
anjaaniyaaN
ShaitaaniyaaN
HaiwaaniyaaN
jawaaniyaaN

yeh bhi apne discussion me inapplicable hai...saare ke saare qaafiye mostly derived hai,ek ko choRkar ( diwaniyaaN=aur mere hisaab se kisi bhi tarah se ye lafz haasil hi nahi ho sakta...aisa koi lafz hai bhi,ye mujhe doubt hai)

aur sabse badi baat ke ek ghazal me nahi band sakte wazn ke lihaaj se..

mool lafz hai= hairaan/pareshaan/anjaan......so ye sab band qafiye hai ,consonant se end hote huye...jo is discussion me inapplicable hai

3]
thhumm
jumm
mousum
marhum
aadamm
dumm...........

halanki band qaafiye hain magar root words hai jo mai kah raha hu wahi ye qaafiye bhi kah rahe hai...ye ek harfi hain..pata nahi kyu aapne iski daleel di

mou ...mar..aaa...kaha hum awaaz hai isme jo do harfi qafiye hain?

to meri kahi ghazal ke matle me 'kyaa' qaafiya bandha hai...ye chaal dikhaaane ke liye ki qaafiya 'aa' par girega...last harf par...

aap meri ek help kar sakte hai ab...

agar aap matle ke hisaab se 'kya' aur 'meraa' ke hisaab se agee kaunse qaafiye istemaal karne chaiye ,ye bata den ...to meri sabse badi help hogi.
aur ye kaha jaa sakega ki is discussion ka kuch natijaa nikla

---------------------------------------------------

regards....aap agee bhi isi tarah ghazal kicritical analysis kijiye .....ye aape guzaarish hai....mai bhi apki ghazalo par aata hu....critical analysis ke saaath.....milkar sekhte hai....ek dusre se...

regards
   
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sajid_ghayel
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23rd September 2010, 03:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd View Post
sajid sahab aapka bahut bahut shukriya....
aapko mujhe pata hai mayle ka misra e ulaa ne mitasir nahi kiya hai....so ek koshish aur karta hu..
suniye aur bataiye ki kaisa raha ye.....ab bhi na jame to aur koshish karunga

waah,ye to khoob hi kissa hua
toD kar dil poochteN haiN kya hua

bataiye ab ye suit karta hai ya aur koshish karen?

regards

Hahahahahahaha ama aap bhi mere bhai, aapki sachchaiee ko salam.

This one is justttttttttttttttt perfecttttttttttttttttttt.

Kya aisa ho sakta hai ke yeh Matla original post me attach kar diya jaya aur purana matla hata diya jaye......


Jhoot kehdu yeh meri fitrat me nahi shamil

Par tujhe bevafa bhi kehna achcha nahi lagta...

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zidd
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zidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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24th September 2010, 10:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by parveen komal View Post
speachless...................mook
jo zidd ki ghazal par chuppi saadhega
khuda usko jahannam me jagah dega
   
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janumanu
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24th September 2010, 10:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd View Post
jo zidd ki ghazal par chuppi saadhega
khuda usko jahannam me jagah dega

ha ha ah ahahah

kyaa style hai daad lene ka , dadagiri hai


haha
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Amanush...
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24th September 2010, 05:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by janumanu View Post
ha ha ah ahahah

kyaa style hai daad lene ka , dadagiri hai


haha
Sach hi kahaa aapne, Vikas Bhaai...!

100 % Donish style hai yaha daad aur reps paane ka...!

Lo, hum bhi aa gaye iss thread par, Khudaa Ji hameiN Zidd Saab ki buuri niyaton se bachaaye...!



Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai

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zidd
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zidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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24th September 2010, 05:39 PM

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Originally Posted by Mushkil View Post
Sach hi kahaa aapne, Vikas Bhaai...!

100 % Donish style hai yaha daad aur reps paane ka...!

Lo, hum bhi aa gaye iss thread par, Khudaa Ji hameiN Zidd Saab ki buuri niyaton se bachaaye...!

hahhahaahaha

daad tak to sahi hai reps ka koi aisa shauk o chaska nahi

dannyji aap bach gaye jo yaha aa gaye
nahi to kuch log seedhe waha gaye
   
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Amanush...
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Amanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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24th September 2010, 05:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd View Post
hahhahaahaha

daad tak to sahi hai reps ka koi aisa shauk o chaska nahi

dannyji aap bach gaye jo yaha aa gaye
nahi to kuch log seedhe waha gaye
Jo co-members ko jahanuum maiN bhejne ko taiyyar hai, kaun kaun se shauq chuppa hai unke dil maiN, wo aur Khudaa Ji hi jaane...!



Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai

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zidd
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zidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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24th September 2010, 05:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mushkil View Post
Jo co-members ko jahanuum maiN bhejne ko taiyyar hai, kaun kaun se shauq chuppa hai unke dil maiN, wo aur Khudaa Ji hi jaane...!

aree bhai .....ab khuda sahab se poochne ki kya zarurat?

no divine intervention required

ab aap shayri hi nahi samjhte to ham kya kare?
seedhe waha gaye...ek code hai...ab matlab aap ko bhi pata hai ki kya hai?

matlab big boss ke paas...ab samjhe.....hamaare dushman the jo seedhe waha chale gaye complaint lekar...


ab kayiye kya kahna hai?
   
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Amanush...
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Amanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comAmanush... is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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24th September 2010, 05:53 PM

Quote:
dannyji aap bach gaye jo yaha aa gaye
nahi to kuch log seedhe waha gaye
Wahaan Jaane ka hameiN koyi shikwaa nahiN hota
Par sunaa hai Jahannum main paNkhaa nahiN hota

paNkhaa : fan



Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai

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zidd
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zidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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24th September 2010, 05:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mushkil View Post

Wahaan Jaane ka hameiN koyi shikwaa nahiN hota
Par sunaa hai Jahannum main paNkhaa nahiN hota

paNkhaa : fan

hadd ho gayi...hum kis kaam ayenge?

hum pandit ko kah kar aapki sifaarish kara denge
aap jaoo to sahi aapke liye waha AC lagwa denge

aur jagah pasand na aaye to wapas bhi bula lenge

dont you worry dear
   
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parveen komal
devil ! forgive me
parveen komal is a splendid one to beholdparveen komal is a splendid one to beholdparveen komal is a splendid one to beholdparveen komal is a splendid one to beholdparveen komal is a splendid one to beholdparveen komal is a splendid one to beholdparveen komal is a splendid one to beholdparveen komal is a splendid one to behold
 
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24th September 2010, 10:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by janumanu View Post
ha ha ah ahahah

kyaa style hai daad lene ka , dadagiri hai


haha
ye bhaai giri hai ji bhaigiri .


07666027379,09041116001,09876442643,
09417142513,09914097007,09625494246
Mail: parveenkomal@parveenkomal.com
www.parveenkomal.com/blog
{ BURA NA SUNENGE BURA NA DEKHENGE BURA NA BOLENGE
ACHHA LIKHENGE,KOI BURA KAHEGA TO KHUD KO TATOLENGE }


Wohi rizq deta jahaan ko , wohi zaat sab se azeem hai
Meri muflisi pe na hans ke wo , tera taaj sar se giraa na de
}QadeerToopchi{
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zainy
Aapki dost
zainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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24th September 2010, 10:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by parveen komal View Post
ye bhaai giri hai ji bhaigiri .


yeh bhaigiri nahi......billigiri hai................................




Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

Nm
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noor_noor
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noor_noor is a splendid one to beholdnoor_noor is a splendid one to beholdnoor_noor is a splendid one to beholdnoor_noor is a splendid one to beholdnoor_noor is a splendid one to beholdnoor_noor is a splendid one to beholdnoor_noor is a splendid one to beholdnoor_noor is a splendid one to behold
 
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26th September 2010, 07:13 AM

aapka kya- khuune dil mera hua
tod kar dil puchte haiN kya hua

MashaAllah khoob kya matla hua.............daad

choRkar humko khushi jaane lagi
lo chalo kuch bojh to halka hua

kya gazab ye kar dia, dil ko chua.........phir se daad

kis tarah hum khud se muh ko pherte
dost hu mai khud hi se bichdaa huaa

acha hai..........................

har kadam ik zalzala hai zindagi
kya naya isme bhala aisa hua

achi soch hai sahab..........aur baat shayad suchchi bhi.......daad qubool keejiye

unke gesu ke andheron ke tale
chand jaise din me ho niklaa hua

hmmm........bareek soch achi soch maza aaya paD kar janaab....aapke hi nadaz mai kahunga ahca word play.......daad hazir hai

aap ki jabse padi parchaiyaaN
aaina bhi humse hai rootha hua

acha hai acha hai sahab

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
hona tha jo hashr vo uska hua

khoob.....................

khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua

kar bhi nahi sakte haiN sahab............nice one

kabke mahfil chodkar hum uth gaye
aap kahiye aapka phir kya huaa

kya khoob sher hai waahh...........daad qubool keejiye

mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera apna hua

aapke maqte ka jawaab nhi kya baat hai sahab aha kya khoob sher kaha hai aapne maza aa gaya yaad rahega ye sher aapka bade mijaaz ka sher kaha hai aapne quote kia jaane waala sher.............daad behad o behisaab qubool keejiye

bazm ka meri ye hi dastur hai
aaye vo jo ishq me ruswaa huaa

bhut acha sher kya baat hai.........daad
ek achi paishkash ke liyN aapki khidmat mai daad hazir hai qubool keejiye, Allah kare zor e qalam aur ziyaadah


aslam


you.n na samjhoge kinare pe khade rehkar tum
behta dariya hu.n mujhy haath se choo kar daikho
   
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Praneeta
~"REBELLIOUS IN LOVE"~
Praneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comPraneeta is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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Love 1st October 2010, 01:53 PM

mindblowing zidd sahab.......i seriously have no more words
just too good
please do keep sharing

Regards


_______________________________________________
PRANEETA

Kaash k khamoshi bhi ek zabaaN hoti
Main dekta rehta unhe aur haal-e-dil bayaaN hota
Ananthpak
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zidd
Registered User
zidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzidd is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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8th July 2014, 08:32 PM

kafi din inactive tha...so purani yaade taza kar raha tha..
is thread ko phir pad kar bahut lutf mila.isliye aapko phir suna raha hu( zabardasti hi sahi..)

ek chota sa , very elimentary qawaif( plural of qafiya) par bahs bhi hai..jo kuch naye members ke kuch aam aaye.

regards
   
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zainy
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zainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.comzainy is the among the best Shayars at Shayri.com
 
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9th July 2014, 12:13 AM

dil lagane ki sazaa dil ko mili
hona tha jo hashr vo uska hua

khud ko ham khudse juda kar naa sake
har kadam par hamkadam saaya hua

kabke mahfil chodkar hum uth gaye
aap kahiye aapka phir kya huaa

mujse zidd aise gale milta hai gum
jaise vo koi mera apna hua




Wah....bohat khoob. ........




Zainy


PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

Nm
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