Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada..!

[karan q]

akser insaan galat insaan se dil laga baithta hai.. aise me regreats ...kabhi kabhi hum aise logon ko pyar karte hain
jo humare pyar ke liye bane nahi hote... pesh hai uss per ik kalaam


Tere aane ka gum hai,tere jaane se jyada



Tujhse nafrat hai mujhko jamaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Sauda-e-muhobbat mujhe mehanga pada hai
Khud ko khoya hai maine tujhe paane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Ik ajab haadsa thaa,tujhe bhoolna bhee mujhper
Tujhe yaad kiya maine bhulaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Jisski hansi me he meri khushi thee
Wo karna saka kuch rulaane se se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

khamosh marr gaya hai,to aashiq he hoga
Raaz chupta nahi hai chupane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Jab thee kashti bhawar me,aasra thaa khuda ka
Wo kar na sakaa kuch dubaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Hai humara tajurba suno aashiqon tum
Bigadti hain baaten banaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Chalan husn waalon ka aisa raha hai
Rishtey toda hain kerte nibhaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Nahi geet dardon ke gaaya karo tum
Zakhm bharte nahi hain dikhaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

‘Karan’ saada dil hai masiha nahi hai
Kuch bhee ker na sakaa dil lagaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Karan.q

[Dazzling_divvya]

Sauda-e-muhobbat mujhe mehanga pada hai
Khud ko khoya hai maine tujhe paane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

wahh kaun si duniya se aayen hai aap

Ik ajab haadsa thaa,tujhe bhoolna bhee mujhper
Tujhe yaad kiya maine bhulaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

kya dard ke ehsaas hain,baat kerne ka tareeka to
bas ek aapko he hai

Jisski hansi me he meri khushi thee
Wo karna saka kuch rulaane se se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

wo kaun kambakht theeeeeeeee

Jab thee kashti bhawar me,aasra thaa khuda ka
Wo kar na sakaa kuch dubaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

wah boss ek dum set line hai!khuda humesha
dubata he hai jab umeed lagao


Chalan husn waalon ka aisa raha hai
Rishtey toda hain kerte nibhaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

hmmmm saari fingers barabar nahi hoti
hum to aise nahi hain


‘Karan’ saada dil hai masiha nahi hai
Kuch bhee ker na sakaa dil lagaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

aise likhoge to masiha he ho jaoge

ek baar phir .. sochti hun aapka naam he tareef rakh doon
by god is site me hai nahi koi aapke jaisa,
wid luv
aapki pankha
divvya

[komal5]

bahot bahot keh chuke ab aur kya kahen
chaah badhti hai chahat jatane se jyada!
well..awsomme ass evr..dil ko chhua hai har sher ne..evry sher is brillient!
tc
komal

[karan q]

hi divvya
itna motivate ker diya tumhare replly ne
ki kya kahen.. Khair.. jab padhti ho kuch to
iss lihaaz se ke pasand kerna he hai
or Jo likha hai to accha he likha hoga
Issliye sab kuch pasand ker leti ho
Khair.. mere dil se nikla ye or baat hai
tumhare dil tak pahuncha ye or baat hai
aati raho..
izzajat
karan.q

[karan q]

hmm chahat badhti hai chahat jataane se jyada
Hume ittefaak nahi aapki baat se lekin jaane dijiye
jo kaha .. Kya maluum kya soch ker kahaa

verna wo kaun khushnaseeb shaks thaa jo apni chaahat jataa saka jab bhee kahaa lagta raha ki kuch cum kahaa
Jab bhee koshish ki to lagaa kuch cum raha

bigadti hain baaten banaane se jyada

izzajat
karan.q

[komal5]

ye soch kar kaha tha k....chah kisiko chahne ki badhti jati hai chahat jatane se,....pyas kisiko pane ki padhti hai pyas jatane se....zyada...!..han ye sach hai k ....
jitna bhi chaho fir kum lagega...
dil jitna bhi lagaoo...kum hi lagega!

[karan q]

baat to theek he kehti ho
Ab shatir ho gayi ho.. Samajhdaar to tum pehle se he thee
phoolon ki tarah likhti ho or khushbu ki tarah padhti ho...
To jayaj hai ki her kalaam per tum apna ek ehsaas chodh jao .. Khair Still Be choozy In repllying...

Always go for things which touch your heart..
Apni pasand ko aisa banaao ke zamaane ke kuch bhee aasaani se pasand na aaye.. Khair .. ye mera khyaal hai ..
you may have your own idea's
izzajat
karan.q

[Rohin]

Tujhse nafrat hai mujhko jamaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Good Start


Ik ajab haadsa thaa,tujhe bhoolna bhee mujhper
Tujhe yaad kiya maine bhulaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

hmmm....something seems missing in this line....
look again I guess you will understand what i mean

khamosh marr gaya hai,to aashiq he hoga
Raaz chupta nahi hai chupane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

again the second line is missing something...

Chalan husn waalon ka aisa raha hai
Rishtey toda hain kerte nibhaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

second line ko dekho....
Rishtey toda karte hain nibhaane se jyada .... what do u say?

Hi Karan,

Well If I may say...
You slipped a bit in this poetry with your effect...

most of the flow and poetry was good and really nice..
exept for the lines i mentioned above with the comments...

Yaar tumhi kaha karte ho....likhne ke baad usko kai baar padho...
gaur karna jo meine kaha us par....kuch missing laga is liye keh raha hoon...

Thanks
Rohin

[karan q]

Yup ..

Chalan husn waalon ka aisa raha hai
Rishtey toda hain kerte nibhaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

Tumne line bataai wo sahi thee but this is called the adjestment of rythm..This is written on One of my beat.. jo mai akser gungunata rehta houn.. issliye sab kuch uss sur me likha

Now let me tell you the rythm
I m now leaving gaps to tell you .. kahaan tak ek saath padhna hai


Ik ajab haadsa thaa,----tujhe bhoolna bhee mujhper
Tujhe yaad kiya maine-- bhulaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai -- tere jaane se jyada

2nd line Belongs to the essence and rythm ,Issme we need to have the perfact combination with our subjest, Both lines must have same soul with diffrent words

Chalan husn waalon ka aisa raha hai --read in once
Rishtey toda hain kerte---nibhaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai--- tere jaane se jyada

so brother
RIshtey toda kerte hain Will break the rythm and poerty will collaps.. because in our subject we need to read the line with two peice ..
first -- tere aane ka gum hai
2nd tere jaane se jyada

Now -- rishte toda hain kerte
nibhane se jyada
If we will Take it in simple way

just not to break the rythm .. we need a lil stop on word 'karte'
now
Take it the way you said

Rishte toda kerte
hain nibhaane se jyada

Hain is breaking the rythm so we will have to adjest hain somewhere else

do it like

chalan husn waalon ka aisa raha hai
rishtey toda hain karte--- banaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai --- tere jaane se jyada
So While writing a poerty.. i want two things with best quality
One is rythm and 2nd is qaafiya

jaane banaane chupaane jamaane all these words are qafiya .. Jo inn lines ko shayrana banaate hain .....

keep coming with qustion in future... You will get to know something atleast more then reading...some hidden aspect of poertys which we don't think while writing,It just automaticly happen.. But i m too keen for rythm and qafiya so i make sure i must keep the poerty in same manner.. in every poetry what ever i write .. these two things you will find with best effect on poerty.. They make these poetrys melodious and easy

always remember, words like hai,hain, thaa ect
they are supportive words only.. they just support the lines
but while reading you need to take a stop on supprotive words
no matter if they has been used in between the lines
so when ever you find supportive words in between the lines
just make out that you need to read the line in two parts like

wo tera naam thaa wo tera naam hai

or tere aane ka gum hai -- tere jaane se jyada
you can't continue reading after supportive words

look at it

wo khat ke purje udaa raha thaa

thaa is finishing the line , isse ek baar me padhna hoga

mujhe apne zabt pe naaz thaa -- sar-e-bazm raat ye kya huaa
meri aankh kaise chakak gayi -- mujhe ranj hai ye bura huaa

i hope you got it.. sometimes lines badi choti hoti hain lekin rythm ek hoti hai because sometimes words are carrying diffrent weight
and flow..

if any doughts .. u can clear
izzajat
karan.q

[Rohin]

hi Karan,

I got it after the explanations...

but what I felt was the meanings in those lines are still not upto the mark of the first line...

Like I always rely on flow to take me thru a poetry or a line...
If I feel that the flow is breaking.... I kind of try and read it once again.....but if again I cannot flow from one line to the other....or can't grasp from one line to the other....i kind of do not read it further....that is why i picked the lines I did...

Sometimes you can be technically correct but the thoughts might just slip and not bring that effect on the readers as they intend too...

So as a reader I would like to flow with the thoughts of the writer and not just the melody....melody helps you get to the state in which the writer is in....words and their effect make the real picture and ambience....

Well all I can say is... I have a lot to learn from the technical point of view... but as a reader I can provide you with a view which the reader has to a writers thoughts....

Hope my inputs helps you too....like yours will help me...

Like I say I need to flow with the writing....maybe others will have a different view to it

Thanks
Rohin

[karan q]

Well Tumne kya kahaa i couldn't get the point.. i have seen those lines many times but yet couldn't spot the mistakes but may be you are right .. i m not denying the fact

Ik ajab haadsa thaa,tujhe bhoolna bhee mujhper
Tujhe yaad kiya maine bhulaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

The writer's is a cought napping.. His mind is in Unknown Kind of dalima,Which he is trying to prove through the first line

The strange incident took place in the process of forgetting you
That i kept On thinking of you .. As much as i tryed to forget you.

isn't it right?

khamosh marr gaya hai,to aashiq he hoga
Raaz chupta nahi hai chupane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

see .. This is called A haiku art .. Where You leave some blank spaces In between your poerty .. You leave some gaps which has to be fullfilled by the reader only...

People who die Without even making noise ..mostly they are found lover's only .. Once they loose their love....life hardly matter to them .. read it again .. The quote ment .... Love is the lone wisdom which can't be hidden for long.. the long secret .. which you can't keep for long.

Chalan husn waalon ka aisa raha hai
Rishtey toda hain kerte nibhaane se jyada
Tere aane ka gum hai tere jaane se jyada

This has been The habbit of gudlooking females ,, They are more fond of changing people, rather then Going for one forever'

well still .. every person have his own view.. may be you are still right rohin .. after all you are one of the very gud reader's

izzajat
karan.q