Khafa

shipra · **Khafa -** 21st August 2009, 05:49 PM

Khud se hi khafa hain hum, aap se kya gila kare,
haal sab nazre kahe, kaise hum chupaya kare,
ye jo tum dekh ke har baar muskurate ho,
tum hi batao kaise hum apna dil sambhala kare,
khawab saza ke palko pe u gum kaha ho jate ho,
khud ka hi kuch hosh nahi, tumhe kaha dhunda kare,
aa bhi jao ab sanam ki raat bhi hone lagi,
teri baato se kab tak khud ko bahalaya kare..........

Shipra

naresh_mehra110 · 21st August 2009, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shipra

Khud se hi khafa hain hum, aap se kya gila kare,
haal sab nazre kahe, kaise hum chupaya kare,
ye jo tum dekh ke har baar muskurate ho,
tum hi batao kaise hum apna dil sambhala kare,
khawab saza ke palko pe u gum kaha ho jate ho,
khud ka hi kuch hosh nahi, tumhe kaha dhunda kare,
aa bhi jao ab sanam ki raat bhi hone lagi,
teri baato se kab tak khud ko bahalaya kare..........

Shipra

Bahut khub... Shipra ji.....bahut khusurat ehsaas kahe hai....sabhi panktiya dil ki zameen par oss ki tarha bichh jaati hai....aise hi likhte rahiye......khush rahiye......

shipra · 22nd August 2009, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naresh_mehra110

Bahut khub... Shipra ji.....bahut khusurat ehsaas kahe hai....sabhi panktiya dil ki zameen par oss ki tarha bichh jaati hai....aise hi likhte rahiye......khush rahiye......

Thanx alot Naresh ji. Aap ki tarif karne ka andaz pasand aaya

naadaan · 22nd August 2009, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shipra

Khud se hi khafa hain hum, aap se kya gila kare,
haal sab nazre kahe, kaise hum chupaya kare,
ye jo tum dekh ke har baar muskurate ho,
tum hi batao kaise hum apna dil sambhala kare,
khawab saza ke palko pe u gum kaha ho jate ho,
khud ka hi kuch hosh nahi, tumhe kaha dhunda kare,
aa bhi jao ab sanam ki raat bhi hone lagi,
teri baato se kab tak khud ko bahalaya kare..........

Shipra

Shipra Ji Namashkar,

Aapke khayaal bahut achhe lage. BayaaN bhi thiik tariike se kiya hai. Ek sujhav hai agar bura na meneN to, Roman Urdu/Hindi pe zara dhyaan deiN to bhaasha ke saaf hone se aur bhi achhi ho jayegi peshkesh.

Khush rahiye aur bazm ko sajaate rahiye.
Aapka Dost,
Shyam

shipra · 22nd August 2009, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naadaan

Shipra Ji Namashkar,

Aapke khayaal bahut achhe lage. BayaaN bhi thiik tariike se kiya hai. Ek sujhav hai agar bura na meneN to, Roman Urdu/Hindi pe zara dhyaan deiN to bhaasha ke saaf hone se aur bhi achhi ho jayegi peshkesh.

Khush rahiye aur bazm ko sajaate rahiye.
Aapka Dost,
Shyam

Shyam ji,
Thanx for appreciating me. or Aap ke sujhav ke liye bahut bahut shukria.
main is par dhayan doongi. Thanx for ur advice.

Shipra

Mayank · 03:28 PM

Quote:

Khud se hi khafa hain hum, aap se kya gila kare,
haal sab nazre kahe, kaise hum chupaya kare,
ye jo tum dekh ke har baar muskurate ho,
tum hi batao kaise hum apna dil sambhala kare,
khawab saza ke palko pe u gum kaha ho jate ho,
khud ka hi kuch hosh nahi, tumhe kaha dhunda kare,
aa bhi jao ab sanam ki raat bhi hone lagi,
teri baato se kab tak khud ko bahalaya kare..........

Ranj ki jab guftaguu hone lagii,
aap se tum, tum se tuu hone lagii

shipra jee,

aaj aap kii yeh kavvish paDhne ka mauqaa milaa... waqaiii achchhaa likhtii hai.n aap... bohat hii saaf aur saadgii ke saath haal-e-dil bayaa.n karna aap kii khaasiyat hai... yuu.n hii likhtii rahe.n aage bhii, andaaz yehii rahaa to, aap bohat behtar likh paaye.ngii...

aap kii is kavvish par ek kamii nazar aayii hame to sochaa ki aap se kah duu.n.. kamii kyaa hai, yeh aap ab samjh gayee ho.ngii.. aap ne ek insaan ke liye, ek hii kavvish par, aap , tum aur tuu kaa istemaal kiyaa hai, jo kii sahii nahii.n haii.. yeh ek chhoTi sii Ghaltii hai, jo lagtaa hai , anjaane me.n aap se ho gayee.

is ke alaawaa baakii sab Theek hai.. ek achchhii koshish ke liye, daad qubool keejiye.. . koii baat agar burii lagii ho to mazrat chaahu.ngaa.. ooparwaalaa aap ko aur qaamiyaabii ataa farmaaye.n.

Mayank

akant · 25th August 2009, 03:45 PM

Shipra ji,

bahut badhiya likha hai aapne. shayad main aapko pahali baar padh raha hoon, gagar mein sagar jaisi lekhani ke shabd ubhare hain.. bahut khub..

Akant...

shipra · 27th August 2009, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mayank

Ranj ki jab guftaguu hone lagii,
aap se tum, tum se tuu hone lagii

shipra jee,

aaj aap kii yeh kavvish paDhne ka mauqaa milaa... waqaiii achchhaa likhtii hai.n aap... bohat hii saaf aur saadgii ke saath haal-e-dil bayaa.n karna aap kii khaasiyat hai... yuu.n hii likhtii rahe.n aage bhii, andaaz yehii rahaa to, aap bohat behtar likh paaye.ngii...

aap kii is kavvish par ek kamii nazar aayii hame to sochaa ki aap se kah duu.n.. kamii kyaa hai, yeh aap ab samjh gayee ho.ngii.. aap ne ek insaan ke liye, ek hii kavvish par, aap , tum aur tuu kaa istemaal kiyaa hai, jo kii sahii nahii.n haii.. yeh ek chhoTi sii Ghaltii hai, jo lagtaa hai , anjaane me.n aap se ho gayee.

is ke alaawaa baakii sab Theek hai.. ek achchhii koshish ke liye, daad qubool keejiye.. . koii baat agar burii lagii ho to mazrat chaahu.ngaa.. ooparwaalaa aap ko aur qaamiyaabii ataa farmaaye.n.

Mayank

Thank You sooo... much Mayank ji, aap ne ek eise galti par dhayan diya jo main aksar karti hu or aaj tak kabhi dhayan bhi nahi diya.
Thanx for ur help
and thanx for appreciation too...

shipra · 27th August 2009, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by akant

Shipra ji,

bahut badhiya likha hai aapne. shayad main aapko pahali baar padh raha hoon, gagar mein sagar jaisi lekhani ke shabd ubhare hain.. bahut khub..

Akant...

Thanx alot Akant ji aapne padha or saraha.
is hausla afjai ke liye bahu-bahut shukria....

noor_noor · 27th August 2009, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shipra

Khud se hi khafa hain hum, aap se kya gila kare,
haal sab nazre kahe, kaise hum chupaya kare,
ye jo tum dekh ke har baar muskurate ho,
tum hi batao kaise hum apna dil sambhala kare,
khawab saza ke palko pe u gum kaha ho jate ho,
khud ka hi kuch hosh nahi, tumhe kaha dhunda kare,
aa bhi jao ab sanam ki raat bhi hone lagi,
teri baato se kab tak khud ko bahalaya kare..........

Shipra

very nice ghazal shipra ji nice work

aslam

shipra · 28th August 2009, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noor_noor

very nice ghazal shipra ji nice work

aslam

Thank You very much Aslam ji

abed_farooqui · 4th September 2009, 04:11 PM

शिप्रा तुमने बहुत ही मासूमियत से लिखा है मुझे अछा लगा यह लाइन्स तो बहुत हीअछी लगी

khawab saza ke palko pe u gum kaha ho jate ho,
khud ka hi kuch hosh nahi, tumhe kaha dhunda kare,

Hassan · 5th September 2009, 12:31 AM

Shipra Ji,

Aap k likhne ka andaaz boht acha laga,
Aap k jazbaat aur khiyaalat aap ke lafz lafz se tapak rahe the..
Aise hi likhte rahien,

Khush rahiye,

HSN

sunita thakur · 5th September 2009, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shipra

Khud se hi khafa hain hum, aap se kya gila kare,
haal sab nazre kahe, kaise hum chupaya kare,

ye jo tum dekh ke har baar muskurate ho,
tum hi batao kaise hum apna dil sambhala kare,

khawab saza ke palko pe u gum kaha ho jate ho,
khud ka hi kuch hosh nahi, tumhe kaha dhunda kare,

aa bhi jao ab sanam ki raat bhi hone lagi,
teri baato se kab tak khud ko bahalaya kare..........

Shipra

Shipra jiii...............aap sach main bahut umda likhti haiN, aapki 1-2 rachnaye phele bhi pad chuki hoon, bahut saadgi se apne dil ki baat keh deti haiN aap, yeh andaaz aapka hume bahut accha laga.

Mayank ji ne jo sujao aapko diya hai, main bhi us se sahmat hoon, agar en chotti chotti baato.n ka hum khayal rakheN to kavish ko chaar chaand lag jate haiN.

khoobsurat ahsaao.n aur khoobsurat bayaani par daad hazir hai.

god bless u

shipra · 5th September 2009, 04:55 PM

Abed Ji and Hassan ji,
Thanx to both of u for encouraging me

shipra · 5th September 2009, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunita virender

Shipra jiii...............aap sach main bahut umda likhti haiN, aapki 1-2 rachnaye phele bhi pad chuki hoon, bahut saadgi se apne dil ki baat keh deti haiN aap, yeh andaaz aapka hume bahut accha laga.

Mayank ji ne jo sujao aapko diya hai, main bhi us se sahmat hoon, agar en chotti chotti baato.n ka hum khayal rakheN to kavish ko chaar chaand lag jate haiN.

khoobsurat ahsaao.n aur khoobsurat bayaani par daad hazir hai.

god bless u

Thank You so much Sunita ji for appreciating and encouraging me.

or main koshish kar rahi hu ki aage is tarah ki galtiya na ho

KunaaL · 10th September 2009, 07:58 AM

Adaab

Aapke likhe kareeban saare post padhe maine abhi ... aur ek hi cheez mehsoos ki maiNe .. aapki soch bohat gehri hai .. aur khyaal bhi nayapan liye rakhti hai aap.. par alfaazoN ko puri tarah baandh paane maiN thodi kam kaamyaab lagti hai .. aap shayri ki takneeki bareekiyoN ke baare maiN padheN un par amal karke likhne ki koshish kareN .. yakeen janiye aap bohat jyada aur umda likh sakeNgi.. mujhe khushi hai waise ki aapme bharpoor likhne ka hunar maujood hai...

mujhe acchi lagi ye kavish .. yuN hi apna khyaal rakhte hue likhte rahe .. agar kuch galat keh gaya huN to muafi ka adad talabgaar rahuNga ...

Kunaal

shipra · 11th September 2009, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sacccha_pyar

Adaab

Aapke likhe kareeban saare post padhe maine abhi ... aur ek hi cheez mehsoos ki maiNe .. aapki soch bohat gehri hai .. aur khyaal bhi nayapan liye rakhti hai aap.. par alfaazoN ko puri tarah baandh paane maiN thodi kam kaamyaab lagti hai .. aap shayri ki takneeki bareekiyoN ke baare maiN padheN un par amal karke likhne ki koshish kareN .. yakeen janiye aap bohat jyada aur umda likh sakeNgi.. mujhe khushi hai waise ki aapme bharpoor likhne ka hunar maujood hai...

mujhe acchi lagi ye kavish .. yuN hi apna khyaal rakhte hue likhte rahe .. agar kuch galat keh gaya huN to muafi ka adad talabgaar rahuNga ...

Kunaal

Hello Kunaal ji,

aap ki advice ke liye bahut-bahut shukria. aap ki baat se main bhi sehmat hu kyonki kai baar eisa hota h ki jo socha hota h wo paper par us tarah nahi aata jis tarah use hona chahiye. yahi wajah h ki aaj tak jitna maine likha nahi h us se kahi jyada adhura pada h. or ye technical terms wali baat, to meri knowledge is baare me thodi kam h, par main koshish kar rahi hu ki kuch sudhar kar saku.
or aapki hausla afjai ke liye bhi shukria....