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kaun apne? kaun begaane hai?
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Purvi
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kaun apne? kaun begaane hai? - 24th October 2009, 04:19 PM

Mere Pyaare Dosto

Aap sab ko purvi ka aadaab/ namaskaar….

Aaj dard ki mahefil meiN apni ek nayi koshish aap sab ki nazar kar rahi hooN.

aap ki raa'ye ki muntazir......



Is zaalim duniya meiN kaun apne? kaun begaane hai?
Kabhi lagte ajnabi, to kabhi jaane-pahechaane hai


Na fikr kisi ko kisi baat ki, na khalti hai tanhaayi bhi
Sabr-e-gham bhulaane ko jaate woh maikhaane hai


Labo.N pe muskaan sajaaye firta hai har koii yahan
Sajaate hai mahefileN aur ruho.N mein viraane hai


Dilo.N se khelane ka haasil hai kya khoob hunar
Lunt kar jahan kisika, kahete khudko deewaane hai


Chhod dete hai jahan per Maut bhi bahetar lage
Khured ke rakhte hai yeh zakhm jitney puraane hai


~*~Kaash Dil ki aawaz mein aisa asar ho jaaye
Jise Hum Yaad karte hai use Khabar ho jaaye ~*~
   
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Hassan
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24th October 2009, 04:25 PM

Labo.N pe muskaan sajaaye firta hai har koii yahan
Sajaate hai mahefileN aur ruho.N mein viraane hai


Wah Purvi Jii,,

Hamesha ki tarah aap ki yeh kalaam bhi
dil k taar chair gayi

Oper quote kiya shair to bas janab kia kehnay....

Aisay hi acha acha likhtey rahiye,,

Take care,,


*hSn* : parStaar

tumhara shoq dekha to ghazal hum ne nazar kar di!
kabhi fursat meiN sun lena, bohat ashaar baqi haiN...
("Asad")

Last edited by Hassan; 24th October 2009 at 04:31 PM..
   
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kwahish
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24th October 2009, 05:13 PM

Dii Aadaab..............

Aapki yeh gazal to behad tanziya lagi, kahiN hum logoN ko to aapne nishana nahi banaya.............. Bahut achche sher hai aur haqeekhat ke behad kareeb...... Aapki nazar ki daad deta hun kabool kijiye...

Likhati rahiye....

yeh sher behad achche lage.....

Labo.N pe muskaan sajaaye firta hai har koii yahan
Sajaate hai mahefileN aur ruho.N mein viraane hai

Dilo.N se khelane ka haasil hai kya khoob hunar
Lunt kar jahan kisika, kahete khudko deewaane hai

Chhod dete hai jahan per Maut bhi bahetar lage
Khured ke rakhte hai yeh zakhm jitney puraane hai


Khush rahiye....
Apna kahayal rakhiye...
Aapka Bhai..


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zidd
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24th October 2009, 07:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ek Ghazal View Post
Mere Pyaare Dosto

Aap sab ko purvi ka aadaab/ namaskaar….

Aaj dard ki mahefil meiN apni ek nayi koshish aap sab ki nazar kar rahi hooN.

aap ki raa'ye ki muntazir......



Is zaalim duniya meiN kaun apne? kaun begaane hai?
Kabhi lagte ajnabi, to kabhi jaane-pahechaane hai


Na fikr kisi ko kisi baat ki, na khalti hai tanhaayi bhi
Sabr-e-gham bhulaane ko jaate woh maikhaane hai


Labo.N pe muskaan sajaaye firta hai har koii yahan
Sajaate hai mahefileN aur ruho.N mein viraane hai


Dilo.N se khelane ka haasil hai kya khoob hunar
Lunt kar jahan kisika, kahete khudko deewaane hai


Chhod dete hai jahan per Maut bhi bahetar lage
Khured ke rakhte hai yeh zakhm jitney puraane hai
purviji......namaste

bahut khoobsurat ghazal sunaii hai apne................
ashaar to sare acche aur saaf hai hi adaa bhi acche hue mere khayal se......

ek jagah zara laga ki jumla nahi ban paya......is line me

Sabr-e-gham bhulaane ko jaate woh maikhaane hai

shayad sabr -e-gham apke context me fit nahi hota dikta.........mai magar ,,ofcourse,galat bhi ho sakta hu........

baki meri daad hajir hai.....bahut acche

regards
   
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Baba6480
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24th October 2009, 07:39 PM

Aadaab Purviji....
Wah kya behad khubsurti se aapne aaj dard ka ehsaas karvaya hain
behad hi khubsurat andaaz hain apke likhne ka khush rahiye
aur mujhe khas taur par yeh sher behad hi pasand aaye

Labo.N pe muskaan sajaaye firta hai har koii yahan
Sajaate hai mahefileN aur ruho.N mein viraane hai


Dilo.N se khelane ka haasil hai kya khoob hunar
Lunt kar jahan kisika, kahete khudko deewaane hai


Wah
Dil se Daad kubool kijiyega...


Aapka Dost,
BaBa...

Zindagi Tujhse me kya chahta hoon,
bus kat jaye ye chaar din
itna hi to me chahta hoon...
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naresh_mehra110
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24th October 2009, 08:07 PM

Purvi ji...Namashkar ! kaisi hai aap !....jeevan se ru-b-ru karate aapke sabhi ashaar...mujhe bahut ache lage....padhne wale ki soch par apna asar chhodhne ki koshish karte hai....ek achi peshkash rahi aapki...aise hi likhte jaaiye...khush rahiye....

Aakhir ke do sher mujhe khaas lage....

Dilo.N se khelane ka haasil hai kya khoob hunar
Lunt kar jahan kisika, kahete khudko deewaane hai

Chhod dete hai jahan per Maut bhi bahetar lage
Khured ke rakhte hai yeh zakhm jitney puraane hai


tahe dil se daad...kabul kijiye...

apna khayal rakhiyega...
duaaon ke saath....




YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...


---Naresh Mehra----
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Purvi
~ Ek Ghazal ~
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25th October 2009, 09:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hassan Rasheed View Post
Labo.N pe muskaan sajaaye firta hai har koii yahan
Sajaate hai mahefileN aur ruho.N mein viraane hai


Wah Purvi Jii,,

Hamesha ki tarah aap ki yeh kalaam bhi
dil k taar chair gayi

Oper quote kiya shair to bas janab kia kehnay....

Aisay hi acha acha likhtey rahiye,,

Take care,,
hassan jee,

aap jaise dosto ka saath aur duwa rahi to yakinan aise hee likhti rahungi

purvi


~*~Kaash Dil ki aawaz mein aisa asar ho jaaye
Jise Hum Yaad karte hai use Khabar ho jaaye ~*~
   
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Purvi
~ Ek Ghazal ~
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25th October 2009, 05:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kwahish View Post
Dii Aadaab..............

Aapki yeh gazal to behad tanziya lagi, kahiN hum logoN ko to aapne nishana nahi banaya.............. Bahut achche sher hai aur haqeekhat ke behad kareeb...... Aapki nazar ki daad deta hun kabool kijiye...

Likhati rahiye....

yeh sher behad achche lage.....

Labo.N pe muskaan sajaaye firta hai har koii yahan
Sajaate hai mahefileN aur ruho.N mein viraane hai

Dilo.N se khelane ka haasil hai kya khoob hunar
Lunt kar jahan kisika, kahete khudko deewaane hai

Chhod dete hai jahan per Maut bhi bahetar lage
Khured ke rakhte hai yeh zakhm jitney puraane hai

Khush rahiye....
Apna kahayal rakhiye...
Aapka Bhai..
Sameer

Mere bhai.. tumheN nishaana banakar kahaN jayungi...

waise yeh ghazal kisi ko bhi nishana banakar nahi likhi.... bas kuch dil ne kaha aur maiNe likha.....


tumheN koshish pasand aayi yeh jankar accha laga.

Ummid karti hoon aage bhi tumhara saath milta rahega

tumhari dii


~*~Kaash Dil ki aawaz mein aisa asar ho jaaye
Jise Hum Yaad karte hai use Khabar ho jaaye ~*~
   
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KunaaL
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25th October 2009, 05:28 PM

Purvi jee

Accha hai to accha kaha jayega.. lo hum bhi accha keh dete hai .. badi chuttki leti nazar aap aa rahi hai .. sahi kaha khwahish ne ki kahin nishana hum hi to nahi .. mujhe pasand hi nahi aaya.. dil main bas gaya kahin kahiN.. acha hai .. aapki kalam ko inayat barse khuda ..

Kunaal


KunaaL (Sifar).........

Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa..
Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi..
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naadaan
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25th October 2009, 06:31 PM

Dubai waaloN ko Dubai wale ka Aadaab,
Aap ki nazm pa.Dhi aur bahot pyaare lage aap ke ehsaas. Kaafiye bhi khubsuurat ban pa.De haiN. Puura kalaam hi khuubsuurat hai, siway chand kamiyoN ke. Inki nishandehi kar raha huuN baghair aap ki ijaazat ke. Ummiid hai ek dost ki rai maan kar ise leNgi. Agar koi baat buri lage to bila jhijhak keh dijiyega.

Is zaalim duniya meiN kaun apne? kaun begaane hai?
Kabhi lagte ajnabi, to kabhi jaane-pahechaane hai
Aapke saare kaafiye plural meiN haiN isliye aapke radiff bhi usiike mutabik hone chahiye yaane “hai” nahi balki “haiN” hona chahiye

Na fikr kisi ko kisi baat ki, na khalti hai tanhaayi bhi
Sabr-e-gham bhulaane ko jaate woh maikhaane hai
Ya to ghum bhulane ko piite haiN, ya ghum meiN sabr karne ko piite haiN. Sabr-e-ghum bhuulane ko grammatically ghalat hai.

Labo.N pe muskaan sajaaye firta hai har koii yahan
Sajaate hai mahefileN aur ruho.N mein viraane hai
Duusra misra kharij ho gaya kyuNki aapne “hai” do baar istemaal kiya hai jiska koi sahi mayne nahi nikalta. Iski ek suurat ye ho sakti hai “Saje hue mehfiloN aur ruho meiN viraane haiN”

Dilo.N se khelane ka haasil hai kya khoob hunar
Lunt kar jahan kisika, kahete khudko deewaane hai
“haasil” alfaaz ka mayne hota hai milna ya mila and Natiija. Aap ne jahaaN haasil alfaaz ko bithaya hai us se natiije ki suurat pehle ubhartii hai aur milne ki baad meiN. Is lihaaz se shayad aap kehna chahti haiN ki diloN se khelne ka hunar kisi ko haasil hai. Aur agar ye sahi hai to fir “haasil” alfaaz hunar ke baad aana chahiye tha. Jaise ki “DiloN se khelne ka kya khuub hunar hai haasil……

Chhod dete hai jahan per Maut bhi bahetar lage
Khured ke rakhte hai yeh zakhm jitney puraane hai

Pehle misre meiN shayad “per” ki jagah “ke” ya “ki” hona chahiye tha kyunki per se jumla kharij ho jata hai.

Ummid hai aap meri baatoN ka bura nahi maneNgii. MaiN aadatan aur usulan bhi tit-for-tat wale hisaab meiN yaqiiN nahi rakhta. Sirf wah-wahi nahi karta. Sahi lagta hai to sahi aur ghalat hai to dost samajhkar apni chawanni ki rai rakh deta huuN.

Khush rahiye aur likhte rahiye.
Aadaab
Shyam


"Wo kaun hai jinhe tauba ki mil gai fursat,
HumeN gunah bhi karne ko zindagi kam hai."
-Anand Narayan Mulla.

वो कौन है जिन्हें तौबा की मिल गई फुरसत,
हमें गुनाह भी करने को ज़िंदगी कम है.
-आनंद नारायण मुल्ला
   
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