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jaanleva pyar hai, - islaah k liye |
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(#1)
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jaanleva pyar hai, - islaah k liye -
28th December 2010, 10:53 AM
Meri ek aur ghazal hai, islaah ke liye, umeed hai is bar zid bhayee ke ilawa bhi, dost log apni rai denge  islaah section hai, isliye mai apne nuks ke bare mai jyda jan'na chahungaa bjaye tareef ke ____________ jaanleva pyar hai, is pyaar se touba karo na samjh ye dil sahi tum to ise toka karo kis taraf ho ja rahe, is raah ki majzil hai kya der thodi baith kar, tum door tak socha karo tum bachao mujhse daman, pas mere aao na jungloN ki aag ko bas door se dekha karo kar bhala hoga bhala ye bas kitaabi baat hai tazrubaa tumko jo na ho yaar mat bola karo aajkal to aam hai barbad hona ishq maiN rona ik hi baat ka tum fikr mat roya karo |
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(#2)
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29th December 2010, 03:07 PM
[QUOTE=janumanu;419283]
Meri ek aur ghazal hai, islaah ke liye, umeed hai is bar zid bhayee ke ilawa bhi, dost log apni rai denge islaah section hai, isliye mai apne nuks ke bare mai jyda jan'na chahungaa bjaye tareef ke ____________ jaanleva pyar hai, is pyaar se touba karo ---------------------------------------------------------------------na samjh ye dil sahi tum to ise toka karo aadaab shaandaar ghazal hai rawaanee ka jawaabnahi alfaaz pe qudrat shayer ki mashshaaqee ki ghammaaz hai ek ek sher ki bunat alag hai taaham sabhi sher andaroone khaana ek baaham marboot nazar aa rahe hain jo ki kamaal fan ka coboot hai is tarah ki ghazlon se hamjaison ki tashnagee badhtee hai jabki sdc ka meyaara boland hotaa hai magar is baat ka dheyaan den ki ab aap ki zaat se aisee hi ghazal ki tawaqqo ki jaaye gee is liye aaindah har kalaam ko chhaant phatak ke laanaa ho gaa kiun bolandiyon pe pahonchnaa koi kamaal nahi bulandiyon pe theharnaa kamaal hotaa hai meree nazar me pahle micre me agar ,,,,,,is ,,,, ki jagah ,,,,, to ,,,,, laga dete is soosrat me ye eteraaz na hotaa hai ki ,,,,,is peyaar se ,,,, aakhir kis peyaar se omooman yun kahaa jaata hai jo cheez nuqsaan deh ho us se peechhaa chhuraao is soraat me wo mazkoorah shai ..........ma"hood fi al zehn ....... hotee hai is liye us ka istemaal hota hai naa ki ,,,,,,IS,,,, kaa taaham sher kisee bhi taor se ghalat nahi hai main ne jo raaye di hai us soorat me mazeed behtar ki baat hai ---------------------------------------------------------------------- kis taraf ho ja rahe, is raah ki majzil hai kya ---------------------------------------------------------------------der thodi baith kar, tum door tak socha karo bahot hi oumdah hqai haaar daad ------------------------------------------------------------------ tum bachao mujhse daman, pas mere aao na --------------------------------------------------------------------jungloN ki aag ko bas door se dekha karo qurbaan qurbaan qurbaan jaaun is sher pe kiun ki ji chaabuk dastee se mohaaware ka istemaal amal me aayaa hai laaeqe sad shataaish hai ---------------------------------------------------------------------- kar bhala hoga bhala ye bas kitaabi baat hai --------------------------------------------------------------------tazrubaa tumko jo na yaar mat bola karo yaahaan bhi wahee baat hai ki mohaawara zere istemaal hai ......... haan doosre micre me kuchh kamee mahsoos ho rahee hai shaayad typing ki ghalatee hai ise dekh len --------------------------------------------------------------------- aajkal to aam hai barbad hona ishq maiN --------------------------------------------------------------------rona ik hi baat ka tum fikr mat roya karo jaan lewaa hai saahab bahot khoob ye pooree ghazal hi hai aisee hai ki ise kisee bhi aisee mahfil me pesh kiyaa jaa saktaa hai jis me chotee ke chand shoraa baithe hon meree taraf se hazaaron daad mukhlis masood |
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(#3)
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~"REBELLIOUS IN LOVE"~
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29th December 2010, 03:55 PM
Vikas ji
namaste kaise hai aap? well meri toh aukaat hi nahi ki aap ko aap ki kamiyan batayu bas yeh kahena hai ki ehsaas achche lage Regards _______________________________________________ PRANEETA
 Kaash k khamoshi bhi ek zabaaN hoti Main dekta rehta unhe aur haal-e-dil bayaaN hota Ananthpak |
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(#4)
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29th December 2010, 04:22 PM
Fikr Ji.......... Agr To Khulay Zehan Se Dekha Jaye To Aap Ki Ghazal Hr Lihaaz Se Mukammal Hai Or Khayalaat Bhi Achay Hain.......
Dusri Baat Ye Hai Ke MASOOD Saheb Ki Baat Se Me Ittefaq Karun Ga.... Khoob Se Khooob Tar Ki Koshish Honi Chahiye........ Meri Taraf Se Tah-e-Dil Se Daad Qabool Farmayen Ay Chaara-Saaz Dil Pe M're Daal Ik Nazar Mujhko Bas Aik Jism Ka Aazaar Hee Nahi AHMAD ALI SHAKIL |
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(#5)
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Anshumali
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29th December 2010, 05:36 PM
tum bachao mujhse daman, pas mere aao na
jungloN ki aag ko bas door se dekha karo Iss Khoobsurat khayal Ko padhne ke baad .. islaah ke liye jagha hi kaha reh jaati hai ... bahut khoob raha ...... FikR Ji aapka yeh sher ... ! tahe dil se daad hazir ha qubuul farmaayeN .... ! mujhe tamaam ghazal ki adaayegi aur khayaal behad pasand aaye ... khush rahen ... yunhi likhte rahen ... ! duaaon ke saath ... !  YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ... Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ... ---Naresh Mehra---- |
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(#6)
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30th December 2010, 11:33 AM
____________
jaanleva pyar hai, is pyaar se touba karo ---------------------------------------------------------------------na samjh ye dil sahi tum to ise toka karo aadaab adaab masood bhayee, kaise haiN aap bahut khushi huee aapne mere liye itna woqt nikala ......!! bhayee jo baateN aapne bataye gour karne layak hai aur karungaa lekin ek baat aur hai, agar aap usme madad kar deN to meri aur help ho jayegi, aapke kuch word nahi samjh ayeN hai .. maiN unke aage ( ...) laga raha huN aap maNhi usme fill kar deN to, aur seekh paungaa, alag se batayeN to bhool jaunga so aap , blank fill kar deN ........ itni takleef dene ke liye pahle se sorry, par kabhi kabhi , khudgarz banna padta hai shaandaar ghazal hai rawaanee ka jawaabnahi alfaaz pe qudrat shayer ki mashshaaqee(............) ki ghammaaz (........)hai ek ek sher ki bunat alag hai taaham(.........) sabhi sher andaroone khaana(.....) ek baaham marboot(....) nazar aa rahe hain jo ki kamaal fan ka coboot hai is tarah ki ghazlon se hamjaison ki tashnagee badhtee hai jabki sdc ka meyaara boland hotaa hai shukriyaa bhayee , shukriyaa ......... seriously ........ bahut acha laga .........!!khas kar last line magar is baat ka dheyaan den ki ab aap ki zaat se aisee hi ghazal ki tawaqqo ki jaaye gee is liye aaindah har kalaam ko chhaant phatak ke laanaa ho gaa kiun bolandiyon pe pahonchnaa koi kamaal nahi bulandiyon pe theharnaa kamaal hotaa hai ji sahi kaha aapne, par har baar ek sa nahi ho pata hai, koshish to yahi karungaa ki pahle se acha ho meree nazar me pahle micre me agar ,,,,,,is ,,,, ki jagah ,,,,, to ,,,,, laga dete is soosrat me ye eteraaz na hotaa hai ki ,,,,,is peyaar se ,,,, aakhir kis peyaar se hmm , bhayee pyaar generaly .. use kiyaa hai, wahi jo ladke ladki maiN hota hai  ahem ahem .........!!omooman yun kahaa jaata hai jo cheez nuqsaan deh ho us se peechhaa chhuraao is soraat me wo mazkoorah shai(...........) ..........ma"hood fi al zehn ....... hotee hai(..........) is liye us ka istemaal hota hai naa ki ,,,,,,IS,,,, kaa taaham sher kisee bhi taor se ghalat nahi hai main ne jo raaye di hai us soorat me mazeed behtar ki baat hai ji shukriyaa , aapka, koshish karungaa, aapki baat ko dhyaan mai rakh kar amal mai lane ki ---------------------------------------------------------------------- kis taraf ho ja rahe, is raah ki majzil hai kya ---------------------------------------------------------------------der thodi baith kar, tum door tak socha karo bahot hi oumdah hqai haaar daad shukriyaa janaab ------------------------------------------------------------------ tum bachao mujhse daman, pas mere aao na --------------------------------------------------------------------jungloN ki aag ko bas door se dekha karo qurbaan qurbaan qurbaan jaaun is sher pe kiun ki ji chaabuk dastee (........)se mohaaware ka istemaal amal me aayaa hai laaeqe sad shataaish (........) hai aur ho sake to muhaawraa bhi bata deN, maine khud se aisa kuch nahi use kiyaa hai aap bata deN to next time khud se use kar lungaa shukriyaa bhayee ---------------------------------------------------------------------- kar bhala hoga bhala ye bas kitaabi baat hai --------------------------------------------------------------------tazrubaa tumko jo na ho yaar mat bola karo yaahaan bhi wahee baat hai ki mohaawara zere istemaal hai ......... haan doosre micre me kuchh kamee mahsoos ho rahee hai shaayad typing ki ghalatee hai ise dekh len ji isme "ho "word nahi type kiyaa hai, shukriyaa nishaan dehi ke liye --------------------------------------------------------------------- aajkal to aam hai barbad hona ishq maiN --------------------------------------------------------------------rona ik hi baat ka tum fikr mat roya karo jaan lewaa hai saahab bahot khoob ye pooree ghazal hi hai aisee hai ki ise kisee bhi aisee mahfil me pesh kiyaa jaa saktaa hai jis me chotee ke chand shoraa baithe hon meree taraf se hazaaron daad mukhlis masood thank u so much bhayee jaan , aapne itna woqt diyaa, ap plzz aise hi aate raheN, aur mujh jaise logo ki help karte raheN, is section ko kaamyaab hone mai zaroor yogdaan deN ..... aur SDC ko bhi ..... aap jaise achy fankaar ki zaroorat hai SDC ko, aur hum jaise kuch seekhnge to SDC ka hi kuch rutbaa hoga .... apna to hogaa hi akhir mai fir se ... aapka dhnyaa baad mukhlis (...............) Fikr .............. |
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(#7)
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30th December 2010, 11:35 AM
[QUOTE=Praneeta;419449]Vikas ji
namaste kaise hai aap? ji pahle se araam hai ...... well meri toh aukaat hi nahi ki aap ko aap ki kamiyan batayu bas yeh kahena hai ki ehsaas achche lage aukaat , ki kyaa baat hai pari ji , aur hai to apni bhi kahaN jo aapke mukabil hoN, apki alag lag aukaat hai, aap aise na boleN fir se ..plzz Regards regards |
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(#8)
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30th December 2010, 11:38 AM
[QUOTE=AHMAD SHAKIL;419453]Fikr Ji.......... Agr To Khulay Zehan Se Dekha Jaye To Aap Ki Ghazal Hr Lihaaz Se Mukammal Hai Or Khayalaat Bhi Achay Hain.......
Dusri Baat Ye Hai Ke MASOOD Saheb Ki Baat Se Me Ittefaq Karun Ga.... shakil bhayee ... mai aapka comment nahi samjh paya huN ... agar khule zahan se dekha jaye to... ye gar lafz pareshaan kar raha hai... aur masood bhayee ki ksi baat se ittefaaq rakhte haiN ... ye bhi nahi clear huaa. plzz saaf saaf bata deN, taaki mera kuch bhala ho, barnaa aapka batana bekaar jayega, meri samjh mai an ayegaa... Khoob Se Khooob Tar Ki Koshish Honi Chahiye........ ji har koshish yahi hoti hai, par kya kareN kuch na kuch kasar rah hi jaati hai isliye to aap dostoN ki islaah ki darkaar hai Meri Taraf Se Tah-e-Dil Se Daad Qabool Farmayen aapka shukriyaa janaab ..... aap nahi daad denge to kaun degaa, kabool hai kabool hai . Appka sakhaa Fikr |
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(#9)
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30th December 2010, 11:40 AM
tum bachao mujhse daman, pas mere aao na
jungloN ki aag ko bas door se dekha karo Iss Khoobsurat khayal Ko padhne ke baad .. islaah ke liye jagha hi kaha reh jaati hai ... bahut khoob raha ...... FikR Ji aapka yeh sher ... ! tahe dil se daad hazir ha qubuul farmaayeN .... ! ha ha ha, jagah to bahut hai naresh ji, isliye yahaN post kiyaa hai , mujhe tamaam ghazal ki adaayegi aur khayaal behad pasand aaye ... khush rahen ... yunhi likhte rahen ... ! duaaon ke saath ... ! shukriyaa shukriyaa |
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(#10)
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30th December 2010, 11:57 AM
Quote:
sorry bhai ye meeree ghalatee hai main maafee chaahitaa hun ki main ne aise wword istemaal kar liye jo ki aap ki liye zaraa sakht the main intl exibition me masroof ho gayaa hun plz shakil bhai yaa zidd bhai aap is ka tarjumah kar den mehar baanee ho gee masood hassaas |
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(#11)
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30th December 2010, 12:25 PM
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acha hai ki aap aise word use kareN taaki hum naye word seekh sake, nahi to aksie seekhenge , bas aap agar maanhi baat deN to, kaam poora ho jayega ..... maien () isliye lagayee hai taaki aap meanign batayenge to hum use use karna bhi seekh jayenge , plz try to understand if u feel bad i take my comment back ......... |
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(#12)
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30th December 2010, 12:51 PM
Quote:
main intl exibition me masroof ho gayaa hun Janab Hassaas Saheb Is Ka Matlab Hai Ke " Main Aalmi Numaayish Me Masroof Ho Gaya Hun.... Ab Ye Mujhy Nahi Pata Ke Wo Kon Si Exhibition Me Masroof Ho Gaye Hain Ay Chaara-Saaz Dil Pe M're Daal Ik Nazar Mujhko Bas Aik Jism Ka Aazaar Hee Nahi AHMAD ALI SHAKIL |
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(#13)
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30th December 2010, 05:09 PM
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aadaab fikr bhai allah gawaah hai mere man me koi baat nahi hai bas itnee see baat hai ki kuwait itrl trad me main ne el stall l liyaa hai subah shaam jaanaa hoi rahaa hai is liye be had bussy ho gayaa hun aor ye baat zainy saahabah ko bhi bataa diyaa thaa to plz naraaz na hon ..... aor shakeel bhai realy main karobaar mu uljhaa hun na ki moshaaerey me ... aor fikr bhai aap mere bhai hain main faarigh hote hee hat ek ka matlab bataa rahaa hun bas plz thoraa see time den plz masood |
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(#14)
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31st December 2010, 02:46 AM
[QUOTE=janumanu;419524]____________
jaanleva pyar hai, is pyaar se touba karo ---------------------------------------------------------------------na samjh ye dil sahi tum to ise toka karo aadaab adaab masood bhayee, kaise haiN aap bahut khushi huee aapne mere liye itna woqt nikala ......!! bhayee jo baateN aapne bataye gour karne layak hai aur karungaa lekin ek baat aur hai, agar aap usme madad kar deN to meri aur help ho jayegi, aapke kuch word nahi samjh ayeN hai .. maiN unke aage ( ...) laga raha huN aap maNhi usme fill kar deN to, aur seekh paungaa, alag se batayeN to bhool jaunga so aap , blank fill kar deN ........ itni takleef dene ke liye pahle se sorry, par kabhi kabhi , khudgarz banna padta hai ************************************************** *** aadab maaf karnaa yaar asl me mashghooliyat itnee thee ki yaad hi na rahaa hai ki aaj jumeraat hai kiun ki is din ham universal mazdoor logon ko thoraa maoqaa mil hi jaataa hai ......khair pareeshaan na hon ... main un alfaaz ka matlab likh rahaa hun ...... aor sach me aap ko jo pareeshaani huyi hai us ke liye maafee chaahitaa hun ************************************************** ***** shaandaar ghazal hai rawaanee ka jawaabnahi alfaaz pe qudrat shayer ki mashshaaqee(bahot hi zeyaadah practise) ki ghammaaz (zaahir kartaa)hai ek ek sher ki bunat alag hai taaham(phir bhi) sabhi sher andaroone khaana(ghar ke andar/inside) ek baaham marboot(ek doosrey se milye huye) nazar aa rahe hain jo ki kamaal fan ka coboot hai is tarah ki ghazlon se hamjaison ki tashnagee badhtee hai jabki sdc ka meyaara boland hotaa hai shukriyaa bhayee , shukriyaa ......... seriously ........ bahut acha laga .........!!khas kar last line magar is baat ka dheyaan den ki ab aap ki zaat se aisee hi ghazal ki tawaqqo ki jaaye gee is liye aaindah har kalaam ko chhaant phatak ke laanaa ho gaa kiun bolandiyon pe pahonchnaa koi kamaal nahi bulandiyon pe theharnaa kamaal hotaa hai ji sahi kaha aapne, par har baar ek sa nahi ho pata hai, koshish to yahi karungaa ki pahle se acha ho meree nazar me pahle micre me agar ,,,,,,is ,,,, ki jagah ,,,,, to ,,,,, laga dete is soosrat me ye eteraaz na hotaa hai ki ,,,,,is peyaar se ,,,, aakhir kis peyaar se hmm , bhayee pyaar generaly .. use kiyaa hai, wahi jo ladke ladki maiN hota hai ahem ahem .........!!omooman yun kahaa jaata hai jo cheez nuqsaan deh ho us se peechhaa chhuraao is soraat me wo mazkoorah shai(jis cheez ka zikr kiyaa gayaa ho ) ..........ma"hood fi al zehn ....... hotee hai(zehn me maojood ) is liye us ka istemaal hota hai naa ki ,,,,,,IS,,,, kaa taaham sher kisee bhi taor se ghalat nahi hai main ne jo raaye di hai us soorat me mazeed behtar ki baat hai ji shukriyaa , aapka, koshish karungaa, aapki baat ko dhyaan mai rakh kar amal mai lane ki ---------------------------------------------------------------------- kis taraf ho ja rahe, is raah ki majzil hai kya ---------------------------------------------------------------------der thodi baith kar, tum door tak socha karo bahot hi oumdah hqai haaar daad shukriyaa janaab ------------------------------------------------------------------ tum bachao mujhse daman, pas mere aao na --------------------------------------------------------------------jungloN ki aag ko bas door se dekha karo qurbaan qurbaan qurbaan jaaun is sher pe kiun ki ji chaabuk dastee (mahaarat )se mohaaware ka istemaal amal me aayaa hai laaeqe sad shataaish (100 baar saraahne ke laaeq) hai aur ho sake to muhaawraa bhi bata deN, maine khud se aisa kuch nahi use kiyaa hai aap bata deN to next time khud se use kar lungaa shukriyaa bhayee ---------------------------------------------------------------------- kar bhala hoga bhala ye bas kitaabi baat hai --------------------------------------------------------------------tazrubaa tumko jo na ho yaar mat bola karo yaahaan bhi wahee baat hai ki mohaawara zere istemaal hai ......... haan doosre micre me kuchh kamee mahsoos ho rahee hai shaayad typing ki ghalatee hai ise dekh len ji isme "ho "word nahi type kiyaa hai, shukriyaa nishaan dehi ke liye --------------------------------------------------------------------- aajkal to aam hai barbad hona ishq maiN --------------------------------------------------------------------rona ik hi baat ka tum fikr mat roya karo jaan lewaa hai saahab bahot khoob ye pooree ghazal hi hai aisee hai ki ise kisee bhi aisee mahfil me pesh kiyaa jaa saktaa hai jis me chotee ke chand shoraa baithe hon meree taraf se hazaaron daad mukhlis masood thank u so much bhayee jaan , aapne itna woqt diyaa, ap plzz aise hi aate raheN, aur mujh jaise logo ki help karte raheN, is section ko kaamyaab hone mai zaroor yogdaan deN ..... aur SDC ko bhi ..... aap jaise achy fankaar ki zaroorat hai SDC ko, aur hum jaise kuch seekhnge to SDC ka hi kuch rutbaa hoga .... apna to hogaa hi akhir mai fir se ... aapka dhnyaa baad mukhlis (jis ke dil me kholoos ho ) AOR BELAA SHUBHA MEREY DIL ME AAP SAB KE LIYE KHOLOOS HAI khud se apnee taareef karnaa bewaqoofee hai magar kabhi kabhi aisaa karnaa chaahiye kiun ki is se peyaar barhtaa hai MUKHLIS MASOOD HASSAAS |
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(#15)
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3rd January 2011, 12:31 PM
jaanleva pyar hai, is pyaar se touba karo
na samjh ye dil sahi tum to ise toka karo sher bahut khoob laga bhai.... 1]sher ek gravity liye huye hai... aur 'qafiya' toka' zara shararti,nathkhaT hai.. sher ka gravitas 'roka' me maintain ho sakta hai mere khayaaal se magar agar jaan kar vo rang diya hai to baat alag.........sabka apna apna andaaz 2] lafz ...'na samjh' matlab dega..'mat samjhna'.isliye 'naasamajh' 3] saani me 'ye' ko ,zara 'hi' se tabdeel karke dekhiye naasamajh hi dil sahi tum to ise toka(roka) karo kis taraf ho ja rahe, is raah ki majzil hai kya der thodi baith kar, tum door tak socha karo 1]ulaa ke pahle do arkaan seedhe ho sakte hai.. jaa rahe ho kis taraf.........'ho ja rahe' galat bilkul nahi magar uljhi huyi bayani si hai interogative to aise bhi rahega-phir seedha interogative kyu nahi? 'jaa rahe hi kis taraf is raah ki manzil hai kya' 2]saani me lafz- thoda' kabile istemaal nahi yaha, is ghazal ki kaifiyat ke hisaab se 'baith kar kuch der tak(to) tum door tak(ka) socha karo'.....aisa kuch 'door' 'der' ka effect bahut accha laga.....very good alliterative effect. bahut saari daad iske liye tum bachao mujhse daman, pas mere aao na jungloN ki aag ko bas door se dekha karo sher class hai bhai... ulaa me..........aaoo na =aise bhi lag sakta hai jaise bula rahe ho ...aane se mana nahi kar rahe hai... 'tum bachana mujhse daman paas naa aana mere tum bachaoo mujhse daman paas naa aaoo mere' magar lafz 'tum' ka bhaut istemaal ho gaya hai ,upar . yaha chance hai bachne ka---jaise' apne daman ko bachana, paas naa aana mere' ek unki baat -ek apni baat is shar ke liye 100 daad kar bhala hoga bhala ye bas kitaabi baat hai tazrubaa tumko jo na ho yaar mat bola karo muhavre ka accha istemaal hai bhai kar bhala to ho bhala' kahne me magar koi harz nahi bhai.aapke meter me bhi fit hai 'jo na ho' tongue twister ban gaya hai..jeeb fracture hone ka darr hai..ise "tajraba tumko na ho gar yaar mat bola karo"...waise bhi.'na' agar 1 par aaye to jyada behtar hai.(iska matlab ye nahi ki 2 par galat hai..bilkul jayaz hai) = adab ki zabaan hai ki 'agar' ;'gar'lag sakta hai to 'jo' nahi lagega..bache to accha agar meter me fit ho to. aajkal to aam hai barbad hona ishq maiN wah ,kya misra hai bhai.bilkul clean. rona ik hi baat ka tum fikr mat roya karo saani me 'ik' uljha raha hai mujhe.. rona isi baat ka hai fikr mat roya karo( 'rona isi baat ka' - muhavra bhi hai, so aur khilega ulaa definite hai,aap use ek factual statement bana rahe hain phir neeche 'ik' likh kar use indefinite kyu bana rahe hai..dilute kyu kar rahe ho? shayad ye clean jaaye........ "fikr rote to sabhi hai tum to naa roya karo"..ab ye definite hai. --------------------------- apko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai. regards. |
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(#16)
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3rd January 2011, 01:31 PM
jaanleva pyar hai, is pyaar se touba karo
na samjh ye dil sahi tum to ise toka karo sher bahut khoob laga bhai.... 1]sher ek gravity liye huye hai... aur 'qafiya' toka' zara shararti,nathkhaT hai.. sher ka gravitas 'roka' me maintain ho sakta hai mere khayaaal se magar agar jaan kar vo rang diya hai to baat alag.........sabka apna apna andaaz hmm bhayee , rokaa hi soch raha tha, pahle par, roknaa, ksik person ko jyda suit karegaa, living thing .... aur dil ko toknaa, means kisi cheez ka dil karne pe use bahlana .... aisa kuch socha tha isliye toka use kiya tha.. na samjh hai dil magar, tum to ise toka karo, ye soorat sochi thi kal parsoN.... 2] lafz ...'na samjh' matlab dega..'mat samjhna'.isliye 'naasamajh' hmm , typo 3] saani me 'ye' ko ,zara 'hi' se tabdeel karke dekhiye naasamajh hi dil sahi tum to ise toka(roka) karo mujhe ye jyda acha lag raha hai .... kis taraf ho ja rahe, is raah ki majzil hai kya der thodi baith kar, tum door tak socha karo 1]ulaa ke pahle do arkaan seedhe ho sakte hai.. jaa rahe ho kis taraf.........'ho ja rahe' galat bilkul nahi magar uljhi huyi bayani si hai interogative to aise bhi rahega-phir seedha interogative kyu nahi? 'jaa rahe hi kis taraf is raah ki manzil hai kya' ji aapki baat sahi hai, lekin fir is ka use se behtar " us" nahi lagtaa aapko.... 2]saani me lafz- thoda' kabile istemaal nahi yaha, is ghazal ki kaifiyat ke hisaab se 'baith kar kuch der tak(to) tum door tak(ka) socha karo'.....aisa kuch hmmm ji ey bhi acha hai 'door' 'der' ka effect bahut accha laga.....very good alliterative effect. bahut saari daad iske liye shukriyaa tum bachao mujhse daman, pas mere aao na jungloN ki aag ko bas door se dekha karo sher class hai bhai... ulaa me..........aaoo na =aise bhi lag sakta hai jaise bula rahe ho ...aane se mana nahi kar rahe hai... 'tum bachana mujhse daman paas naa aana mere tum bachaoo mujhse daman paas naa aaoo mere' magar lafz 'tum' ka bhaut istemaal ho gaya hai ,upar . yaha chance hai bachne ka---jaise' apne daman ko bachana, paas naa aana mere' ek unki baat -ek apni baat is shar ke liye 100 daad shukriyaa kar bhala hoga bhala ye bas kitaabi baat hai tazrubaa tumko jo na ho yaar mat bola karo muhavre ka accha istemaal hai bhai kar bhala to ho bhala' kahne me magar koi harz nahi bhai.aapke meter me bhi fit hai 'jo na ho' tongue twister ban gaya hai..jeeb fracture hone ka darr hai..ise hmm ji ,,,, lekin mujhe lagtaa hai , ki hogaa se , mai possibilty show kar raha hai, muhavraa i think .... kar bhala ho bhala .... hai ... so ... to ad karne ki bjaye .. (h0) ga aad karna acha laga tha .. "tajraba tumko na ho gar yaar mat bola karo" ...waise bhi.'na' agar 1 par aaye to jyada behtar hai.(iska matlab ye nahi ki 2 par galat hai..bilkul jayaz hai) ji aap sahi hai, actualy maine na ko 1 wazn pe hi liyaa tha, maiN na ko 2 pe lene ki galti kar hi nahi saktaa, ( ek baar bhugat chukaa huN) fir yaah fir bhi ho raah hai, typo ho gaya ... = adab ki zabaan hai ki 'agar' ;'gar'lag sakta hai to 'jo' nahi lagega..bache to accha agar meter me fit ho to. ji samjh gaya .... gar fit bhi hai adaa bhi ho raha hai , aur acha bhi lag raha hai .... bhayee ek baar jo cheeez jeebh pe chadh jaye, fir usme kuch dikhtaa hi nahi theek karne ko, shayed ab yahi sab seekhna hai jo se to mujhe bhi ajeb lag raha tha, jeebh atak si rahi thi thanx aajkal to aam hai barbad hona ishq maiN wah ,kya misra hai bhai.bilkul clean. shukriyaa, bhayee maien aksar dekha hai ki jo sher mai bas khana poorti ke liye karta hun, jyda sceience lagaye , woh aksar achy nikalte hai.... jaise ye shukriyaaa rona ik hi baat ka tum fikr mat roya karo saani me 'ik' uljha raha hai mujhe.. rona isi baat ka hai fikr mat roya karo( 'rona isi baat ka' - muhavra bhi hai, so aur khilega ulaa definite hai,aap use ek factual statement bana rahe hain phir neeche 'ik' likh kar use indefinite kyu bana rahe hai..dilute kyu kar rahe ho? shayad ye clean jaaye........ bhayee likhaa isi tha, par kisi ne tok diyaa ki iski takhti 12 hogi .. isliye ik kar diyaa .... "fikr rote to sabhi hai tum to naa roya karo"..ab ye definite hai. agar isi word wazn mai rahe to wh sabse jyda acha hai, pahli baar wahi likhaa tha --------------------------- apko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai. regards. fikr |
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(#17)
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3rd January 2011, 01:52 PM
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ye line mai galat type kar gaya aise dekhiye tajruba gar ho na tumko yaar mat bola karo...........ise seedha aise kiya tha isliye kaha tha ki ;na; 1 par jaaye to accha..kyuki yaha jaa sakta hai dono surat ek si hi hai.ab zubaan par jo jyada fisle |
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(#18)
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3rd January 2011, 01:59 PM
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tajruba gar ho na tumko yaar mat bola karo hmm ji ji ye perfect hai ...............!!!! thanks again |
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(#19)
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3rd January 2011, 02:40 PM
ji aap sahi hai, actualy maine na ko 1 wazn pe hi liyaa tha, maiN na ko 2 pe lene ki galti kar hi nahi saktaa, ( ek baar bhugat chukaa huN) fir yaah fir bhi ho raah hai, typo ho gaya ...
kisike na maan.ne se itna effect hone ki zarurat nahi hai bhai....... dusra bhi galat ho sakta hai...jisne apko kaha hai naa 2 par galat hai unhe ye suna dijiye. na ravaa kahiye naa sazaa kahiye kahiye kahiye mujhe buraa kahiye dil me.n rakhane kii baat hai Gam-e-ishq is ko hargiz na barmalaa kahiye - daagh dehlvi na(1/2)/ ra 1/ waa 2/ kay 2 / ye 1 / naa 2/ sa 1/ za2 / kah 2 / ye 2 |
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(#20)
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3rd January 2011, 02:52 PM
Quote:
hmm der ho gayee lekin, ab to woh bat gayee, ab to koe mana hi nahi kar saktaa, par fir bhi kitna manna chahiye ise ..... ?? ek aur hai shayed, ek gahzal hai mujhe tum nazar se giraa to rahe ho mujhe tum kabhi bhi bula na sakoge isme naa ka wazn bhi check karnaa .... |
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(#21)
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3rd January 2011, 06:41 PM
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haa haa haa.... good one sir.   |
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(#22)
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5th January 2011, 12:23 PM
Subhan_allah mere bhai meri nazar me yeh sher Hasil_e_Ghazal raha...........is sher ke liye aapko karodo daad.
kis taraf ho ja rahe, is raah ki majzil hai kya der thodi baith kar, tum door tak socha karo Ek sher kahi suna tha shayer ka naam yaad nahi aaj phir woh sher dimaag me tazaa ho gaya. Unke jane ka manzar tamasha nahi Door tak dekhiye deir tak sochiye. NM Par tujhe bevafa bhi kehna achcha nahi lagta... Mob.: +971 501297654
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(#23)
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5th January 2011, 12:34 PM
]ulaa ke pahle do arkaan seedhe ho sakte hai..
jaa rahe ho kis taraf.........'ho ja rahe' galat bilkul nahi magar uljhi huyi bayani si hai interogative to aise bhi rahega-phir seedha interogative kyu nahi? 'jaa rahe hi kis taraf is raah ki manzil hai kya' 2]saani me lafz- thoda' kabile istemaal nahi yaha, is ghazal ki kaifiyat ke hisaab se 'baith kar kuch der tak(to) tum door tak(ka) socha karo'.....aisa kuch 'door' 'der' ka effect bahut accha laga.....very good alliterative effect. bahut saari daad iske liye in do words ke meaning gar bata sake to.... aapki bate samajhne me hume bhi aasani ho jayegi... |
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(#24)
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6th January 2011, 02:16 PM
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ulaa matlab sher ki first line saani matlab usi sher ki second line regards |
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(#25)
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9th January 2011, 08:06 AM
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BHayee ek aur example mil gaya, pahle kyun nahi dhyaan ddiyaa maine ufff -- aarzuue.n hazaar rakhate hai.n to bhii ham dil ko maar rakhate hai.n na nigaah na payaam na vaadaa naam ko ham bhii yaar rakhate hai.n |
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