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Tarhi Ghazal ( Qadeertoopchi )
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abdulqadeert
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Tarhi Ghazal ( Qadeertoopchi ) - 11th November 2010, 02:29 PM

Yaarane Bazm aadab o tasleemat ,,

Aslam sahab ke misre pe Tarhi Ghazal ap sub hazrat ki nazr umid hai apni khimti Ara se nawazenge ...


Hale dil kaise unhe apna bataya jaaye
Dil ko kya cheer ke ab unko ko dikhaya jaye

Yaad taari hai tumhaaree to ghazal ho kaise
naam kagaz pe hi ab likh ke mitaya jaaye

humne ye sunch ke hi unse mahubbat ki thi
ghar koi ret ka sahil pe banaya jaaye

sabr ki taab nahi khatm hon ye sab qisse
khak ko khak me lillah milaya jaaye

baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

Qadeertoopchi


   
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Harash Mahajan
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11th November 2010, 02:42 PM

Qadeer saheb ...bahoot khoob hai aapki tehreer....ek asardaar matle se agaaz kiya apne....dil se daad aapki iss peshkash per.....


Harash
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Love 11th November 2010, 05:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by abdulqadeert View Post
Yaarane Bazm aadab o tasleemat ,,

Aslam sahab ke misre pe Tarhi Ghazal ap sub hazrat ki nazr umid hai apni khimti Ara se nawazenge ...


Hale dil kaise unhe apna bataya jaaye
Dil ko kya cheer ke ab unko ko dikhaya jaye

Yaad taari hai tumhaaree to ghazal ho kaise
naam kagaz pe hi ab likh ke mitaya jaaye

humne ye sunch ke hi unse mahubbat ki thi
ghar koi ret ka sahil pe banaya jaaye

sabr ki taab nahi khatm hon ye sab qisse
khak ko khak me lillah milaya jaaye

baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

Qadeertoopchi


qadeer bhai
radhe radhe

bahut khoob likha hai aapne dil se daad kubul farmaayen
mehfil ko yun hi roshan karte rahiye
duaon ke saath


Aapka Apna
Ishk


'इश्क' के बदले इश्क चाहना तिजारत है
इज़हार किससे करें महबूब तो दिल में है


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sunita thakur
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11th November 2010, 08:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by abdulqadeert View Post
Yaarane Bazm aadab o tasleemat ,,

Aslam sahab ke misre pe Tarhi Ghazal ap sub hazrat ki nazr umid hai apni khimti Ara se nawazenge ...


Hale dil kaise unhe apna bataya jaaye
Dil ko kya cheer ke ab unko ko dikhaya jaye

Yaad taari hai tumhaaree to ghazal ho kaise
naam kagaz pe hi ab likh ke mitaya jaaye

humne ye sunch ke hi unse mahubbat ki thi
ghar koi ret ka sahil pe banaya jaaye

sabr ki taab nahi khatm hon ye sab qisse
khak ko khak me lillah milaya jaaye

baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

Qadeertoopchi





wow.........................bahut khoob kaha aapne, sabhi sher daad ke haqdaar haiN, par pahla sher dil ke khaas kareeb raha.god bless u


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


.....Sunita Thakur.....

यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...


   
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11th November 2010, 08:53 PM

humne ye sunch ke hi unse mahubbat ki thi
ghar koi ret ka sahil pe banaya jaaye

baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye



waah waah qadeer bhai.. kamaal ke alfaazon ko dilon pe utaar diya hai.. saari qalaam hi lillah mukammal aur purasar rahi hai.. lekin ye do misron ne dil jhinjhod ke rakh diya hai..
Guzarish hai ki yoon hi likhte raha karen,.. daaad kubool karen.

shaad


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11th November 2010, 10:33 PM

Qadeer Sahab .. Aadaab !

Bahut Umdaa Rahi aapki yeh peshkash ... Sabhi ashaar ek se baD ke rahe ... kisi ek ko khaas kehna mushkil ... maqte ko haasil e ghazal sher zarur kahunga ... bahut khoob likha maqtaa aur tamaam ashaar .. tahe dil se daad hazir hai ...

aise hi umdaa kalaam pesh karte rahiye ... likhte rahiye aage bhi ... khush rahen ...

duaaon ke saath ....




YuuN Besabab Aansoo Aate NahiN
Lag Zaroor Koii Baat Dil Ko Rahii Hai ...

Fareb Kaa ChaDhtaa Bazaar Dekh
Insaaf Se Bastii Khaalii Ho Rahii Hai ...


---Naresh Mehra----

Last edited by naresh_mehra110; 11th November 2010 at 10:36 PM..
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12th November 2010, 01:48 AM

baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

very beautiful Qadeer, excellent......................


ता उम्र रहा इक रोज़-ए -मुकम्मल का इंतज़ार
किसी में शाम न मिली तो किसी में सहर नहीं
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Amanush...
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12th November 2010, 04:09 AM

A wonderful ghazal, Qadeer Ji...!

Maqte ka kyaa kehnaa, isse paDhkar Romeo & Juliet ki ek scene yaad aa jaati hai...!

Quote:
baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

Waah, awesome sher...!

Regards



Jeene ke liye mujhe ek sapna dedo
Haqeekat meri jaaN liye jaa rahi hai

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14th November 2010, 04:29 AM

[QUOTE=abdulqadeert;415283]Yaarane Bazm aadab o tasleemat ,,

Aslam sahab ke misre pe Tarhi Ghazal ap sub hazrat ki nazr umid hai apni khimti Ara se nawazenge ...


Hale dil kaise unhe apna bataya jaaye
Dil ko kya cheer ke ab unko ko dikhaya jaye
------------------------------------------------
aadaab qadeer bhai mashallah kiyaa kahne bahot khoob aap ne dil cheer diyaa aisaa lag rahaa hai ki ek ke baad ek naye motiyon ka izaafah ho raha hai
-----------------------------------------------------------

Yaad taari hai tumhaaree to ghazal ho kaise
naam kagaz pe hi ab likh ke mitaya jaaye
--------------------------------------------------------------------
kiyaa khoob baat hai bhai shiron waali tabiyat baagh baagh ho gayee
-------------------------------------------------------------
humne ye sunch ke hi unse mahubbat ki thi
ghar koi ret ka sahil pe banaya jaaye
----------------------------------------------------------------------
mohabbat aor ret ka ghar badaa achhaa pairaaya istemaal kiya hai aap ne alla barkaron se nawaaze
-------------------------------------------------------------
sabr ki taab nahi khatm hon ye sab qisse
khak ko khak me lillah milaya jaaye
--------------------------------------------------------------------
allaah allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah kiyaa kahne quraabaan jaaun is sher par is sher ko haasile ghazal baitul ghazal kahnaa chaahiye
-------------------------------------------------------------
baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye
---------------------------------------------------------------------
shaabaash mere sheroo allaah aabaad w shaadaab rakkhe aap ko aisaa honahaar sher kahaa hai ki shairee ki aabroo kahne ko ji chaahitaa hai
allah aor nawaaze
dher saaree doaaon ke saath
masood hassaas
   
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sajid_ghayel
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14th November 2010, 01:00 PM

Subhan_allah mere bhai jawab nahi aapka.........aur q na nikhaar aata is ghazal par jis shayer ke misre se mutassir hoker aapne yeh ghazal likhi hai woh shayer bhi apne aap me kamaal ki shaksiyat hai.

Yeh sher dil ke bohat kareeb raha........aur jiski khoobsurti se aapne is sach ho bayaan kiya hai mere bhai yaqeen mano dard dard na raha.

humne ye sunch ke hi unse mahubbat ki thi
ghar koi ret ka sahil pe banaya jaaye


Allah aapki kalem ko aur khoobsurti bakshe AAMEEN.

Apne is beadab dost ki daad ko kabool kare.

rep++++


Jhoot kehdu yeh meri fitrat me nahi shamil

Par tujhe bevafa bhi kehna achcha nahi lagta...

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zidd
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14th November 2010, 07:28 PM

Yaarane Bazm aadab o tasleemat ,,

aadaab sahab...kaise hai aap?

Aslam sahab ke misre pe Tarhi Ghazal ap sub hazrat ki nazr umid hai apni khimti Ara se nawazenge ...

aapne ghazal bahut achi sunayi hai...aapki aam labo lehze me kahne ki kaamyaab koshish par meri dher saari daad.

jo mai kah raha hu vo meri limited jaankaari ke hisaab se hai.
agar mai galat hu to aap mujhe correct kar dijiyega
apko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai.agar maine galti ki hai to dosti aDee na aane dena aur bata dena.


Hale dil kaise unhe apna bataya jaaye
Dil ko kya cheer ke ab unko ko dikhaya jaye

misra e ulaa bahut accha laga apka.seedha aur saaf.
misra e saani mere mizaaj ka nahi hai.so kuch nahi kahunga.
mujhe bada bachkana laga. amateurish.



Yaad taari hai tumhaaree to ghazal ho kaise

mere khayaal se 'ho kaise' ko ' kaise ho' karna behtar hai
wazn ki to koi bandish hai nahi ,agar hoti to baat aur thi
1] ho kaise = ek sawaal ki tarah hai ,gar koi ise gayega to climax to le sakega -anti climax nahi le payega aasaani se....kyuki sawaal ke wajah se ascend karna hoga.
2] dusra 'ghazal ho' gha za lho bhi banta hai...aam taur par koi khyaal nahi karna chaiye magar yaha apke paas choice hai ,to kaise ho' hi behtar hai.
ghazal' lafz ke baad strong pause nahi dena hoga.

ye sab isliye kaha kuki chance tha. wazn ki bandish nahi thi.dono ka wazn ek hi hai..so ye surat kyu mere hisaab se behtar hai ye batane ki koshih ki.
aapka misra ekdum perfect hai..bus choice tha so kaha .


naam kagaz pe hi ab likh ke mitaya jaaye

aise mostly adaa hota hai
naam kaagaz hi pe ab likh ke mitaya jaaye....pe hi nahi.
halanki mai hota to 'mitaya' ke badle shayad ' sunaya' lafz istemaal karta.

apke is sher ke liye 1 hazaar daad sahab...
class hai




humne ye sunch ke hi unse mahubbat ki thi
hi ke....

ghar koi ret ka sahil pe banaya jaaye


yaha zara tense ki uljhan hai mamuli mere hisaab se
radeef saath nahi de raha is tense me ...
jaise
hamne ye soch ke muhabbat ki hai ke ghar ret ka saahil pe banaunga( in prose)..isliye zara uljhan hai


sher bahut bada hai..ye kahne ki zarurat nahi....andha bhi dekh akta hai ye to !!!

sabr ki taab nahi khatm hon ye sab qisse
khak ko khak me lillah milaya jaaye

phir ek hazaar daad sahab...
lafz ' lillah' zara bharti laga ,shayad 'ab to' suitable ho.
khaak ko khaak hi me abto milaya jaaye'
magar ye mera personal opinion hai....jisko jo pasand aaye.



baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer

itni khubsurti se aapne ' bhi' istemaal kiya hai...bahut kam aisi adaigi dekhne ko milti hai...

chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

subhanallah....kya adaigi hai....bahut khas sher hai ye to
dono misre bilkul tight.
like a true pro
is sher ke liye dus hazaar daad


bahut khas ghazal hai ye.
tarannum me sunne me bahut maza degi...sahi dabaav hai isme...
cheekhte ,bhadkile alfaaz waale kalaam padne me to acche lag sakte hai..aur mushaire me chillane ke liye theek ho akte hai...magar music me sunne ke liye aise hi kalaam chaiye...aap agar gaur karen to saari gayi gayi ghazalo ki taasir is ghazal jaisi hi hoti hai.


nagaawaar saagawar ki bhasha mujhe nahi aati...mujhe yakeen hai is tabsireh se kuch dosto ko fayda hoga.agar kahi mai galat hu to beshak bejhijhak bataiyega.aapko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai



Qadeertoopchi


   
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abdulqadeert
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14th November 2010, 08:36 PM

Yaarane Bazm aadab o tasleemat ,,

aadaab sahab...kaise hai aap?

zidd bhai aadab ,, mai thik hun aur allah apki nek do nek chahta hun

Aslam sahab ke misre pe Tarhi Ghazal ap sub hazrat ki nazr umid hai apni khimti Ara se nawazenge ...

aapne ghazal bahut achi sunayi hai...aapki aam labo lehze me kahne ki kaamyaab koshish par meri dher saari daad.

janab apko ghazal pasand aai go ke meri mahenat rang laai ..dad ke liye mashkoor o mumnoo hon ...allah apko khoob nawaze.

jo mai kah raha hu vo meri limited jaankaari ke hisaab se hai.
agar mai galat hu to aap mujhe correct kar dijiyega
apko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai.agar maine galti ki hai to dosti aDee na aane dena aur bata dena.


janab e mann ,, apki sukhn fahemi ke bare me kaun nahi jaanta ye meri liye faqr ka baaic hai ke ap sa koi ahle ilm is pe tabsira kare,,nawazish sahab ....tashakur ke liye alfazon se qaasir hai banda.


Hale dil kaise unhe apna bataya jaaye
Dil ko kya cheer ke ab unko ko dikhaya jaye

misra e ulaa bahut accha laga apka.seedha aur saaf.
misra e saani mere mizaaj ka nahi hai.so kuch nahi kahunga.
mujhe bada bachkana laga. amateurish.


janab zidd sahab ...amuman misra tarha pe tanqeed nahi hoti jahan tak mujhe ilm hai .. jub apne ki hai to yaqeenan jayez hi hoga ...ab kya kaha jaa sakta hai ..ye mizaj pe munnasir karta hai ...allah aslam sahab ka mizaj badal de ya apki zahaniyat yahi dua kar sakta hon ...shukriyah



Yaad taari hai tumhaaree to ghazal ho kaise

mere khayaal se 'ho kaise' ko ' kaise ho' karna behtar hai
wazn ki to koi bandish hai nahi ,agar hoti to baat aur thi
1] ho kaise = ek sawaal ki tarah hai ,gar koi ise gayega to climax to le sakega -anti climax nahi le payega aasaani se....kyuki sawaal ke wajah se ascend karna hoga.
2] dusra 'ghazal ho' gha za lho bhi banta hai...aam taur par koi khyaal nahi karna chaiye magar yaha apke paas choice hai ,to kaise ho' hi behtar hai.
ghazal' lafz ke baad strong pause nahi dena hoga.

ye sab isliye kaha kuki chance tha. wazn ki bandish nahi thi.dono ka wazn ek hi hai..so ye surat kyu mere hisaab se behtar hai ye batane ki koshih ki.
aapka misra ekdum perfect hai..bus choice tha so kaha .


behad shukriya janab ...magar apki tajweez shayad rawani ko mutacir karti hai ...bahar kaff mai bela shuba apki tajweez khubool karta hon ...behad shukriya janab ..

naam kagaz pe hi ab likh ke mitaya jaaye

aise mostly adaa hota hai
naam kaagaz hi pe ab likh ke mitaya jaaye....pe hi nahi.
halanki mai hota to 'mitaya' ke badle shayad ' sunaya' lafz istemaal karta.

apke is sher ke liye 1 hazaar daad sahab...
class hai


Zidd bhai ...Misra oola ..shayad kafiya ko bayan karta hai.....yaad itnii shiddat se taari thi ke bolne ya sunane ki sukhat nahi thi mujh me .. apki tajweez khoob hai ..behad shukriya sahab




humne ye sunch ke hi unse mahubbat ki thi
hi ke....

ji maherbani apki huzoor ..magar jayez to maujoda surat bhi hai ..

ghar koi ret ka sahil pe banaya jaaye


yaha zara tense ki uljhan hai mamuli mere hisaab se
radeef saath nahi de raha is tense me ...
jaise
hamne ye soch ke muhabbat ki hai ke ghar ret ka saahil pe banaunga( in prose)..isliye zara uljhan hai


ye sher zaati tajrube pe mabni hai ... apki baath apni jaga durust hai ..shukriya ke apne agha kiya


sher bahut bada hai..ye kahne ki zarurat nahi....andha bhi dekh akta hai ye to !!!

sabr ki taab nahi khatm hon ye sab qisse
khak ko khak me lillah milaya jaaye

phir ek hazaar daad sahab...
lafz ' lillah' zara bharti laga ,shayad 'ab to' suitable ho.
khaak ko khaak hi me abto milaya jaaye'
magar ye mera personal opinion hai....jisko jo pasand aaye.


janab e mann zidd sahab ... "Ab to" ...ka istemaal shayad misra-e-oola me gayebana kiya giya hai ...lillah mujhe khabile khadr maloom padta hai ... sukhriya ...sher apko pasand aaya ye yaqeenan mere liye faqr ki baath hai...shukriya ..



baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer

itni khubsurti se aapne ' bhi' istemaal kiya hai...bahut kam aisi adaigi dekhne ko milti hai...


nawazish huzoor ...allah apko do jahan ki khushiyun se nawaze ..mashkoo o mumnoo hon ..

chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

subhanallah....kya adaigi hai....bahut khas sher hai ye to
dono misre bilkul tight.
like a true pro
is sher ke liye dus hazaar daad


zidd bhai ...badi nawazish ap jaise kuna mashq shaura ko mera adna sher mutacir kare ..ye mere liye baaic e faqr o baaic e masssart hai ...apki dad mere liye tabaruk se kamm nahi ... allah apko hamesha khush rakhe

bahut khas ghazal hai ye.
tarannum me sunne me bahut maza degi...sahi dabaav hai isme...
cheekhte ,bhadkile alfaaz waale kalaam padne me to acche lag sakte hai..aur mushaire me chillane ke liye theek ho akte hai...magar music me sunne ke liye aise hi kalaam chaiye...aap agar gaur karen to saari gayi gayi ghazalo ki taasir is ghazal jaisi hi hoti hai.


ji baja farama rahe hain app ..sub apki khush mizaji o khush akhlaqi hai sahab ..badi maherbani ...

nagaawaar saagawar ki bhasha mujhe nahi aati...mujhe yakeen hai is tabsireh se kuch dosto ko fayda hoga.agar kahi mai galat hu to beshak bejhijhak bataiyega.aapko tabadla e khayaal ka poora haq hai



bhai ye to apki mahubbat hai jo ap itni inkesaari se kaam le rahe ho ..warna apke aage hamari kya bisaat hai ye hum khoob jaante hain ... bela shuba apke is garan khadar tabsire se bazm ke ahebab mustafeed honge .. apni baath kahene me kahi koi bhool chunk ho gaai ho to khayal na kare.N ..mai mazrat khaw hon ...allah apko duniya ki tamamtar taraqiyun se nawaze ..shad o aabad rahen ..umid hai ke mustaqbil me bhi issi tarhan apne garan qadr tabsiron se nawazte rahenge ...


dua go

qadeertoopchi



Qadeertoopchi

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vikramjethi
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Thumbs up 14th November 2010, 09:06 PM

qadeer saheb aadaab...

hamesha ki tarha, aapki yeh peshkash bhi umda rahi...

baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

aur maqte ne to dil chhu liya, bahut dil-fareb sher hai...
daad hazir hai qubuul kijiyega...


'E Taahire Laahuti!!!
Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali
Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho
Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi....



vikramjethi@gmail.com
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fezan
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14th November 2010, 09:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by abdulqadeert View Post
Yaarane Bazm aadab o tasleemat ,,

Aslam sahab ke misre pe Tarhi Ghazal ap sub hazrat ki nazr umid hai apni khimti Ara se nawazenge ...



Topchi sahab...Apki top ke sabhi gole achhe lage......daad hazir hai.....

baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

Apke maqte mein baam peh ki jagah baam par hona chahiye....bhi ki jagah to ho sakta hai...


baam par unko bulaa lao to ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

Bahot achhi koshish hai....Aise hi likhte rahiye.....

Khush rahiye

Fezan


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abdulqadeert
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14th November 2010, 11:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by fezan View Post
Topchi sahab...Apki top ke sabhi gole achhe lage......daad hazir hai.....

baam pe unko bulaa lao bhi ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

Apke maqte mein baam peh ki jagah baam par hona chahiye....bhi ki jagah to ho sakta hai...


baam par unko bulaa lao to ik baar qadeer
chand ko chand ka deedaar karaayaa jaaye

Bahot achhi koshish hai....Aise hi likhte rahiye.....

Khush rahiye


Fezan

Fezan sahab aadab ,,,

Bazm me ye ap se paheli mulaqath hai to yaqeenan apki shaqsiyat se na waqif hai banda …apke muqtasar magar jaaame tabsere se apki ilmi shakhsiyat ka bakhubi andaza ho raha hai …..jahan tak apne maqte ke mutaliq arz kiya hai to apni baath ap tak pahonchana apna farz samjhta hon ..


“Re “ me qalqalah hai ussi ki maar se bachne ke liye “Pe“ ka lafz istemaal kiya gaya hai
Ai kaash aap makhaarij-e-huroof ka mutaala kar len, jabki lafze “Bhi” istelaahan istemaal kiya gaya hai

Dad ke liye mashkoor o mumnoo hon .. allah apko hamesha khush rakhe ..

Dua go
Qadeertoopchi

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15th November 2010, 01:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Harash Mahajan View Post
Qadeer saheb ...bahoot khoob hai aapki tehreer....ek asardaar matle se agaaz kiya apne....dil se daad aapki iss peshkash per.....


Harash
Harash Sahab aadab ,,,

Ik Arse baad apki dad naseeb howi ..dil bagh bagh ho chala hai .. allah apko hamesha khush rakhe ..


dua go

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15th November 2010, 05:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ISHK EK IBADAT View Post
qadeer bhai
radhe radhe

bahut khoob likha hai aapne dil se daad kubul farmaayen
mehfil ko yun hi roshan karte rahiye
duaon ke saath

radhe radhe,,

Apne hamesha se hausla afzai ki hai .. mai khusnaseebi ho jo ap kissi khabil samajhte ho .. allah apko khush rakhe ..


khadim

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abdulqadeert
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15th November 2010, 05:32 PM

Aadab ,,


SDC ke monitors se Adban Guzarish hai Barai Maherbani ...Matle ke Misra-e-saani se Ik gair Zuroori "KO" ko Hazf Karden ..Badi Maherbani hogi ...


Khadim

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18th November 2010, 01:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunita virender View Post
wow.........................bahut khoob kaha aapne, sabhi sher daad ke haqdaar haiN, par pahla sher dil ke khaas kareeb raha.god bless u

sunita saheba aadab ,,

badi maherbani apki ..allah apko khush rakhe ....

dua go

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