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avval-o-aaKhir duaa
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benuro_jiya
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avval-o-aaKhir duaa - 15th February 2012, 06:38 PM

ye humara 2nd ghazal
pahli ghazal mein aap sabne bahut saath diya
umiid hai aage bhi saath banaye rakhiyega
ghalti keliye muaaf kijiyega


Hasaraton se kaho kahin dur chale jaaye.n
is dil ko bahlaayein, naa hume ulajhaaye.n

tum bhi rooth jate ho mere yaaroon ki tarah
ginwaate ho mujhi se meri laakh khataaye.n

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa
uss dard kaa ehesaas, hum kaise dilaaye.n

har ek sitam aapki, manzoor-e-Khudaa hume.n
yeh sikayat jo dilki, uska kya kiya jaaye.n....?

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi ka sabab
bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?

dil aabaad na huaa, toh barbaad bhi na ho
qubool ho yah rab avval-o-aaKhir duaaye.n


avval-o-aaKhir : in the beginning and the end


:-ek bujhaa hua dhumil

palak jhapakte hi jo aankh se hu'aa ojhal

woh lauT kar nahiiN aayaa gaye dinoN ki taraH
   
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sameer'shaad'
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15th February 2012, 07:11 PM

Bahot khoob koshish aapki is baar ki bhi rahi... aapke jazbaat aur ehsaas behad pasand aaye hame... khaaskar ye sher...

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa
uss dard kaa ehesaas, hum kaise dilaaye.n


Is sher me agar Patti ki jagah Pati (hubby waala) aa jaata to meaning aur ubhar kar aata... sher ke lutf ke to fir kyaa kahne..

well jokes apart, u have done a very good composition... Repss added from my side....

keep writing......

Shaad...


Shaad...
   
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janumanu
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16th February 2012, 12:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by benuro_jiya View Post
ye humara 2nd ghazal
pahli ghazal mein aap sabne bahut saath diya
umiid hai aage bhi saath banaye rakhiyega
ghalti keliye muaaf kijiyega


Hasaraton se kaho kahin dur chale jaaye.n
is dil ko bahlaayein, naa hume ulajhaaye.n

tum bhi rooth jate ho mere yaaroon ki tarah
ginwaate ho mujhi se meri laakh khataaye.n

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa
uss dard kaa ehesaas, hum kaise dilaaye.n

har ek sitam aapki, manzoor-e-Khudaa hume.n
yeh sikayat jo dilki, uska kya kiya jaaye.n....?

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi ka sabab
bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?

dil aabaad na huaa, toh barbaad bhi na ho
qubool ho yah rab avval-o-aaKhir duaaye.n


avval-o-aaKhir : in the beginning and the end
ek baat batayeN ............. aapki hindi achi ni to urdu kaise itni achi............

iltizaa hai ye hindi urdu ki tension na le... aur likhti raheN ............. bahut acha kahti hai aap.................

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi ka sabab
bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?

bahut bahut khoob sher hai.................

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi
ka sabab

kyaa baat hai....................

bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?
bahut acha saani lagayaa hai......... !!!

sare sehr bahut hi achy hai............................ bas

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa

isme petti ke neechy............... nahi samjh aayaa............... behtar kalaam ke liye mubarakbaad
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naresh_mehra110
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16th February 2012, 08:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by benuro_jiya View Post
Hasaraton se kaho kahin dur chale jaaye.n
is dil ko bahlaayein, naa hume ulajhaaye.n

tum bhi rooth jate ho mere yaaroon ki tarah
ginwaate ho mujhi se meri laakh khataaye.n

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa
uss dard kaa ehesaas, hum kaise dilaaye.n

har ek sitam aapki, manzoor-e-Khudaa hume.n
yeh sikayat jo dilki, uska kya kiya jaaye.n....?

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi ka sabab
bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?

dil aabaad na huaa, toh barbaad bhi na ho
qubool ho yah rab avval-o-aaKhir duaaye.n

avval-o-aaKhir : in the beginning and the end
Bahut Khooooooob ... Jiya Ji !

Phir Se AchChhi Shairaanaa Takhleeq Pesh Kii Hai !

Khoobsurat Ashaar Aur Umdaa Andaaze BayaaN !

Dilee Mubaaraqbaad !!!

Aise Hii Aati RaheN Aur Likhti RaheN !!!




YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...


---Naresh Mehra----
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AHMAD SHAKIL
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16th February 2012, 11:26 AM



Hasaraton se kaho kahin dur chale jaaye.n
is dil ko bahlaayein, naa hume ulajhaaye.n


Acha Khyal Hai Ji….

tum bhi rooth jate ho mere yaaroon ki tarah
ginwaate ho mujhi se meri laakh khataaye.n


Is Sher Fikr Bhi Khooob Rahi… Daaaad

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa
uss dard kaa ehesaas, hum kaise dilaaye.n


Ye Bhi Acha Hai….

har ek sitam aapki, manzoor-e-Khudaa hume.n
yeh sikayat jo dilki, uska kya kiya jaaye.n....?


Ye Sher Aap Theak Se Adaa Nahi Kr Paayin….

1- Pehlay Misray Me Jo Aap Ne Kaha “ Manzoor-e-Khuda Hamen”….. Ye To Mix Sa Ho Gaya Hai Ji…
Manzoor-e-Khuda Ka Matlab Hota hai … Jo Khuda ko Manzoor Ho….. Magar Is Ke Sath Hee Aap “ Hamen” Bhi Istemaal Kr Rahi Hain…. Is Se TO Ye Sher Kuch Or Hee Ban Gaya Hai…. Aap Is Sher Ko Daubara Dekh Len…..

2- dusray Misray me Aap Ne Aakhir Me “ Kia Jaayen” Ka Istemaal Kia Hai…. Yaani Aap Ne Singular Ke Sath Plural Ka Lafz Lia Hai… Jo Theak Nahi Hai….
Asl Me Yahan “ Kia” Ke Sath Jaayen Nahi Len Gay.. Balke “ Kia Jaaye” Aaye Ga… Magar Is Tarha Krnay Se Qafia Badal Jaaye Ga…..
Aap Se Yehi Guzaarish Karun Ga Ke Aap Isay Badal Len…


bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi ka sabab
bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?


hmmmmm Ye Khooob Raha….

dil aabaad na huaa, toh barbaad bhi na ho
qubool ho yah rab avval-o-aaKhir duaaye.n


Mujhy Aap Ka Ye Sher Sab Se Acha Laga……


JIYA Ji…….. Aapki Ye Pehli Ghazal Parhi Hai….. Or Mujhy Andaaza Ho Gaya Hai Ke Boht Jald Aap Boht Acha Likhnay Lagen Gi…..
Aap Ki Fikr Boht Wasee Hai… Mujhy Yuun Laga Jaisay Aap Ke Jazbaat or Ahsaasaat Mukammal Hain… Bs Technical Points Ki Taraf Thodi Si Or Tawajjo Den…. Apni Koshish Jaari Rakhiye…….

Sada Khush Rahiye




Ay Chaara-Saaz Dil Pe M're Daal Ik Nazar
Mujhko Bas Aik Jism Ka Aazaar Hee Nahi

AHMAD ALI SHAKIL
   
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vikramjethi
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16th February 2012, 01:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by benuro_jiya View Post
ye humara 2nd ghazal
pahli ghazal mein aap sabne bahut saath diya
umiid hai aage bhi saath banaye rakhiyega
ghalti keliye muaaf kijiyega


Hasaraton se kaho kahin dur chale jaaye.n
is dil ko bahlaayein, naa hume ulajhaaye.n

tum bhi rooth jate ho mere yaaroon ki tarah
ginwaate ho mujhi se meri laakh khataaye.n

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa
uss dard kaa ehesaas, hum kaise dilaaye.n

har ek sitam aapki, manzoor-e-Khudaa hume.n
yeh sikayat jo dilki, uska kya kiya jaaye.n....?

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi ka sabab
bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?

dil aabaad na huaa, toh barbaad bhi na ho
qubool ho yah rab avval-o-aaKhir duaaye.n


avval-o-aaKhir : in the beginning and the end
bahut khoob ghazal hui hai jiya ji, sabhi sher badhiya haiN....
meri jaanib se daad haazir hai qubuul farmaaiyega...


'E Taahire Laahuti!!!
Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali
Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho
Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi....



vikramjethi@gmail.com
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benuro_jiya
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16th February 2012, 03:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad' View Post
Bahot khoob koshish aapki is baar ki bhi rahi... aapke jazbaat aur ehsaas behad pasand aaye hame... khaaskar ye sher...

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa
uss dard kaa ehesaas, hum kaise dilaaye.n


Is sher me agar Patti ki jagah Pati (hubby waala) aa jaata to meaning aur ubhar kar aata... sher ke lutf ke to fir kyaa kahne..

well jokes apart, u have done a very good composition... Repss added from my side....

keep writing......

Shaad...
Shaad ji ,
pati ke naam se mazak, hume gharse nikalwane ka irada bana liya kya ?

yahan hum patti ka matlab -bandage hi liye hain...
baki raha sher ka ubharna vo to aapke saath yahan rahte rahte seekh jayenge

saath banaye rakhiyega

take care


:-ek bujhaa hua dhumil

palak jhapakte hi jo aankh se hu'aa ojhal

woh lauT kar nahiiN aayaa gaye dinoN ki taraH
   
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benuro_jiya
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16th February 2012, 03:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by janumanu View Post
ek baat batayeN ............. aapki hindi achi ni to urdu kaise itni achi............

iltizaa hai ye hindi urdu ki tension na le... aur likhti raheN ............. bahut acha kahti hai aap.................

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi ka sabab
bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?

bahut bahut khoob sher hai.................

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi
ka sabab

kyaa baat hai....................

bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?
bahut acha saani lagayaa hai......... !!!

sare sehr bahut hi achy hai............................ bas

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa

isme petti ke neechy............... nahi samjh aayaa............... behtar kalaam ke liye mubarakbaad

Vikas ji ,
aap humare ghazal pe reply diye ye dekh kar hume bahut khusi hui .....hum aapki rachna kai mahino se padhte aarahe hain ,aise hi shayari padhte padhte thora bahut himmat aagayi , soche hum bhi kuchh kahein Hindi kachi to hai hi, urdu bas yun kuchh shabd hi pata hai hume ,
koshish ehi kar rahe hain apne soch ko SDC tak pahuchayein.....
aapki baaton se bahut himmat mili hume. hum hindi urdu ko bina soche sirf ghazal kahne ki koshish karenge,mahfil mein to hai aap sab ,umiid hai madad milti rahegi.


patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa

isme petti ke neechy means patti-bandage
jab koi zakham hota hai hum usper dawai de kar patti bandhwa lete hain aur samjhte hain ab thik ho jayega ...magar kai dino tak patti ke niche bhi zakham taza rahta hai , bas ehi kahne ki koshish kar rahi thi .....hindi kachi hai to thik se samjha nahin payi sher mein ......

aapki daad sarakhon pe

take care


:-ek bujhaa hua dhumil

palak jhapakte hi jo aankh se hu'aa ojhal

woh lauT kar nahiiN aayaa gaye dinoN ki taraH
   
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ufaq
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16th February 2012, 03:58 PM

Hasaraton se kaho kahin dur chale jaaye.n
is dil ko bahlaayein, naa hume ulajhaaye.n

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi ka sabab
bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?

dil aabaad na huaa, toh barbaad bhi na ho
qubool ho yah rab avval-o-aaKhir duaaye.n

wah, bahut khoob.............................dili daad o mubaraqbaad
   
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janumanu
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16th February 2012, 07:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by benuro_jiya View Post
Vikas ji ,
aap humare ghazal pe reply diye ye dekh kar hume bahut khusi hui .....hum aapki rachna kai mahino se padhte aarahe hain ,aise hi shayari padhte padhte thora bahut himmat aagayi , soche hum bhi kuchh kahein Hindi kachi to hai hi, urdu bas yun kuchh shabd hi pata hai hume ,
koshish ehi kar rahe hain apne soch ko SDC tak pahuchayein.....
aapki baaton se bahut himmat mili hume. hum hindi urdu ko bina soche sirf ghazal kahne ki koshish karenge,mahfil mein to hai aap sab ,umiid hai madad milti rahegi.


patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa

isme petti ke neechy means patti-bandage
jab koi zakham hota hai hum usper dawai de kar patti bandhwa lete hain aur samjhte hain ab thik ho jayega ...magar kai dino tak patti ke niche bhi zakham taza rahta hai , bas ehi kahne ki koshish kar rahi thi .....hindi kachi hai to thik se samjha nahin payi sher mein ......

aapki daad sarakhon pe

take care
hmm ji main hi nahi samjh payaa tha...........

my mistake
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17th February 2012, 08:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by benuro_jiya View Post
ye humara 2nd ghazal
pahli ghazal mein aap sabne bahut saath diya
umiid hai aage bhi saath banaye rakhiyega
ghalti keliye muaaf kijiyega


Hasaraton se kaho kahin dur chale jaaye.n
is dil ko bahlaayein, naa hume ulajhaaye.n

tum bhi rooth jate ho mere yaaroon ki tarah
ginwaate ho mujhi se meri laakh khataaye.n

patti ke niche bhi zakham rahtaa hai haraa
uss dard kaa ehesaas, hum kaise dilaaye.n

har ek sitam aapki, manzoor-e-Khudaa hume.n
yeh sikayat jo dilki, uska kya kiya jaaye.n....?

bekhudii mein puchha nahi berukhi ka sabab
bas keh diya hum aapko, tanhaa chor jaaye.n..?

dil aabaad na huaa, toh barbaad bhi na ho
qubool ho yah rab avval-o-aaKhir duaaye.n


avval-o-aaKhir : in the beginning and the end
bahut khoobsurat ashaar likhe hain ... umda ghazal

acchi peshkash rahi .. dil se daad ... aise hi likhti rahen ... radhe radhe


Aapka Apna
Ishk


'इश्क' के बदले इश्क चाहना तिजारत है
इज़हार किससे करें महबूब तो दिल में है


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