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'E Zindagi.... |
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(#1)
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masttt...
  
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Posts: 2,145
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Chandigarh
Rep Power: 39
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'E Zindagi.... -
2nd November 2009, 11:29 PM
Sdc ke sab dost mera salaam kabool kareN.... Ghazal ke daayre meiN reh kar likne ki koshish kar raha tha, to yeh likha gaya... Jaisa bhi likha gaya main isse aap ke saamne pesh Kar raha hooN... Aap ki rae ka Muntzir hooN.... 'E Zindagi tu hai kidhar KyoN teri khabar na mile Gar mar bhi chuki hai to KyoN teri kabar na mile Kis se puchuN main bata kahaN tujhko Khat likhuN Jisko tera ho pata aisa koi Naamah bar na mile KaruN teri main kya shaffa bata tujhe Kya ilaaj duN De taab jo tujhe aisa bhi koi Payambar na mile Socha tha Zindagi ke tu hai bahut hee haseeN Khalish phir yeh kaisi, KyoN tujhe koi Motabar na mile Jitna tha zarf tujhme mujhe tune utna to sata liya Sunn' meri bhi dua ke ja tujhe ab koi Zabar aa mile Mera hai Kya kasoor mujhse kya gunaah hua Kya Zindagi hai meri Ke mujhe koi dilbar na mile KahiN Kuch mile na mile tujhe 'e 'mastt' Sukoon-e-gham tujhe KyoN phir harbaar na mile *Naamah bar: Messenger *Taab: Endurance *Payambar: Prophet *Motabar: reliable *Zarf: Capability *Zabar: Superior *Dilbar: Sweetheart Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi.... vikramjethi@gmail.com |
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(#2)
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Sifar
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Posts: 4,755
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Dubai, UAE
Rep Power: 40
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3rd November 2009, 02:42 AM
Acche ehsaas hai .. alfaaz bhi acche chunne ki koshish kee gayi hai .,.. maiN waapas aaunga gar aap kaheNge to .. aur phir zaroor tabsirah karenge iske babasta... KyuNki aapse pehli baar baat ho rahi hai .. aapse izaazat lena laazmi ban jaata hai ...
Kunaal Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa.. Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi.. |
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(#3)
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masttt...
Offline
Posts: 2,145
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Chandigarh
Rep Power: 39
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3rd November 2009, 10:05 AM
Quote:
Aapka bahut bahut shukriya ke aapne waqt nikal isse padha aur sraha. Main aapke aane ka intzaar karunga... Main to dhundta hu ki koi aaye aur bataaye, mujhe achha laga ke aapne mujhe bataane ki sochi.... Thanks a lot... Vikram Jethi Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi.... vikramjethi@gmail.com |
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(#4)
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Registered User
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Posts: 166
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Duniya ki gehrai me
Rep Power: 15
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3rd November 2009, 01:55 PM
wa wa kya lika dost bhot acha lika muze bhot pasnd aya apka lika.... ek dum mast
kya bolu is sher ke bare me sachi me dil ko lag gaya dost Jitna tha zarf tujhme mujhe tune utna to sata liya Sunn' meri bhi dua ke ja tujhe ab koi Zabar aa mile Abed Farooqui Jalegi shammaye tere naam se qamar Parwaana hun tera naam jo liya karun |
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(#5)
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masttt...
Offline
Posts: 2,145
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Chandigarh
Rep Power: 39
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3rd November 2009, 03:32 PM
Quote:
Aapka bahut bahut shukriya meri is adna si koshish ko srahne ka.. Aise hi aate rahiye aur hme apni rae se nawaazte rahiye... Aapka dost, Vikram Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi.... vikramjethi@gmail.com |
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(#6)
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~"REBELLIOUS IN LOVE"~
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Posts: 3,264
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ruatonga, Cook Islands
Rep Power: 51
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3rd November 2009, 03:51 PM
Quote:
wah!!! bahot khub janab saare sher behadh khubsurat keep writing Regards  _______________________________________________ PRANEETA
 Kaash k khamoshi bhi ek zabaaN hoti Main dekta rehta unhe aur haal-e-dil bayaaN hota Ananthpak |
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(#7)
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Registered User
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Posts: 567
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Dubai
Rep Power: 28
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3rd November 2009, 06:21 PM
Quote:
Vikram Sahib Aadaab, Aap to turant hi shuru ho gaye chote miyaaN Accha laga aapka junuun. Aapka kalaam pa.Dha aur yehi kahuNga ke pehle ki banispat bahot behter hai. Aage koi mughalata na ho isliye chand baatoN ka khulasa kar duuN. Yeh to aap jaante hi hoNge ke Ghazal ki mehfil ko Adab ki mehfil bhi kehte haiN. Goya tehziib, Ikhlaaq aur tamiiz woh Qaiyde haiN jinko banaye rakhna har shayar ka farz banta hai. Is lihaaz se, Sifar sahib ko tabsireh ka haq ataa hotaa hai. Aap ke daawat naame ka bahot shukraguzaar huuN, magar jab aapke kalaam par nazar pa.Dii to Sifar Sahib ko bhi pa.Dha. Adab ki mehfil ke hawaale se ye haq unka banta hai kyuNki aap ke thread per woh pehle aaye aur ye unka ba.Dappan hai ke unhone aap se ijaazat maaNgi, kyuNki isi adab ke tehat jab aap kalaam ko mehfil ko supurd karte hain to kisi ko bhi haq banta hai ke woh apni rai zaahir kare. Magar tabsirah sirf ek hi karta hai aur usme dakhalandaazi be-adabi maani jaati hai. Aur waajib bhi hai kyuNki ye khokle qaide nahi balki isliye ki ek hi kalam muktalif shayar apne apne tariiqe se dekhte haiN. Har shayar ki soch, bayanii, adayagii alag hoti hai aur us ki zaati hoti hai. Goya usme dakhal dena ghair munasib hi nahi balki tabsirah karne wale ki tauhiin maani jaati hai. Lihaaza ye tabsiraah to Sifar Bhai hi kareNge jo na sirf mere aziiz aur senior haiN balki ek umda shayar bhi haiN. Unki baatoN par gaur aur amal bhi kijiyega. Ek achhii koshish par daad. Apna khayal rakhiyega, Aadaab Naadaan. HumeN gunah bhi karne ko zindagi kam hai." -Anand Narayan Mulla. वो कौन है जिन्हें तौबा की मिल गई फुरसत, हमें गुनाह भी करने को ज़िंदगी कम है. -आनंद नारायण मुल्ला |
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(#8)
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masttt...
Offline
Posts: 2,145
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Chandigarh
Rep Power: 39
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3rd November 2009, 07:01 PM
Quote:
Adaab Naadaan saheb, Mujhe aapki rae padh kar kuch tasalli hui, aapka bahut bahut shukriya.... Main aapki baat se itefaaq rakhta hu, ye jo mugaalta hua hai iske liye main muafi ka talabgaar hu halaNki, aisa iraadtan nahi hua. Jo bhi hai achha hai kyuNki aaj main ek aur kayde ko seekh saka. Adab to bahut hi zaroori chahe vo shyari ho chahe asal zindagi. Iss bahane ek aur achha kaam hua ki mujhe aap ke saath aur Kunal ji ke saath baat cheet ka mauka mila.... Aapki Kunal ji aur jo bhi iss layak ho ke sahi salaah de sake, ki nasihat aur salaah sar mathe... Aage bhi Aise hi bataate raheN kyuNki Kuch qaidoN ke se main nawaqif hooN... Aise hi milte rahiye...... Adaab, Vikram Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi.... vikramjethi@gmail.com |
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(#9)
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masttt...
Offline
Posts: 2,145
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Chandigarh
Rep Power: 39
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3rd November 2009, 07:41 PM
Quote:
Parineeta ji, Adaab!!! Kaisi haiN aap? Aapka bahut bahut shukriya ki aapne meri ek adna si koshish ko padhne ka Waqt nikaala aur usse saraaha bhi.... Aap ki rae mere liye khaas maayne rakhti hai.... Aise hi milte rahiye...... Adaab, Vikram Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi.... vikramjethi@gmail.com |
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(#10)
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Sifar
Offline
Posts: 4,755
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Dubai, UAE
Rep Power: 40
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4th November 2009, 04:35 PM
Quote:
Aur aapki izzatafzaai se mujhe be-inteha khushi ka ehsaah hua hai ...aur is baat ka isteqbaal karta huN maiN ki aap bhi .. seekhne ki raah mai yakeen rakhte hai .. magar maiN koi ustaad aur sareekha shayar nahi huN .. maiN khud su-e-alfaaz seekh raha huN .. par accha lagta hai jab aur rafeeq dost bhi is hunar ko apne haathoN maiN bharne ki tamanna bataate hai .. khuda aapki kalam ko noor de dua rahegi ... Ab aate hai aapki ghazal ki taraf..... to pehle is baat ka izhaar zaroor karna chaunga .. maiNe wo khatpadha hai... jisme mere azeez dost naadaan ne ye baat rakhi thi ki aap shayri ke kaaidoN maiN reh kar likhe to bohat behtar hoga.. kyuNki aapke ehsaasoN ki adayegi ka andaaj behad umda hai .. maiN bhi is baat se ittefaq rakhta huN.. aur iski baat ke mutaliq aapke kalaam pe shirkat kari thi maiNe.. Par sabse pehle ye bataana chahunga .. ki aapka kalaam shayri ke daiyre maiN nahiN hai .. kyuNki behr maiN nahi likhi gayi ... is liye ise tehreer to kaha jaa sakta hai ... ghazal ya mukkamal shayri nahi ... chunki ghazal behar maiN nahi hai .. is liye kisi bhi tarah ki takneeki khaami ko nikaalna be wajah hai .. par kuch baatoN pe roshani karne ki maiN koshish kar raha huN... 'E Zindagi tu hai kidhar KyoN teri khabar na mile Gar mar bhi chuki hai to KyoN teri kabar na mile khyaal jabardast hai .. par dekhiye aapne kafiya pehle mishre maiN KHABAR liya .. aur doosre mishre maiN KABAR... kabar nahi hota hai saahab .. kabra hota hai .. is lihaaj se matla khaariz hota hai hai ... jo ki sher pehle se behar maiN nahi hai .. to uski koi bhi soorat dena wazib is liye nahi ki aapko abhi behr ka ilm nahi hai ... aage ke sheroN pe nazar daale to bhi .. kaafiya kahin bhi raNwaa hota nahi dikhayi deta jaise nabah bar, payambar, motabar, jabar, dilbar, etc etc .. aapko bata dena chahta huN ki in kafiyoN ka behr hi same nahi hai .. isi liye padhne maiN bhi ek jaise nahi lagte ...aur ghazal atak see jaati hai... ek acchi ghazal wahi hai jo dheere se padhte hue bhi kahiN na atke .. jiske liye bas kuch baateN dhyaan maiN rakhi jati hai .. jaise sabse pehle behr.. kafiya, radeef aur rawaangi.. aur agar aapka behr sahi hai to sab kuch apne aap hi sahi ho jaata hai... Main yahaaN itni saari baateN nahi samjha sakta .. is liye aap pehle kuch naami shayroN ko padhe .. behr se jude article padheN .. aur ho sake to kisi ustaad ki saubat maiN apne kaif ko nikhaareN .. aur urdu ka jitna ho sake ilm leN.. tab tak likhna na choreN .. apni ghazal mai flow laane ki koshish kareN.. thoda taawil mishre se hat ke chote mishre aazmaayeN.. aur ek khaas baat apni alfaazoN ki gehraai ko nahi jaane dena .. . yahi aapka sabse ajeem hunar hai... mai ab aapse aur acche ki hi umeed karunga humesha .. mujhe aapki ek bhi ghazal kam nahi chaiye....ek mazloom yahan SDC pe bhi hai link de raha huN... http://www.shayri.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2125 Shayad abhi ke liye itna kaafi hai.. haule haule badhenge to aapko maza bhi aayega .. aur hunar maiN izaafa bhi hoga... aur mujhe yakeeN hai .. apka rehkta chamkega zaroor.. ek baar phir se aapka shukraguzaar huN.. itni izzat bakshne ke liye.. khuda aapko salamat rakhe.. apna khyaal bohat acche se rakhiyega... Kunaal Hai 'sifar' bhi reyazi ka hissa.. Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi.. |
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(#11)
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masttt...
Offline
Posts: 2,145
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Chandigarh
Rep Power: 39
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4th November 2009, 11:41 PM
Quote:
Salaam Kunaal jii, Aapne to kuch bolne laayak chhoda hi nahi...... Anjaane hi sahi magar, aapne meri nazar me apna qad bahut uncha kar liya. Janaab, koi achha kavi ya shayar to mujhe maloom hai ke main nahi hu lekin, Kuch ehsaasoN ki parkh ka hunar to hai mujhme aur iss baat se bhi naawakif nahi hu ki woh ehsaas jinhe hm angrezii me 'Frequency' ya 'Wavelength' kahte haiN, unhe kaise mehsoos kiya jaata hai Aur issi lihaaz se main ye keh sakta hu ke aap ek behad umda insaan haiN, Khuda aapko har khushi se nawaaze! Main aapki aur Naadaan saheb ki baat se ittefaaq rakhta hu aur aapki rae ka ehteraam Karta hu. Aapke mashware ke mutabiq Khud par kaam karunga. Aapne apna bahut kimati Waqt nikaala hai mere liye iska main Shukriya kinhi alfaaz me nahi kar sakta.... Jald hi milunga apni kisi koshish ke saath... Bahut bahut sukriya... Khuda hafiz, Vikram Uss Rizk Se Tau Maut Bhali Jis Rizk Se Aatee Ho Tere Parwaaz MeiN Kotaahi.... vikramjethi@gmail.com |
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