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Manzile... -
25th July 2010, 12:00 PM
Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
sukun milta hai dard me, na hai dar ruswai ka.
tere junun ne baksha hai, ye karar kaisa...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Shipra
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Tanhaa Raahi
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25th July 2010, 12:15 PM
Khayaal, ehsaas aur bayaani acche lage, Shipra Ji...! Acchi koshish ke liye daad haazir hai...!
Quote:
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
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Quoted sher is my favourite...!
Keep it up, ok...?
Duaaon ke saath
Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai
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Anshumali
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25th July 2010, 12:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by shipra
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
Shipra
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Shipra Ji........aapki tehreer ke ehsaas dil ko chhoote hai.....bahut accha likha hai aapne....dil se daad hazir hai ... qubuul farmaayen...yunhi aur behtar koshish ke saath aati rahen... khush rahen...
apna khayal rakhen...
duaaon ke saath....
YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...
Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...
---Naresh Mehra----
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25th July 2010, 01:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by shipra
Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
sukun milta hai dard me, na hai dar ruswai ka.
tere junun ne baksha hai, ye karar kaisa...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Shipra
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Wah shipra saheba ..kya umda qayal hain..wah..Dad qubool karen..likhte rahen yunhi ..allah kare zoor-e-qalam aur ziyadah
Dua go
Qadeertoopchi
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25th July 2010, 01:24 PM
Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
Bohat khoobsurat sher hai lekin agar aapka maqsad Ghazal likhna tha to Matla rehna bohat zaroori tha..........for example
aa.Nkh pyaasii hai ko_ii manzar de
is jaziire ko bhii samandar de
Rahat Indori
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
sukun milta hai dard me, na hai dar ruswai ka.
tere junun ne baksha hai, ye karar kaisa...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Shipra
Aapne gaur kiya hoga kuch lafzo ko maine red font me highlight kiya hai, aapne har jagah mukhtalif Qafiya istemaal kiya hai........isse Ghazal Ghazal nahi rehti........main yeh sab aapse isiliye keh raha hu qke aapke khayaal bohat achche lage hai mujhko bas thodi si mehnat ki zarurat hai.
Meri aapse guzarish hai ke aap koshish kare ke achche shayro ke kalam ko padhe aapko khud mehsoos hoga main kya kehna chah raha hu for example ek kalam pesh_e_khidmat hai yaha bhi maine Qafiyo ko red font me highlight kiya hai.........
har ek chehare ko zaKhmo.n kaa aa_iinaa na kaho
ye zindagii to hai rahamat ise sazaa na kaho
na jaane kaun sii majaburiyo.n kaa qaidii ho
vo saath chho.D gayaa hai to bevafaa na kaho
tamaam shahar ne nezo.n pe kyuu.N uchhaalaa mujhe
ye ittefaaq thaa tum is ko haadasaa na kaho
ye aur baat ke dushman huaa hai aaj magar
vo meraa dost thaa kal tak use buraa na kaho
hamaare aib hame.n ungaliyo.n pe ginvaao
hamaarii piiTh ke piichhe hame.n buraa na kaho
mai.n vaqiyaat kii zanjiir kaa nahii.n qaayal
mujhe bhii apane gunaaho.n kaa silsilaa na kaho
ye shahar vo hai jahaa.N raakshas bhii hai "Rahat"
har ek taraashe huye but ko devataa na kaho
Rahat Indori
Yaha bohat se kabil members hai jinki aap madad le sakti hai jaise Naresh Saheb, Zidd saheb, Kunaal Saheb, Zainy Jee, Abdul Qadeer saheb........ya koi aur aapka pasandida shayer. Agar aap unse apne kalam ki islah kara le to aapki likhayee me aur nikhaar aa jayega.
Ummeed karta hu meri batein aapki naraazgi ka sabab nahi bani hogi.
Jhoot kehdu yeh meri fitrat me nahi shamil
Par tujhe bevafa bhi kehna achcha nahi lagta...
Mob.: +971 501297654
Last edited by sajid_ghayel; 25th July 2010 at 01:26 PM..
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An Incomplite Dream
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25th July 2010, 02:15 PM
Shipra Jee AadaaB!
Bahut achche khayaal pesh kiye hai aapne....... Aap mukt lekhani meiN kamal kar rahi hai....... Aapne khayaaloN ko aise parosa hai ke tarif kiye bina jane ka mann nahi hua... Behteen khayaaloN ko nazar pesh karne ke liye daad kabool kijiye..... Sabhi sher kamaal ke hai...
Sajid Bhai ne jo bataya hai bilkul sahiN bataya hai, aap us per gaur kijiyega ... Main yehi suggestion duga..... Coz aapke khayaal bahut achche hai, Bus unhe rawaaN karne meiN aap chuk rahi hai......Yeh bhi nahi kah sakta huN kyuN ke aapne sabhi sher apne aap meiN mukammal rakhe hai... Per aapne Maqta kaha hai isliye yeh aapki Gazal likhane ki koshish hai samajh ker MaiN Sajid Bhai ki baat se sehmat huN....
Likhati rahiye........
Khush rahiye........
Khuda Hafez........
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Tanhaa Raahi
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25th July 2010, 03:07 PM
Nazm can also be written adopting one's own taqallus, Khwaaish Bhaai...!
An example of a nazm of Nazeer Akhbarabadi Ji...!
जब आदमी के पेट में आती हैं रोटियाँ
फूली नही बदन में समाती हैं रोटियाँ
आँखें परीरुख़ों से लड़ाती हैं रोटियाँ
सीने ऊपर भी हाथ चलाती हैं रोटियाँ
जितने मज़े हैं सब ये दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी से जिस का नाक तलक पेट है भरा
करता फिरे है क्या वो उछल कूद जा ब जा
दीवार फाँद कर कोई कोठा उछल गया
ठठ्ठा हँसी शराब सनम साक़ी इस सिवा
सौ सौ तरह की धूम मचाती हैं रोटियाँ
जिस जा पे हाँडी चूल्हा तवा और तनूर है
ख़ालिक़ के कुदरतों का उसी जा ज़हूर है
चूल्हे के आगे आँच जो जलती हज़ूर है
जितने हैं नूर सब में यही ख़ास नूर है
इस नूर के सबब नज़र आती हैं रोटियाँ
आवे तवे तनूर का जिस जा ज़बां पे नाम
या चक्की चूल्हे का जहाँ गुलज़ार हो तमाम
वां सर झुका के कीजिये दंडवत और सलाम
इस वास्ते कि ख़ास ये रोटी के हैं मुक़ाम
पहले इन्हीं मकानों में आती हैं रोटियाँ
इन रोटियों के नूर से सब दिल हैं पूर पूर
आटा नहीं है छलनी से छन छन गिरे है नूर
पेड़ा हर एक उस का है बर्फ़ी-ओ-मोती चूर
हरगिज़ किसी तरह न बुझे पेट का तनूर
इस आग को मगर ये बुझाती हैं रोटियाँ
पूछा किसी ने ये किसी कामिल फ़क़ीर से
ये मेह्र-ओ-माह हक़ ने बनाये हैं काहे के
वो सुन के बोला बाबा ख़ुदा तुझ को ख़ैर दे
हम तो न चाँद समझे न सूरज हैं जानते
बाबा हमें तो ये नज़र आती हैं रोटियाँ
फिर पूछा उस ने कहिये ये है दिल का नूर क्या
इस के मुशाहिदे में है खुलता ज़हूर क्या
वो बोला सुन के तेरा गया है शऊर क्या
कश्फ़-उल-क़ुलूब और ये कश्फ़-उल-कुबूर क्या
कश्फ़=प्रदर्शन; क़ुलूब=हृदय
जितने हीं कश्फ़ सब ये दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी जब आई पेट में सौ कन्द घुल गये
गुलज़ार फूले आँखों में और ऐश तुल गये
दो तर निवाले पेट में जब आ के धुल गये
चौदा तबक़ के जितने थे सब भेद खुल गये
ये कश्फ़ ये कमाल दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी न पेट में हो तो फिर कुछ जतन न हो
मेले की सैर ख़्वाहिश-ए-बाग़-ओ-चमन न हो
भूके ग़रीब दिल की ख़ुदा से लगन न हो
सच है कहा किसी ने कि भूके भजन न हो
अल्लाह की भी याद दिलाती हैं रोटियाँ
अब जिन के आगे मालपूये भर के थाल हैं
पूरी भगत उन्हीं की वो साहब के लाल हैं
और जिन के आगे रौग़नी और शीरमाल है
आरिफ़ वोही हैं और वोही साहब कमाल हैं
पकी पकाई अब जिन्हें आती हैं रोटियाँ
कपड़े किसी के लाल हों रोटी के वास्ते
लम्बे किसी के बाल हैं रोटी के वास्ते
बाँधे कोई रुमाल है रोटी के वास्ते
सब कश्फ़ और कमाल हैं रोटी के वास्ते
जितने हैं रूप सब ये दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी से नाचे पियादा क़वायद दिखा दिखा
असवार नाचे घोड़े को कावा लगा लगा
घुँघरू को बाँधे पैक भी फिरता है नाचता
और इस के सिवा ग़ौर से देखो तो जा ब जा
सौ सौ तरह के नाच दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
दुनिया में अब बदी न कहीं और निकोई है
न दुश्मनी व दोस्ती न तुन्द खोई है
कोई किसी का और किसी का न कोई है
सब कोई है उसी का कि जिस हाथ डोई है
नौकर नफ़र ग़ुलाम बनाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी का अब अज़ल से हमारा तो है ख़मीर
रूखी भी रोटी हक़ में हमारे है शहद-ओ-शीर
या पतली होवे मोटी ख़मीरी हो या कतीर
गेहूं जुआर बाजरे की जैसी हो ‘नज़ीर‘
हम को सब तरह की ख़ुश आती हैं रोटियाँ.
Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai
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An Incomplite Dream
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25th July 2010, 03:14 PM
Mushkil Jee AadaaB!
MaiN aapki baat se sehmat huN per nazm ki taknik meiN aur Gazal ki taknik meiN bahut bada fasla hai ...... Gazal do do misaroN meiN adaa hoti hai.... Aur Nazm ke kayiN alag alag chehre hai....... Isliye maine yahaaN Shipra jee ki kalaam ko bator Gazal ka naam diya........
And realy thanks for your kindly information.......
Aise hi ek dusre ki ilm bant te rahe to yahaaN is mehfil meiN koi bhi la ilm nahi raheNga........
Khush rahiye.......
Khuda Hafez......
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"Taish meN hai Taish"
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25th July 2010, 03:21 PM
ahche khayal hain shipra ji... ye sher haasil-e-kalaam laga mujhe...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
aur jo behas ho rahi hai to m wid danny bhaiya, kyuNki aise bahut xamples haiN jahaaN nazm me taqallus ka istemaal kiya hai shayar ne.... aur khwaish bhai nazmon me v low hota hai, aur do misron me v nazm hoti hai, abhi mujhe yaad nahin par yakeenan quote karuNga, Qateel Shfai ji ne v do misroN ki nazm likhi hai....so khwaish bhai its nt necesarily an attempt 2 write a ghazal if u r using taqallus or if u r writing in juz 2 misras...!!
neways shipra ji keep writing....!!
Last edited by Taish; 25th July 2010 at 03:35 PM..
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25th July 2010, 05:04 PM
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
Waaahh..
Shipra jee, kya likha hai aap ne! Maza aa gaya parh kar!
I really admire your writing style... Ummed karta hoon ki aage bhii parhne aur appreciate karne ka mauka milega.
Mann
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masttt...
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25th July 2010, 05:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by shipra
Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
sukun milta hai dard me, na hai dar ruswai ka.
tere junun ne baksha hai, ye karar kaisa...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Shipra
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shipra ji aapki ye koshish mujhe behad achhi lagi....
daad qubuul kijiyega....
'E Taahire Laahuti!!!
Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali
Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho
Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi....
vikramjethi@gmail.com
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An Incomplite Dream
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26th July 2010, 01:13 AM
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Tanhaa Raahi
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26th July 2010, 02:18 AM
In a broad sense, nazm is a term used to define all kinds of Urdu poetry which do not fall into any other category. However, in a literary sense, a nazm is a well organized, logically evolving poem where each individual verse serves the need of the central concept or theme of the poem. Though a nazm is traditionally written in rhymed verse, there are many examples of nazms written in unrhymed verse, or even in free verse.
In baaton ko dhyaan main rakhte houe ye to maan sakte heiN ki Shipra ji ki shaayri ek nazm hai, hai na...? Yaha to zaruuri nahiN ki shuru shuru maiN koyi acche acche ghazal likhe...! SDC par kitne log Ghazal likhne maiN ustaad heiN, kehnaa mushkil hai...!
SDC ke logo ke niiche likhaa gayaa hai : "Emotions through Expressions "
Let's just ponder on that phrase and try to understand that SDC is a site for those who want to express themselves in a way or other...! What's the need to ask someone to contact this poet or that poet to learn better...! Practice make perfect so let's give everyone enough space to grow up...!
Whenever someone has some doubt just check this link...!
http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthread.php?p=403639#post403639
Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai
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"Taish meN hai Taish"
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26th July 2010, 05:39 AM
Agreed mushki sir.....
aur haan sameer bhai main nahin kehta ki aap gatiyaaN nikaaleN, aur aapne mujhe v shayad hi jhoothi taareef karte dekha hoga, haaN par ye jarur kahunga ki sudhar ke saath daleel thosh dijiye, ab ye baat mujhe maloom nahiN thi ki inhone pehle kya likha kitna likha, par haaN, bas yahi guzarish rahegi ki islaah kijiye sirf galtiyaan na dikhaaiye, umeed hai aap meri baat ka bura nahin maaneNge, bas yuNhi SDC ko ek khusnuma mehfil aur seekhne seekhane ka ek platform banaaye rakhiye....!!
allah hafeez....!!
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RooH Se RooH Tak
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26th July 2010, 12:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by shipra
Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
sukun milta hai dard me, na hai dar ruswai ka.
tere junun ne baksha hai, ye karar kaisa...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Shipra
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Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
its too good..............
Radhika
Seene Me Zakham Utarey Chale Gaye
Jo Humpe Guzari Guzarey Chale Gaye
Woh Aayega Ek Din Milne Humse
Naam Uska Hi Pukarey Chale Gaye
E-mail : radhika.nm2@gmail.com
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Registered User
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26th July 2010, 03:14 PM
Kamaal hai samajh me nahi aa raha ke afsos karu ya hasu........khair mere dosto mere pyaaro itni energy waste karne se pehle kam se kam yeh to itminan se padh liya hota ke maine likha kya hai...... maine apni baat shuru hi is baat se ki thi........
"Bohat khoobsurat sher hai lekin agar aapka maqsad Ghazal likhna tha to Matla rehna bohat zaroori tha..........for example"
Uske baad hi maine apni baat Ghazal ke aitbaar se kahi.......maine apni taraf se Shipra jee ke kalam par koi final Ghazal ki ya Nazm ki mohar nahi lagayee............
Aur jaha tak yeh baat hai ke "Agar yeh Nazm hui to" mere dosto yeh agar aur magar ka masla bada pecheeda hai........hahahaha
"Ek baar ek aadmi hockey match dekhne gaya aur ball uske ghutne par ja lagi woh players se jhagda karne laga ke meri aakh bach gayee phootte phootte, logho ne kaha par ball to aapke ghutne par lagi hai usne fauran jawab diya AGAR ghutne par meri aakh hoti to...........hahahaha to main bhi is behas me nahi padna chahta ke AGAR yeh NAZM hui to hahahahaha......."
Khair mujhe lag raha hai main kuch zyda hi waqt de raha hu SDC ko aur ab mere dost shayed meri bato se bore ho chuke hai isi liye kisi na kisi bahane woh meri bato se irritate ho jatein hai.......mere ek pyaare dost ne kuch roz pehle Ek hafte ka maun vrath liya tha...........main aap sab ki khushi ke liye poore ek mahine ka maun vrath leta hu.........
Hamesha ki tarah main is baar bhi apni galti kabool karta hu.......maine hi kuch galat bayani ki hogi aur aap sab apni jagah sahi ho...........C u all next month 26/Aug/2010.
Aapka Dost
Ghayel
Jhoot kehdu yeh meri fitrat me nahi shamil
Par tujhe bevafa bhi kehna achcha nahi lagta...
Mob.: +971 501297654
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26th July 2010, 04:17 PM
Bohat Khoob Shipra
Loved IT>>>
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Registered User
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26th July 2010, 04:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sajid_ghayel
Kamaal hai samajh me nahi aa raha ke afsos karu ya hasu........khair mere dosto mere pyaaro itni energy waste karne se pehle kam se kam yeh to itminan se padh liya hota ke maine likha kya hai...... maine apni baat shuru hi is baat se ki thi........
"Bohat khoobsurat sher hai lekin agar aapka maqsad Ghazal likhna tha to Matla rehna bohat zaroori tha..........for example"
Uske baad hi maine apni baat Ghazal ke aitbaar se kahi.......maine apni taraf se Shipra jee ke kalam par koi final Ghazal ki ya Nazm ki mohar nahi lagayee............
Aur jaha tak yeh baat hai ke "Agar yeh Nazm hui to" mere dosto yeh agar aur magar ka masla bada pecheeda hai........hahahaha
"Ek baar ek aadmi hockey match dekhne gaya aur ball uske ghutne par ja lagi woh players se jhagda karne laga ke meri aakh bach gayee phootte phootte, logho ne kaha par ball to aapke ghutne par lagi hai usne fauran jawab diya AGAR ghutne par meri aakh hoti to...........hahahaha to main bhi is behas me nahi padna chahta ke AGAR yeh NAZM hui to hahahahaha......."
Khair mujhe lag raha hai main kuch zyda hi waqt de raha hu SDC ko aur ab mere dost shayed meri bato se bore ho chuke hai isi liye kisi na kisi bahane woh meri bato se irritate ho jatein hai.......mere ek pyaare dost ne kuch roz pehle Ek hafte ka maun vrath liya tha...........main aap sab ki khushi ke liye poore ek mahine ka maun vrath leta hu.........
Hamesha ki tarah main is baar bhi apni galti kabool karta hu.......maine hi kuch galat bayani ki hogi aur aap sab apni jagah sahi ho...........C u all next month 26/Aug/2010.
Aapka Dost
Ghayel
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aree saajid sahab....
kam se kam expiry date to sahi sahi likho....ki qaafiya ginte ginte gintee bhuul gaye
ab se ek mahina matlab 25-aug-2010 hai...26 taarik nahi......
hum sdc waale apki kami nirdhaarit samay se ek din bhi jyada bardaash nahi kar payenge....
tab tak SGFFC suspended.....
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devil ! forgive me
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ummeed -
26th July 2010, 05:12 PM
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Apne mazboori-e-halat pe kiun kar khafa hota hai,
Zindgi pe aitebaar rakhe rah , koi na koi wada to wafa hota hai.
Shayr-E-Na Cheez : Parveen komal
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26th July 2010, 05:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by shipra
Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
sukun milta hai dard me, na hai dar ruswai ka.
tere junun ne baksha hai, ye karar kaisa...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Shipra
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bahut accha likha hai aapne, muje ahsaas bahut pasand aaye.
god bless u
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.....Sunita Thakur.....
यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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devil ! forgive me
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26th July 2010, 05:22 PM
जब आदमी के पेट में आती हैं रोटियाँ
फूली नही बदन में समाती हैं रोटियाँ
आँखें परीरुख़ों से लड़ाती हैं रोटियाँ
सीने ऊपर भी हाथ चलाती हैं रोटियाँ
जितने मज़े हैं सब ये दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी से जिस का नाक तलक पेट है भरा
करता फिरे है क्या वो उछल कूद जा ब जा
दीवार फाँद कर कोई कोठा उछल गया
ठठ्ठा हँसी शराब सनम साक़ी इस सिवा
सौ सौ तरह की धूम मचाती हैं रोटियाँ
जिस जा पे हाँडी चूल्हा तवा और तनूर है
ख़ालिक़ के कुदरतों का उसी जा ज़हूर है
चूल्हे के आगे आँच जो जलती हज़ूर है
जितने हैं नूर सब में यही ख़ास नूर है
इस नूर के सबब नज़र आती हैं रोटियाँ
आवे तवे तनूर का जिस जा ज़बां पे नाम
या चक्की चूल्हे का जहाँ गुलज़ार हो तमाम
वां सर झुका के कीजिये दंडवत और सलाम
इस वास्ते कि ख़ास ये रोटी के हैं मुक़ाम
पहले इन्हीं मकानों में आती हैं रोटियाँ
इन रोटियों के नूर से सब दिल हैं पूर पूर
आटा नहीं है छलनी से छन छन गिरे है नूर
पेड़ा हर एक उस का है बर्फ़ी-ओ-मोती चूर
हरगिज़ किसी तरह न बुझे पेट का तनूर
इस आग को मगर ये बुझाती हैं रोटियाँ
पूछा किसी ने ये किसी कामिल फ़क़ीर से
ये मेह्र-ओ-माह हक़ ने बनाये हैं काहे के
वो सुन के बोला बाबा ख़ुदा तुझ को ख़ैर दे
हम तो न चाँद समझे न सूरज हैं जानते
बाबा हमें तो ये नज़र आती हैं रोटियाँ
फिर पूछा उस ने कहिये ये है दिल का नूर क्या
इस के मुशाहिदे में है खुलता ज़हूर क्या
वो बोला सुन के तेरा गया है शऊर क्या
कश्फ़-उल-क़ुलूब और ये कश्फ़-उल-कुबूर क्या
कश्फ़=प्रदर्शन; क़ुलूब=हृदय
जितने हीं कश्फ़ सब ये दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी जब आई पेट में सौ कन्द घुल गये
गुलज़ार फूले आँखों में और ऐश तुल गये
दो तर निवाले पेट में जब आ के धुल गये
चौदा तबक़ के जितने थे सब भेद खुल गये
ये कश्फ़ ये कमाल दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी न पेट में हो तो फिर कुछ जतन न हो
मेले की सैर ख़्वाहिश-ए-बाग़-ओ-चमन न हो
भूके ग़रीब दिल की ख़ुदा से लगन न हो
सच है कहा किसी ने कि भूके भजन न हो
अल्लाह की भी याद दिलाती हैं रोटियाँ
अब जिन के आगे मालपूये भर के थाल हैं
पूरी भगत उन्हीं की वो साहब के लाल हैं
और जिन के आगे रौग़नी और शीरमाल है
आरिफ़ वोही हैं और वोही साहब कमाल हैं
पकी पकाई अब जिन्हें आती हैं रोटियाँ
कपड़े किसी के लाल हों रोटी के वास्ते
लम्बे किसी के बाल हैं रोटी के वास्ते
बाँधे कोई रुमाल है रोटी के वास्ते
सब कश्फ़ और कमाल हैं रोटी के वास्ते
जितने हैं रूप सब ये दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी से नाचे पियादा क़वायद दिखा दिखा
असवार नाचे घोड़े को कावा लगा लगा
घुँघरू को बाँधे पैक भी फिरता है नाचता
और इस के सिवा ग़ौर से देखो तो जा ब जा
सौ सौ तरह के नाच दिखाती हैं रोटियाँ
दुनिया में अब बदी न कहीं और निकोई है
न दुश्मनी व दोस्ती न तुन्द खोई है
कोई किसी का और किसी का न कोई है
सब कोई है उसी का कि जिस हाथ डोई है
नौकर नफ़र ग़ुलाम बनाती हैं रोटियाँ
रोटी का अब अज़ल से हमारा तो है ख़मीर
रूखी भी रोटी हक़ में हमारे है शहद-ओ-शीर
या पतली होवे मोटी ख़मीरी हो या कतीर
गेहूं जुआर बाजरे की जैसी हो ‘नज़ीर‘
हम को सब तरह की ख़ुश आती हैं रोटियाँ.
Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna de do
Hakeekat meri jaan liye jaa rahi hai
AmanushDanny
Danny bhai jara is nazam ke shayar ka mobile no. ho to please bataiega. mujhe chahie.
Shayr-e-Na Cheez:Parveen Komal
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Tanhaa Raahi
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26th July 2010, 05:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd
aree saajid sahab....
kam se kam expiry date to sahi sahi likho....ki qaafiya ginte ginte gintee bhuul gaye
ab se ek mahina matlab 25-aug-2010 hai...26 taarik nahi......
hum sdc waale apki kami nirdhaarit samay se ek din bhi jyada bardaash nahi kar payenge....
tab tak SGFFC suspended.....
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Zidd Saheb...! Aap bhi na...!!!
SajiD Ji ke taaNg khiiNchna acchi baat nahiN...!
Waise yaha SGFFC kyaa cheez hai...?
Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai
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Tanhaa Raahi
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Rep Power: 54
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26th July 2010, 05:40 PM
Unki tasveer bhi yahaan par chipkaa rahe heiN, Komal Bhaai...!
Unnka Janm houa tha 1735 ko Agra,Uttar pradesh main aur dehaaNt houa
tha 1830 main...!
Khudaa Ji unnke aatmaa ko shaanti deiN...!
Duaaon ke saath...!
Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai
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devil ! forgive me
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26th July 2010, 09:01 PM
wel done danny bhai , great job, khuda nazeer ji ki atma ko shanti de aur unke asheerwad se ham sabki kalam ki dhaar slamat rahe.
07666027379,09041116001,09876442643,
09417142513,09914097007,09625494246
Mail: parveenkomal@parveenkomal.com
www.parveenkomal.com/blog
{ BURA NA SUNENGE BURA NA DEKHENGE BURA NA BOLENGE
ACHHA LIKHENGE,KOI BURA KAHEGA TO KHUD KO TATOLENGE }
Wohi rizq deta jahaan ko , wohi zaat sab se azeem hai
Meri muflisi pe na hans ke wo , tera taaj sar se giraa na de
}QadeerToopchi{
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Registered User
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27th July 2010, 05:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mushkil
Khayaal, ehsaas aur bayaani acche lage, Shipra Ji...! Acchi koshish ke liye daad haazir hai...!
Quoted sher is my favourite...!
Keep it up, ok...?
Duaaon ke saath
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izzat afjai ke liye shukria mushkil ji....
or is tarah saath dene ke liye bhi..
aap logo ke discussion se kuch seekhne ko hi mila hai.... to narazgi ka to sawal hi nahi uthta..
and thanks for all ur support..
take care..
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Registered User
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27th July 2010, 05:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sajid_ghayel
Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
Bohat khoobsurat sher hai lekin agar aapka maqsad Ghazal likhna tha to Matla rehna bohat zaroori tha..........for example
aa.Nkh pyaasii hai ko_ii manzar de
is jaziire ko bhii samandar de
Rahat Indori
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
sukun milta hai dard me, na hai dar ruswai ka.
tere junun ne baksha hai, ye karar kaisa...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Shipra
Aapne gaur kiya hoga kuch lafzo ko maine red font me highlight kiya hai, aapne har jagah mukhtalif Qafiya istemaal kiya hai........isse Ghazal Ghazal nahi rehti........main yeh sab aapse isiliye keh raha hu qke aapke khayaal bohat achche lage hai mujhko bas thodi si mehnat ki zarurat hai.
Meri aapse guzarish hai ke aap koshish kare ke achche shayro ke kalam ko padhe aapko khud mehsoos hoga main kya kehna chah raha hu for example ek kalam pesh_e_khidmat hai yaha bhi maine Qafiyo ko red font me highlight kiya hai.........
har ek chehare ko zaKhmo.n kaa aa_iinaa na kaho
ye zindagii to hai rahamat ise sazaa na kaho
na jaane kaun sii majaburiyo.n kaa qaidii ho
vo saath chho.D gayaa hai to bevafaa na kaho
tamaam shahar ne nezo.n pe kyuu.N uchhaalaa mujhe
ye ittefaaq thaa tum is ko haadasaa na kaho
ye aur baat ke dushman huaa hai aaj magar
vo meraa dost thaa kal tak use buraa na kaho
hamaare aib hame.n ungaliyo.n pe ginvaao
hamaarii piiTh ke piichhe hame.n buraa na kaho
mai.n vaqiyaat kii zanjiir kaa nahii.n qaayal
mujhe bhii apane gunaaho.n kaa silsilaa na kaho
ye shahar vo hai jahaa.N raakshas bhii hai "Rahat"
har ek taraashe huye but ko devataa na kaho
Rahat Indori
Yaha bohat se kabil members hai jinki aap madad le sakti hai jaise Naresh Saheb, Zidd saheb, Kunaal Saheb, Zainy Jee, Abdul Qadeer saheb........ya koi aur aapka pasandida shayer. Agar aap unse apne kalam ki islah kara le to aapki likhayee me aur nikhaar aa jayega.
Ummeed karta hu meri batein aapki naraazgi ka sabab nahi bani hogi.
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thank u soo... much sajid ji mujhe meri khamiya batane ke liye..
ye kalam jab shuru kiya tha to gazal likhne ke irade se hi shuru kiya tha, par jab poora kara to ye bhi janti thi ki ye gazal ki category me nahi aata..
par ha kafiyef ki is galti pe dhayan nahi gaya tha..
so thanks for increasing my knowledge..
take care..
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Registered User
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27th July 2010, 05:34 PM
kalam pasand karne ke liye bahut bahut shukria sameer ji...
i really admire ur feeling ki aap chahte h ki main behtar likhu.. or main poori koshish karoongi behtar likhne ki...
thanks for all ur support...
take care..
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Registered User
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27th July 2010, 08:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by shipra
kalam pasand karne ke liye bahut bahut shukria sameer ji...
i really admire ur feeling ki aap chahte h ki main behtar likhu.. or main poori koshish karoongi behtar likhne ki...
thanks for all ur support...
take care..
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shipra saheba ,, aadab ,,,
wahhhh ,,, apki tahezib o aqlaq bayan karte hain apke alfas .. kya saf goyi se apni bath ko rakha aur tasleem kiya hai apne .. mashallah kya aqlaq hain .. allah subko aisi hidayath de .. bahes hi qatam kar di apne .. hazaro saal jiyo app ..
khadim
qadeertoopchi
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RADHE RADHE
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Location: DELHI
Rep Power: 58
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28th July 2010, 09:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by shipra
Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
sukun milta hai dard me, na hai dar ruswai ka.
tere junun ne baksha hai, ye karar kaisa...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Shipra
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shipra jee
radhe radhe
sundar ehsaason ke liye dil se daad likhti rahiye yahi dua hai
Aapka Apna Ishk
'इश्क' के बदले इश्क चाहना तिजारत है
इज़हार किससे करें महबूब तो दिल में है
email: rkm179@gmail.com
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Registered User
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29th July 2010, 08:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by shipra
Ye manzile hai kaisi, ye karwan kaisa..
na koi paas jab mere, to hai ye shor kaisa....
na koi thujh pe ab sitam, na ab iljam mera...
teri aankho me dekhta hu, ye malal kaisa..
sukun milta hai dard me, na hai dar ruswai ka.
tere junun ne baksha hai, ye karar kaisa...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Shipra
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Shipra
tumharae ehsaasat achchae lagae
keep it up
Razia
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30th July 2010, 06:53 AM
tabah thujh ko kar chuke hai sabke wade 'Shipra'
hai zindagi pe thujh ko fir bhi aitebaar kaisa......
Achi kaawish hai......................................likhti rahiye
aslam
you.n na samjhoge kinare pe khade rehkar tum
behta dariya hu.n mujhy haath se choo kar daikho
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An Incomplite Dream
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31st July 2010, 02:04 AM
Mushkil Sahaab AadaaB!
Meri aapki bahut sari guftagu PM per ho gayi thi.... Aur maine aapko apni rai bhi bata dii thi..... phir aapne is baat ko aage badhaya hai to mujhe khatam karna zaruri sa laga so reply kar raha huN........
Agar meri koiyiN baat galat lage to apna chota Bhai samajh ker mauf kar dijiyega......
Mushkil sahab, ab aapko maiN ek choti si story sunata huN ummid hai samjh aa jayeNgi...
Ab dekhiye jaise umar badhti hai waise tajurbe badhte hai us hisab se aapke tajurbe mujhse bahut jyada hai.... to chaliye story sunata huN...
Ab dekhiye hum bhi bachche the hume kisi cheez ka koi knowledge nahi tha..... humare liye to Maa ka anchal hi duniyaa thi... thode bade hue Maa ne protsahit kiya aur hum uski taraf reng kar jaane lage .... phir kuch waqt guzara aur phir Maa Papa ne hume ungli se thama kar chalna sikhaya .... Hum khud se kuch nahi kiye sab unki kripa hai...
Phir hum kuch aur bade hue aur hume skool bheja gaya... Hum wahaaN sikhe aur apni samjhi huyi baateN apne un dostoN ko samjhaye jo humare bahut kareebi hai..... Jo baat nahi samjh meiN aayi puch liye ( koi puchta hai koi sharmata hai apni apni baat hai ) Aur aise hi hum bade hote gaye.... aur aaj bhi hume roz kuch na kuch sikhne milta hai roz ek tajurba umar ke saath badhta hai..... aur yeh sab ek dusre ko sikhane aur sikhne se....... Agar aise hi har baat ko ignor karte gaye to Sahab hum aaj kahaaN rahte the aap meri story ki start per chale jaiye ....
MaiN aapki baat se 100% ittefakh rakhta huN, aur maiN bhi yahaaN kuch nahi kahta agar mujhe bhi yahaaN kisi ne sikhaya nahi hota to maiN yahaaN kuch kahne ki kya aukhaat rakhta......
Main un sab dostoN ka behad shukra guzaar huN jinhone apni apni suggestion se mujhe aage badhne meiN aur meri lekhani meiN sudhar laya aur mujhe apna samjhkar har baar mujhe aage badhne ka rasta dikhaya.... agar woh log bhi chup hi rahte to maiN shayad hi aaj yahaaN aap ke saamne aise bolne ki himmat karta.......
Ab rahi aapke sawaal ka jawaab woH maiN niche Lucky jee ke post per puri tarha mukammal dene ki koshish kar raha huN dekh lijiye ga.........
Aur meri kisi baat ka bura na maniye mujhe ummid hai aap meri baat ka bura nahi maneNge.......
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mushkil
In a broad sense, nazm is a term used to define all kinds of Urdu poetry which do not fall into any other category. However, in a literary sense, a nazm is a well organized, logically evolving poem where each individual verse serves the need of the central concept or theme of the poem. Though a nazm is traditionally written in rhymed verse, there are many examples of nazms written in unrhymed verse, or even in free verse.
In baaton ko dhyaan main rakhte houe ye to maan sakte heiN ki Shipra ji ki shaayri ek nazm hai, hai na...? Yaha to zaruuri nahiN ki shuru shuru maiN koyi acche acche ghazal likhe...! SDC par kitne log Ghazal likhne maiN ustaad heiN, kehnaa mushkil hai...!
SDC ke logo ke niiche likhaa gayaa hai : "Emotions through Expressions "
Let's just ponder on that phrase and try to understand that SDC is a site for those who want to express themselves in a way or other...! What's the need to ask someone to contact this poet or that poet to learn better...! Practice make perfect so let's give everyone enough space to grow up...!
Whenever someone has some doubt just check this link...!
http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthread.php?p=403639#post403639
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taish
Agreed mushki sir.....
aur haan sameer bhai main nahin kehta ki aap gatiyaaN nikaaleN, aur aapne mujhe v shayad hi jhoothi taareef karte dekha hoga, haaN par ye jarur kahunga ki sudhar ke saath daleel thosh dijiye, ab ye baat mujhe maloom nahiN thi ki inhone pehle kya likha kitna likha, par haaN, bas yahi guzarish rahegi ki islaah kijiye sirf galtiyaan na dikhaaiye, umeed hai aap meri baat ka bura nahin maaneNge, bas yuNhi SDC ko ek khusnuma mehfil aur seekhne seekhane ka ek platform banaaye rakhiye....!!
allah hafeez....!!
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Hmmm Lucky Jee ......... agar koi galtiyaaN nahi nikalta aur koi sikhata nahi to kya ho jata yeh to maiN uper bata chuka huN.......
Nahi Bhai maiN kisi ki wakalat karne yaa kisi ko galat sabit karne nahi aaya huN yahaaN...... Ab aap dalil ki baat kaheN hai to aapko dalil bhi de deta huN....... Sahab mujhe aisi koi ek nazm bataiye jo apne unwaan se ( apne subject se ) hathker kahi gayi ho...... Nazm use kahte jo ek hi unwan per mukammal taur per kahi jati hai..... Jaise mushkil sahab ne yahaaN "Roti" per kahi huyi nazm pesh ki hai uski kisi ek hisse meiN aapko laga kya ke kahiN yeh roti subject se hathker hai? Yaa koi aur bhi nazm per thodi study kar lijiye aur dekhiye ke woh nazm kahaN apne subject se hathi huyi hai..... Baat agar sirf manne ki hoti to sahab main bhi kab ka chup hokar ek side meiN baith jata........ Per yahaaN sikhane ki baat chal rahi hai sirf nuks nikalne ki nahi......
Sahab agar maiN aapke jitna seniour hota na ........ to yakin maniye aajtak Shayari ki A to Z sikh leta..... Per khair aapke jitna seniour hoe tak sikh jauNga........
Aur haaN mujhe aapki baat ka bura laga so isiliye maine yeh reply diya..... Aapko bhi jab pura ilm nahi tha to aapne nahi kahna chahiye tha maiN itna hi kahuNga........ Aur aap logN ki bebuniyaad baatoN se koi ek member yahaaN se chup hokar chala gaya.....
Sajeed Bhai aap chup na rahiye..... MaiN aapse yehi kahuNga kyuN ke aap galat hai hi nahi...... Aapki khamoshi ka kisi pe kuch fark nahi padega.... KyuNki yeh to naqaaboN ki duniyaa hai...... yahaaN kisi ko kisi ke jazbaat se kya lena..... sikhiye aap apni shayri kariye tarif paiye chahe jhuti hi kyuN na ho bus khush rahiye...... yehi mahol hai yahaaN ka ....
Wel Lucky jee aapko meri baat ka bura nahi lagega yehi ummid hai, kyuNki maine jo kahna tha saaf lafzoN meiN kah diya..... agar aap ko phir bhi koi doubt hai ke maiN galat huN to aap apni baat rakh sakte hai..... Nahi to meri baat ka bura nahi maniyega......
Khush rahiye ..........
Khuda Hafez..........
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31st July 2010, 10:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mushkil
In a broad sense, nazm is a term used to define all kinds of Urdu poetry which do not fall into any other category. However, in a literary sense, a nazm is a well organized, logically evolving poem where each individual verse serves the need of the central concept or theme of the poem. Though a nazm is traditionally written in rhymed verse, there are many examples of nazms written in unrhymed verse, or even in free verse.
In baaton ko dhyaan main rakhte houe ye to maan sakte heiN ki Shipra ji ki shaayri ek nazm hai, hai na...? Yaha to zaruuri nahiN ki shuru shuru maiN koyi acche acche ghazal likhe...! SDC par kitne log Ghazal likhne maiN ustaad heiN, kehnaa mushkil hai...!
SDC ke logo ke niiche likhaa gayaa hai : "Emotions through Expressions "
Let's just ponder on that phrase and try to understand that SDC is a site for those who want to express themselves in a way or other...! What's the need to ask someone to contact this poet or that poet to learn better...! Practice make perfect so let's give everyone enough space to grow up...!
Whenever someone has some doubt just check this link...!
http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthread.php?p=403639#post403639
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danny ji....apka nazm ka definition bahut accha laga...general terms me isse accha definition nahi mil sakta tha( without going into tecnicalities...jisse bahut log na samjhe)...........
aur is definition se shipra ji ki tehreer ...bilkul fit hoti hai ek nasri nazm me....
jo ek free style ki tarah hai.....kyuki is tehreer me ek theme to clearly dikh rahi hai....isliye ye shipraji ki tehreer musalsal epression hai........so ek nazm hai....
magar shipraji ne kaha hai ki weh ghazal likhna ki koshish kar rahi thi....is lihaaj se saajid sahab ki sab baat laguu ho jayegi...
....khwaish sahab ki story bahut acchi aur durust lagi......bhai agar koi kuch bolega hi nahi aur sab jhuti taarif karke khisak lenge to koi kuch seekhe ga kaise? .........ek baat hai danny sahab...kabhi kabhi daant se koi guitar choR deta hai.....magar kabhi kabhi beizzati mehsuus karne se koi koi pakad bhi leta hai....agar sdc par mujeeb ne mujhe fatkara nahi hota to shayad mai bhi wahi kar raha hota jo yaha kuch log barso se kar rahe hai....ek sher sunata hu....
(nm)..
weh koi teli ke bail se kam nahi hai
chale zindgi bhar par wahi ke wahi hai.....kabhi kabhi JhiDki aisa kaam kae jaati hai.....jo sau daad nahi kar sakti....to always be good is not a good idea...accha nahi hamesha accha hona- kabhi accha bhi hai bewafa hona....hahahahahahahahaahaah
shipraji ...i have to apologise first to you...ki apke thread par aake aapse hi mukhatib nahi hua.......anjaane me huii is badtamizi ke liye aapse maafi mang ta hu....
apki ghazal kabile taareef hai....mai yakinan bol sakta hu ki apke ghar/circle me koi ghazal premi hai.......apka andaaz nayi nayi shayri ka andesha nahi deta...kaafi rawaa ghazal hai.....apke likhne ka style me automatic rhythm fit hai...thoughts me clarity hai....indeed very nice .........
aur saajid sahab.....apki khamoshi ne hamaare kaan ke parde phaad diye....
ab jaldi aaiye aur inhe repair kijiye....varna pata nahi ek mahine me to hum baire hi na ho jaaye....
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Tanhaa Raahi
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31st July 2010, 11:20 AM
Ok, Khwaaish Ji & Sajid Ji...!
I was wrong and both of you were absolutely right...!
Ab khush...?
Take very good care of yourselves
Duaaon ke saath
Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai
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31st July 2010, 11:44 AM
but dannyji ....kyu wrong kah rahe hai aap apne aap ko?
you were totally correct....
apke definition se to ye nazm hai ye baat prove ho rahi hai.....??
khwaish sahab ki definition ne iska scope kam kar diya tha....apki definition ne ise sahi perspective diya hai......
dekhiye...
Quote:
In a broad sense, nazm is a term used to define all kinds of Urdu poetry which do not fall into any other category. However, in a literary sense, a nazm is a well organized, logically evolving poem where each individual verse serves the need of the central concept or theme of the poem. Though a nazm is traditionally written in rhymed verse, there are many examples of nazms written in unrhymed verse, or even in free verse.
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subject ko aapne bahut acche se eplain kiya hai...agar design ya theme ki bhi similarity ho to tehreer musalsal kahlayegi......aapne to gazab ka khulasa kiya hai.....galat kyu kah rahe hai ab?
iska matlab ye hua ki nazm zaruri nahi ,koi object par likhi jaaye...jaise flowers,garibi etc.....ye bhi possible hai ki ek general theme ho...jaise udaasi..pyaar...but in a general way...very subjectivly....aise treatment se bhi nazm musalsal ho jayegi.....
you were correct in the first place ....in my opinion....
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3rd August 2010, 02:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by naresh_mehra110
Shipra Ji........aapki tehreer ke ehsaas dil ko chhoote hai.....bahut accha likha hai aapne....dil se daad hazir hai ... qubuul farmaayen...yunhi aur behtar koshish ke saath aati rahen... khush rahen...
apna khayal rakhen...
duaaon ke saath....
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hausla afjai ke liye shukria naresh ji...
take care..
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3rd August 2010, 02:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by abdulqadeert
Wah shipra saheba ..kya umda qayal hain..wah..Dad qubool karen..likhte rahen yunhi ..allah kare zoor-e-qalam aur ziyadah
Dua go
Qadeertoopchi
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bahut bahut shukria qadeer saheb..
apna saath banaye rakhiye..
take care...
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3rd August 2010, 02:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taish
ahche khayal hain shipra ji... ye sher haasil-e-kalaam laga mujhe...
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
aur jo behas ho rahi hai to m wid danny bhaiya, kyuNki aise bahut xamples haiN jahaaN nazm me taqallus ka istemaal kiya hai shayar ne.... aur khwaish bhai nazmon me v low hota hai, aur do misron me v nazm hoti hai, abhi mujhe yaad nahin par yakeenan quote karuNga, Qateel Shfai ji ne v do misroN ki nazm likhi hai....so khwaish bhai its nt necesarily an attempt 2 write a ghazal if u r using taqallus or if u r writing in juz 2 misras...!!
neways shipra ji keep writing....!!
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shukria lucky ji...
take care...
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8th August 2010, 12:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mann-Limitless
har ek gaam pe thaher ke sochta hai dil
ki khushi ki shakal me hai naya ye gum kaisa..
Waaahh..
Shipra jee, kya likha hai aap ne! Maza aa gaya parh kar!
I really admire your writing style... Ummed karta hoon ki aage bhii parhne aur appreciate karne ka mauka milega.
Mann
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padhne or pasand karne ke liye bahut bahut shukria mann ji...
bahut accha laga ye jaan kar ki aapko meri writing style pasand h..
aate rahiye..
take care..
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8th August 2010, 12:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by vikramjethi
shipra ji aapki ye koshish mujhe behad achhi lagi....
daad qubuul kijiyega....
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bahut bahut shukria vikram ji...
apna saath banaye rakhiye..
take care..
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