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ghazal - mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai ...
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kshitiz
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Post ghazal - mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai ... - 1st May 2009, 04:16 PM

ahl e buzm ko mera sallaam !

kuch ashaar ke saath aapse muQaabil huN , ummeed karta huN ki ye koshish ghazal ka rang bikherne meiN kaamyaab hogii !




mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai

rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai

humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna
besabab ashQ bahana bhi zarar karta hai

nekiyaN kar ke bhula dena meri aadat hai
kar ke aihsaan "kshitiz" sarf e nazar karta hai !


andaaz
   
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Pradhyuman
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1st May 2009, 04:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
ahl e buzm ko mera sallaam !

kuch ashaar ke saath aapse muQaabil huN , ummeed karta huN ki ye koshish ghazal ka rang bikherne meiN kaamyaab hogii !




mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai

rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai

humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna
besabab ashQ bahana bhi zarar karta hai

nekiyaN kar ke bhula dena meri aadat hai
kar ke aihsaan "kshitiz" sarf e nazar karta hai !
Kshitiz bhai,

kya khoob kaha hai aapne..dil main ghar kar gaye aapke saare sher...

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

waah..be-had umda hai...yunhin apne ehsaas humse share karte rahiye..khush rahiye...

Pradhyuman


-------------------------------------------------

gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai?
musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai?
--------------------------------------------------
   
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fezan
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1st May 2009, 04:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
ahl e buzm ko mera sallaam !

kuch ashaar ke saath aapse muQaabil huN , ummeed karta huN ki ye koshish ghazal ka rang bikherne meiN kaamyaab hogii !




mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai

rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai

humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna
besabab ashQ bahana bhi zarar karta hai

nekiyaN kar ke bhula dena meri aadat hai
kar ke aihsaan "kshitiz" sarf e nazar karta hai !
Bahot khoob............................................. .......Kshitiz ji
excellent......................................... .............

badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai

yeh sher mujhe khas kar bahot pasand aya.............................

jeete rahiye
likhte reahiye

apka dost
Fezan


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2nd May 2009, 08:12 PM

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai


welcome back to sdc kshitiz ji.........

bohat accha likha hai aapne, ye do sher mujhe behad pasand aaye...yuhi likhte rahiye, bazm me shirkat karte rahiye...aur hamesha khush rahiye.

zainy




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PalkoN ki baand ko tod ke daaman pe aa gira
Ek aaNsu mere zabt ki tauheen kar gaya...

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.... - 3rd May 2009, 12:47 AM

Hi Kshitiz! Kaise Ho!

Waise to aap har shabd khoobsoorat likhte ho magar is peshkash me mujhe jo laajawaab laga wo ye hei

mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai

WAH!!!

God Bless you
Susheel


लब पे मुस्कान को लिए ऐ दोस्त, काँधों पे लाश अपनी ढोते हैं,
इस भरे शहर में हम Dard-e-Sush, जो न पाया उसे भी खोते हैं!

lab pe muskaan ko liye ae dost, kandhon pe laash apni dhote hein
is bhare sheher me ham dard-e-sush, jo na paaya use bhi khote hein
   
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3rd May 2009, 11:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
ahl e buzm ko mera sallaam !

kuch ashaar ke saath aapse muQaabil huN , ummeed karta huN ki ye koshish ghazal ka rang bikherne meiN kaamyaab hogii !




mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai

rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai

humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna
besabab ashQ bahana bhi zarar karta hai

nekiyaN kar ke bhula dena meri aadat hai
kar ke aihsaan "kshitiz" sarf e nazar karta hai !

Namaskaar Kshitiz jee,

AAp ki yeh ghazal ka har sher mujhe pasand aaya..

Yunhi likhte rahiye aur bazm roushan karte rahiye

Purvi


~*~Kaash Dil ki aawaz mein aisa asar ho jaaye
Jise Hum Yaad karte hai use Khabar ho jaaye ~*~
   
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dheer
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3rd May 2009, 01:24 PM

namaste Kshitij bhaai!
kaise haiN aap? bhaai ghazal bahut pasand aayee. naachez kee daad qabool keejiye. aap to jaante haiN keh daad ke saath saath maiN apnee do kauRee kee likhne se baaz naheeN aataa. so koee khayaal nah keejiyegaa.
Quote:
mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai
matlan achchhaa hai. daad!
Quote:
rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai
bahut achchhe!
ke --> kar.

Quote:
duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai
bahut achchhe. doosare misre kee ek soorat pesh kar rahaa huN.

duniya wale ------
door hokar bhee tu mujh hee meN basar kartaa hai!

Quote:
roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai
khayaal achchhaa hai. doosare misre meN "zara der" ke baad "se" kee kamee khaltee hai. "zaraa der asar karnaa" aur "zaraa der se asar karnaa" meN farq nazar aataa hai. misra meN kuchh raddo-badal kar ke dekh sakte haiN.

Quote:
maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai
pehlaa misraa khoob hai. magar doosare misre se rab't nazar naheeN aataa. "lafz baratne" kaa hunar aapko aataa hai to aapke lafz kisee aur ke dil par asar karne chaahiye. par doosaraa misraa kuchh aur kahtaa hai. Munawwar saHeb kaa ek sher yaad aa rahaa hai.

hamney lafzoon ko bartney me lahuu thuuk diya
aap to sirf kahengey ki gazal achchi hai!

Quote:
badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai
bahut khoob!
badzabaanee mujhe.......

Quote:
humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna
besabab ashQ bahana bhi zarar karta hai
pehla misra wazn se naaqis hai.

Quote:
nekiyaN kar ke bhula dena meri aadat hai
kar ke aihsaan "kshitiz" sarf e nazar karta hai !
is se achchhee baat aur kyaa hogee saHeb! bahut khoob!


aayindah bhee aapkee kaavishoN kaa intazaar rahegaa. khush rahiye. aabaad rahiye.

dheer
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stillalive
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3rd May 2009, 01:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
ahl e buzm ko mera sallaam !

kuch ashaar ke saath aapse muQaabil huN , ummeed karta huN ki ye koshish ghazal ka rang bikherne meiN kaamyaab hogii !




mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai

rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai

humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna
besabab ashQ bahana bhi zarar karta hai

nekiyaN kar ke bhula dena meri aadat hai
kar ke aihsaan "kshitiz" sarf e nazar karta hai !
maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

aap to is lafzon ki kala me maahir hain kshitiz jii...

aapki ghazal dil pe asar kar gayi...

u r simply great..hats off to u...

god bless u..

always keep smiling
   
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Dhaval
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4th May 2009, 10:27 AM

KShitiZ bhaa'ii:

namaste!

kaise hai.n aap?


janaab aapki Ghazal kaa tou kyaa kehnaa.. bahot hi umdaah aSh'aar lagen mujhe to.. Khaas kar ke Ghazal ka maQtaa ..baRaa hi beHteriN haii!

YuuNhi liKhate raheN... daad hi daad!

KhuSh raheN... apnaa Khayaal raKheN

duaaoN ke saath ijaazat

aapka

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4th May 2009, 01:41 PM

Suno tumhari kalam bohat tez hai yaar..
Yun jiska kagaz pe chalna dil pe asar karta hai..


Bhai aapko padh ke humesha hi khushi milti hai .... aur aaj bhi manmooniyat shikhar pe hai ... mujhe accha laga aapko paake ... kuch yakeen kare to jaan lijiye maiN aapse bohat pyar karta huN...

Kunaal


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Shayrii bhi hisaab ki hogi..
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kshitiz
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4th May 2009, 04:34 PM

Pradhyuman saahib !

kaise haiN aap ?

ghazal pasand karne ke liye tah e dil se shukriya ada karta huN !

apna khyaal rakhiye !


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kshitiz
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4th May 2009, 04:37 PM

fezan sahib !

kaise haiN aap ?

aapko sher pasand aaya to laazimi hai ki kuch na kuch khasiyat to apne aap meiN samete hi hoga !

daad sar aaNhoN pe

apna khyaal rakhiye !


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kshitiz
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4th May 2009, 04:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zainy View Post
duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai


welcome back to sdc kshitiz ji.........

bohat accha likha hai aapne, ye do sher mujhe behad pasand aaye...yuhi likhte rahiye, bazm me shirkat karte rahiye...aur hamesha khush rahiye.

zainy

shukriya zainy jee !

aapne nazar e karam saanee kee , maiN mamnoon huN !

aage bhi aisi tareef ka talabgaar rahunga !

apna khyaal rakhiye !


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kshitiz
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4th May 2009, 04:44 PM

susheel bhai !

bahut din baad aapka deedaar ho raha hai ! kaise haiN aap ?

zarra nawazishoN ka maiN hamesha se hi aihsaanmand raha huN !

aapko ashaar achhe lage meri khushnasiiibii !

yuN hi hausla afzaayii karte rahiye !

apna khyaal rakhiye !


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kshitiz
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4th May 2009, 04:48 PM

purvi jee !

kaise mizaaj haiN aapke !

ummeed karta huN sab kuch behtarii ke saath chal raha hoga !

hausla afzaayii ke liye behad shukRguzaar huN !

ummeed karta huN aage bhi ye raBt barQaraar rahegii !

apna khyaal rakhiye !


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kshitiz
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4th May 2009, 05:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dheer View Post
namaste Kshitij bhaai!
kaise haiN aap? bhaai ghazal bahut pasand aayee. naachez kee daad qabool keejiye. aap to jaante haiN keh daad ke saath saath maiN apnee do kauRee kee likhne se baaz naheeN aataa. so koee khayaal nah keejiyegaa.


matlan achchhaa hai. daad!


bahut achchhe!
ke --> kar.



bahut achchhe. doosare misre kee ek soorat pesh kar rahaa huN.

duniya wale ------
door hokar bhee tu mujh hee meN basar kartaa hai!



khayaal achchhaa hai. doosare misre meN "zara der" ke baad "se" kee kamee khaltee hai. "zaraa der asar karnaa" aur "zaraa der se asar karnaa" meN farq nazar aataa hai. misra meN kuchh raddo-badal kar ke dekh sakte haiN.



pehlaa misraa khoob hai. magar doosare misre se rab't nazar naheeN aataa. "lafz baratne" kaa hunar aapko aataa hai to aapke lafz kisee aur ke dil par asar karne chaahiye. par doosaraa misraa kuchh aur kahtaa hai. Munawwar saHeb kaa ek sher yaad aa rahaa hai.

hamney lafzoon ko bartney me lahuu thuuk diya
aap to sirf kahengey ki gazal achchi hai!



bahut khoob!
badzabaanee mujhe.......



pehla misra wazn se naaqis hai.



is se achchhee baat aur kyaa hogee saHeb! bahut khoob!


aayindah bhee aapkee kaavishoN kaa intazaar rahegaa. khush rahiye. aabaad rahiye.

dheer
dheer bhai !

kaise haiN aap ? aapkii daad hamesha se hi khaas rahi hai , aur yakeen maniye dil khus ho jata hai jab koi itnee bareekee se ghazal paRhta hai !

tabsiroN ke mukaabil maiN aapko mutmayiin karne ki koshish kar raha huN !

zuzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai ....

mera bhi yehi khayaal tha ki zara der se kahte to baat ziyada achhi lagtii lekin muaamla wuzn se baahar ho jata to misre meiN aam bol chaal ka tareeka rakha para ...maslan mujhe kahna hua ki mujhe koi baat der se samajh aati hai to kahne ka ek dhang ye bhi ho sakta hai ki mujhe baat zara der samajh aati hai ! beher ka aihtaraam rakhne ke liye iss jaanib kadam uthaya gaya !

ab baat karte haiN iss sher ki -

maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

lafzoN ko baratne ka matlab sirf ye hi nahi hua ki maiN jo lafz aada kar raha huN ! maiN unn lafzoN ko bhi baakhoobi barat-ta huN jo aap ada karte haiN yaani ki ye na samajhiye ki aap jo kah rahe haiN vo sar ke upar se nikal raha hai ...
maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai ..

umeed karta huN maiN apnii baat ko samjhaane meiN kaamyaab hua hunga !


humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna ...

iss baabat kahna chaahunga ki mere tarannum meiN to ye misra wuzn meiN hai aap zara roshnii daalenge to shayad mere ilm meiN bhi izafa ho jaaye !

baaki aapki tamaam soorateiN mujhe pasand aayiN ... aur maiN unn ki kadR karta huN !

aapse aage bhi aisi rahnumaayii ki aas lagii rahegii !

apna khyaal rakhiye !


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4th May 2009, 06:39 PM

KshitiZ Sahab Aadab............

Aapki Gazal kafi achchi lagi.
Actually Aapke ahsaas samjhne me thoda waqt laga
per behad khubsoorat lage......

Sow reply me late ho gaya........

YuN hi likhate rahiye......
Aur mehfil ko roshan karte rahiye.......

Duaaon ke sath daad kabul kijiye........

Aur han ek baat ke muamle me mayne aapko apna guru mana hai....
Kisi din aapse guidence chahunga ummid hai aap raha dikhayenge...


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4th May 2009, 09:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post

humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna ...

iss baabat kahna chaahunga ki mere tarannum meiN to ye misra wuzn meiN hai aap zara roshnii daalenge to shayad mere ilm meiN bhi izafa ho jaaye !
Kshitij bhaai namaste!

aapkee ghazal kee beh'r hai
faa-i-laa-tun; fa-i-laa-tun; fa-i-laa-tun; faa-lun
digital meN
2122 1122 1122 22
is beh'r ke aakhir meN 22 kee jagah 112 /121 / bhee le sakte hai(matle aur sher ke doosare misre ke ilaavaa)! yeh ek fast rhythm beh'r hai jis meN haroof giraanaa (flexiblity of 2-1) aam baat hai.

mujh2 se1 mil2na2 te1ra1 yuN2 mujh2 pe1 a1sar2 kar2ta hai
me2re1 ho2ne2 ki1 ko1i2 au2r1 kha1bar2 kar2ta2 hai2

hum2ne1 see2kha2 hai1 gu1loN2 ki2 ta1rah2 haNs2 kar2 mil2na2 ...
2122 1122 1222 22

aagey aap behtar jaante haiN .

khairandesh
dheer
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7th May 2009, 10:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by stillalive View Post
maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

aap to is lafzon ki kala me maahir hain kshitiz jii...

aapki ghazal dil pe asar kar gayi...

u r simply great..hats off to u...

god bless u..

always keep smiling

vikky bhai !

zarra nawazi aapki jo aap khaaksaar ko iss Qaabil samjhte haiN !

tareef ke liye tah e dil se shukRguzaar huN !

apna khyaal rakhiye !


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7th May 2009, 10:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dhavalrami4you View Post
KShitiZ bhaa'ii:

namaste!

kaise hai.n aap?


janaab aapki Ghazal kaa tou kyaa kehnaa.. bahot hi umdaah aSh'aar lagen mujhe to.. Khaas kar ke Ghazal ka maQtaa ..baRaa hi beHteriN haii!

YuuNhi liKhate raheN... daad hi daad!

KhuSh raheN... apnaa Khayaal raKheN

duaaoN ke saath ijaazat

aapka

~ Dhaval
Dhaval Bhai !

jee maiN bahut achha huN , duaeiN haiN aapki !

aap kaise haiN ? ummeed karta huN achhe honge !

jee hausla afzaayii ke liye shukRguzaar huN !

aage bhi aapse dil ko ye aas lagii rahegii !

apna khyaal rakhiye !


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Smile 7th May 2009, 11:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
ahl e buzm ko mera sallaam !

kuch ashaar ke saath aapse muQaabil huN , ummeed karta huN ki ye koshish ghazal ka rang bikherne meiN kaamyaab hogii !




mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai

rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai

humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna
besabab ashQ bahana bhi zarar karta hai

nekiyaN kar ke bhula dena meri aadat hai
kar ke aihsaan "kshitiz" sarf e nazar karta hai !
khshitij janaab ek purjosh ghazal par dil se mubaarak baad qubool farmaaye.
daad haazir hai janaab
regards
manu
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8th May 2009, 01:03 AM

khshitij dear

bahut achi gazal hai...

har sher behtreen hai


कुछ ऐसे पल जिनको संजोना है ,
शब्दों में पिरोना है , जिससे वो हमारी यादों में महकते रहे
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8th May 2009, 07:59 AM

kshitiz JI

kaise hai aap? shaadi bahut mubaraak ho ... god bless u both with alot of happiness

aab ghazal ki taraaf..

wah wah ... puri ghazal behaat aachi lagii..

simply heart touching ...

yu hi likhte rahye ..

take care



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11th May 2009, 10:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sacccha_pyar View Post
Suno tumhari kalam bohat tez hai yaar..
Yun jiska kagaz pe chalna dil pe asar karta hai..


Bhai aapko padh ke humesha hi khushi milti hai .... aur aaj bhi manmooniyat shikhar pe hai ... mujhe accha laga aapko paake ... kuch yakeen kare to jaan lijiye maiN aapse bohat pyar karta huN...

Kunaal
arre sarkaar ye humaari Qalam ki tezzii kam balki aapkii nigaahoN ka asar ziyada hai !

taareef karne meiN aapka bhi jawaab nahi !

maiN khud mamnoon huN !

apna khyaal rakheiN !


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11th May 2009, 10:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by kwahish View Post
KshitiZ Sahab Aadab............

Aapki Gazal kafi achchi lagi.
Actually Aapke ahsaas samjhne me thoda waqt laga
per behad khubsoorat lage......

Sow reply me late ho gaya........

YuN hi likhate rahiye......
Aur mehfil ko roshan karte rahiye.......

Duaaon ke sath daad kabul kijiye........

Aur han ek baat ke muamle me mayne aapko apna guru mana hai....
Kisi din aapse guidence chahunga ummid hai aap raha dikhayenge...
sameer saahib kaise haiN aap ?

jee zarranawaazi ke liye behad shukRguzaar huN !

na hote hue aapne mujhe iss Qaabil samjha aur itnee izzat o afzaayii kee !

aage bhi aap se issi tarah ki hausla afzaayii kii ummeed rahegii !

apna khyaal rakheiN !


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12th May 2009, 12:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dheer View Post
Kshitij bhaai namaste!

aapkee ghazal kee beh'r hai
faa-i-laa-tun; fa-i-laa-tun; fa-i-laa-tun; faa-lun
digital meN
2122 1122 1122 22
is beh'r ke aakhir meN 22 kee jagah 112 /121 / bhee le sakte hai(matle aur sher ke doosare misre ke ilaavaa)! yeh ek fast rhythm beh'r hai jis meN haroof giraanaa (flexiblity of 2-1) aam baat hai.

mujh2 se1 mil2na2 te1ra1 yuN2 mujh2 pe1 a1sar2 kar2ta hai
me2re1 ho2ne2 ki1 ko1i2 au2r1 kha1bar2 kar2ta2 hai2

hum2ne1 see2kha2 hai1 gu1loN2 ki2 ta1rah2 haNs2 kar2 mil2na2 ...
2122 1122 1222 22

aagey aap behtar jaante haiN .

khairandesh
dheer

adaab dheer bhai !

aapke tabsire mazzedaar hote haiN aur hum aapkii bareekbiinii ke Qaail to bahut pehle se haiN !

agar aap ijaazat de to apne misre ke hawaale se kuch safaaii pesh karna chaahunga !

aapne ghazal ke jo rukn diye vo bilkul theek haiN !

faa-i-laa-tun; fa-i-laa-tun; fa-i-laa-tun; faa-lun
digital meN
2122 1122 1122 22

jaisa ki maiN shuruaat se kahta aur maanta chala aaya huN ki ghazal hamesha paRhi jaati hai , likhi nahi ...

misra
humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna ke rukn bhi ye hi haiN ! aap ghaur farmaaeiN ....

tarannum meiN "tarah haNs kar milna" jab paRh rahe haiN to tarah ka "H" harf ko "haNs" lafz zabt kar raha hai wazah tarah ka aakhiri harf aur haNs ka pehla harf ek hai !

ummeed karta huN ki maiN apni baat ko saaf kar paya hunga !

ijaazat di jiye ...

apna khyaal rakhiye !


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13th May 2009, 04:30 PM

Dear kshitij ji and dheer ji,
when two greats talk the audience also learns something.
your submissions and rebuttals to each other was very informative to lesser writers like us.
and i now find that the meter system in ghazals is not much different from victorian english poetry.but i must ask you that ,wouldnt correct and rigid following of delicate meters, in all its finesses,has the potential to undermine the thought processes of the writer?
in my limited knowledge(i confess and ,as it is apparent) is it necessary that a good thought be also melodious? do we do ghazals only for singing so that a rigid formula sequence of sounds is necessary to obtain a symmetrical sound sequence?
let me take the e.g of this sher

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

here Dheer sahab opines that DER SE would have been more suitable, so that it confirms to the finesse of the meter.but i think the line as it is written has more beauty as the first line is a narrative and proposed change of Dheer sahab would make the second line a narrative too,ehich could make the entire construction bland.now the first line is a narrative and the second line is a assertive which makes it a pleasing combination.

my second point is ,is rigid logic necessary for creative writing ?
i fervently hope not.
for this sher
'maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai '

Dheer sahab opines that the first line is ultra vires to the second line.
applying cold logic it definetly seems so.
but i presume Kshitij sahab had expected the reader to read the sher in an abstract form.( something one has to read between the lines and fill the gaps himself)
probably Kshitij sahab wanted to convey this meaning as i have in my limited ability understood:
he declares ' i have learnt the craft of using words' and indirectly says that i am an expert at arranging and understanding words and its sequences and then implores the listener to be careful with her words as it can hurt him as he can understand all abstract meaning of words.

kindly reply so that i can have more clarity in my mind?
   
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Pradhyuman
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18th May 2009, 06:04 PM

[QUOTE=chocboy;354103]Dear kshitij ji and dheer ji,
Quote:
Originally Posted by chocboy View Post
Dear kshitij ji and dheer ji,

kindly reply so that i can have more clarity in my mind?
dear chocboy,

I would want them to answer your query..but just to give u a perspective on why the rigid guidelines need or need not be followed..(m no authority to comment on this...but my understandn so far on the subject can surely be shared)

y d guidelines should be followed:

to a larger extent any poetry has to be lyrical (not necessary but den one could have written an essay instead) u knw wht i mean...two things dat immediately come to my mind when we talk bout poems is:

ryhme scheme
and length of verses

dis is what is followed in ghazals as well...kaafiyaa and beHr is wht we call it. (der are many more terminologies one needs to knw bout nd follow but dats not d focus of our discussion here)

so ghazals need to be in beHr and adhering to the Kaafiyaa, radeef, etc for it to be rendered a musical touch...however, literary meaning of "Ghazal" is to converse with the beloved.. so u mite argue that nethn i write on dis topic shld be classified as ghazal..but d beauty is to write it within the framework...its like to paint a picture u need to have the canvass (and its sizes defined) nd u work within it..greatness is not in the thought alone...it is in the rendering...presentation to be precise..

der r many oder type of poems like nazam, ruba'iee, qasida, salam, munajat each has its definition nd a specific framework...so one needs to knw wht he/she wants to write on (subject nd the framework)

y dey shldnt be followed:

take for example: radeef is the repeating line after every rhyme scheme in every verse…now der r ghazals who dnt have ne radeef…dese ghazals r calld “gair-muraddaf” ghazals… …In modern Urdu poetry, there are lots of Ghazal's which do NOT follow the restriction of same 'BeHr' (meter) on both the lines of Sher.. however evn dey do have kaafiyaa (rhyme scheme) nd radeef

but see the point is if u r nt follown the same meter for both the lines (misra)..den u shld atleast follow that pattern uniformly across ur entire ghazal..

ABCDEF is d Ghazal rule
u write ABB CDD EFF but u r still following a pattern..

I wont comment on Dheer ji’s recommendation..he is d right person to help us all wid dat..however I buy ur first point… whn u specify “der se” u r nt leavn nethn to reader’s own interpretation…. leavn your poetic thoughts unexplained will help a reader add his/her two bits...

but in d second point wht Dheer ji says is wht even I felt..however every shayar has his own way of expressin his thoughts..may b v did nt understand wht Kshitij wntd to say at d first go.

I hope I had some clarity of thoughts in whtevr I said so far nd was of help to u…

I wld love to see Dheer ji and Kshitij Sahab’s comments on dis topic…v will also get to learn somethn

--

Pradhyuman


-------------------------------------------------

gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai?
musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai?
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18th May 2009, 07:36 PM

PRADHUYAMJI.....YOUR COMMENTS ARE VERY INSTRUCTIVE AND USEFUL.
but one thing i have still not understood is that beher is a meter (short,medium and long) like the meter in english
or
it is a sequence of fixed sounds which will make a sentence
if possible kindly clarify....
   
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19th May 2009, 01:14 PM

wah mazaa aa gaya, bahut khubsurat alfaz, usse v behtar jazbaat, aur saath hi itni pyari shayarana behas, bas dil khush ho gaya. umeed karta huN bhai jaan, aage bhi aapko yuNhi padhn ka mauka milta rahega....!!



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----Taish

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19th May 2009, 01:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by chocboy View Post
PRADHUYAMJI.....YOUR COMMENTS ARE VERY INSTRUCTIVE AND USEFUL.
but one thing i have still not understood is that beher is a meter (short,medium and long) like the meter in english
or
it is a sequence of fixed sounds which will make a sentence
if possible kindly clarify....

Chocboy,

Beher is not a sequence of fixed sounds, itz juz a sequence of sounds when we make a systematic breakdown of the words used in every line of a ghazal, n the challenge remains that the beher in every line should remain the same, sometimes there are a few flexiblities allowed as mentioned by dheer bhai about this very ghazal. Hope u got ur basic query resolved. And if u wanna know beher in detail, than thats gonna take a lot of tym n practice.

With Regards
Ghayal



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ishq hota tha, ishq karte haiN,
Vo zamana tha, ye zamana hai...

----Taish

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zidd
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19th May 2009, 07:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ghayal_shayar View Post
Chocboy,

Beher is not a sequence of fixed sounds, itz juz a sequence of sounds when we make a systematic breakdown of the words used in every line of a ghazal, n the challenge remains that the beher in every line should remain the same, sometimes there are a few flexiblities allowed as mentioned by dheer bhai about this veryne me thodi asani ho jayegi
ghazal. Hope u got ur basic query resolved. And if u wanna know beher in detail, than thats gonna take a lot of tym n practice.

With Regards
Ghayal
ghayal sahab...agar aap ek example de sake to samajne me thodi asani ho jayegi................................
regards
   
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19th May 2009, 07:33 PM

~~~~~~~s P E C H L E S S ~~~~~~


Save me from the safety of my SILENCE
   
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19th May 2009, 08:07 PM

Sir,

Zabardast likha hai aapne, Dil se daad-o-mubarakbaad.

Best wishes

-Rashid


Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
ahl e buzm ko mera sallaam !

kuch ashaar ke saath aapse muQaabil huN , ummeed karta huN ki ye koshish ghazal ka rang bikherne meiN kaamyaab hogii !




mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai

rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai

humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna
besabab ashQ bahana bhi zarar karta hai

nekiyaN kar ke bhula dena meri aadat hai
kar ke aihsaan "kshitiz" sarf e nazar karta hai !



Tu AndheroN -ujaaloN me mila kar mujhko
Zindagi ab to sawaloN me mila kar mujhko

   
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19th May 2009, 08:33 PM

kshitiz jee,
welcome back........
SDc per bahot dino ke baad aapki Qalam se ek khubsoorat ghazal
dekhne ko mili ..........

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai


roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai



yeh 2 sher mujhe apnasa laga ......



Youn hi bazam mein aate rahiye
apne ghazal se ru-ba ru karate rahiye

Daad ke saath

Diya



Mohabbat ke baad mohabbat mumkin hai faraz.
Magar toot ke chahna sirf ek baar hota hai


Goodbye SDC

Diya
   
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Thumbs up 20th May 2009, 02:30 PM

Aadaab Kshitiz ji kese hai.n aap......

Janaab aapki is gazal ne to keher dhaa diya hai koi bhi esa sher nahi jiski tarif ki jaye puri gazal hi apne mein lajawaab hai is umda kalaam par khaaksaar ki daad kubool ho likhtey rahiye.........TC


Quote:
Originally Posted by kshitiz View Post
ahl e buzm ko mera sallaam !

kuch ashaar ke saath aapse muQaabil huN , ummeed karta huN ki ye koshish ghazal ka rang bikherne meiN kaamyaab hogii !




mujh se milna tera yuN mujh pe asar karta hai
mere hone ki koi aur khabar karta hai

rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

duniya waale abhi iss raaz se waQiff hi nahi
mujh se tu door hai par mujh meiN basar karta hai

roothne se tujhe pehle hi mana leta maiN
juzba e ishQ zara der asar karta hai

maine lafzoN ko baratne ka hunar seekha hai
tera har lafz mere dil pe asar karta hai

badzubaani meri tahzeeb bhula deti hai
aur afsoos ye dil shaam o sahar karta hai

humne seekha hai guloN ki tarah haNs kar milna
besabab ashQ bahana bhi zarar karta hai

nekiyaN kar ke bhula dena meri aadat hai
kar ke aihsaan "kshitiz" sarf e nazar karta hai !


"Do Pal Ruka Khushio.n ka Karwan"


Dunia ke sitam ki koi perwah nahi mujhko,
wo kyoun mujhpe ungliya uthaye ja rahe hain.
Jis shaks ko janta tha ek chehre se ''kashif''
Uske kitne chehre samne laye ja rahe hain.




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20th May 2009, 02:58 PM

A very good Ghazal...indeed and more than that the discussion followed is much more informative.......

I SALUTE..............
   
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Taish
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20th May 2009, 04:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by chocboy View Post
ghayal sahab...agar aap ek example de sake to samajne me thodi asani ho jayegi................................
regards

Chocboy, for ur convenience i m showing u a very famous sher with itz breakdown....


2-1-2-2-1-2-1-2-2-2
dil-e-naa-daaN tu-jhe-hu-aa-kyaa-hai
aa-khi-rish-dar-d-kii-da-vaa-kyaa-hai


hope this will make the things a bit more clear, the small sounds are reffered to as 1 the the prolonged sounds as 2...!! this could have become clear if u wud have seen dheer bhai's reply carefully. still hope u r satisfied nw....!!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ishq hota tha, ishq karte haiN,
Vo zamana tha, ye zamana hai...

----Taish

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zidd
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20th May 2009, 05:39 PM

ghayal sahab...namaskar(and any other knowledgable person is welcome)..

time permit kare apko to pehle yeh bataye ki beher me break-up sound ka hai(long and short tone) ya syllable ka hai.
maine niche Kshitiz sahab ke ek sher ke sahare ek koshish ki hai....


rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

rang(2) che(2) h(1)re(2) ka(1) me(1)re(1) de(1)kh(2) u(1)tar(2) ja(1)ta(1) h(1)ai(2)
cho(2)r(1) ke(1) jaa(2)ne(1) ki(2) tu(1) baa(2)t(1) a(1)gar(2) kar(2)ta(1) h(1)ai(2)
zara roshni daliye ki kuch raah sahi mil rahi hai ya nahin
   
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Pradhyuman
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20th May 2009, 05:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by chocboy View Post
ghayal sahab...namaskar(and any other knowledgable person is welcome)..

time permit kare apko to pehle yeh bataye ki beher me break-up sound ka hai(long and short tone) ya syllable ka hai.
maine niche Kshitiz sahab ke ek sher ke sahare ek koshish ki hai....


rang chehre ka mere dekh utar jata hai
chor ke jaane ki tu baat agar karta hai

rang(2) che(2) h(1)re(2) ka(1) me(1)re(1) de(1)kh(2) u(1)tar(2) ja(1)ta(1) h(1)ai(2)
cho(2)r(1) ke(1) jaa(2)ne(1) ki(2) tu(1) baa(2)t(1) a(1)gar(2) kar(2)ta(1) h(1)ai(2)
zara roshni daliye ki kuch raah sahi mil rahi hai ya nahin

I think der's a confusion here...lemme help u out dear...


as u knw language is composed of different sounds. now der r two possible
ways of producing a sound:

(1) sounds are produced such that some sounds appear long, and some appear short.
(2) Sounds are produced such that some sounds have greater emphasis, and some have less emphasis.

Urdu language is associated with the former case, that is, sounds are distinguished as long or short. short is Harf (1) and long is Huroof (2)

the study of sounds is calld "Arooz"..its d study of d arrangements and patterns of sounds...d exercise is called “alfaaz kaa vazan zaahir karnaa”.


When this process of mapping a word to a symbolic representation of its constituent sounds is applied to some pattern or composition (sher etc.), and the vazan of the entire composition is represented symbolically (1 and 2 or short and long) or through patterns, then we call that “taqtee karnaa” or “behR bayaan karnaa” for that composition. i hope u understnd wht beHr means..it is d break up of sounds (spoken word)

so far as i knw even syallable means d same: lemme give u d definition of syllable: A unit of spoken language consisting of a single uninterrupted sound formed by a vowel, diphthong, or syllabic consonant alone.....its an elementary sound...

if m wrong sumwer..i request ne 1 of you to point it out nd enlighten us all

Pradhyuman


-------------------------------------------------

gore ghareeban hai ye 'bismil', kyun tu naashaad nazar aata hai?
musht-e-khaak hai basi yahan, bata kahan fuwaad nazar aata hai?
--------------------------------------------------

Last edited by Pradhyuman; 20th May 2009 at 05:56 PM..
   
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