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Re: hi |
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(#521)
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Adhoori Aas
  
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Re: hi -
9th August 2006, 02:54 PM
Quote:
aapne apne keemti waqt me se samay nikal kar jo meri madad ki hai uske liye shukriya. aapne sahi kaha mujhe technic nahi aati, sahi mayne main maine abhi tak sirf kavita hee likhi hai, wo to sunita ji ka aagrah tha so maine ye shero- shayri shuru kar di, warna ye sher likhna apne bas me kahan. waise main ye man raha tha ki shayri ka kaifiya ase hona chahiye jaise ki marta, karta, bagerah bagerah ya khanjar, majar, andar yani milta hua word ya wohi word, chuki mayank sahav ne kaifiya ke liye pahle samajhais dee thi ki kaifiya is per chalna chahiye is liye maine karta ke sath marta ko joda. jaise paras ji ne 10 july ka massage me kaha hai "Iss ghazal mein radeef hai Gayaa Aur kaafiya jo Kunaal (Sachha Pyaar) ke matle ke mutaabiq hai wo hai Reh, beh, seh, deh, keh vagairah vagairaah…" isi prakar mayank ji ne 31 july ko kaha hai ess sher meN kamzor khayaal hai.. aur qaafiYaa bhee nahee hai.. jaise ghar, ham safar, Manzar, hai essi tarh aap ko qaafiya istemaal karna hoga.. eg . aksar, khabar, andar, hunar, , khabar, khanjar, dar, dagar, sehar, safar, guzar.. to maine ye mana ki kafiya isi prakar barkar rakha ja sakta hai, raj sahab is baat me koi do rai nahi hai ki aapke dwara ki gayi thodi si editing se ye sher padne layak ho gaya hai, per pls kaifiya ke bare main meri jankari abhi adhoori hai. ummid karta hoon aap meri madad karenge or gazal likhne ke kayde ke bare me batayenge. shukriya aapka dost dilip |
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Re: Re: hi |
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(#522)
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Re: Re: hi -
9th August 2006, 04:02 PM
Quote:
bhula kar sare dukh jeevan ke, fir jeene ki koshish karta hoon, shaam dhale ghar me aakar ke, fir til-til karke marta hoon. << 3rd share tere julm-o-sitam sarey bhool ke, phir tumse pyar karti hoon, nahi hai tu mera apna, fir kyu apna banane ki koshish karti hu. -sunita virender  .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए... 
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(#523)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
9th August 2006, 07:57 PM
ajj ke daur main saach kehte ho tum kaise insaa ho,
ordhke chadar jooth ki saach kehne ki koshish karta hoon...... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#524)
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Re: hi -
10th August 2006, 09:32 AM
4th share
ajj ke daur main saach kehte ho tum kaise insaa ho, ordhke chadar jooth ki saach kehne ki koshish karta hoon...... 'veer' 5th share kuch kahney se phele mai kudha ko yaad kar leti hoon, tum mujhe bhool jao mai bhi bhoolne ki koshish karti hoon... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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Re: hi |
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(#525)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: hi -
10th August 2006, 09:43 AM
Quote:
next sher aas jivan ki toot chuki hai jivan sandhya doob chuki hai udhar ki chand sanse lekar fir jine ki koshish karta hoon. <<< |
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Re: Re: hi |
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(#526)
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Re: Re: hi -
10th August 2006, 09:48 AM
6th share
aas jivan ki toot chuki hai jivan sandhya doob chuki hai udhar ki chand sanse lekar fir jine ki koshish karta hoon. <<< 7th share aise dil na chodo tum na jeevan se naata todoo tum, abhi waqt hai sambhal jao yehi samjaney ki koshish karti hoon... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#527)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
11th August 2006, 06:04 PM
7th share
aise dil na chodo tum na jeevan se naata todoo tum, abhi waqt hai sambhal jao yehi samjaney ki koshish karti hoon... -sunita virender lehron ke sang behte behte khud ko bhool chuka hoon, pane ko pehchaan apni tanha behne ki koshish karta hoon.... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#528)
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Re: hi -
14th August 2006, 02:54 PM
Quote:
.....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#529)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
14th August 2006, 05:18 PM
dosto ek nai gazal shuru karne ja raha hoon umeed hai app ka saath milega.......
ajj in hawaon main bikhri hai kiski khushboo, jabki door tak kahin nahi in nighaon main tu........ 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#530)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: hi -
14th August 2006, 09:01 PM
Quote:
NAHI MILI MUJHKO IS JAHAN-O- AASMAN MAIN TU <<< |
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Re: Re: hi |
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(#531)
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Re: Re: hi -
15th August 2006, 02:31 PM
1st share
ajj in hawaon main bikhri hai kiski khushboo, jabki door tak kahin nahi in nighaon main tu........ 'veer' 2nd share CHHA RAHA HAI DIL DIL PE TERI MASTI KA JADOO NAHI MILI MUJHKO IS JAHAN-O- AASMAN MAIN TU <<< 3rd share aaj bhi meri mahki hue sanso mai hai teri hi kushboo, par na janey ab eh sanam hai kis ki chahhon main tu.... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#532)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
15th August 2006, 03:18 PM
3rd share
aaj bhi meri mahki hue sanso mai hai teri hi kushboo, par na janey ab eh sanam hai kis ki chahhon main tu.... -sunita virender 4th share tum bhee chup ho main bhee khamosh hoon, phir bhee humme tumme ho rahi hai guftgoo........ 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#533)
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Re: hi -
16th August 2006, 03:24 PM
3rd share
aaj bhi meri mahki hue sanso mai hai teri hi kushboo, par na janey ab eh sanam hai kis ki chahhon main tu.... -sunita virender 4th share tum bhee chup ho main bhee khamosh hoon, phir bhee humme tumme ho rahi hai guftgoo........ 'veer' 5th share aaj toota hua hai dil begana ho gaya hai mahboob, eh mere pyar ki manzil ab tujhe mai kaha doondu..... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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Re: Re: hi |
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(#534)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: Re: hi -
17th August 2006, 12:21 PM
Quote:
jinda rahne ke liye tujhse ek mulaqat chhahta hoon. e mere mahboob tu hi bata tujhe main kahan miloon. <<>> |
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hi |
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(#535)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
17th August 2006, 01:22 PM
rajveer sahab ye mera next sher hai. yadi aap ise shamil kare.n to?
jinda rahne ke liye tujhse ek mulaqat chhahta hoon. e mere mahboob tu hi bata tujhe main kahan miloon. dilip acha kaha appne....... ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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hi |
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(#536)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
17th August 2006, 01:35 PM
rajveer sahab ye mera next sher hai. yadi aap ise shamil kare.n to?
jinda rahne ke liye tujhse ek mulaqat chhahta hoon. e mere mahboob tu hi bata tujhe main kahan millu....... 6th share main tere bina pal main sau baar tutta hoon, mere bina tera kaya haal hai apni suna tu......... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#537)
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Re: hi -
17th August 2006, 01:55 PM
6th share
main tere bina pal main sau baar tutta hoon, mere bina tera kaya haal hai apni suna tu......... 'veer' 7th share na chahtey hue bhi tumse pyar kar bethi hoon, mere pyar ki manzil hai kaha yeh batta tu.......... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#538)
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hi -
17th August 2006, 02:26 PM
7th share
na chahtey hue bhi tumse pyar kar bethi hoon, mere pyar ki manzil hai kaha yeh batta tu.......... -sunita virender 8th share yaha do dil milke dharkte hai wahi manzil hai, meri nazar se dekh tuje dikhegi manzil har su........ 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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(#539)
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17th August 2006, 03:31 PM
1st share
ajj in hawaon main bikhri hai kiski khushboo, jabki door tak kahin nahi in nighaon main tu........ 'veer' 2nd share CHHA RAHA HAI DIL DIL PE TERI MASTI KA JADOO NAHI MILI MUJHKO IS JAHAN-O- AASMAN MAIN TU <<< 3rd share aaj bhi meri mahki hue sanso mai hai teri hi kushboo, par na janey ab eh sanam hai kis ki chahhon main tu.... -sunita virender 4th share tum bhee chup ho main bhee khamosh hoon, phir bhee humme tumme ho rahi hai guftgoo........ 'veer' 5th share aaj toota hua hai dil begana ho gaya hai mahboob, eh mere pyar ki manzil ab tujhe mai kaha doondu..... -sunita virender 6th share jinda rahne ke liye tujhse ek mulaqat chhahta hoon. e mere mahboob tu hi bata tujhe main kahan millu....... 7th share main tere bina pal main sau baar tutta hoon, mere bina tera kaya haal hai apni suna tu......... 'veer' 8th share na chahtey hue bhi tumse pyar kar bethi hoon, mere pyar ki manzil hai kaha yeh batta tu.......... -sunita virender 9th share yaha do dil milke dharkte hai wahi manzil hai, meri nazar se dekh tuje dikhegi manzil har su........ 'veer' ligiye yeh gazal bhi puri ho gaye bas jarra galti se 9 share ho gaye. ab naye gazal ki barri hai. .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#540)
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17th August 2006, 03:35 PM
es gazal ka phele share hai :
1st share hawa ke jonkey ki tarah aaye aur chaley gaye, jinhe humne manga tha din raat duaao mai.... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#541)
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hi -
17th August 2006, 03:53 PM
1st share
hawa ke jonkey ki tarah aaye aur chaley gaye, jinhe humne manga tha din raat duaao mai.... -sunita virender 2nd share kabhi jo is dil ki zeenat hua karte thay, suna hai ajj wo shumaar ho gaye khudao mai......... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#542)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: hi -
17th August 2006, 04:13 PM
Quote:
chahne laga tha unhe main rindo ki tarah per ho na paye shamil wo hatho ki lakeero mai......... <<< Dilip>>>> |
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hi |
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(#543)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
17th August 2006, 07:22 PM
dilip bhai appko raj ka parnaam.....appne share to acha likha hai lakin kafiye main chuuk gaye ho.....yeh share gazal main shamil nahi hoga.......
3rd sher chahne laga tha unhe main rindo ki tarah per ho na paye shamil wo hatho ki lakeero mai......... <<< Dilip>>>> ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#544)
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Re: hi -
18th August 2006, 11:33 AM
2nd share
kabhi jo is dil ki zeenat hua karte thay, suna hai ajj wo shumaar ho gaye khudao mai......... 'veer' us waqt phool hi phool khil gaye thy har taraf, jab tum mujhe milney aaye thy khizzao mai........... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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Re: Re: hi |
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(#545)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: Re: hi -
18th August 2006, 12:21 PM
Quote:
chahne laga tha unhe main rindo ki tarah per ho na paye shamil wo mere kudaao mai......... |
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Re: Re: Re: hi |
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(#546)
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Re: Re: Re: hi -
18th August 2006, 03:15 PM
4th share
chahne laga tha unhe main rindo ki tarah per ho na paye shamil wo mere kudaao mai......... "dilip" 5th share tuney pyar se humey chu liya kuch es tarah, ek nasha sa sha gaya en fizzaoo mai............ -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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Re: Re: Re: Re: hi |
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(#547)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: Re: Re: Re: hi -
18th August 2006, 03:28 PM
Quote:
abki jo tum mile to bichdne na doonga.. ek ajeeb sa nasha hai tumhari in adaao mai...... |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: hi |
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(#548)
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: hi -
18th August 2006, 03:58 PM
6th share
abki jo tum mile to bichdne na doonga.. ek ajeeb sa nasha hai tumhari in adaao mai...... 'dilip' 7th share tere aane ka ahsaas phele hi ho jatta hai humey, ek kuhsboo se samma jatti hai en hawaao mai...... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#549)
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hi -
18th August 2006, 05:22 PM
7th share
tere aane ka ahsaas phele hi ho jatta hai humey, ek kuhsboo se samma jatti hai en hawaao mai...... -sunita virender tere dar pe khud jhuk jata hai mera sar, itni to wafa ajj bhee hai hum bewaffaoo mai...... 'veer' lijiye sunita ji yeh gazal bhee poori ho gai...... ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#550)
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Re: hi -
18th August 2006, 05:27 PM
Quote:
.....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#551)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
18th August 2006, 05:33 PM
chalo nai gazal shuru karte hai.....
1st share kabhi mushkil to kabhi aasa hai zindagi ka safar, aandhiyon main jalta diya hai zindagi ka safar....... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#552)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: hi -
19th August 2006, 10:29 AM
1st share
kabhi mushkil to kabhi aasa hai zindagi ka safar, aandhiyon main jalta diya hai zindagi ka safar....... 'veer' [/B][/QUOTE] jabse tu chala hai sath mere humsafar bankar badi aasani se guzar gaya hai zindgi ka safar........... <<< Raj sahab ye thik hai? |
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hi |
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(#553)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
19th August 2006, 10:47 AM
2nd share
jabse tu chala hai sath mere humsafar bankar badi aasani se guzar raha hai zindgi ka safar........... <<< 3rd share parwana hoon main haske jalna meri aadat hai, mere liye teri mehfil ki shama hai zindagi ka safar....... 'veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#554)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: hi -
19th August 2006, 11:00 AM
Quote:
khak me mil jayegi jindgi gar tu chali gayi bin tere mushkil guzarna hai jindgi ka safar...... |
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Re: Re: hi |
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(#555)
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Re: Re: hi -
19th August 2006, 11:07 AM
4th share
khak me mil jayegi jindgi gar tu chali gayi bin tere mushkil guzarna hai jindgi ka safar...... 'dilip' 5th share jab se meri zindgi mai aaye ho tum zindgi bankar, tab se aur bhi haseen lagney lagga zindgi ka safar, -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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hi |
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(#556)
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shayri is my life
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hi -
19th August 2006, 11:09 AM
4th share
khak me mil jayegi jindgi gar tu chali gayi bin tere mushkil guzarna hai jindgi ka safar...... 'dilip' 5th share jab se bass gaya wo is dil mai dharkan banke, musalsal khushiyon ka silsila hai zindagi ka safar...... ,veer' ab mujhe bewafa kahiye ya bawafa kahiye...(Raj) |
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Re: hi |
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(#557)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: hi -
19th August 2006, 11:34 AM
Quote:
khone laga hai hosh abto bahke hain kadam wabadstoor magar jari raha hai jindgi ka safar........ << dilip>>> |
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Re: Re: hi |
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(#558)
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Re: Re: hi -
19th August 2006, 12:10 PM
7 th share.
khone laga hai hosh abto bahke hain kadam wabadstoor magar jari raha hai jindgi ka safar........ << dilip>>> 8th share kush bahut hu mai teri jivan-saathi ban kar, ab to lamha lamha janat hai zindgi ka safar..... -sunita virender .....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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(#559)
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19th August 2006, 12:11 PM
gazal puri ho gaye hai ab naye shuruaat kijiye.
.....Sunita Thakur..... यह कह कर मेरा दुश्मन मुझे हँसते हुए छोड़ गया ....के तेरे अपने ही बहुत हैं तुझे रुलाने के लिए...
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Re: Re: Re: hi |
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(#560)
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Adhoori Aas
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Re: Re: Re: hi -
19th August 2006, 12:52 PM
Quote:
bahu badiya. aapke is antim sher per meri daad kabool karo. dilip |
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