|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
Adaa hai tumhari -
3rd February 2013, 03:34 PM
Ek ghazal haazir hai, islaah ke liye...Ishq per kuch likhne ki ghustakhee ki hai..
Behr aur khayaal dono ke lihaaz se ghaltiyaN batayengay tou badi meherbaani hogi...
Mili jo yeh nazreiN hamaari tumhaari
Tou lagne lagi saari dun'ya hi pyaari
Woh ek muskuraahat ke sadQe meri jaaN
Yeh dil bhi maiN haari, yeh jaaN bhi maiN haari
Zara unse kehdo, ke nazreiN jhukaaleiN
Ke badhne lagi hai,sanam beQaraari
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN se hum ,adaa hai tumhaari
Yeh madhoshiyaN apni badhne lagi haiN
Yeh kaisa hai aalam, yeh kaisi khumaari
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare woH raateiN guzaari
Yeh khamoshiyaN humse kuch keh rahi haiN
Sunati hain yeh raaz-e-dil baari - baari
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Kahe raaz-e-ulfat yeh aakheiN hi saari..
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
Last edited by zainy; 3rd February 2013 at 04:23 PM..
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
4th February 2013, 11:39 AM
Aadaab Zainy Saahiba, Masha Allaah behad Lutf Milaa aapki is khoobsurat Ghazal ko padh kar... waah kya khayal hai kyaa Rawaani hai....
Sub'haan Allaah..
Mili jo yeh nazreiN hamaari tumhaari
Tou lagne lagi saari dun'ya hi pyaari
waaahhh..... khoobsurat Matlaa hai.....
Woh ek muskuraahat ke sadQe meri jaaN
Yeh dil bhi maiN haari, yeh jaaN bhi maiN haari
Haayee marr jaawaaaN ............................... kya Andaaze-shiqvaa hai waaahhhhh
Zara unse kehdo, ke nazreiN jhukaaleiN
Ke badhne lagi hai,sanam beQaraari
Masha Allaah.......... Kisi ki Aankh ki Lau se Shamaa ka pighalnaa jaayaz hai.... Waaaahhh
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN se hum ,adaa hai tumhaari
Ye sher mujhe lagtaa hai thodaa Uljha hua hai.... ise aur saaf kar saktii haiN, bayaani ke lihaaz se....
yahaaN pe 2 conditions ban rahi haiN...
1) agar hum jaan se gaye to adaa hogi tumhaari... ya
2) gaye jaan se hum... yaani ke hum already jaan se jaa chuke hain???
agar jaan se jaa chuke hain to sher kis soorat me keh rahe hain..
Please wazaahat farmaaiye... mujhe bahot pareshan kar raha hai ye sher..
Yeh madhoshiyaN apni badhne lagi haiN
Yeh kaisa hai aalam, yeh kaisi khumaari
Ye Khumaari Muhabbat ki hai... aisi hai ke Zindgee bhar ke liye kaafii hai.... Dawaa bhi Ishq hai, Duaa bhi Ishq hai.... khoob sher kaha hai aapne.... waaahhh
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare woH raateiN guzaari
Woh raateN.... Acchaa sher hai.. par lafz Woh thodaa uljhaa raha hai... ise ek baar fir se dekh leiN...
Yeh khamoshiyaN humse kuch keh rahi haiN
Sunati hain yeh raaz-e-dil baari - baari
bahot khoob hai ....... bahot khoob hai.... bhai waaahhh....
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Kahe raaz-e-ulfat yeh aakheiN hi saari..
Waaaahhhh..... Brilliant, Superbb, Awessome............. bahot khoob Maqtaa hai...
Aapki ghazal ne Sar se Paa tak hame mutassir kiyaa hai.... behad lutfandoz Ghazal hai.... Aur sabse khoobsurat Maqte me aapka takhallus "Zainy" hame bahot pasand aaya....
Likhti raheN.......................... khush raheN....
Shaad...
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
4th February 2013, 04:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
Aadaab Zainy Saahiba, Masha Allaah behad Lutf Milaa aapki is khoobsurat Ghazal ko padh kar... waah kya khayal hai kyaa Rawaani hai....
Sub'haan Allaah..
Mili jo yeh nazreiN hamaari tumhaari
Tou lagne lagi saari dun'ya hi pyaari
waaahhh..... khoobsurat Matlaa hai.....
Woh ek muskuraahat ke sadQe meri jaaN
Yeh dil bhi maiN haari, yeh jaaN bhi maiN haari
Haayee marr jaawaaaN ............................... kya Andaaze-shiqvaa hai waaahhhhh
Zara unse kehdo, ke nazreiN jhukaaleiN
Ke badhne lagi hai,sanam beQaraari
Masha Allaah.......... Kisi ki Aankh ki Lau se Shamaa ka pighalnaa jaayaz hai.... Waaaahhh
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN se hum ,adaa hai tumhaari
Ye sher mujhe lagtaa hai thodaa Uljha hua hai.... ise aur saaf kar saktii haiN, bayaani ke lihaaz se....
yahaaN pe 2 conditions ban rahi haiN...
1) agar hum jaan se gaye to adaa hogi tumhaari... ya
2) gaye jaan se hum... yaani ke hum already jaan se jaa chuke hain???
agar jaan se jaa chuke hain to sher kis soorat me keh rahe hain..
Please wazaahat farmaaiye... mujhe bahot pareshan kar raha hai ye sher..
Yeh madhoshiyaN apni badhne lagi haiN
Yeh kaisa hai aalam, yeh kaisi khumaari
Ye Khumaari Muhabbat ki hai... aisi hai ke Zindgee bhar ke liye kaafii hai.... Dawaa bhi Ishq hai, Duaa bhi Ishq hai.... khoob sher kaha hai aapne.... waaahhh
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare woH raateiN guzaari
Woh raateN.... Acchaa sher hai.. par lafz Woh thodaa uljhaa raha hai... ise ek baar fir se dekh leiN...
Yeh khamoshiyaN humse kuch keh rahi haiN
Sunati hain yeh raaz-e-dil baari - baari
bahot khoob hai ....... bahot khoob hai.... bhai waaahhh....
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Kahe raaz-e-ulfat yeh aakheiN hi saari..
Waaaahhhh..... Brilliant, Superbb, Awessome............. bahot khoob Maqtaa hai...
Aapki ghazal ne Sar se Paa tak hame mutassir kiyaa hai.... behad lutfandoz Ghazal hai.... Aur sabse khoobsurat Maqte me aapka takhallus "Zainy" hame bahot pasand aaya....
Likhti raheN.......................... khush raheN....
Shaad...
|
Hmmmmmmmm 60 views and only one reply...not bad...chalo kisi ko tou ghazal per kuch theek laga...maiN tou is impression me thi ke shayed itni bakwaas hai ke koi is per kuch kehna hi nahi chahta..
Anyway sab se pehe tou aapka bohat bohat shukriyaH aap ghazal per aaye ...ghazal ki pasandegi ke liye dusra shukriyah...
ab rahi baat is sher ki
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN se hum ,adaa hai tumhaari
is sher meiN shayer yeh kehna chahta hai ke "tum mujhe apni ankhoN se mat cheda karo, tumhari tou adaa hai, per koi is adaa se ghayal hoker jaan se jaa raha hai.."
ab yahaan jaaN se jaana ka matlab yeh nahi ke sach me shayer mar gaya.....(sach me marr gayi tou sdc kaun sambhalega.....kidding..)
poetic language me ayse words use karte haiN...taaki situation ki gehraayi samjha sakeiN...
just a poetic language bro...
Ek example deti huuN
Amar akber anthony movie me ek gaana hai parda hai parda , us me ek stanza hai
Khuda Ka Shukra Hai, Chehara Nazar To Aaya Hai
Haya Ka Rang Nigaahon Pe, Phir Bhi Chhaya Hai
Kisiki Jaan Jaati Hai, Kisiko Sharm Aati Hai
Koi Aansoo Bahata Hai, To Koi Muskurata Hai
Ab isme me wahi situation hai....ab isme kisi ki jaan chali gayi tou gaana kaun gaa raha hai...
hope u r getting my point.....
chaliye aapka hi ek sher lete haiN
ZubaaN khole binaa hi Tum se Haal-e-Dil bayaaN kar dooN,
Jhukii NazroN se hote haiN, kayee Israar Posheedah.
ab isme aap kehnna chahtay haiN ke bina zubaaN khole baat ho sakti hai..lekiN practically yeh mumkin nahi...baat karne ke liye zubaaN kholna zaruri hai...per shayri me mumkin hai......U see..everything is possible in shayri..
NEXT:
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare woH raateiN guzaari
Is sher me aapne kahA "woh" word uljha hua hai...behr ke mutalliq ya khayaal ke ...aapne bataya nahi...
mera andaza hai "woh" ka wazn 1 ya 2..dono mumkin hai...
Khair koi baat buri lagi ho to sorry.....I was only trying to defend myself...
Ek baar phir bohat bohat shukriyaH...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
.. ek andaaz
Offline
Posts: 1,681
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: lucknow , hindustaan
Rep Power: 37
|
4th February 2013, 04:17 PM
Bahut achhe zainy saahiba ..
Aapki ghazal bahut achhi ..ishq se sarabor hai
Mera khyaal se ishq pe likhna aapko shuruaat se hi pasand hai
Sarsari taur pe Chautha sher beher se khaarij hai
Isko durust kar leiN
Baaki baateiN itminaan se hoti rahengi
Daad haazir hai
Qubool farmaaeiN
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
4th February 2013, 04:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz
Bahut achhe zainy saahiba ..
Aapki ghazal bahut achhi ..ishq se sarabor hai
Mera khyaal se ishq pe likhna aapko shuruaat se hi pasand hai
Sarsari taur pe Chautha sher beher se khaarij hai
Isko durust kar leiN
Baaki baateiN itminaan se hoti rahengi
Daad haazir hai
Qubool farmaaeiN
|
Ghazal per aane ka shukriyah kshitiz ji...per pls puri baat tou bata dijiye...
ke kahaaN maine mistake KI..taaki durust kar sakuN..
4th sher
Na1 che2da2 ka1ro2 ap2ni1 aan2khoN2 se1 hum2ko2
Ga1ye2 jaa2N1 se2 hum2 , a1daa2 hai2 tu1mha2ari2
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
4th February 2013, 04:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Hmmmmmmmm 60 views and only one reply...not bad...chalo kisi ko tou ghazal per kuch theek laga...maiN tou is impression me thi ke shayed itni bakwaas hai ke koi is per kuch kehna hi nahi chahta..
Anyway sab se pehe tou aapka bohat bohat shukriyaH aap ghazal per aaye ...ghazal ki pasandegi ke liye dusra shukriyah...
ab rahi baat is sher ki
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN se hum ,adaa hai tumhaari
is sher meiN shayer yeh kehna chahta hai ke "tum mujhe apni ankhoN se mat cheda karo, tumhari tou adaa hai, per koi is adaa se ghayal hoker jaan se jaa raha hai.."
ab yahaan jaaN se jaana ka matlab yeh nahi ke sach me shayer mar gaya.....(sach me marr gayi tou sdc kaun sambhalega.....kidding..)
poetic language me ayse words use karte haiN...taaki situation ki gehraayi samjha sakeiN...
just a poetic language bro...
Ek example deti huuN
Amar akber anthony movie me ek gaana hai parda hai parda , us me ek stanza hai
Khuda Ka Shukra Hai, Chehara Nazar To Aaya Hai
Haya Ka Rang Nigaahon Pe, Phir Bhi Chhaya Hai
Kisiki Jaan Jaati Hai, Kisiko Sharm Aati Hai
Koi Aansoo Bahata Hai, To Koi Muskurata Hai
Ab isme me wahi situation hai....ab isme kisi ki jaan chali gayi tou gaana kaun gaa raha hai...
hope u r getting my point.....
chaliye aapka hi ek sher lete haiN
ZubaaN khole binaa hi Tum se Haal-e-Dil bayaaN kar dooN,
Jhukii NazroN se hote haiN, kayee Israar Posheedah.
ab isme aap kehnna chahtay haiN ke bina zubaaN khole baat ho sakti hai..lekiN practically yeh mumkin nahi...baat karne ke liye zubaaN kholna zaruri hai...per shayri me mumkin hai......U see..everything is possible in shayri..
NEXT:
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare woH raateiN guzaari
Is sher me aapne kahA "woh" word uljha hua hai...behr ke mutalliq ya khayaal ke ...aapne bataya nahi...
mera andaza hai "woh" ka wazn 1 ya 2..dono mumkin hai...
Khair koi baat buri lagi ho to sorry.....I was only trying to defend myself...
Ek baar phir bohat bohat shukriyaH...
|
Zainy saahiba.... mujhe aapki kisi bhi baat ka bura nahi lagaa... jab shaayar se koi sawaal kartaa hai to dekhaa jaae wo khud ek tarah ki gustaakhi hotii hai... isi tarah agar shaayar jab uski baat ka jawaab detaa hai, to sawaal karne waale ko bura maanne ka koi sawaal hi paida nahi hona chahiye..
Main sher apne tareeqe se samjahne ki koshish kar raha tha... Asal me aapke examples dekhe maine, aur aapka nazariyta bhi dekhaa, ab sher samajh me aaya mere ...
shukriyaa bahot bahot aapka....
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 2,022
Join Date: Mar 2009
Rep Power: 47
|
4th February 2013, 04:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Ghazal per aane ka shukriyah kshitiz ji...per pls puri baat tou bata dijiye...
ke kahaaN maine mistake KI..taaki durust kar sakuN..
4th sher
Na1 che2da2 ka1ro2 ap2ni1 aan2khoN2 se1 hum2ko2
Ga1ye2 jaa2N1 se2 hum2 , a1daa2 hai2 tu1mha2ari2
|
aapse ek typo ho gaya hai...aapne 'jaan' ka 'n' capitalise kar diya 'N'
kshitij sahab ne fast padte padte 'N' ko aspirate kar diya hoga...kyuki aapne jaise likha hai use 'jaa^' padna hoga ,typo ki wajah se....is liye unko flow nahi mila hoga.
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
4th February 2013, 05:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd
aapse ek typo ho gaya hai...aapne 'jaan' ka 'n' capitalise kar diya 'N'
kshitij sahab ne fast padte padte 'N' ko aspirate kar diya hoga...kyuki aapne jaise likha hai use 'jaa^' padna hoga ,typo ki wajah se....is liye unko flow nahi mila hoga.
|
ok got it...
How about "tumhaarii.".is word ka break jo maine kiya...yeh possible hai......??
tu1 mhaa2 rii 2
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 2,022
Join Date: Mar 2009
Rep Power: 47
|
4th February 2013, 05:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
ok got it...
How about "tumhaarii.".is word ka break jo maine kiya...yeh possible hai......??
tu1 mhaa2 rii 2
|
ji..correct hai vo.
tu 1 / mhaa 2 / ri. x
|
|
|
|
|
.. ek andaaz
Offline
Posts: 1,681
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: lucknow , hindustaan
Rep Power: 37
|
4th February 2013, 05:14 PM
jaaN ka wuzn 2
aur
jaan ka wuzn 2 1
aapne sher meiN jaaN istemaal kiya hai isliye beher se baahar ja raha hai
agar jaan kahti to parhne meiN dikkat na aati aur sher beher meiN rehta
shukriya
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
4th February 2013, 05:16 PM
Zidd saahab... sarsarii taur pe ek sawaal poochna chahunga.. aur chaahta ahoon jawaab bhi apa simplest way me de deian for a layman like me...
Ye "X" wala kya Funda hai.... i mean i better know where to use 1 or 2.....but i am not very sure where is "X"
So ye "X" kin kin jagah pe istemaal kiya jaaega... agar samjhaaenge to mehrbaani hogii bahot bahot...
|
|
|
|
|
.. ek andaaz
Offline
Posts: 1,681
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: lucknow , hindustaan
Rep Power: 37
|
4th February 2013, 05:18 PM
aap ek kaam kijiye jaaN ke baad " YE " laga dijiye
sher beher meiN bhi aa jayega , jaaN bhi laga rahega aur sher ki soorat kuch aur saaf ho jaayegi ..
|
|
|
|
|
~$uper M0der@tor~
Offline
Posts: 8,417
Join Date: Feb 2006
Rep Power: 61
|
4th February 2013, 05:19 PM
Agar is sher ko kuch yoon likhen to kaisaa ho..... shaayad isse meaning aur clear ho jaae...
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN se hum aur , adaa hai tumhaari..
waise aapki baaton se sahmat hoon main.. mera sawaal magar wo nahi tha jo aap samajah rahi theeeN... asal me mera sawaal tha conditions ke uupar ke Jaan jaane ke pahle sher kaha gaya tha ya jaan jane ke baad ..
Aur main jaanta hoon thod abahot ke shaayri me khamoshi se baat kaise ki jaati hai... hehehehe
i hope u dont mind, and in case i hurt you, accept my apologies....
thanks
Shaad...
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 2,022
Join Date: Mar 2009
Rep Power: 47
|
4th February 2013, 05:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
Zidd saahab... sarsarii taur pe ek sawaal poochna chahunga.. aur chaahta ahoon jawaab bhi apa simplest way me de deian for a layman like me...
Ye "X" wala kya Funda hai.... i mean i better know where to use 1 or 2.....but i am not very sure where is "X"
So ye "X" kin kin jagah pe istemaal kiya jaaega... agar samjhaaenge to mehrbaani hogii bahot bahot...
|
bhai koi complex funda nahi hai
1& 2 use waha kar rahe hai jaha wazan change hone ki possibility hi nahi hai
'x' flexible syllable denote karta hai .meter ke hisab se jo wazan suit kare waise dhal jayega
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
4th February 2013, 06:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz
jaaN ka wuzn 2
aur
jaan ka wuzn 2 1
aapne sher meiN jaaN istemaal kiya hai isliye beher se baahar ja raha hai
agar jaan kahti to parhne meiN dikkat na aati aur sher beher meiN rehta
shukriya
|
My mistake...I apolozise....typing error hi hai...kyuN ki jaan lafz ka wazn sirf 2 ya 21 ho sakta hai...yeh baat pata thi mujhe...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
4th February 2013, 06:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz
aap ek kaam kijiye jaaN ke baad " YE " laga dijiye
sher beher meiN bhi aa jayega , jaaN bhi laga rahega aur sher ki soorat kuch aur saaf ho jaayegi ..
|
Jaan ke baad "ye"..??
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN ye se hum , adaa hai tumhaari..
..I am confused....??
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
Last edited by zainy; 4th February 2013 at 06:41 PM..
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
4th February 2013, 06:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sameer'shaad'
Agar is sher ko kuch yoon likhen to kaisaa ho..... shaayad isse meaning aur clear ho jaae...
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN se hum aur , adaa hai tumhaari..
waise aapki baaton se sahmat hoon main.. mera sawaal magar wo nahi tha jo aap samajah rahi theeeN... asal me mera sawaal tha conditions ke uupar ke Jaan jaane ke pahle sher kaha gaya tha ya jaan jane ke baad ..
Aur main jaanta hoon thod abahot ke shaayri me khamoshi se baat kaise ki jaati hai... hehehehe
i hope u dont mind, and in case i hurt you, accept my apologies....
thanks
Shaad...
|
Jee yeh soorat bhi sahi hai....
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
.. ek andaaz
Offline
Posts: 1,681
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: lucknow , hindustaan
Rep Power: 37
|
4th February 2013, 06:50 PM
Muaaf kijiyega mera kahne ka matlab tha ada se pehle baat jaaN ki ho rahi thi aur mujhe office k liye der ho rahi thi to jaldi jaldi me bhool gaya ki jaaN aur adaa ke beech meiN do lafz bhi haiN. Lol
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
4th February 2013, 07:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz
Muaaf kijiyega mera kahne ka matlab tha ada se pehle baat jaaN ki ho rahi thi aur mujhe office k liye der ho rahi thi to jaldi jaldi me bhool gaya ki jaaN aur adaa ke beech meiN do lafz bhi haiN. Lol
|
Kshitiz ji......main samajh gayi thi ke aapne zaroor jaldbaazi me likha hoga......main tou bas yuhi zara aapki taaNg kheech rahi thi....hope you did not mind.... ..........
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Moderator
Offline
Posts: 15,199
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chandigarh (Mohali)
Rep Power: 63
|
6th February 2013, 10:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Ek ghazal haazir hai, islaah ke liye...Ishq per kuch likhne ki ghustakhee ki hai..
Behr aur khayaal dono ke lihaaz se ghaltiyaN batayengay tou badi meherbaani hogi...
Mili jo yeh nazreiN hamaari tumhaari
Tou lagne lagi saari dun'ya hi pyaari
Woh ek muskuraahat ke sadQe meri jaaN
Yeh dil bhi maiN haari, yeh jaaN bhi maiN haari
Zara unse kehdo, ke nazreiN jhukaaleiN
Ke badhne lagi hai,sanam beQaraari
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN se hum ,adaa hai tumhaari
Yeh madhoshiyaN apni badhne lagi haiN
Yeh kaisa hai aalam, yeh kaisi khumaari
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare woH raateiN guzaari
Yeh khamoshiyaN humse kuch keh rahi haiN
Sunati hain yeh raaz-e-dil baari - baari
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Kahe raaz-e-ulfat yeh aakheiN hi saari..
|
wahhh...bahut umda....behr ka to pta nahi sahi hai ya galat par ahsaas behad khoobsurat hai....!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.....Sunita Thakur.....
यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया
....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 1,105
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Faisalabad
Rep Power: 34
|
6th February 2013, 11:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Ek ghazal haazir hai, islaah ke liye...Ishq per kuch likhne ki ghustakhee ki hai..
Behr aur khayaal dono ke lihaaz se ghaltiyaN batayengay tou badi meherbaani hogi...
Zainy JI... Bahot Khubsurat Ghazla Kahi Hai...Andaaz BHi Muhabbat Se Sarshaar Aur Kalaam Ki Rawaani BHi Umdah Rahi..
Dheron DAAAAAAAD Qabool Farmaaiye
Mili jo yeh nazreiN hamaari tumhaari
Tou lagne lagi saari dun'ya hi pyaari
KHUBSURAT Matla hai, iska pehla misra jo aap ne kaha hai, wo bhi acha hai....Magar
Mili Jo NIGAAHEN Hamari Tumhaari
Agar Ye Misra ho to kaisa rahay ga.....? Is Me "YEH" Lafz Khatam Ho gaya hai aur misra bhi wazn me hee raha hai, Is Se Misra Me Mazeed Pukhtagi Aa Jaaye Gi, Ye Sirf Meri Raaye Hai..
Woh ek muskuraahat ke sadQe meri jaaN
Yeh dil bhi maiN haari, yeh jaaN bhi maiN haari
Khusrat, Bahot Piyaar sher kaha hai, Piyaar se bhara hua...
Pehlay Misra ME "WO" Ki Jagah "US" KAr L:Ia jaaye To....?
Zara unse kehdo, ke nazreiN jhukaaleiN
Ke badhne lagi hai,sanam beQaraari
Wahhhhhh Bahot Acha Sher Kaha Hai, Bahot Si Daaaad
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaaN se hum ,adaa hai tumhaari
Wah Wahhhh Aankhon Se Chena KHooob Kaha Hai, Bahot Hee Umdah Sher Hai...Dheron DAAAAAD
Yeh madhoshiyaN apni badhne lagi haiN
Yeh kaisa hai aalam, yeh kaisi khumaari
Ye Bhi MUhabbat Ki Rau ME Beh Jaanay Walay Jazbaat Se BHarpoor Sher Kaha Hai...DHeron DAAAAD
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare woH raateiN guzaari
IS Sher Ke Ahsaasaat BHi Bilaa-shuba Ishq Ki Kefiyaat se Pur Hain...
Yahan Misra Saani Me Aap "Raaten" Istemaal Kar Rahi Hain.Jo Ke Jama Hia Aur Is Ke Sath Aap "GUZAARI" Istemaal Kar Rahi Hain, Halaanke Asoolann Yahan Bhi Jama Ke Sath Jamaa Ka Seegh Hee Aana Chaahiye Jo Ke GUZAARIIN" Banta Hai, Magar IS Tarha Qaafia Badal Jaaye Ga.
Kiun Na Main Aap Ko Is Ka Mutabaadal Misra Bataa Dun...
KE GIN GIN SITAARAY SHAB-E-GHAM GUZAARI
Yeh khamoshiyaN humse kuch keh rahi haiN
Sunati hain yeh raaz-e-dil baari - baari
Wah Wah Wahhhh BAhot Khusburat Sher Kaha Hai...DAAAAD
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Kahe raaz-e-ulfat yeh aakheiN hi saari..
Acha Maqta Hai.... Yahan Misra Saani Me "SAARI" Ka Ishaara Kis Taraf Hai...?
|
Zainy Ji Taakheer KE Liye Ma'azrat KHawaah Hun...Aap Ki Ye Ghazal Mujhay Pasand Aayi....
Yahan Jo Kuch Bhi Main Ne Likha hai Wo Sirf MEri Raaye Hai...Aap Ko Jahan Kaheen Behtari Ki Mazeed Gunjaayish Nazar Aaye Aap Mujhay Bataa Dijiye Ga...
Khush Rahiye
Ay Chaara-Saaz Dil Pe M're Daal Ik Nazar
Mujhko Bas Aik Jism Ka Aazaar Hee Nahi
AHMAD ALI SHAKIL
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
6th February 2013, 03:32 PM
Sab se pehle tou aapka bohat bohat shukriyaH Ahmad sahab... meri guzarish per aap meri ghazal per aaye...
aapki di gayi har salaah sar aankhon per...Aapki hausla afzaai aur daad ki mamnooN huuN mai...
maine saare mistakes note kar liye haiN....
jee maqte ko lekar maiN bhi zara confused hi thi...
Isme "saari" ka matlab hai..yeh ankheN ulfat ke saare raaz khol rahi haiN..
kyuN ke aakheN feminine hai maine "saari" lafz liya hai....
lekin shayed yahaaN "saare" sahi lafz hoga...not very sure...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 1,105
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Faisalabad
Rep Power: 34
|
6th February 2013, 04:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Sab se pehle tou aapka bohat bohat shukriyaH Ahmad sahab... meri guzarish per aap meri ghazal per aaye...
aapki di gayi har salaah sar aankhon per...Aapki hausla afzaai aur daad ki mamnooN huuN mai...
maine saare mistakes note kar liye haiN....
jee maqte ko lekar maiN bhi zara confused hi thi...
Isme "saari" ka matlab hai..yeh ankheN ulfat ke saare raaz khol rahi haiN..
kyuN ke aakheN feminine hai maine "saari" lafz liya hai....
lekin shayed yahaaN "saare" sahi lafz hoga...not very sure...
|
Zainy JI.....!
Main Aapka Mashkoor HUn Jo Aap Ne Meri Adnaa Tajaaweez Ko Pasand Kia,
Aap Ne Maqta Ke Baray Me Jo Kaha, Us Lehaaz Se Yahan Qafia "SAARI" Nahi Aaye Ga, Aur " SAARAY" Hee Theak Ho Ga, Magar................ Is Tarah Ye Hum Qaafia Nahi Rahay Ga, Aap Ko Ye Misra Zaruuuuuuuuur Tabdeel Karna Ho Ga,.... Main BHi Is Ka Mutabdal Sochta HUn , Aur Aap Bhi Sochiye.......
Ay Chaara-Saaz Dil Pe M're Daal Ik Nazar
Mujhko Bas Aik Jism Ka Aazaar Hee Nahi
AHMAD ALI SHAKIL
Last edited by AHMAD SHAKIL; 6th February 2013 at 04:31 PM..
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 2,855
Join Date: Sep 2007
Rep Power: 33
|
6th February 2013, 04:49 PM
achee rahee ghazal daad qabool fermaaieN
youNhee likhtee rahieN .
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Offline
Posts: 1,477
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Delhi .. ovalswitches@gmail.com
Rep Power: 26
|
6th February 2013, 07:08 PM
SDC mein aaj mach gaya Shor, Bayane Ishk me Zainy ka na koi sani aur.....
Zainy ji , Namaskar ..
Aapne prem rang ki aisi mari pichkari, Main tere rang mein rang ke duniya hari..
Kuch aisa hi alam hua ji hamara aap ki ghazal per ke ...kya flow of thoughts hai, unbeatable..Dher sari daad aur shubkamnayen is ke liye .
apka ye sher :
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare woH raateiN guzaari
main abhi thoda nadaan hun per yahan woh ki jagah hain laga kar dekhiyega.
regds
sanjay Sehgal
khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
6th February 2013, 07:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AHMAD SHAKIL
Zainy JI.....!
Main Aapka Mashkoor HUn Jo Aap Ne Meri Adnaa Tajaaweez Ko Pasand Kia,
Aap Ne Maqta Ke Baray Me Jo Kaha, Us Lehaaz Se Yahan Qafia "SAARI" Nahi Aaye Ga, Aur " SAARAY" Hee Theak Ho Ga, Magar................ Is Tarah Ye Hum Qaafia Nahi Rahay Ga, Aap Ko Ye Misra Zaruuuuuuuuur Tabdeel Karna Ho Ga,.... Main BHi Is Ka Mutabdal Sochta HUn , Aur Aap Bhi Sochiye.......
|
Theek hai...maiN kuch sochti huuN.......aapko koi suurat zehan meiN aaye tou zaroor bataiyega....
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
6th February 2013, 08:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamdam
SDC mein aaj mach gaya Shor, Bayane Ishk me Zainy ka na koi sani aur.....
Zainy ji , Namaskar ..
Aapne prem rang ki aisi mari pichkari, Main tere rang mein rang ke duniya hari..
Kuch aisa hi alam hua ji hamara aap ki ghazal per ke ...kya flow of thoughts hai, unbeatable..Dher sari daad aur shubkamnayen is ke liye .
apka ye sher :
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho n
Ke gin gin sitaare woH raateiN guzaari
main abhi thoda nadaan hun per yahan woh ki jagah hain laga kar dekhiyega.
regds
sanjay Sehgal
|
Bohat bohat shukriyah sehgal sahab....mujhe khushi hai ke aapko meri ghazal pasand aayii...
Aapne sher me tabdeeli ki jo surat batayi hai....hai tou lajawaab,lekin "hain" lagane se misra behr se kharij ho jayega....
But anyways thanks a lotttttttt......
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 2,022
Join Date: Mar 2009
Rep Power: 47
|
6th February 2013, 08:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Bohat bohat shukriyah sehgal sahab....mujhe khushi hai ke aapko meri ghazal pasand aayii...
Aapne sher me tabdeeli ki jo surat batayi hai....hai tou lajawaab,lekin "hain" lagane se misra behr se kharij ho jayega....
But anyways thanks a lotttttttt......
|
mere kayaal se hamdum ji ka idea reasonable hai zainyji....kyuki nahi to aisa mehsuus ho raha hai ki past tense hai,,,,,'hain' se continuity ka bharam to hai kam se kam..(bhale ho na ho)
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
6th February 2013, 08:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zidd
mere kayaal se hamdum ji ka idea reasonable hai zainyji....kyuki nahi to aisa mehsuus ho raha hai ki past tense hai,,,,,'hain' se continuity ka bharam to hai kam se kam..(bhale ho na ho)
|
Mujhe bhi yeh idea bohat pasand aaya zidd sahab....but what about behr....?
Chalega?...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 2,022
Join Date: Mar 2009
Rep Power: 47
|
6th February 2013, 08:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Mujhe bhi yeh idea bohat pasand aaya zidd sahab....but what about behr....?
Chalega?...
|
'hain' flexible hi hai,zainyji.....aspirated and nasalised sounds are not counted to ascertain the weight.
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
6th February 2013, 08:42 PM
Ok fine.........got it.... ...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
8th February 2013, 02:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by AHMAD SHAKIL
Zainy JI.....!
Main Aapka Mashkoor HUn Jo Aap Ne Meri Adnaa Tajaaweez Ko Pasand Kia,
Aap Ne Maqta Ke Baray Me Jo Kaha, Us Lehaaz Se Yahan Qafia "SAARI" Nahi Aaye Ga, Aur " SAARAY" Hee Theak Ho Ga, Magar................ Is Tarah Ye Hum Qaafia Nahi Rahay Ga, Aap Ko Ye Misra Zaruuuuuuuuur Tabdeel Karna Ho Ga,.... Main BHi Is Ka Mutabdal Sochta HUn , Aur Aap Bhi Sochiye.......
|
Bohat koshish ki Ahmad sahab per koi misra hi nahi ban raha..
Actually mere saath ek masla hai...ek hi baar me puuri ghazal likh deti huuN ..phir woh mood ,woh flow chala jaaye tou ek misra bhi theek se nahi ban paata...
khair dekhiye
ek do koshish ki hai..
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Bataati haiN baateiN yeh aankheN hi saari
Dusri soorat
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Sunaati haiN aankheN kahaani yeh saari
per in dono maqtoN se maiN khush nahi....
aap hi koi madad kar dijiye...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Offline
Posts: 1,477
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Delhi .. ovalswitches@gmail.com
Rep Power: 26
|
8th February 2013, 05:12 PM
pls try this and feel the change..
Batati hain ankheyn kahani yeh saari
sanjay sehgal
Last edited by Hamdam; 8th February 2013 at 05:16 PM..
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
8th February 2013, 05:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamdam
pls try this and feel the change..
Batati hain ankheyn kahani yeh saari
sanjay sehgal
|
Yeh bhi sahi........................
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
8th February 2013, 07:06 PM
Mili jo nigaaheN hamaari tumhaari
Tou lagne lagi saari dun'ya hi pyaari
Us ek muskuraahat ke sadQe meri jaaN
Yeh dil bhi maiN haari, yeh jaaN bhi maiN haari
Zara unse kehdo, ke nazreiN jhukaaleiN
Ke badhne lagi hai,sanam beQaraari
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaan se hum ,adaa hai tumhaari
Yeh madhoshiyaN apni badhne lagi haiN
Yeh kaisa hai aalam, yeh kaisi khumaari
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare shab-e-gham guzaari
Yeh khamoshiyaN humse kuch keh rahi haiN
Sunati hain yeh raaz-e-dil baari - baari
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Bataati haiN ankheiN kahaani yeH saari
Ab theek hai?.............
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Member
Offline
Posts: 1,477
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Delhi .. ovalswitches@gmail.com
Rep Power: 26
|
9th February 2013, 08:16 PM
Zainy ji 10 out 10 marks for revised ghazal
khone Pane ki daur mein yun uljha hai har bashar ,
Isee kashmeqash mein kat raha Zindagee ka safar.
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
9th February 2013, 08:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamdam
Zainy ji 10 out 10 marks for revised ghazal
|
................................................
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Registered User
Offline
Posts: 2,022
Join Date: Mar 2009
Rep Power: 47
|
9th February 2013, 10:08 PM
Quote:
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Bataati haiN ankheiN kahaani yeH saari
|
saani me zainy ji ...................yeh ke badle agar
'to' = more indefinite ,kyki koi kahani bayaa to hui nahi hai specifically....to specific 'yeh' kyu?...
ya
hi' = isme emphasis hai.
ya
'jo' = yaha cause ,effect ubhar ke ayega.
yaha 'yeh' zara laid back sa hai...ofcouse its only an opinion.
|
|
|
|
|
Aapki dost
Offline
Posts: 7,325
Join Date: Feb 2008
Rep Power: 57
|
10th February 2013, 01:17 AM
Bataati haiN ankheiN kahaani hi saari
Waise teeno options badhiya haiN , per mujhe "hi" better lag raha hai...
THANKS...
Zainy
PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...
Nm
|
|
|
|
|
Registered Member
Offline
Posts: 933
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hyderabad (Deccan)
Rep Power: 31
|
10th February 2013, 04:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy
Mili jo nigaaheN hamaari tumhaari
Tou lagne lagi saari dun'ya hi pyaari
Us ek muskuraahat ke sadQe meri jaaN
Yeh dil bhi maiN haari, yeh jaaN bhi maiN haari
Zara unse kehdo, ke nazreiN jhukaaleiN
Ke badhne lagi hai,sanam beQaraari
Na cheda karo apni aankhoN se humko
Gaye jaan se hum ,adaa hai tumhaari
Yeh madhoshiyaN apni badhne lagi haiN
Yeh kaisa hai aalam, yeh kaisi khumaari
Mohabbat me furqat ka aalam na pucho
Ke gin gin sitaare shab-e-gham guzaari
Yeh khamoshiyaN humse kuch keh rahi haiN
Sunati hain yeh raaz-e-dil baari - baari
Chupaogi kaisay mohabbat ko "Zainy"
Bataati haiN ankheiN kahaani yeH saari
Ab theek hai?.............
|
Aadaab Zainy behna aur deegar Bhaiyo dosto... aapsab ki shirkat is section mayn daykh badee masarrat ho raheee haye.... badee khushee ki baat haye jis terha ka khushgawaar mahaul barqaraar haye....
Zainy behna aapki yay kavish bayhad aalatareen pahlay say hee thee... aur ab ismayn solah chaand lag chukay hayn..... bas apni adna si raaye paysh karoonga... penultimate shayr is ultimate in my view....... ya'ni hamayn bayhad pasand aayaa....
Duagoh
Ahmad
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is On
|
|
|
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
|
|