Yaarane Bazm aadab o tasleemat ,,
aadaab sahab...kaise hai aap?
zidd bhai aadab ,, mai thik hun aur allah apki nek do nek chahta hun
Aslam sahab ke misre pe Tarhi Ghazal ap sub hazrat ki nazr umid hai apni khimti Ara se nawazenge ...
aapne ghazal bahut achi sunayi hai...aapki aam labo lehze me kahne ki kaamyaab koshish par meri dher saari daad.
janab apko ghazal pasand aai go ke meri mahenat rang laai ..dad ke liye mashkoor o mumnoo hon ...allah apko khoob nawaze.
jo mai kah raha hu vo meri limited jaankaari ke hisaab se hai.
agar mai galat hu to aap mujhe correct kar dijiyega
apko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai.agar maine galti ki hai to dosti aDee na aane dena aur bata dena.
janab e mann ,, apki sukhn fahemi ke bare me kaun nahi jaanta ye meri liye faqr ka baaic hai ke ap sa koi ahle ilm is pe tabsira kare,,nawazish sahab ....tashakur ke liye alfazon se qaasir hai banda.
Hale dil kaise unhe apna bataya jaaye
Dil ko kya cheer ke ab unko ko dikhaya jaye
misra e ulaa bahut accha laga apka.seedha aur saaf.
misra e saani mere mizaaj ka nahi hai.so kuch nahi kahunga.
mujhe bada bachkana laga. amateurish.
janab zidd sahab ...amuman misra tarha pe tanqeed nahi hoti jahan tak mujhe ilm hai .. jub apne ki hai to yaqeenan jayez hi hoga ...ab kya kaha jaa sakta hai ..ye mizaj pe munnasir karta hai ...allah aslam sahab ka mizaj badal de ya apki zahaniyat yahi dua kar sakta hon ...shukriyah
Yaad taari hai tumhaaree to ghazal ho kaise
mere khayaal se 'ho kaise' ko ' kaise ho' karna behtar hai
wazn ki to koi bandish hai nahi ,agar hoti to baat aur thi
1] ho kaise = ek sawaal ki tarah hai ,gar koi ise gayega to climax to le sakega -anti climax nahi le payega aasaani se....kyuki sawaal ke wajah se ascend karna hoga.
2] dusra 'ghazal ho' gha za lho bhi banta hai...aam taur par koi khyaal nahi karna chaiye magar yaha apke paas choice hai ,to kaise ho' hi behtar hai.
ghazal' lafz ke baad strong pause nahi dena hoga.
ye sab isliye kaha kuki chance tha. wazn ki bandish nahi thi.dono ka wazn ek hi hai..so ye surat kyu mere hisaab se behtar hai ye batane ki koshih ki.
aapka misra ekdum perfect hai..bus choice tha so kaha .
behad shukriya janab ...magar apki tajweez shayad rawani ko mutacir karti hai ...bahar kaff mai bela shuba apki tajweez khubool karta hon ...behad shukriya janab ..
naam kagaz pe hi ab likh ke mitaya jaaye
aise mostly adaa hota hai
naam kaagaz hi pe ab likh ke mitaya jaaye....pe hi nahi.
halanki mai hota to 'mitaya' ke badle shayad ' sunaya' lafz istemaal karta.
apke is sher ke liye 1 hazaar daad sahab...
class hai
Zidd bhai ...Misra oola ..shayad kafiya ko bayan karta hai.....yaad itnii shiddat se taari thi ke bolne ya sunane ki sukhat nahi thi mujh me .. apki tajweez khoob hai ..behad shukriya sahab
humne ye sunch ke hi unse mahubbat ki thi
hi ke....
ji maherbani apki huzoor ..magar jayez to maujoda surat bhi hai ..
ghar koi ret ka sahil pe banaya jaaye
yaha zara tense ki uljhan hai mamuli mere hisaab se
radeef saath nahi de raha is tense me ...
jaise
hamne ye soch ke muhabbat ki hai ke ghar ret ka saahil pe banaunga( in prose)..isliye zara uljhan hai
ye sher zaati tajrube pe mabni hai ... apki baath apni jaga durust hai ..shukriya ke apne agha kiya
sher bahut bada hai..ye kahne ki zarurat nahi....andha bhi dekh akta hai ye to !!!
sabr ki taab nahi khatm hon ye sab qisse
khak ko khak me lillah milaya jaaye
phir ek hazaar daad sahab...
lafz ' lillah' zara bharti laga ,shayad 'ab to' suitable ho.
khaak ko khaak hi me abto milaya jaaye'
magar ye mera personal opinion hai....jisko jo pasand aaye.
janab e mann zidd sahab ... "Ab to" ...ka istemaal shayad misra-e-oola me gayebana kiya giya hai ...lillah mujhe khabile khadr maloom padta hai ... sukhriya ...sher apko pasand aaya ye yaqeenan mere liye faqr ki baath hai...shukriya ..
baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
itni khubsurti se aapne ' bhi' istemaal kiya hai...bahut kam aisi adaigi dekhne ko milti hai...
nawazish huzoor ...allah apko do jahan ki khushiyun se nawaze ..mashkoo o mumnoo hon ..
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye
subhanallah....kya adaigi hai....bahut khas sher hai ye to
dono misre bilkul tight.
like a true pro
is sher ke liye dus hazaar daad
zidd bhai ...badi nawazish ap jaise kuna mashq shaura ko mera adna sher mutacir kare ..ye mere liye baaic e faqr o baaic e masssart hai ...apki dad mere liye tabaruk se kamm nahi ... allah apko hamesha khush rakhe
bahut khas ghazal hai ye.
tarannum me sunne me bahut maza degi...sahi dabaav hai isme...
cheekhte ,bhadkile alfaaz waale kalaam padne me to acche lag sakte hai..aur mushaire me chillane ke liye theek ho akte hai...magar music me sunne ke liye aise hi kalaam chaiye...aap agar gaur karen to saari gayi gayi ghazalo ki taasir is ghazal jaisi hi hoti hai.
ji baja farama rahe hain app ..sub apki khush mizaji o khush akhlaqi hai sahab ..badi maherbani ...
nagaawaar saagawar ki bhasha mujhe nahi aati...mujhe yakeen hai is tabsireh se kuch dosto ko fayda hoga.agar kahi mai galat hu to beshak bejhijhak bataiyega.aapko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai
bhai ye to apki mahubbat hai jo ap itni inkesaari se kaam le rahe ho ..warna apke aage hamari kya bisaat hai ye hum khoob jaante hain ... bela shuba apke is garan khadar tabsire se bazm ke ahebab mustafeed honge .. apni baath kahene me kahi koi bhool chunk ho gaai ho to khayal na kare.N ..mai mazrat khaw hon ...allah apko duniya ki tamamtar taraqiyun se nawaze ..shad o aabad rahen ..umid hai ke mustaqbil me bhi issi tarhan apne garan qadr tabsiron se nawazte rahenge ...
dua go
qadeertoopchi
Qadeertoopchi